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Attack the Bottleneck

It has been said that it is a waste of time to work on your weaknesses. Because even if you manage to improve them, they will still never measure up to your strengths. So why waste your time? If improving every little flaw in your character will provide less of a return than concentrating on further improving what you already excel at, why bother? While that may be true, I offer an alternative. You should work on the bottleneck of character.

By that I mean you should attack the flaws that, if changed, will make the biggest difference in your life. These bottlenecks are what is really holding you back from being the person you need to be. Everyone has a basket full of flaws they could work on, but what are the biggest ones? What are the flaws you have that everyone else would notice and be able to identify? If you asked your family or friends about your biggest flaw, what would they say it is?

While you do not have to have that conversation since it can be extremely uncomfortable and unnecessary, you can still think about this question from your friend’s or family’s perspective. What could you improve about your character that would provide at least a 40% return on the investment of time?

Once this flaw is identified, you can get to work on fixing it. Do not stress yourself about your other flaws. There is no point trying to change a million things about yourself at once. Concentrate on the giant, then handle the small details.

Fixing a bottleneck will give you a massive confidence boost. You can maneuver that newfound confidence in a new direction, concentrating on other flaws until you have systematically eliminated every single one of them.

Continue Reading: Motivation

Help Comes From a Position of Strength

It does not matter what kind of help you are talking about. Whether physical, emotional, or financial, any help you give others can only come from a position of strength.

If someone is suffering financially, the only people who can help them are people who hold a position of financial strength. The financially weak cannot help other financially weak individuals. Yet those same people, the greedy poor, will disparage those who have wealth on this earth. They will talk trash about the only people who can help them fix their current situation.

Also, emotional help can only come from a position of emotional strength. You cannot help someone who is suffering emotionally if you are also an emotional wreck. Helping one another typically does not happen in a lateral fashion, with two people on an even playing field helping one another out. Help only comes from a position of strength.

Lastly, physical help can only come from a position of physical strength. If someone is hanging off of a ledge, you cannot help them if you are also hanging off the same ledge. The only people who can help them are people who are above the ledge, standing on solid ground.

If help can only come from a position of strength, why do we in religion disparage strength so much?

We glorify weakness and label strength as “arrogant”. Those who are strong enough to stand on their own two feet are ridiculed for their self-reliance.

The issue is that so many people who worship at the altar of weakness do not understand that it is our job as people to develop our own strength, as best we can. If we are to meet God halfway, it requires work on our part. We are charged with doing everything we can to the best of our ability and let God take care of the rest. But the weak want God to do everything for them. They do not want to do any work on themselves or their lives. They expect God to do everything while they sit back sipping mango juice on the beach. This lazy mental attitude is the reason that so few Christians hold positions of strength in their daily lives. Most are emotionally, physically, and financially destitute and proud to be so. This is not who we should model ourselves after.

If you want results in your life, you have to develop strength of your own.

You cannot always rely on others because they will not always be there to support you. You need to develop the internal strength to rely on yourself and no one else. Then once you have maximally developed your own strength, you allow God to handle the rest. But never expect God to lift your entire burden for you, He will not do it. That would rob you of the chance to develop your own strength. God will help you along the way, but it is your responsibility to develop your own strength to help yourself first, and others second. Because you cannot help others until you are in a position of strength.

Progression – Why Improvement is Vital to Men

“Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress.”
1 Timothy 4:15

“And though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great.”
Job 8:7

“Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test! I hope you will find out that we have not failed the test. But we pray to God that you may not do wrong—not that we may appear to have met the test, but that you may do what is right, though we may seem to have failed.”
2 Corinthians 13:5-7

“Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance”
Proverbs 1:5

When God initially created man, He placed him in a garden. I believe that this is God’s favorite place in His creation. God loves things that grow, which means He loves when His people grow.

Progression is important for a man. Without it, he will become depressed.

Look at any older person who has given up on life or who is stuck in their routines and not improving as an individual. They are depressed, sad, and constantly thinking about death. Now contrast that with an older person you know who lives life to the fullest despite their age and grows and improves their ability and character constantly. They are rare, but they do exist, and they are our examples.

To remain the same is to die. However, the majority of men get off track by having overly ambitious expectations for themselves. They attempt too much growth at once, and as a result, they do not grow at all. The example of living, growing trees is useful because it outlines the fact that growth is not expected to happen overnight. There are multiple recorded instances of faith being compared to some kind of tree, as in the parable of the mustard seed (Matthew 13:31-32; Mark 4:30-32).

We make the mistake of focusing on the facts of the story: that the mustard tree was first just a seed, and then a giant tree. We forget all the intermediate steps that got the tree to that point of being massive. That tree first is a seed, then tiny shoots of green leaves start to appear. Then it becomes a sapling followed by an adolescent. After a few more years it becomes very tall and finally massive. It reaches these milestones through slow progression, one inch at a time and over a very long period of time. You are to grow as well. Either improve or die.

Affirmation

I Improve, or I Die.

Application

Mindsets – Do not expect your growth to be overnight. Be aware of the fact that you will need long periods of time to make substantial progress on your currently puny character. Do not abandon growth when you have weeks or months where you do not improve at all. Do not abandon growth just because you do not see progress. Just because a tree did not gain visible height does not mean it did not grow. Sometimes there is no growth in height that we can see, only a deepening of the roots.

A key to growth is to take the simplest yet most practical step towards improvement and to do so in a way that is measurable. This includes checking your ego and taking microscopically small steps.

So many people try to take up reading their Bibles each day. They find one of those “Read your Bible in a year” plans and get excited, not realizing they will have to cover at least 4 chapters a day to read the Bible in one year. They are attempting to go from not reading Scripture at all to reading hundreds of verses per day. This would be like never exercising your body then saying, “I think I’ll start a professional bodybuilding workout program where I train twice a day for three hours”.

Maybe they maintain motivation for a few weeks, at least until they get to Leviticus, then they quit.

I would be shocked if those people even made it that far. They failed to check their ego, took on more than their frail constitutions could handle, and burned themselves out. Now they are right back where they were: sitting on the couch, doing nothing, and making no spiritual progress.

The real goal should be sustained long term progress. The only real improvement comes from consistent, steady progression. So instead of trying to read the Bible in a year, the goal should be to read the Bible every day. The amount of Bible you read will not matter if you quit in 12 days. Check your ego and be willing to read one chapter per day, or half of a chapter, or ten verses, or even five verses until you become the person who reads the Bible every day. That is the true goal, not to read the Bible in the year, but to become the type of person who reads the Bible every day without fail.

You might think, “Five verses each day is not a lot of reading”, well it is five more verses than you are reading currently, and five more verses than the majority of so-called “Christians” are reading each day.

Commit to extremely small-scale changes that are sustainable. Do not try to build the Sistine Chapel of habits in a single week. Save yourself the burnout and commit to progress.

Commit to being the type of person who is improving every day. Do not worry your mind about what others are doing (or rather, what they are claiming to do) or how fast you are improving. Focus on your personal progress and be able to measure it. You will never know if you have grown if you do not know where you are or what you are trying to improve. Keep a habit journal or get a paper calendar and check off each day that you read your Bible, even if it is only for five minutes. Doing this will give you visual feedback on your progress, and that will be the positive reinforcement that helps you maintain the habit.

Harden your mind through practice and continual progression.

Do not give in to weakness like the boys around you.

Be strong and powerful and improve yourself.

Conduct yourselves like Men.

The Weak Go Home

Then Jerubbaal (that is, Gideon) and all the people who were with him rose early and encamped beside the well of Harod, so that the camp of the Midianites was on the north side of them by the hill of Moreh in the valley. And the Lord said to Gideon, “The people who are with you are too many for Me to give the Midianites into their hands, lest Israel claim glory for itself against Me, saying, ‘My own hand has saved me.’ Now therefore, proclaim in the hearing of the people, saying, ‘Whoever is fearful and afraid, let him turn and depart at once from Mount Gilead.’ ” And twenty-two thousand of the people returned, and ten thousand remained.
Judges 7:1-3

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10

The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”
Proverbs 29:25

One of the first battles under the leadership of Gideon, a judge chosen personally by God, was the ambush-like assault on the Philistines with a mere 300 men. When Gideon was initially assembling his army, however, the number was much greater. 32,000 men gathered before Gideon prepared to go to war. God told Gideon he had too many men, they needed to reduce the size of the army to prevent the troops from thinking they won the battle due to military strength alone. So, Gideon told the army that any men who were afraid should go home. More than two-thirds of the army left, leaving 10,000. The army would then reduce to 300 based on a combat-survival behavior test.

Moral of the story: There is no place for fear in the army of God. Fear is weakness. The weak are to go home.

You do not see fearlessness promoted in modern religion because it is easy to be weak yet remain in the church. There is no real violent persecution in the U.S. and no accountability for people who are not progressing spiritually. In fact, most people use the church as a convenient social gathering. They walk into the assembly with their worldly problems and thoughts, discuss them with their friends, “worship” for an hour (are angry if worship goes five minutes over the scheduled time), then fellowship while again complaining about their worldly problems and leave to go back to the world. This is the extent of the faith of most men. These are the men who would have left Gideon’s army out of fear, but they remain in the church because it takes no courage to do so.

Weak men have done more to damage the church than the so-called “persecution” facing Christians in the modern world. I argue that fearfulness damages the reputation of Christians and makes it harder to evangelize because fear is anti-masculine.

Secular men do not want to become part of the church because they believe it will require them to become emasculate, effeminate eunuchs.

No man wants to be weak but being weak and effeminate has been popularized by modern religion. Megachurches and evangelists have made faith a matter of emotion, and as a result, have made it weak and unstable. One blow to the “faith” of these men and they crumble. These men have dead-tree faith. The tree still stands upright, but it is dead, and one good kick or a light storm will topple it. Do not be like these fearful men. Reject their weakness and embody the strength and spirit of the Spartan.

“We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason, if we dig deep in our history and our doctrine and remember that we are not descended from fearful men — not from men who feared to write, to speak, to associate and to defend causes that were, for the moment, unpopular”.
Edward Murrow

Affirmation

Fear is worse than death, therefore I am fearless.

Application

Consider yourself and look at areas of your life where you are fearful. It is okay to be fearful, but it is wrong to stay that way. As always, our nature requires progress in order for us to be satisfied, so we have to work on reducing our fear over time. At the very least our goal should be to take courageous action despite fear. Because even though fearlessness is the goal, is it truly something that is attainable? The 10,000 men who were left after Gideon sent home the afraid – how many of them do you think were truly fearless? Some perhaps still felt a twinge of fear but stayed out of courageous action.

The way we reduce fear is through training.

Think back to all the times you have been afraid and try to think of the root of that fear. You were afraid about taking a test in school, but by studying you reduce your fear. Through preparation, you increase your level of control over the situation and that reduces the anxiety associated with tests. Or perhaps you are giving a lesson in your church and you are afraid. You can reduce your nerves by rehearsing the speech many times and immersing yourself in the moment of practice.

Training and rehearsing are natural anti-anxiety medications. They force you to exist in the present moment, which is a place that anxiety cannot exist. Think about this, anxiety can only exist in the future because it is a mental prediction of a negative outcome(s). So by involving yourself in the present moment through training or meditation and by preparing for events in advance, you ensure that you become fearless. One day you may even be fit for the army of Gideon. But it is imperative that you train this ability now so that if difficulty or persecution does arise in your lifetime, you will at the very least be better mentally prepared than your peers.

Conduct yourselves like Men.

Complaining – An Anti-Gratitude, Anti-Masculine Attitude

Complaining is the verbal manifestation of the victim mindset. When we complain, we admit that we lack control over ourselves and our circumstances. We complain about the way life is working out for us or what the government is doing on any particular day. Through words, we point our fingers at others to justify why our lives are not the way we want them to be.

While I tend to lean conservative, this is one trait that conservatives and liberals both share in common: the victim mindset. Here is the basic flow of thought: if I complain about something I am saying that it is bad in some way. As a result of that thing being bad, my life is not as good as it would be. It is literally the act of blaming my current situation on outside circumstances that I cannot control.

Men must take complete control over their lives.

They must take ownership of everything they are and everything they have done up to this point. If my life is not the way I want it to be, it is no fault of the government, my parents, or society. It is my fault for basing my actions on the ideas and expectations of others rather than forging my own path.

As men, we must get out of the habit of complaining and be better leaders. Many times, people do not notice when we do not do something. They certainly notice when we take action or make mistakes. Everyone knows when someone in the church gets pregnant or has engaged in some other unsavory behavior. And everyone knows when people do good deeds such as feeding the poor or studying scripture with people (mostly because the people who do those things cannot help but boast about it to others). But very rarely is it noticed when some behavior, specifically a negative behavior, is lacking.

For example, how many people notice when someone does not gossip? We certainly notice when they do gossip, but do we ever take the time to appreciate when they avoid that behavior? What about stealing, do we ever notice when people do not steal? Usually not, but we certainly will have something to say about it if we found out they have been stealing from their work or from the church.

The point is that we rarely notice when people are virtuous because of the negative behaviors they avoid engaging in.

We do not notice when people do not complain unless we are actively looking for it and appreciating it. Becoming a man who never complains is often a thankless task. People will not pat you on the back for it like they will for the man who lost 50 pounds. The reality is that many may actually dislike your change because you are refusing to indulge in the effeminate behavior or complaining that they enjoy.

Whenever we as men make a change, it may spark some admiration, but it will kindle a forest fire of envy, jealousy, and backstabbing. That is the unfortunate plot of men and success in the modern, hyper-safe world. We are constantly jockeying for position, for a better place in the dominance hierarchy, so to see other men climbing the ranks touches the nerve of jealousy within us. It should not be this way, as a better-skilled man is worth more to the tribe and to the camp. We should be glad when other men improve their skills and are better able to contribute to the whole. But because the world is safe, there are no wolves outside the camp, and no shortage of food, we become jealous of those men who ascend the ranks of society when we should be congratulating them.

As they climb the ranks, we start complaining behind their backs.

We can talk about their lack of character or their negative personality. Or we can use one of the favorites of the greedy poor which is to say that a man who is becoming successful in the world is doing so because he is materialistic and worldly. “Yeah, I would be that successful too if I were not so busy focusing on the Bible and spiritual matters. If that guy spent half the time that I spent in the bible, he would not have time to be that successful”. The greedy poor love that false logic.

Complaining is the antithesis of gratitude.

The grateful mind is focused on what is going right, on blessings, and on positivity. The complaint-filled mind is focused on what is wrong, what others are doing that is damaging impacting society, on curses and negativity. It is a mentality that the God of War hates. Remember that God has killed his people who complained in the Old Testament (1 Corinthians 10:10, Numbers 11). That should give you an idea of how seriously the God of War takes the evil of complaining. Despite everything He has done for the Israelites, they still found something to complain about.

So, what do we do to change our negative, anti-masculine habit of complaining?

I – Awareness

It starts with awareness. We can never stop a behavior if we are unaware of it. The problem is, like with most of our behaviors, we have put the habit of complaining on autopilot. It has entrenched itself so much into who we are that it has a mind of its own. If we cannot go even a few hours without complaining about some situation outside our control, then we need to cultivate the habit of awareness.

Becoming more aware is as simple as saying to yourself, “I am becoming aware right now”. Or you can set an intention in the morning to catch yourself when you start to complain. It will be hit and miss at first, but over time you will begin to cut off the habit of complaining more frequently. If you continue to command your unconscious mind to become aware of when you are complaining, you will soon build the habit of becoming aware of your complaints rapidly.

II – Replacement

Habit change does not occur in a vacuum. So, what are you going to replace complaining with? As mentioned earlier, the antithesis of complaining is gratitude, so why not start there. Once you catch yourself in the complaint habit, stop yourself and list 2-3 things you are grateful for instead of complaining.

If you are deep into the habit of complaining as most people are, you will not see any change for a reasonably long time. You will not feel different by practicing gratitude for two days. But given enough time, if you continue to cut off your negative behavior and replace it with gratitude, you will start to rewire your mind. You will train it to be more grateful and thankful for blessings. You will begin to take more ownership of your life and understand that there are things in this world that are completely outside your control. This a mentality of power, not one of weakness. Most men in religion do not have this mindset, so you will be one of the few.

III – Get Away from People who Complain

You have to control your environment. The alcoholic will not recover from his alcoholism if he hangs around alcoholics. The drug user will never dry out if he hangs around his drug-abusing friends all day. Even so, the person who complains will not recover from his habit unless he can put some distance between himself and those who indulge in that negative behavior of complaining.

Do not think you are more powerful than you are. You are subject to the negative influences of those around you. So, if you are trying to fundamentally change yourself, you need to give yourself time away from these people to allow for maximum progress. If you cannot avoid them completely, minimize the time you spend with them and do your best to direct the conversation to positivity or something that they cannot complain about.

Simply talking about the Bible may be enough to cut off their habits. This also may get you uninvited from a significant number of events. Sadly, even many Christians do not like people who talk about the Bible, especially if those Christians are in the habit of complaining. Your spiritual focus is a burning light and makes them uncomfortable.

Controlling this habit is an exercise of self-control. If you can master the habit of complaining, you will be better skilled than most men in religion. You control your life and run your day, not vice versa. Train your self-control by never complaining again.

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