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How to Train Your Wife Not to Use Sex as a Manipulation Tool

Too many men fall into a trap in their marriages without even realizing it.

They unintentionally train their wives to manipulate sex in exchange for their compliance.

The man caves under pressure, desperate to restore physical intimacy, and in doing so, he sends a message: “Withhold sex, and I’ll give you what you want.”

This isn’t always a malicious plot on the part of the wife; it’s a learned behavior, conditioned over time by the husband’s actions.

And men, as the leaders of the home, bear the brunt of responsibility for allowing this dynamic to take root.

This problem isn’t new. From the dawn of humanity, a woman’s primary power—her main form of influence—has often been tied to her sexuality.

It’s the oldest form of female agency, and today, many Christian men are trapped in marriages where this manipulation persists.

It’s a mistake men make early on in marriage, and without addressing it, it can poison the relationship over time.

So how do men untrain this pattern?
How do you ensure your wife doesn’t use sex as a bargaining chip?

Here’s the cold, hard truth: it starts with you.

1. Recognize the Dynamic Early

The first mistake men make is not realizing this dynamic early in the marriage.

It often begins in subtle ways.

Maybe she withholds sex after a disagreement, and you quickly rush to appease her, thinking that resolving the issue will lead back to intimacy.

Maybe you do something against your better judgment just to keep the peace and restore the physical connection.

Each time you cave, you’re teaching your wife that sex is something she can withhold sex to control you.

Recognize this early.

If you don’t, it will entrench itself.

Once established, it’s harder to undo, but not impossible.

The key is to understand that this isn’t about teaching a woman something new; it’s about unlearning a behavior she’s picked up because of your past actions.

Stop reinforcing in her mind that manipulation works.

2. Don’t Be Ruled by Your Desires

This entire problem stems from a lack of control on the man’s part.

If you, as a husband, are ruled by your sexual impulses, you are giving your wife the leverage she needs to manipulate you.

Men who can’t master their own urges will always be at the mercy of those who can manipulate them.

That’s the reality.

To fix this, you have to learn to go without for a time.

When sex is being used as a tool for control, you need to act like you couldn’t care less.

Carry on with your business.
Act unfazed.

This is where discipline comes into play. The more you show that you’re unbothered by a lack of intimacy, the more your wife will realize that this form of manipulation no longer works.

She will have no choice but to approach you logically and rationally.

You, as the man, must lead by example.

Women respond to strength, and one of the clearest forms of strength is self-control.

If you show that you are not a slave to your desires, you force her to engage with you on a different level—one where she respects your decisions because she knows she can’t sway you by shutting off sex.

3. Recondition the Behavior

If you’ve already found yourself in a marriage where sex is being used as a manipulative tool, reconditioning your wife’s behavior is necessary.

Just like any learned habit, it can be unlearned. The process is simple: ignore the manipulation.

When she withholds sex to get her way, refuse to give in.

Don’t argue.
Don’t complain.
Just act as though nothing has changed.

What this does is shift the balance of power.

Suddenly, the one tool she thought she could use to manipulate you is worthless.

She will soon realize that this tactic won’t work, and she’ll have to approach things differently.

Over time, you will recondition her to see that rational communication and mutual respect are the only ways to make decisions within the marriage.

This makes her a better partner and strengthens the foundation of your marriage.

4. Use Action, Not Words

Women often talk about communication, but the reality is most don’t want long discussions or emotional conversations.

They don’t need endless lectures on how they should behave. What they want is for you to lead by example.

Demonstrate with your actions how you expect the marriage to function.

If you want your wife to stop manipulating sex, show her that such behavior won’t work.

This is behavioral conditioning 101: stimulus and response.

When your wife behaves in a way that supports a healthy marriage—by communicating clearly and acting rationally—reward that behavior. Whether it’s through praise, attention, or other actions, show her that you appreciate when she engages with you in a mature, respectful way.

On the other hand, when she resorts to manipulation or childish tactics, you need to withdraw your emotional energy – for the behavior into extinction.

Don’t argue.
Don’t raise your voice.
Just remove yourself from the situation and let her see that her actions don’t move you.

Over time, this reinforces the behaviors you want and weakens the ones you don’t.

5. Develop Her Character

Here’s another uncomfortable truth: many women never develop their character because they’ve relied on their sexuality or looks for so long.

Even in Christian marriages, women can fall back on this default mode.

They never have to learn how to communicate rationally or grow spiritually because they get what they want through manipulation.

The key is to push past that.

Benjamin Franklin noted that older women often have better character because they can’t rely on their looks and sexuality to navigate the world anymore.

Men can play a part in their wife’s character development by refusing to be swayed by sex and encouraging her to grow in wisdom and virtue.

When a wife realizes she can’t manipulate her husband with sex, she’ll have to rely on something else—namely, her character and reasoning.

This can lead to a more mature, grounded relationship, where both husband and wife work together, as was intended from the beginning.

6. The Importance of Training Early

Finally, it’s vital to start early. The sooner you begin conditioning your wife to avoid manipulating sex, the easier it is to maintain a healthy balance of power.

Early in the marriage, when things are still fresh and habits are being formed, you have the opportunity to set the tone.

Make it clear through your actions that manipulation won’t work, and ensure that your relationship is built on mutual respect, not transactional intimacy.

The problem many men face is that they wait too long to address these issues.

They ignore the small signs early on and only start fighting back once the manipulation has become a deeply ingrained habit.

By that point, fixing it is a much harder and more painful process.

Discipline yourself early and set the right boundaries, and you’ll avoid years of frustration down the line.

Lead, Don’t Be Led

At the end of the day, this is about leadership.

Men must lead in their marriages by maintaining control over their own impulses and refusing to let sex become a tool for manipulation.

When men fail to do this, they become slaves to their desires, and in turn, they teach their wives that manipulation works.

Break that cycle.

Train yourself first, and your wife will follow suit.

Women don’t respect weak men, and nothing communicates weakness more clearly than a man who is controlled by his sexual urges.

Develop self-discipline, teach through your actions, and over time, you’ll recondition your wife to communicate with you in a mature, respectful way.

This isn’t about control in the abusive sense—this is about fostering a marriage built on mutual respect, where both husband and wife communicate without manipulation, and where each can trust the other to act in the best interest of the relationship, not their own selfish desires.

Why Those Who Work Hard Relish Their Rest Days

I recently came across an opinion piece in my church bulletin that left me scratching my head.

The writer argued that even on your rest days, you shouldn’t purely rest. They described how they and their family had planned a lazy day to relax and unwind, but it ended up being a disaster. Bickering, boredom, bad attitudes all around.

Their conclusion? You need to do some work even on your rest days.

They felt the need to sprinkle in a little bit of productivity to enjoy any rest at all.

Here’s my response to that:

If you find yourself bored and fighting on your rest day, it’s not because you need more work—it’s because the work you’re doing Monday through Friday isn’t that hard.

Rest should be something you crave, something you look forward to, not a source of frustration or restlessness. And if you’re experiencing that restlessness, maybe the problem isn’t that you need to work on your rest day, but that your everyday work isn’t taxing enough to truly warrant a real break.

Real Work Creates Real Rest

People who work hard—really work hard—don’t need to invent things to do on their days off to feel productive.

They’re too busy recovering.

If you’ve been grinding through long, demanding hours all week, rest isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity.

It’s the only way to reset, both mentally and physically. It’s when you catch your breath so you can hit the ground running the next week.

The only people who feel like they need to pepper in productivity on their rest days are people who haven’t been pushed to their limits in the first place.

If you’re finding yourself antsy or restless on a day that’s supposed to be for recovery, it’s a red flag.

It’s telling you that your usual work routine isn’t challenging enough.

I’ve never seen someone who spends their week breaking their back on hard labor, facing tight deadlines, or grinding through mentally exhausting work say, “I should really get some more work in on my rest day.”

No. Those people collapse into their rest days.

They relish them.

The Importance of Contrast

The problem with this argument that we should “work a little” on our rest days is that it fundamentally misunderstands the value of contrast.

If every day is a day of some work, then no day is truly a rest day.

If we’re constantly stuck in a mode of partial productivity, we’re just blurring the line between work and recovery.

That’s a fast track to burnout.

Rest days are most effective when they’re complete contrasts to our workdays—when you can fully step away from your responsibilities, recharge, and reset.

Imagine an athlete who trains six days a week. When their rest day comes, they don’t sneak in a “light workout” just for the sake of doing something. No, they rest because they know their muscles need time to recover to function optimally the next week.

That’s how improvement happens—work hard, rest harder.

The same logic applies to the rest of us. Full, deep rest is a part of the process, not an optional afterthought.

Working Hard Means You Value Rest

The whole idea of feeling “bored” on a rest day implies that you’re not working hard enough during your regular week.

If you’re consistently challenged and stretched by your work, by Friday or Saturday, you won’t need to “find something to do” just to fill the time.

You’ll be too grateful for the chance to take a break.

The truth is, people who work hard value their rest because they understand what it does for them.

It’s an essential part of staying sharp and focused. When you’ve been giving 100% at your job, your mind and body will demand that break, and you’ll welcome it. You won’t be looking for things to do.

The idea that you need to “work a little” on your rest day to enjoy it is telling.

It suggests that whatever you’re doing during your workdays isn’t demanding enough. Because if you’re truly pushing yourself, rest isn’t a chore—it’s a blessing.

Freeing Yourself

Look, I get that sometimes we have to work extra hard to break free from work responsibilities.

We want financial independence, freedom from our day jobs, more free time, and hat requires that we do more work upfront in our lives.

That should be a short term position.

We should eventually work to the point where we earn our freedoms.

True Rest

So here’s the real counterpoint: People who work hard, who genuinely push themselves throughout the week, don’t feel antsy or restless on their rest days.

They don’t need to find extra work to feel fulfilled because their regular work provides more than enough.

If anything, they might even wish for more time to rest.

If you’re feeling restless or bored on your day off, it’s time to examine whether your week is pushing you hard enough.

A proper rest day is about stepping away from work, from the grind, from the demands of the week. It’s about recovery. It’s not about guilt-tripping yourself into being “productive” for the sake of it.

True rest—whether it’s physical rest, mental rest, or both—only has value when it comes after real effort.

So, if you find yourself bored, unhappy, or fighting on your rest day, the problem isn’t that you need more work on the weekend.

The problem is that you’re not working hard enough the rest of the week.

“I Don’t Understand How Someone Could Do That”

Whenever someone commits an atrocious act—be it cheating on their spouse, stealing from someone they trust, or even committing murder—one of the most common responses you hear is: “I just don’t understand how a person could do such a thing.”

It’s said as if the speaker is so morally superior, so far removed from wrongdoing, that they can’t even comprehend such actions.

But this statement isn’t virtuous; it’s naive.

Worse, it’s dangerous.

Recognizing Our Capacity for Evil

To say that you can’t understand how someone could do something evil reveals a lack of self-awareness.

Every one of us is capable of great evil, given the right circumstances.

The human condition is such that we are susceptible to moral decay, and we need to be sober-minded about this reality.

If we don’t recognize our own potential for wrongdoing, we can’t take the steps necessary to defend against it.

It’s easy to believe that heinous acts are the result of “monsters”—people fundamentally different from us. But the truth is, evil often grows gradually.

A good person doesn’t suddenly wake up one day and decide to destroy their life or harm someone else.

There’s a process, a slow erosion of morals and values that leads them to that point.

If we fail to see that, we’re leaving ourselves vulnerable to the same fate.

The Step-by-Step Descent into Sin

Consider adultery.

People often think affairs happen in a moment of passion, as though a married person suddenly “snaps” and betrays their spouse.

But that’s not the case.

Adultery is a process—a gradual drift away from a once-strong marriage, often fueled by unmet emotional needs, stress, or the slow erosion of communication and affection.

Here’s how it happens:

It begins with small moments of neglect. Maybe a husband and wife stop spending quality time together, or they get caught up in work and life’s demands.

Resentment starts to grow in little ways—he feels underappreciated; she feels unheard.

Then, there’s an attractive coworker who shows interest—an innocent compliment, a friendly lunch.

At first, the husband thinks nothing of it. But soon, that external attention becomes more exciting than what he’s getting at home.

Little by little, boundaries are crossed.

What started as an innocent conversation turns into an emotional connection, and soon, physical infidelity.

Very few people plan to cheat.

Adultery is the result of dozens of unchecked decisions, all of which feel harmless in the moment but, together, lead to disaster.

It’s a slow slide, not a single leap.

The Same Process Applies to Other Sins

Adultery is just one example. This slow moral decay can apply to almost any kind of sin.

1. Theft: Stealing often starts small—a dishonest expense report, taking credit for someone else’s work, pocketing a few extra dollars from the till. Each small act of dishonesty desensitizes the person to larger thefts. Before long, they’re engaging in behavior they never thought they would.

2. Murder: Most violent crimes aren’t sudden, spontaneous acts of rage. They often begin with unresolved anger, grudges, or jealousy. As bitterness grows, the individual becomes less and less concerned with the consequences of their emotions. They let their anger fester until, in a moment of rage, it spills over into violence.

3. Lust and Addiction: Lust doesn’t erupt out of nowhere. It begins with small indulgences—a second glance, inappropriate flirting, pornography. Over time, these “small” sins escalate, until they lead to full-blown infidelity or addiction. The same goes for substance abuse or any addictive behavior—it starts with one small compromise and snowballs.

In all these examples, sin is not an isolated incident. It’s the result of a process—a gradual decay of character, a series of small decisions that go unchecked.

Planning Ahead: How to Stop Sin Before It Starts

The real danger of saying “I don’t understand how someone could do that” is that it prevents us from learning the necessary lessons to guard ourselves against the same failures.

We must understand how a person could get to that point—because that person could be us.

Recognizing our own capacity for evil allows us to create strategies to prevent it.

Wisdom is the ability to look ahead, to foresee potential pitfalls, and to take active steps to avoid them.

Proverbs 22:3 says, “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.”

Identifying Our Own Weaknesses

We need to ask ourselves tough questions.

What are the situations, thoughts, or people that could lead us to compromise our morals?
What circumstances might tempt us to commit a sin we never thought we would?

• Could unresolved conflict in my marriage lead to emotional infidelity?

• Could unchecked anger or jealousy drive me to harm someone I care about?

• Could stress and financial pressure make me cut corners, cheat, or steal?

These aren’t pleasant questions, but they are necessary.

By thinking through these scenarios now, we can set up boundaries and guardrails that prevent us from ever getting to that point.

It’s far easier to avoid sin when you recognize the warning signs early on, rather than when you’re already halfway down the path.

Cultivating a Strategy Against Sin

Much like a general on the battlefield, we need to be strategic in our lives.

It’s not enough to think that we’ll be able to resist temptation when it comes.

We have to plan ahead, identify potential weaknesses, and cut off the opportunities for sin before they arise.

Christ himself emphasized the importance of cutting sin off at its root. When He spoke about lust and anger in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5), He wasn’t just warning us about the acts of adultery or murder—He was teaching us that sin starts in the heart.

If we allow lust, anger, or bitterness to take root, it will eventually grow into full-blown sin.

The key is to uproot those seeds early, before they take hold.

Understanding Is the First Step to Prevention

The next time you hear someone say, “I don’t understand how a person could do such a thing,” recognize it for what it is: a dangerous lack of awareness.

If we don’t understand how sin happens, we can’t defend ourselves from it.

We are all capable of great evil, and we all have breaking points.

The wise person doesn’t assume they’re immune to sin.

Instead, they take proactive steps to identify potential risks and set up defenses. They understand the slow, subtle process that leads to moral failure, and they work diligently to cut it off before it ever begins.

Understanding our capacity for sin is the first step to preventing it.

Recognize the danger, strategize against it, and never assume you’re above it.

It’s only by accepting the reality of our own potential for evil that we can guard ourselves from falling into it.

Why Positive Emotions Aren’t Necessary for Proper Worship

In some modern Christian circles, there’s this idea being pushed that worship has to be filled with joy, excitement, and happiness to be valid.

You’ve probably heard it: “If you’re not emotionally uplifted, are you even worshiping right?”

But that’s not what the Bible teaches.

Worship is not about how you feel—it’s about obedience, having the right thoughts and attitudes, regardless of your emotions in the moment.

In fact, making emotions the centerpiece of worship is a distraction from what God actually requires.

Worship Isn’t About Feelings—It’s About Spirit and Truth

A lot of people love to throw around John 4:24:
“God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”
But they often miss the point.

“Spirit” here doesn’t mean you need to be on some emotional high.

It’s talking about worship being spiritual in nature, not tied to the old physical rituals of animal sacrifices and offerings.

It’s about praying, singing, giving, taking communion, and teaching—all things that have nothing to do with your emotional state.

Then there’s the “truth” part.

This means worship has to align with what God has commanded in Scripture. It’s about following the pattern laid out in the Bible, like in Acts 2:42, where the early church focused on doctrine, fellowship, communion, and prayer.

There’s no mention of “feel happy while you do it” anywhere in Scripture.

Emotions Are Unstable and Unreliable

The problem with basing worship on emotion about emotions: they’re all over the place.

You might feel joyful one week and completely drained the next.

Maybe you attend the same church service twice, and each time you feel completely different.

That’s just human nature.

God, being fully aware of this, doesn’t expect or require you to manufacture certain emotions to worship Him properly.

Our emotions are byproducts of our thoughts and attitudes.

Reflecting on Christ’s sacrifice might make you feel gratitude or even sadness, but God never commands us to feel a specific way during worship.

He commands right actions and right thinking.

Feeling joy in worship is fine, but it’s not required.

What’s required is obedience and focus.

The Psalms: Proof That Emotions in Worship Vary

If you’re looking for biblical evidence, look no further than the Psalms. David’s emotional rollercoaster in his worship is well-documented.

Sometimes he’s full of joy and praise (Psalm 100), and other times he’s drowning in sorrow and repentance (Psalm 51).

He worshiped in moments of fear, loneliness, and even despair (Psalm 22).

What mattered was his sincerity, faithfulness, and worshipping God with the authorized pattern of worship, not how he felt in the moment.

The variety of emotions in the Psalms shows that God accepts worship no matter what you’re feeling—so long as it’s rooted in truth and obedience.

The Pharisaical Trap: Making Emotions a Requirement

The real danger here is turning emotions into a requirement for proper worship, which is a modern twist on the old Pharisaical mindset that Jesus condemned.

The Pharisees were notorious for adding their own rules to God’s law and passing them off as divine commandments (Matthew 15:9).

Forcing emotional requirements into worship is doing the same thing.

God’s instructions are clear: worship in spirit and truth—there’s no extra rule that says you must feel a certain way.

Focusing on how you feel during worship takes the focus off God and puts it on yourself.

Worship then becomes about your experience, your emotions, and your inner state, instead of being about glorifying and honoring God.

This shift turns worship into an inward-focused act, which is completely opposite of what it should be.

What Really Matters: Actions, Thoughts, and Attitudes

Worship, according to the New Testament, involves specific actions: singing, praying, teaching, communion, and giving (Acts 2:42; Ephesians 5:19; 1 Corinthians 16:1-2).

But it’s not just about going through the motions. Your mindset and attitude matter, too.

Look at Malachi 1:13, where God rebukes the Israelites for bringing sacrifices with the wrong attitude, calling worship “a weariness.”

They were doing the right actions but with the wrong mindset. That tells us actions are important, but so are our thoughts and attitudes.

Emotions? Still not the point.

While we can’t always control how we feel, we can control what we think about and how we approach worship.

Scripture tells us to “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

Whether you’re happy, sad, or just neutral during worship doesn’t matter.

What matters is whether you’re focusing your mind on God and obeying His commands with a sincere heart.

The Role of Emotions in Worship

To be clear, emotions can play a role in worship, but they’re not the standard for whether worship is acceptable.

Emotional fulfillment is not the barometer for proper worship.

Emotions often arise as a response to reflecting on God’s goodness, His Word, or His sacrifice—but they’re not required.

The focus of worship should be on God, His commands, and giving Him the honor and reverence He deserves, regardless of how you feel at the moment.

We need to guard against the mistake of turning subjective feelings into an objective requirement for worship.

What God truly requires is worship that is in spirit and in truth. That means worship based on right actions, right thoughts, and right attitudes—not based on whether you’re feeling joyful or emotional.

Keep the focus where it belongs: on God, not yourself.

The Danger of Intersexual Friendship

The idea that men and women can maintain purely platonic friendships is one that’s frequently promoted in modern society.

However, when you strip away the social narratives, you find a much more primal reality: men and women cannot truly be friends.

This isn’t to say that exceptions don’t exist—but they are just that—exceptions that prove the rule.

The dynamics between men and women are inherently charged by attraction, whether acknowledged or not, making true, lasting friendship nearly impossible without it veering into deeper, often more dangerous territory.

1. Men Don’t Pursue Friendships Without Attraction

For men, friendship with a woman rarely starts in the absence of attraction.

If a man isn’t at least somewhat attracted to a woman, he generally won’t go out of his way to build a connection.

This is a basic truth that many people don’t like to acknowledge.

When was the last time you saw a man befriend a woman he found entirely unattractive, without some other ulterior motive—whether it’s gaining access to her more attractive friends or some other form of leverage?

Attraction is the basis of these interactions.

Men don’t typically approach women just for the sake of friendship. Sexual interest, whether overt or subtle, underpins most male-female interactions, even if neither party consciously admits it at first.

This reality is often the elephant in the room that no one wants to address.

2. Emotional Bonds Breed Romantic or Sexual Interest

As friendships between men and women deepen, something else starts to happen.

The more time spent together, the more shared stories, interests, and experiences, the greater the risk that attraction will surface.

Emotional intimacy tends to translate into romantic feelings. It’s inevitable.

No matter how innocent a friendship may seem in the beginning, deep emotional bonds between a man and a woman create a breeding ground for potential infidelity.

The emotional connection is often the precursor to physical attraction.

The small talk that initiates the relationship often morphs into pillow talk over time, especially if boundaries aren’t clearly established.

Once the door to emotional intimacy is opened, it’s hard to close it before it leads somewhere more dangerous.

3. Women Misunderstand Men’s Intentions

While women may genuinely believe they can have platonic friendships with men, they misunderstand the male mind.

Many women think their male friends are simply interested in companionship, but they don’t realize that most men are driven by underlying attraction.

In fact, male friends are often quietly hoping for a chance to transition the relationship into something more romantic or sexual.

Women often enjoy the attention these friendships provide, unknowingly (or knowingly) feeding the man’s hopes for more.

What they don’t see is that men are inherently wired to seek sexual fulfillment, and even if the man doesn’t consciously acknowledge it, this drive influences his behavior in the friendship.

If a woman could step into the mind of her male friend for just five minutes, she would immediately grasp why a platonic friendship with a man is impossible.

4. Friendship with the Opposite Sex Is a Pathway to Infidelity

If a man is in a committed relationship, forming close friendships with other women is dangerous, plain and simple.

The pathway from emotional intimacy to physical intimacy is shorter than most people think.

What starts as an innocent friendship can slowly evolve into something far more problematic, especially if the man begins withholding the truth from his partner about the extent of the relationship.

When men start keeping secrets about these “innocent” friendships, they are already sliding down a slippery slope.

The moment you feel the need to keep your friendship with a woman secret from your wife, you’ve crossed into dangerous territory.

Your gut is likely trying to tell you that this friendship isn’t as innocent as you might think.

5. Inter-Sex Friendships Lead to Emotional and Spiritual Confusion

Particularly in Christian circles, there’s a temptation to mistake emotional closeness for spiritual connection.

This is another danger area when it comes to friendships between men and women.

Emotions often masquerade as spiritual connection, creating the perfect environment for inappropriate relationships to flourish, even in places like church.

The emotional bond, which can feel intense and profound, is easily misinterpreted as something divinely sanctioned, when in fact, it’s just a human response to intimacy.

Churches are not immune to affairs.

In fact, many start with seemingly innocent interactions within church groups. The danger lies in mistaking emotional attraction for spiritual unity.

Once emotional intimacy takes root, the boundary between friendship and romance can blur very quickly, leading to moral failings that could have been avoided.

The Difference Between Same-Sex and Inter-Sex Friendships

Another important aspect to consider is the depth of same-sex friendships versus friendships between men and women.

Men’s friendships with other men or women’s friendships with other women operate on a completely different level than inter-sex friendships.

Same-sex friendships don’t carry the same potential for attraction and the subsequent complications that arise from it. These friendships tend to go deeper because there’s no underlying current of sexual tension.

Friendships between men and women, on the other hand, often terminate at sex.

That’s the endpoint, whether acted upon or not. There’s always the potential for that dynamic to surface, and it’s something that most people aren’t equipped to handle without significant boundary-setting and self-awareness, which many people either lack or choose to ignore.

Avoiding the Trap

At the end of the day, men and women cannot be friends in the same way that men are friends with men or women are friends with women. The dynamics are inherently different because of the ever-present element of sexual attraction, whether acknowledged or not. For men in committed relationships, the safest course of action is to avoid close friendships with women who aren’t your wife. Not only does it prevent the emotional entanglement that can lead to infidelity, but it also respects the natural boundaries that should exist within marriage.

Even in Christian circles, where relationships are supposed to be spiritual and uplifting, the line between emotional and sexual attraction is thin. The potential for moral failure is ever-present, and it’s important to guard against it by understanding the reality of human nature.

Men and women cannot be friends in the truest sense. The relationship, at some point, always moves toward attraction. If you believe otherwise, you’re ignoring reality and opening the door to danger. Keep your friendships within the bounds of what’s appropriate for your commitments, and you’ll avoid the pitfalls that so many others have fallen into.

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