The purpose here is to outline why many people [primarily women] have difficulty understanding why men and boys do dangerous things for seemingly little reward. The primary accusation that we, as men receive from time to time, is the following: “Boys are stupid”.
No context. No attempt to delve deeper. Just a surface-level judgment passed by many people who do not understand why it is that boys and men do the things they do. This is understandable in a way. Because men tend to know about men’s things and women tend to know about women’s things. We seldom take time to understand the other sex.
You hear “Boys are Stupid” parroted even by some men.
Generally, these men have forgotten what it is like to be a boy. Or they have forgotten what it is like to have to earn their place in a group of other males. The main type of men repeating this accusation are ones resting on the laurels of previous accomplishments. I’m much less forgiving of men who repeat back the idea that boys are stupid as opposed to women because men should know better. When the accusation comes from women it’s understandable since the majority of women do not know why it is important for boys to be “stupid”.
What is the evidence for this statement? Many will cite that men/boys [who we will just combine and refer to as “males” for this discussion] engage in behaviors that are dangerous for no reason.
The faulty idea that dangerous acts are done for no reason at all is key to figuring out why boys appear to be doing stupid things.
When boys play they are trying to see who can jump off the highest rock without getting injured. Maybe they try to see who can throw the biggest object at their friend while their friend tries not to move. Perhaps they try to climb the highest tree and hold on with one arm.
Males do dangerous things. It makes us feel alive and masculine in a world that stifles masculine energies.
And in the minds of many women, this “meaningless danger” is absurd. And from a woman’s viewpoint, that is an understandable conclusion to draw. What women don’t understand, because they do not have to understand, is the role these seemingly dangerous behaviors play in demonstrating courage in the men’s group.
Courage: A Timeless Masculine Virtue.
One of the four principles attributes of men, as outlined by Jack Donovan, is courage. The four attributes are components that make men masculine across time and culture. Go back as far as you want in history, and go into any culture you want, and the common themes of masculinity will be these four virtues. Courage, along with strength, mastery, and honor, are the attributes that across time and culture are consistently associated with masculinity.
For a man to have greater strength means he is more masculine and more valuable to the group of men.
A weak man is less valuable to the group. He is less valuable both to men and women. A man does not get bonus points for being weak, but he gains points for being strong. It does not matter if a woman does or does not have strength. She is not less of a woman for being physically weak. And she is not more of a woman if she is physically strong. Her physical strength has no bearing on her value to a women’s group and intersexual social groups while a man’s strength is very important to his value in the men’s group.
If he has mastery of a skill, he is more valuable. He can provide something to the group of men that improves the group.
Whether it is the ability to build, make weapons, fight [which can be combined with strength], or any other observable skill – to have more or better skills makes a man a more valuable man. He is more of a man than a male with less skill mastery. Whether or not a woman has the skill, she is valuable to a group. She does not necessarily have to pursue mastery in anything she does. She is certainly welcome to pursue mastery, and many women become masters of many crafts. But she will not be considered a deadbeat if she masters no skills throughout her life. She will be competent at many skills, but she will not have mastery and this is perfectly acceptable. However, that is not the case for men.
Each of the four attributes are facets of masculinity that every man must develop.
He has no choice but to develop himself unless he wishes to be less valued in the men’s group. Women do not have to develop any of these attributes if they wish to be valuable. They are not more womanly if they have strength, courage, mastery, or honor. But men are certainly more masculine if they have these attributes. Women are not less womanly if they do not develop strength, courage, mastery, or honor. But a man is certainly more masculine if he develops these attributes. And it is the fact that women do not experience the pressure to develop these attributes that is a key reason why they do not understand why men have to develop them. And also why they do not understand the cost of developing these traits, as well as the price of not developing them.
If a man is courageous, he is more valuable to the group – and this is the key virtue to pay attention to when discussing the dangerous acts that males engage in.
For the purposes of this discussion, courage is the willingness to risk harm to oneself for the betterment or safety of the group.
And in the context of men and masculinity, this is the willingness of a man to confront something dangerous in order to promote the betterment or safety of the group.
How do you know who is going to be brave? Well, you don’t. But you do know that you don’t want to wait until you are in a survival situation to find out.
This is where and why males engage in seemingly stupid activities. This is because they are trying to demonstrate courage to the group. And they are trying to do so in a controlled environment before they are in a survival situation.
Before men are dropped into a survival situation by world circumstances they evaluate one another in a survival simulation. Dangerous play is the first survival simulation boys experience.
Like the other masculine attributes already mentioned, women do not have to demonstrate courage. They are certainly capable of being courageous, and they do courageous things all the time, but they do not have to be courageous in order to be womanly and valuable. Their worth is not diminished if they are not brave, because that’s the man’s role after all. But a man must be courageous in order to be masculine and valuable.
If the ship is going down, women are expected to take the life rafts and take the children with them to safety. If a man takes a life raft, he is a coward.
A woman is not expected to be courageous in this survival situation, but a man is. If a woman stays on the ship or leaves, in either case, her worth is not diminished. But a man only has one option unless he wants to be known as weak and demonstrate a lack of courage.
But before a man proves he is willing to lay down his life for the betterment of the group in a survival situation, he must first demonstrate this willingness in small dangers.
He must take on small challenges that do not risk his life, but may certainly end with him in an arm cast.
By doing these things he proves his worth to the men’s group. Women do not have to engage in this behavior to prove their worth to the women’s group or to other men.
This is mainly because women are born with the ability to give birth and raise children. By virtue of this, women are born with their value, while men’s value must be built from the ground up.
A woman’s worth is certainly not limited to her childbearing ability – she can absolutely increase her own value using a plethora of techniques.
But the fact remains that she begins life with a baseline value due to her incredible ability to bring children into the world.
I know someone will end up saying, “Wow, you are just reducing a woman to her reproductive structures and are treating her like an incubator”. And that is certainly not the case. That is why I take the time to note, again, that women can further increase their value – it is just that they start out with a baseline level of value while men do not. And even if they never increased their value through skill acquisition and personal development, they would still be perceived as valuable because of their ability to have children.
If a man does not build his own value he will not have any – nothing is given to him by virtue of his reproductive capabilities because his sperm is cheap while her eggs are expensive. No man was ever a valuable man just because he was a man.
Boys have an innate understanding of this need to prove themselves to the group. Before the feminized school system educates their masculinity out of them, boys have a built-in understanding of the need to take on small risks and engage in slightly dangerous behaviors in order to prove value to the group. They will not be fully trusted or accepted if they do not do this. To be “one of the gang” you have to do something a little dangerous. While they may be taunted by women who say that “boys are stupid”, these young men know what they have to do.
Women never engage in such a developmental gauntlet. They do not need to. And as a result, they often do not understand when men engage in these behaviors.
Well, ladies, those “stupid boys” are just trying to get a head start on building the value that you were already born with.
