The church makes a big deal out of its members being connected with each other, and for good reason. I have heard it argued that we should want to spend time together more than we should want to spend time with worldly people. I suppose in some cases that is true. Who would not want to spend more time surrounded by people who think and act in similar ways and who believe in similar ideas? We are drawn to that kind of group behavior as humans. Forming tribes of sorts is what we are all about. However, when we get to a point of hyperconnectivity, it can actually start to become a problem.
What happens when connectivity goes too far?
What happens when we get too connected? I can tell you my own experience and also what I hear anecdotally over and over again from religious people. Being hyperconnected is draining people physically, emotionally, and mentally. In some cases, it is even draining them financially. They get worn out with constant, unnecessary demands on their times from so-called Church events. Now I know how that last line sounds, and I am not trying to say that church events are unnecessary. What is unnecessary, however, is to create a bunch of pseudo-church-related activities that simply disguise socialization.
Social gatherings are what many “Bible studies” or other weekly activities become, and you can easily see if you attend these. You quickly notice that the intention was not to have a great Bible study, but instead to have a mini devotional and then spend the next two hours conversing about trivial matters.
Sure, there is nothing wrong with conversation and socialization. But let us not just try to make ourselves feel better by calling this a religious activity. I think we somehow believe we will get extra points if we throw in a second-grade level study into our dinner party.
Why not just admit that you simply want to socialize with fellow Christians. Is Christian fellowship not honorable as well?
But no, we feel the incessant need to constantly spiritualize every event we create, even if those events are only 5% spiritual and 95% social. I am often reticent to speak for God, but I can assure you that God will not get mad if you admit you simply want to socialize and forgo the ill-prepared, kindergarten-Esque devotional you were planning to have at your next church-related gathering.
Personally, I find most events emotionally and mentally draining most of the time. That is simply by nature of my personality. I am not complaining about it, that was the hand I was dealt and so I deal with it. Therefore, I am always reluctant to attend these “Bible study” type events because I know what they really are – a cover for socialization.
These studies are the equivalent of opening a bag of chips only to find the bag is filled with 70% air. Except, in this case, the Bible study itself is filled with 90% air (socialization) and 10% Bible.
I am not a fan of social gatherings. In fact, attending worship services on Sunday is sometimes the most emotionally draining hour of the week. But perhaps that is the way it should be. If you are truly focusing, concentrating with the power of your mind, and exerting effort in that way, perhaps we should be tired afterward.
I – We are more connected now than we ever have been.
We not only have regular church services but also lunch groups, study groups, and a host of other groups (the necessity of which is arguable). These groups are sometimes created without thought and without purpose. How many people in your group, if you asked them, would be able to simply and clearly articulate the primary purpose for the various groups in your church? Most people would stumble around with their words then give you some vague, emotionally saturated answer befitting their religious nature.
It is my proposition that connectivity simply for the sake of connectivity is a waste of time. There must be a higher-order purpose to these gatherings because they are costly to the mind, as well as literally costly, requiring payment in the form of a person’s time.
In addition to that, we are in constant connection with one another through our phones!
This is one of the big focus points of this section. We are far more connected to each other than first-century Christians could ever hope to be. You might say that is a good thing, but I am not so sure. If God had wanted us to spend that much time together, would He not have commanded it in some fashion? Or perhaps some of the New Testament Epistles would have made mention of it?
While it is true that in the early church people were going into one another’s homes and breaking bread, we do not have a specified frequency for this, unless you make the cause that this was an everyday occurrence. There is one instance where we are told the following in Acts 2:46.
“And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts”.
So, you could take this verse and argue that we should be in each other’s home every day. But I think there needs to be more context for this verse. Is everyone eating in everyone’s home every day?
Sure, there is the importance of spending time with Christians, eating in one another’s homes, and so on, but with the advent of the smartphone we are far more connected than would ever be beneficial. Most people are “connected’ with the brethren 24 hours a day, seven days per week.
Some people are even taking the brethren into bed with them (via their phone)! If you want to talk about something weird, just talk about that fact for a few minutes.
Because of our constant hyperconnectivity through technology, we are never getting any real, meaningful breaks from one another.
We are suffocating each other with togetherness!
Say you and I are in a church together. That means that once or twice a week, you have to deal with whatever annoying personality characteristics I have. I may get on your nerves in some way, but you can tolerate me because we are all human beings pursuing the same spiritual goals, and you do not have to see me that often. You can handle one or two days a week dealing with me (even though that itself may be quite a stretch).
But if we are both on social media, now you are reminded of me multiple days per week, if not multiple times per day! Now you are thinking about me, remembering how annoying I am, and having those thoughts marinate in your mind. This is the breeding ground for long-term resentment. You should only be required to deal with someone as annoying as me twice per week at the maximum.
II – Familiarity Breeds Discontentment
Too much time together means we do not value the time together that we do have. If we are continually bombarded with one social gathering after another, we will soon become desensitized to these events. They will not longer have any specialness to them if they ever had it before. This is just a simple fact of human nature that can be studied even on the biological level.
If I drink 3 cups of coffee per day, eventually I will not get the same “buzz” that I was getting before simply because I have become desensitized to it. I have sizzled off the caffeine receptors, so I cannot take up and use as much caffeine in my body. Everyone knows what it is like to build up a tolerance to something. And I argue that we can build up a tolerance to social gatherings. The church events can lose their specialness, even if you are an extrovert.
We are not taking advantage of our time apart. I call this time “recovery time”.
If you are introverted or even if you simply do not like people, it takes a large amount of recovery time to recuperate from spending time with large groups of people. This is simply another component of human nature. It is amoral, being neither good nor bad, but is simply a fact that we have to contend with about ourselves.
We need to be regularly taking advantage of recovery time and enjoying time alone. We cannot make good progress without recovery. Every period of intense focus or socialization requires a period of rest and recuperation. Without this, our fatigue will accumulate and eventually turn into resentment. If there was anything we would ever want to avoid, it is a resentful attitude towards the church.
Many times, small, trivial matters can start to annoy us. This annoyance later blossoms into full fledge resentment towards having to wake up Sunday morning and head to church to deal with “the most annoying people to walk the face of the earth”. It is critical that we avoid this attitude of the mind.
III – Solutions
So, what is the solution here? It is actually quite simple. We need to be incredibly mindful of the time we are spending together. If you are in a church group, do not mindlessly create more social gatherings just for the sake of having a social gathering. And certainly, do not call it a “Bible study” if it not really a study. Many people create bible studies that are social gatherings in disguise and then guilt other people into coming because after all, it is a bible study.
Focus on your recovery time. An easy way to help correct the hyperconnectivity disorder that we have is to quit social media. I have written about this before, as I do not believe that social media is useful for anyone. Especially for Christians. Completely disconnect from the outer world. It is not doing you any favors.
Sit down and write a list of all the benefits that come from using social media. Then cross off the items that you can tell are just excuses that allow you to maintain your social media addiction. Then on another list, write down all the benefits that would come from quitting social media. Of course, not even the least of these is the elimination of the hyperconnectivity problem that we have.
It is our job as human beings to develop our own identity, and constantly modeling ourselves with one other over the internet is not useful for this.
Do not be too connected to the people around you, it will drain you and lead to resentment.
