Reassessing Church Activities: Balancing Community and Spiritual Growth




The abundance of social activities within churches often overshadows their primary mission: spiritual growth and the dissemination of God’s word.

This is a modern problem.

While community is undeniably important, we must critically examine how these gatherings impact our faith journeys and relationships within the church.



The Shift from Spiritual Engagement to Entertainment

Many congregations today find themselves caught in a cycle of social events that prioritize entertainment over spiritual engagement.

Activities like mixers, game nights, and themed festivals hypothetically create a sense of community, but they often divert attention from the core purpose of worship: preaching the gospel and nurturing individual faith.

Consider this: when was the last time a church event centered around deep, meaningful study of Scripture?

Too often, these gatherings offer little more than a façade of spiritual growth, leaving participants feeling entertained yet spiritually underdeveloped.



The Pressure to Participate

Blended in this landscape of social activities is an insidious pressure to mindlessly participate participate.

Within many religious communities, individuals may feel unrighteously judged for opting out of events.

Skipping a summer barbecue or a fall festival can lead to whispers of disapproval, as if one’s commitment to faith is measured by attendance at these gatherings.




This creates an environment where participation becomes more about social obligation than genuine spiritual engagement.


Such pressures lead to a sense of inadequacy among those who prioritize personal reflection, family Bible study or traditional assembly over social events.

The reality is that true spiritual growth often occurs in quieter moments—when individuals take time to reflect on their relationship with God away from the distractions of pseudo-spiritual social obligations.




Quality Over Quantity

To create a healthy church environment, we must reassess our approach to community activities.

It’s vital to strike a balance between social relationships and ensuring that spiritual growth remains at the forefront.

Here are some practical steps:

  1. Prioritize Spiritual Growth: Schedule regular gatherings focused on Bible study and prayer rather than purely social events. This can help reinforce the core mission of the church while still allowing for community building.

  2. Encourage Reflection: Create spaces of time for members to engage in personal reflection and prayer before or after events. This could involve setting aside time for quiet contemplation or group prayer.

  3. Reduce Frequency of Social Gatherings: Consider cutting back on the number of social events held throughout the year. This reduction can alleviate pressure [time, financial, pseudo-spiritual etc.] on members while allowing them to appreciate communal time more fully when it does occur.

Individual Journeys

Each person is unique in the way they refocus their minds on “things above” [Col 3:2].

While some thrive in communal settings, others may find deeper connections with God through solitude and reflection.

We also combat the unrighteous judgmental attitudes that can arise within religious circles.

We must stop viewing attendance at social events as a measure of faithfulness.




The Biggest Sexual Mistake Christian Men Make



One of the biggest mistakes Christian men make when they get married is training their wives to keep them dependent on sex.



They teach their wives to think that they will do anything for sex. Husbands demonstrate this with their own actions.

They will beg for sex.
They will plead for sex.
They will change decisions or make decisions for sex.
If their wife says “jump for sex”they say “how high”.

This habit starts before marriage, as most Christian men get married so they can experience sex. Everything else is secondary.

If sex wasn’t their primary motivator and they would rationally weigh the pros and cons of marriage, they might never get married in the first place.


Bad Habits

This habit of sex-dependence starts early in marriage. Men are so excited to finally have access to sex that they couldn’t have access to for so many years that they don’t want to lose it.

They don’t want to miss out on it. They will do anything to keep the supply of sex intact

This mindset makes them vulnerable.



A Little History

You see, throughout history, women’s truest power and agency over men has been their sexuality.

Women learn this from an early age – as soon as they are old enough to understand sex.

They start to realize that most men will do just about anything to get into their pants.

Then, on a conscious or unconscious level, they learn to manipulate that fact to get what they want.



They learn to withhold sex to try to force their husbands’ hand into taking actions he otherwise wouldn’t have taken.

This is immoral behavior, but it happens.

The biggest sexual mistake Christian men make is allowing this to happen.

The manipulation of sex is a mindset for women. It develops over time.

And when men cater to their wives every little want and craving, make decisions big and small, and violate their principles in order to have access to sex, they reinforce this idea that women have power over them.



Most husbands teach their wives to manipulate sex.

Husbands teach their wives with their own actions – and when they constantly give into manipulative pressure from their wife just to have sex, the wife learns she simply has to apply sexual pressure and she can get her way.

If she learns this early in the marriage, it is difficult to undo.



Training Your Wife

If you let your wife understand through your actions that you aren’t a slave to her sexuality, and won’t do whatever she says because she gatekeeps sex, and especially if you do this early in the marriage, you won’t find youself in position where your wife manipulates sex to get what she wants.



She won’t be able to manipulate sex because you aren’t a slave to her sexuality.

This is something that single, unmarried men should pay careful attention to. Because they are in a position where they can make all the right decisions and prevent this from ever occurring.

If you are unmarried or about to get married, you are in the best possible position to prevent your wife from manipulating Sex.



How It Works

It’s simple to apply this lesson practically.



If your wife withholds sex from you because you will or won’t do something she wants, instead of giving into her, just go about your business as if nothing was happening.

Make it seem like it doesn’t matter to you at all if you have sex or not.

And most importantly – make the decision you know to be right. Do not give into sexual pressure.

If you do what you know is rational, intelligent, and morally correct, and are not swayed by your wife’s sexuality, you will be in a position of power.



Don’t worry, you’ll have sex again.

But you won’t be a slave to it.

You just have to be disciplined early in marriage, for a short time for this to have lasting benefits on your life.

It won’t take many instances of you showing your wife you are unaffected by her manipulation before it clicks in her mind and she realizes you can’t be manipulated.




At that point you’ve taken away her manipulative power, the power that women have used throughout the ages. She will realize those tactics are worthless against a man of sexual discipline like you.


In the end she will respect you more, and you will have more access to sex within marriage than ever before all because you practiced discipline.

This also requires your wife to improve her character as well.

If she’s withholding sex in the first place, or manipulating it in any way, that isn’t moral behavior.
Those aren’t the actions of a woman of character.

So by training her to understand that you aren’t dependent on her for sex, she will not only improve her character by stopping the manipulation, but it will force her to learn to articulate her positions more rationally and logically – to approach you as a thinker, rather than as a caveman who is a slave to his penis.

If she wants you to do something or not do something, now instead of manipulating sex, she actually has to have a rational, intelligent conversation with you about what to do.

Now that’s something we can accept.

Men should always be willing to change their mind based on logic and evidence. And a woman who doesn’t manipulate sex actually has a more rational mind. She has to, because sex is no longer her power – she must develop her mind.

Even Benjamin Franklin knew this stuff.

Ever seen a woman whose only power is her sexuality?

Think Instagram models and porn stars.

These aren’t the great thinkers of our age.

When a woman’s only tool is her sexuality, she is almost always foolish and intellectually underdeveloped.



Conclusion

Don’t teach your wife that you will do anything for sex.

Don’t teach her that you will change your mind and opinions just to have sex with her.

If you do, you will be in the same boat as so many other Christian men around you. and it’s not a fun place to be.

But with just a little sexual discipline applied early in marriage, you can prevent this from ever occurring.

So develop that discipline.

Conduct yourselves like men.

Sexual Discipline In Marriage



Most men will be shocked by the title.

Never in their wildest dreams would they think they had to be sexually disciplined in marriage.

They thought they would have on-command access to sex the moment they get married.

Most men will face a sad reality when they wake up from that delusion.

Men must be sexually disciplined – both before they are married and after.



This concept of sexual discipline has two facets:

I – Sexual discipline with your wife
II – Sexual discipline with women who are not your wife

Both types of discipline are critical.

But if you make smart decisions early, you won’t have to be too sexually disciplined with your wife, and I’ll show you why.



I – Sexual Discipline With Your Wife

Early in your marriage, it is critical to be sexually disciplined. This is because most women understand intuitively that their only real agency and way to affect men is through their sexuality. This is how women have worked throughout the centuries.

Because of this sexual power, women will often manipulate sex to get what they want.

They will withhold sex from their husbands to get an outcome they want.

They will withhold sex if a man doesn’t behave he way she wants him to behave, or if he doesn’t do what she wants him to do.



Is this sinful for women to do? Yes it is. And it would be just as sinful if a man did it – but looking for a man who withholds sex is like looking for a unicorn.

But manipulating access to sex is how women learn to wield their power. This is certainly how the world teaches them to wield it.



Therefore, early in marriage, you need to teach your wife through example, through behavior [not through words] that you are not a slave to her vagina. That you are not a slave to the sex she believes she can puppy-guard.

She will try to get you to do things you have decided not to do, or get you to not do things that you have decided to do by becoming cold sexually or rejecting advances.





Your role then, as a man who is sexually disciplined, is to show by example that this does not affect you.



You show by example that you are not a slave to your sexual urges.



You may be craving sex, but you can’t let it show. You must remain in control.



Don’t change your decisions just because your woman thinks you will bow to her whims just to have sex with her.

If you give in, she will believe you to be a pathetic man ruled by his sexual urges. She may not know she believes this, but on an unconscious level, the thought will be there.



So instead, if she tries to withhold sex, go about your business as if nothing is happening.

Do what you would normally do, live how you would normally live, and act as if you don’t even notice that you aren’t having sex. And if other women at work are giving you attention, this is the time to covertly mention it – activate her competition anxiety.

Eventually she will realize “Wow, I can’t manipulate sex to get this guy to do what I want”.

And this realization will make her stop manipulating sex, especially if you are getting attention from other women.



Only a stupid woman would withhold sex from a man who’s getting attention from other women.

She might as well put her husband in a Catapult and launch him into the bed of another woman.

Remember that this part of life where you must be sexually disciplined with your wife won’t last forever. You won’t have to act like this for your whole marriage.

Sexual Discipline within marriage is what you demonstrate in the beginning of marriage to help your wife understand that you are not a slave to her sexuality.

Teach her early in marriage that you won’t jump just because she said to jump, and just because she is the keeper of the sex.

In the end, she will respect you for this. She will be even be more aroused by you – the man who can control his sexual desires to stay true to his principles.




If you saved yourself for marriage, you likely waited 20+ years to have sex, you can wait another few days to have sex as a way to demonstrate that you won’t be moved from your principles by temporary sexual pleasures.




II – Sexual Discipline With Other Women

Sexual discipline with other women is the most obvious place where we should have discipline as Christian men. And we need to have this discipline at the very fundamental level.

Adultery is a terrible sin that men and women are drawn to for a plethora of reasons. No one can deny that it is tempting.

Whether it was because they let discipline slack, where pushed to it by their spouse or whatever the case may be, adultery has clear start points.

It begins in the mind and with the eyes. This is why Christ taught to avoid looking at a woman and thinking about having sex with her [which is one definition Lust].






The eyes and the mind are at the foundation.


What goes in the mind affects the eyes.


How we train the mind determines what our eyes will seek out.

What goes in the eyes affects the mind – we think about what we see.




Therefore, we have to control both mind and eyes at the base in order to reduce the likelihood of adultery.

But it is not enough to stop there. Because there are other women in the world as well. Women who will find us attractive and interesting.



And if we are working and increasing our secular success, we will become more attractive to other women as we go through life and enter our 30s.

It’s true that most women won’t approach us, but that doesn’t mean we should let our guard down. Because some will – I’m sure you’ve had that experience before.

So you have to be ready in case this does occur.

How will you gently tell other women you are married?
What will you do if they don’t care about the fact that you are married?



Because if you aren’t ready for the approaches of other women, they will crack the confidence in your marriage. Their sensual approach will be an image of what you are missing out on – a portrait of the sexuality you sacrificed to be with your wife.

And you may start to desire that sexual world outside of your marriage.

The desire is the seed. It is one of the seeds to adultery.

Then your desire will slowly fester, making you resentful of what you do have and craving what you don’t.

You’ll be David on the rooftop, unable to resist the craving for more.

Don’t let those errors get started. Don’t let the seeds of them grow.

David suffered greatly in his life because he took what wasn’t his sexually and was willing to kill for it.

Have your responses ready for other women, maintain your discipline in and out of marriage and hold yourself contestant to the biblical Principles you know to be true.

Be a striking example of sexual discipline.

Conduct yourselves like men.

The Pursuit of Wealth [Proverbs 23:4]

Do not overwork to be rich;
Because of your own understanding, cease!



Proverbs often talk about money and man’s relationship to it.

Proverbs 23:4 talk about the foolishness of the relentless pursuit of wealth at the expense of everything else in life.

Solomon warns against the obsession with riches, teaching us that at the root of understanding is the knowledge that overworking for riches is no optimal.

overwork


Recognize the Futility of Greed


The pursuit of wealth can easily become an all-consuming endeavor. It can become an idol in the heart.

Solomon’s instruction to “labor not to be rich” teaches us not allow the desire for money to dominate our lives.

Wealth can provide comfort, and it is a valuable tool, but it should not be our ultimate goal.

Understanding this distinction is crucial for maintaining a accurate perspective on life.


Focus on Valuable Goals


Instead of fixating on accumulating wealth, redirect your energy toward pursuits that bring lasting value.

Maybe it’s investing in relationships, personal growth, or service.


The Dangers of Overworking


Solomon’s warning also highlights the dangers of overworking in the relentless chase for financial gain.

While hard work can be honorable, it should not come at the expense of your health, relationships, or spiritual well-being.


Practice Generosity


One of the most effective antidotes to the greed that Solomon warns against is generosity.

By sharing our resources with others, we shift our focus from accumulation to service.

If we recognize the futility of greed, focus on goals, trust in God’s provision, and practice generosity, we can lead improved lives, represent the faith, and live honorably.

Dining with The Powerful [Proverbs 23:1-3]

1When you sit down to eat with a ruler,
Consider carefully what is before you;
2And put a knife to your throat
If you are a man given to appetite.
3Do not desire his delicacies,
For they are deceptive food.

Proverbs 23:1-3 outlines unique circumstances – the rare instances when you may be invited to eat with someone powerful.

When we recall the context of many of these proverbs, this makes sense, as Solomon was writing to his son, who would have been a prince, and would have had numerous opportunities to eat with other rulers.

If we ever find ourselves in similar circumstances, the rules still apply.

dining


When you are invited to dine with a ruler or prominent figure, be mindful of your conduct and avoid any missteps that could jeopardize your standing.

Solomon advises in Proverbs 23:1-3 to consider carefully what is set before you and govern your appetite accordingly.

Don’t go crazy and make a fool of yourself because you are excited to be dining with the prestigious.

Recognize The Power of the Host


Your host, being a ruler or person of power, is not your equal.

Considering the context of the historical time in which this Proverb was written, if the ruler was offended, he had the power and means to harm the person causing the offense.

And in some parts of the world this still happens.

Treat the ruler with the respect and deference his position demands.

Avoid any behavior that could be seen as presumptuous or disrespectful.


Discipline Your Appetite


It’s easy to overindulge when presented with a spread of incredible foods that you’ve never been able to experience before.

However, Solomon illustrates the principle of self-discipline by putting a metaphorical knife to your throat to curb your desires.

Enjoy the meal, but do so in moderation.
Keep your wits about you.
Excess can lead to saying or doing things you’ll regret.

Be wise in public.

That’s the essence of this Proverb.

Beware of Deceptive Foods


The rich foods set before you may be tempting, but they are described as “deceitful meat“.

Outwardly appealing, they can inwardly harm you if consumed without discretion.

Drunkenness, gluttony and the loss of self-control are dangers.

These vices result from a lack of discipline at the basic level.



Prioritize your host’s good opinion over momentary pleasure.

Choose a good name rather than riches – in this case, caloric riches.


Maintain Your Integrity


When you are eating with authority figures, you represent yourself and potentially others.

Manage yourself with self-discipline.

Maintain a good reputation with your host – don’t jeopardize it through lack of discipline.

Enjoy the meal, but keep your wits about you.

Wisdom and self-control are essential when you are invited to eat with people of power.

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