Because this is a site about Christian behavior and not about being a red-pill man, we don’t concentrate heavily on those tactics. Here’s an excerpt From the Deep Strength Blog where these concepts are explained well:
Many men even here may think it’s about incorporating RP beliefs into Christianity, but that’s false. You can’t incorporate other beliefs into Christianity and have it still be Christianity. It’s just your own pet version of Christianity.
“Why We Are Here” Post
Deep Strength also included another quote that is immensely valuable:
We don’t put on an “RP Lens” to Scriptural interpretation. We take off the “Feminized Lens” that everyone else is wearing, then interpret Scripture without that bias.
The good news is there are strategies you can use to immediately improve your sexless situation if you are married, or set yourself up for success if you are contemplating marriage.
You do not have to be married to understand, appreciate or witness these relationship types.
“Is there one of you who is going to say that you don’t want a doctor to treat you for cancer unless he himself has had cancer?”
Milton Friedman (Hear it yourself)
I – They Jump into Marriage Motivated Purely by Sex
When a Young Christian man is growing up, he is told one or two primary stories about sex.
1 – Sex is dirty so you can’t do it now/it’s a sin.
2 – If you wait for marriage you will be in “bliss”.
Both are damaging lies. But a young man is not in the right frame of mind to think rationally. He is motivated entirely by his biology.
No men in the Church prepare him for this fact, because almost none of them have any free circulating testosterone left. Men in the Church have forgotten what it is like to be an active hormonal nuclear warhead. Hormones cloud the mind and prevent intelligent thought in a young man, so he rushes into marriage motivated by his hormones. No men in the Church stop him either, because “Marriage is such a great thing“, and any man who says otherwise won’t get any sex for 6 months.
Men make a few fundamental errors in the attraction-driven early stage of a relationship:
A. They do not Evaluate the Character of the Prospective Woman
In the attraction stage of a relationship, the rational mind is clouded by hormones and “happy feelings“. These “feelings”, while enjoyable, make men blind to orange and red flags that are blatantly obvious to their friends and family.
Selfishness, rudeness, baseline lack of respect for men and authority, and distaste for talk of sex are red flags.
Manipulation is a massive red flag – if she manipulates the relationship during the dating phase, she will absolutely manipulate sex within the marriage.
Some of the “orange flags” embodied by men and women might change later in life such as small habits or behaviors. But most men do not accept the fact that the woman they marry will likely not change – at least not for the better – and not without the guidance of a husband’s leadership.
Manipulative women change slightly after locking down a man because they can then show who they truly are and a “Good Christian Man” will not leave them no matter what. Now they have secured the long-term provisioning they were after and the man is left with no maneuverability, and nowhere to go if that “Good Christian Woman” openly displays her previously concealed manipulation tactics.
That is the end state of marrying a woman with multiple red flags. If a man marries into that situation, he deserves what he gets. Take some ownership.
In the attraction stage of a relationship, men make the tremendous error of mistaking their sex drive for love. This is not a new discovery either, it has been around for hundreds of years. Even C.S. Lewis writes about it in Screwtape Letters.
The sex drive overpowers the mind, removes rationality, and causes men to make poor life decisions – often altering the course of their lives to accommodate a woman.
But also note that the sexual drive is important for pushing men toward marriage in a positive way. Because, as much as the Church will try to deny it, marriage would not exist without a sexual urge pushing men into commitment.
With the sheer volume of financial, sexual, social, societal, and professional risk a man takes when he commits to a 21st-century marriage [which is different from marriage the way God originally designed it], there is no doubt that he has to be under the influence of a substance in order to take that risk – the substance called “Testosterone”, which will conveniently decrease when he commits to marriage.
B. They Do Not Consider what a woman is genuinely aroused by – her type.
Even Christian women have “types”, the fact that we need to say that shows the tremendous problem with our basic understanding of reality. Every woman has some sort of image of someone they are attracted to. These are present from the early days of her youth and are not hard to understand.
Some women are attracted to the athlete, others to the scholar (albeit fewer), or to the man who exhibits mastery in his chosen career field. Many women find the “bad boy” exciting, others think the musician is the “best thing in the world“.
Whatever it may be, most men make the mistake of assuming their wives will be sexually attracted to them for their good Christian qualities and never account for their wife’s type.
While a wife may love her husband, that does not guarantee that she feels raw, genuine sexual desire for him. Many Christian women marry men they are not aroused by sexually, but that they are attracted to in another sense. This is important to note because there is a difference between attraction and arousal.
Because most men think their wives will love them for who they are, they never find out what her “type” is and find out if she is organically, naturally, or genuinely sexually attracted to him.
It’s not until seven years and two kids later when the water well of early-marriage-years sex is boneyard dry that a man finds out his wife is aroused by the masculine, wood-chopping Spartan-fit warrior type instead of the “Let’s just hug”, fiction-reading, long-distance runner type.
Now they find themselves either unable to fit their wife’s type so they settle for a bi-monthly sexual encounter (Which would be a bonanza for most Christian men).
This is not to say a man should change himself just to accommodate a woman.
Far too many men have tried to change everything about themselves in order to accommodate their girlfriends or wives. this is absolutely not what men should be doing. They should not do this before or after marriage.
When a man changes himself, he should be doing it for his own good, not to please third parties. This applies not only to pleasing women but also to friends and family as well. A man must stand on his own, and do what makes him a better man first.
Again, just because women have a type does not mean a man shoulder alter himself just to fit that type. Different women will be genuinely aroused by different things. That’s the “type”.
The main point is to know what kind of man you are and find a woman who finds that genuinely sexually exciting. You are not shifting your world for a woman, you are finding a woman who already finds your world arousing. And I’m begging you to do this before you put a ring on a woman’s finger.
C. They Get Married Too Soon After They Start Dating (Very common in Christianity)
Men and women of God are instructed to not have sex until marriage. The rationality behind this commandment eventually makes some sense to the Christians who study it. But most men don’t care about rationality, all they care about is getting married so that the waiting period is over and they can jump in bed. As a result, many of them make a full-fledged sprint into married life after spending no time preparing themselves for the reality of marriage – both the sexual and non-sexual components of married life.
In the Days of the Old Testament, men were more rational. Fathers would pick their son’s wives from a position of practicality while their sons would be busy working. This is ideal: sons would be unable to let emotions and hormones cloud their judgment in mate selection and would marry a woman who had objective value [outside of her vagina] hand-picked by his father.
In the modern day, the Church’s emphasis is on avoiding the actual penis-in-vagina act of intercourse before marriage. Not only is everything else “fair game” for many Christians, but the intense focus on saving intercourse for marriage puts sex on a pedestal where it does not belong.
While it is critical for sex to be a big part of marriage, men do not realize that it is actually a very small percentage of marriage as far as time and frequency are concerned. Even if you have sex for an hour a day every day, that’s still just 7 hours out of a 168-hour week. Not even 5% of the week.
Christian Men get married because they think marriage is all sex. And no one in the church tells them otherwise
Because no one corrects this false idea that young men have about marriage, they marry way too early. They have sex in the initial part of the marriage, but then it dries up as many men actually have to perform certain actions in order to receive it. These men have to start earning sex through proper behavior and labor because they are not masculine enough to organically, and genuinely generate sexual desire in their wives on their own. They become slaves to the female reproductive organs. And this acceptance of “Negotiated intimacy” is a sad aspect of many Christian and non-Christian marriages.
Practical note: A man should never trade behavior for sex. It becomes negotiated intimacy. Negotiated intimacy is obligatory and never genuine.
Within several months, the hormonal cloud will be gone and men will realize the massive commitment they made while under the influence of their sex drive. What they have just done is the equivalent of buying a full-scale business while drunk – you might make a good decision, but you probably won’t, and in either case, you are stuck with the consequences and you deserve them.
D. They Marry Women Who Have Been Sexually Damaged By “Purity Culture” a.k.a – “Old Church Lady” Syndrome
It is a well-established fact that the way the majority of churches teach sex damages young women and alienates young men. Sex is degraded as dirty and earthly, or it is bogged down with mechanical descriptors [“The penis is stimulated until the point of ejaculation at which point….” you get the picture] or cliche phrases such as the overused and highly annoying phrase: “In the right context“. Every time a middle-aged man who hasn’t seen his wife’s vagina in a decade uses the phrase “in the right context“, every young man in the room instantly mentally checks out of the discussion.
“In the right context,” sex is way more boring than the “free love, raunchy” sex that a man’s worldly friends are into.
When sex is taught in the church as being dirty or earthly, many women cannot develop the mental infrastructure necessary to lead a satisfying, highly sexual marriage.
Some of them simply cannot wrap their heads around sex being used for anything other than the creation of children. This is what is meant by the term “Sexual Damage“.
Women carry this sexual damage into their marriage and it leads to mountains of frustrations. A sexually damaged woman won’t even have sex with a man she is genuinely attracted to because she has associated sex with dirtiness or punishment. She has developed mental and emotional blocks that suppress genuine desire and could reasonably be labeled as a psychological dysfunction.
This is even observed in the medical field, where the term “Dysparrenuia” is used to describe pain during intercourse. This can be caused by spasms and tightness in the pelvic floor musculature causing difficulty and pain on penetration. Did you know that one of the risk factors for this condition is religious beliefs? Incredible.
This view of sex is only the root of one of the biggest problems in Christian teaching today, and it is rooted in the dogma that states “anything physically enjoyable is inherently sinful“.
Think about it, churches damage women and even men sexually by giving them this thought: “If something feels good, it must be sinful“. That is an inappropriate view of sex that stems from an inappropriate view of God.
What type of mental image do we have of God that causes us to think that if we feel any kind of joy or pleasure in this life that it must be a violation of His will? God is not a sadist, though the behavior and teaching of people in the religion prove that they think of Him that way.
Nevertheless, men continue to marry sexually damaged women. They have no self-esteem and a deeply repressed sexuality that will take years to repair, but men marry them anyways thinking that marriage will magically lift away their sexual problems. They think “Once I get married, this woman will no longer think of sex as dirty. In fact she will be passionate in bed despite years of being conditioned to think sex is evil“.
Understand: A woman who has spent the last 20 years thinking sex is dirty is not going to be able to reverse that mentality during a one-week honeymoon.
It will be imperative for you to draw out the courtship phase and work on healing her mentality before you get married in order to avoid intense frustration for years after marriage. If you cannot repair her, terminate the relationship. Not all relationships are worth trying to fix – and it is better to find that out before you get married.
Left unchecked, a sexually damaged woman becomes what is culturally known as an “Old Church Lady“, or a sexually frigid woman who will pass on her own sexual damage to the next generation of poor souls unfortunate enough to cross her path.
Even the name “Old Church lady” is a sad telling of how the entire world thinks sex is taught in religion. How sad is it that the entire world associates negative views of sex and unfulfilling marriages with Christianity? Are we starting to see the problem here?
II – They Are Not Masculine Enough To Conjure Genuine Desire In Their Wives
Men think that if they are “good men” their wives will want to have sex with them. They fail to understand women (and it IS possible to understand them). Women are not as attracted to good men as they are to men who are good at being men – men who can generate genuine desire in their women – men who other men want to be and other women want to be with.
Women are constantly in an internal battle when it comes to mate selection. They want the best genes possible but they also want the best provider possible. The problem is that it’s extraordinary to find a man who fulfills both roles. It’s very hard to find this in the church because most men are educated to “be good men” [whatever that means] and are given no instruction on how to develop their masculinity.
Typically you have a highly masculine/sexually valuable man with the best genes and is the most sexually exciting but who wants nothing to do with children and long-term provisioning; on the other hand you have the long-term provider who is not very masculine and much less sexually exciting than the masculine man but provides security, faithfulness, and is a good father.
In the modern day, many women solve this problem by having sex with the alpha male and then getting some effeminate dope to support her and her kid long term.
You can see this in the single mom who “finds religion”, says her bad girl days are behind her, and then works in conjunction with feminine-centric social conventions to shame some guy into “doing the right thing” and marrying her – damaging his own life to provide for someone else’s son or daughter.
A woman will never find a masculine, alpha, high-sexual-value male to raise her kid, though.
High-value males do not raise other males’ kids.
This is why step-fathers are almost always nightmares.
Women in the Church are taught what kind of men they should be attracted to and marry. Generally, the religious descriptors of an ideal mate are that of a beta-male, committed provider who is not masculine or successful – because he is “not focused on the things of this world” – which is just an excuse religious people use for why they are not successful.
As a result of being taught that they should be attracted to the beta male, many women marry beta males. Even though they chose to marry a beta and they might have a semi-decent sex life periodically, women still will be unable to feel a raw, genuine attraction to their beta-male husband most of the time.
This is why it’s such a turn-on for married women when their husbands do something that is more manly than usual, or if they see some other woman showing interest in their husband [which is a combination of anxiety and arousal for the wife], or if a man mixes in a little cocky-funny attitude.
Manliness is a visual representation of better genes, and that is what a woman is attracted to, even a “Good girl” Christian who was told she should be attracted to Christian qualities. Even though a Christian woman may truly desire in her heart to be sexually attracted to her beta husband, she won’t be able to feel attraction at a primal level unless her husband becomes more masculine/alpha.
Here are some indicators of men who cannot genuinely attract their wives:
A. They are Not Physically Fit
A physically fit man is a more attractive man than a physically unfit man. This is true across the board.
What is it to be fit? At the basic level, it means being fit for survival in a specific environment. Fitness varies depending on the environment. In a green forest, green bugs are “fitter” for survival than red bugs.
Because once the environment/context has been defined (the green forest), then and only then can you determine who is the fittest for that environment.
Cross-fitters love to call themselves the “fittest people in the world“. The question is, “Well upon what are you basing your judgment of your fitness?”. Because if our standard for fitness is, “Who can survive a nuclear explosion?”, then the average cockroach is fitter than “the world’s fittest” cross fitter – because the roach can survive in the specified environment.
That being said, when the environment is “Attracting Women“, a man has to do two things with regard to fitness.
- He has to be visually fit.
- He has to be fit for performance
If the first qualifier of fitness is that a man has to look fit, this automatically disqualifies most long-distance runners, joggers, cycling, swimmers, baseball players, soccer players & basketball players. Why? Because 80% of people who participate in these sports simply do not look muscular. Based on visual appeal alone, they do not look like they could hold their own in a survival situation.
Men have this faulty idea that if they aren’t fat, then they are automatically fit.
This isn’t true. Being skinny does not equal being fit for an environment – especially if that environment is the sexual marketplace.
Muscularity is going to be the defining feature of a physically fit man. It is the standard by which all men are judged in a single instance.
One of the prime drivers of muscle growth is testosterone. It’s not just good for being aggressive sexually, and for making effort feel good. It’s an anabolic (meaning “muscle building”) hormone. Therefore, at a very basic level, we have this equation:
Muscle = Lots of Testosterone = Good genetics = Genuine Sexual Desire
(Again, I am not saying that you must train just to attract women. Don’t manipulate your own world for the sake of attracting women).
Lack of physical fitness is unattractive to women. It’s no surprise that a man’s wife is not in a hurry to be with him sexually when he is physically out of shape. As superficial as that sounds, it’s true. And men have little right to accuse women of superficiality in this realm of fitness since the prime standard they judge a woman on is her looks.
B. They Are Not Traditionally Masculine
Under the umbrella of masculinity are those traditional traits you associate with manliness:
- Strong Work Ethic.
- Success.
- Masculine habits (Chop wood, killing animals, building useful objects, strength, honor, courage, mastery etc.).
- Warrior spirit and mentality.
- Aggressiveness.
- Stoicism
- Muscularity
Unfortunately, very few men manifest masculine characteristics because society has told them it is better to behave more like a woman, and men believed it.
As soon as men are old enough to go to school, they are surrounded by women (as most school teachers are female) and are instructed in the “proper” way to behave, which just so happens is predominantly feminine.
“No fighting, hitting, biting, or stealing toys“. “No drawing guns or cannons“.
Masculinity is educated out of men by state-sponsored indoctrination – I mean “education” – programs. Then women in the Church want to complain about the fact that there are no eligible bachelors anymore.
If women want to be able to marry eligible, masculine, arousing men, then they should stop asking men to be women.
Contrary to popular culture, women still like masculine men. While the feminine-centric society builds men to be betas, that doesn’t change the fact that women prefer masculine men when it comes to sex.
All the “emotional provisioning“, communication, and romance in the world do not matter if the male performing those actions is effeminate, beta, and unable to generate genuine desire in his wife.
Women generally want to marry and have sex with men, not women. But most “men” in the religious world today are exactly that – Women. As a result, few of them have satisfying sex lives.
C. They Do Not Act Or Carry Themselves like Men Who Are Sexually Valuable
Men who act and carry themselves like effeminate losers will be treated as such – both by men and women. Most men in the religious world have decades of experience in behaving this way.
The problem with this is that men act like they are not valued, so in return, they are treated like they are not valued. The way you carry yourself is of utmost importance, even if you have to make an extra effort to appear and then subsequently become masculine and valuable.
Identify what you want to be then act as if you are already it until you develop yourself into being it naturally.
Men who are valuable behave in the following ways:
- They “stand up straight with their shoulders back” ~ Jordan Peterson (12 Rules for Life)
- They do not behave as if their entire existence is built around their significant other (even though they may take action to increase their attractiveness to their wife through general self-improvement principles).
- They are acutely aware of the value they provide to society.
- They are aware that they have many “options” when it comes to women.
- They understand that masculine traits are to be chosen over effeminate traits, even if those traits are occasionally more abrasive.
- They do not mold their actions, personalities, and behaviors to accommodate women.
- They base their career choice on personal inclinations, purpose, enjoyment, and goals – not on women or what they want.
In Contrast, males with low sexual market value carry themselves in the opposite way.
- Their shoulders are rolled forward and rounded.
- They will move heaven and earth for their significant other (and not in the “good way”).
- Also, they are ignorant of their own value to society, mainly because they are of so little value to society that being aware of the reality of their worthlessness would cause them to shed tears. [Not worthlessness as a human being, but worthlessness in their ability to provide worth to society].
- They have chronic cases of “ONEitis” (i.e. “Oh my goodness, she’s the ‘ONE'”) as it’s referred to in masculine spheres. They believe they have limited options and approach women with a “scarcity mindset” ~ Rollo Tomassi’s Rational Male
- They choose effeminate traits such as vulnerability, emotional expression, and weakness because they have been raised by the religious world to believe that women find those traits attractive when in reality those soft traits will never generate genuine sexual desire.
- Sadly, they will do anything to accommodate the woman in their life, even change the fundamental structure of their own character, personality, or behavior. This is unattractive because a woman needs to know that a man is solidified in his own character, unmoved by external elements – even unmoved by her alleged wants- a man of personal power.
- They will change colleges, choose college majors, change careers, or pick careers simply to accommodate a woman.
There is a huge difference between taking action to increase your own sex appeal to your wife [lifting weights, getting better in your career, earning more money, getting better skills – things that benefit you personally] and fundamentally changing your life or character for a woman, especially if you do this in ways that do not benefit you personally. Picking up some weights to improve your sex appeal doesn’t change who you are the way changing a career to make your wife happy would
These are just a few examples of the way men behave based on what they have been taught in the religious world. These men have been disserviced by the teachings of generations of weak men who pass on their same weakness to the next unsuspecting generation.
D. They Are Not Aggressive Enough
Most men in the Church wrongfully teach against aggression. This is most likely due to the fact that aggression is a byproduct of testosterone, and testosterone is primarily produced in the testicles, and testicles are something that many Christian men do not have (how these men have children is beyond my understanding. A stork must deliver them to their door).
Apparently, Christian men are ashamed and embarrassed at their “eunuch-ness” so they have no choice but to say “Aggression is bad, don’t be aggressive” in a classic “sour grapes” fashion.
When most men get married, their testicles are immediately removed and placed in their wife’s handbag or in the attic, never to be seen again.
The problem with teaching that aggression is negative stems from a misunderstanding of aggression and all the productive uses it has if channeled properly into constructive endeavors.
The following are examples of places where aggression can be used properly:
- Physical training – The most common and simplest place to learn how to channel aggression.
- Careers – Lack of aggression in careers makes men less likely to be successful, less likely to ask for raises, less likely to take on difficult projects, and therefore less likely to achieve any level of success.
- Personal Weakness – Paul talks about situations in which he failed and “did the things he hated” (Romans 7:15). Proper hatred of our own personal weakness is a powerful driving force in correcting insufficiency of character.
- Sexual aggressiveness – Not sexual violence or roughness, but actually being a man who expresses desire in a masculine way. Most men are timid in the bedroom – that’s not attractive.
III. They are not Successful Enough to Be a High Value, Highly Desirable Man.
Men underestimate the importance of being successful in the secular world. They assume (based on the misinformation fed to them by other weak men in the religious world) that their wives will love and desire them for who they are.
Even though a woman in the Church is raised to value those beta characteristics a little more than a secular woman would, this does not matter when it comes to genuine desire. She might marry a man she has been taught is “attractive”, but she will have a hard time desiring or being aroused by him.
Genuine sexual desire cannot be forced or taught- it is involuntary. We will mention this many times:
No amount of unscriptural, unbiblical Church dogma will make a beta-male genuinely, organically sexually attractive to his wife. It’s a fairy tale.
A. Unsuccessful men do not represent security
On those most basic levels, financial success equals financial security in the minds of most women. Success also means skill mastery and personal power. The safety, security, and promise of long-term provisioning that financial success represents are attractive.
Look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs; Genuine sexual desire is going to be hard to generate if basic security and survival necessities are not provided.
Men wrongfully assume that if they are good men then they can “live on love” in their marriages. That might last them a whopping 12 months, but that ‘desire‘ will quickly fade as soon as an eviction notice is nailed to the front door. Good luck having sex in a cardboard box.
B. Most men Are Not Successful Enough to Attract Other Women.
A Man Who Can Attract Other Women Is More Desirable to His Wife. This reaffirms in her mind that she made a good choice of a mate. He is high-value enough to be wanted by other women.
Women will sometimes use other women as a frame of reference to determine how attractive their mate is. If their man is attractive to other women, and if other men want to be their man, then their man is instantly more attractive to them [even though they will then have competition anxiety due to the reminder that their man has options]. A man who has options is extremely attractive – but of course, the role of the Christian man is to remain loyal in his marriage. That does not mean he cannot take advantage of the fact that he has options to instill some competition anxiety in his wife. He is the rare masculine alpha who commits and provides.
The mechanics of this strange female attraction are simple: When a man can attract multiple women, it generates some sort of inner anxiety in a woman.
She now feels the inner need to compete for her man in a way. She needs to show that staying with her is his best choice, and she does this by making herself very available sexually.
This is a controversial point even for many secular people, much less for Christian men and women. “How dare someone suggest that a woman keeps her man committed by having sex with him!” ” How dare you suggest that a man should be aware that he has ‘options‘”. They might as well say, “How dare you suggest there be sex in a Christian marriage! Have you gone mad?”
The fact is that a man who is attractive to other women and is aware of this fact is far more sexually attractive to his mate than a beta with no options. If a married man has no sexual options in the outside world, he will suddenly find that he has no sexual options in his home either. As a result, his woman does not have to have sex with him committed; a woman is not going to have sex with a beta male willy-nilly if she doesn’t have to.
And what is the man going to do about it? Nothing, because he has no options and is a married Christian man who cannot leave his wife without committing sin.
This is also why masculine, alpha men with options frequently fail to remain loyal to their wives or save sex for marriage. A masculine man like that has had no instruction on how to handle that level of temptation because all the betas in the religious world never had to deal with that temptation in the first place – so then those same betas have no ground on how to instruct men of high-sexual value, with multiple options for women to keep themselves pure.
Religious Beta: "Yeah, I see that you have at least 12 different women who want to have sex with you, but we are gonna ask you not to do that".
Religious Masculine: "Okay, how do I do that?"
Religious Beta: "Well, no one knows. We've never had a man in the Church who has actually been desired by other women and has succeeded in resisting them. We would need old Joseph himself to tell us how to do that".
Religious Masculine: "Then how exactly do I conduct myself if I have no instruction?"
Religious Beta: "You'll find a way with prayer and faith".
Prayer is not going to change the fact that a high-value masculine male will have women throw themselves at him. There needs to be better instruction for handling this temptation if men in the Church want masculine men to avoid sexual encounters. There is no handbook for resisting sexual temptation for high sexual market value males.
C. They Compromise Their Careers to Accommodate Women
Men who build their entire lives around women also tend to build their careers around women as well. Instead of examining themselves, taking an inventory of their personal skill set, and talents, and then determining the things they enjoy, they will take the first job that shows up at their door so they can rush off to marry a woman and have sex for the first time.
When men do this, they do not select a career that best suits their interests and skills, and as a result, they end up not being very successful in the literal marketplace.
Lack of success means they do not represent security, they have not demonstrated mastery, and their attractiveness is damaged.
A Man who is unsuccessful in the business marketplace will rarely be successful in the sexual marketplace.
IV. They Marry Manipulative Women Who Show Clear Signs that They Will Weaponize Sex in Marriage.
This is the point where I note again, as I mentioned in the first paragraph of this essay, that I have changed my mind about whose fault a sexless marriage is.
If a man isn’t getting sex because his wife is a manipulator, it’s not his wife’s fault, it is his fault for thinking with his penis and marrying a manipulator.
Samson should have seen red flags in Delilah, but he was with her anyways because he thought with his penis instead of his brain.
A man who rushes into marriage with a manipulative woman deserves the treatment he gets. Here are some ways you can recognize and avoid a manipulator:
A. She Makes Passing Comments About How There Will Be “Less Time For You” Once Kids Are in The Picture.
Most men are aware of and understand the fact that sex naturally will taper a little during those initial months and years after a child is born. The significant physical demands on both parents just make it more difficult to make time for sex until they figure out some of the basic patterns of parenting and get back into a life routine.
Most men understand that a brand new human being who can accomplish precisely zero tasks for himself is going to require energy and time investment from both parents at the cost of a few sexual encounters.
However, if you aren’t even married to a woman and she is already making comments about how there will be “less time for you” when kids roll around, you can wager your left kidney that she is already developing a plan to weaponize your children and use them as a nuclear bomb with which she can destroy your sex life.
Kids are too good of an excuse for a manipulative woman to pass up. They are a “Get Out of Sex Free” card. Kids let a manipulative woman avoid having sex with her beta male husband. Avoid the woman who weaponizes kids.
B. She Manipulates Small-Scale Situations
“One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much”.
Luke 16:10
How a woman behaves in small situations is how she will behave in bigger situations. If she doesn’t even make the effort to hide her manipulations, you need to run. Because not only is she manipulative, but she is not even smart enough to know to hide them. However, most beta males don’t do this. They assume that a “bad girl” will be bad “only for them”. That’s a man’s dream, but it’s not going to happen for the beta male.
The woman who manipulates even tiny situations at restaurants or with her credit cards (or yours) or anything along those lines will likely manipulate sex in marriage. She is a manipulator at heart. She is acutely aware of where her power rests. And she is acutely aware of how to use it to get what she wants. The man who marries this woman is stupid, and he deserves to be manipulated.
Ownership, Men, Ownership.
C. She Avoids Talking About Sex and is Disgusted When it is Brought Up
While this could be an issue of self-esteem or lingering damage from purity culture as we mentioned before, it also could be that this woman hates even the idea of sex for whatever reason. Avoid her at all costs. 9 out of 10 women damaged by purity culture are not going to be worth repairing.
Beta males assume that once they put a ring on a woman’s finger, all her inhibition is magically lifted away, but this is not the case. Most newly married men have a great deal of repair work to do on a Christian woman’s self-esteem, confidence, and comfort since the sexual act was a “dirty sin” just a few hours earlier.
V. They Do Not Communicate Their Sexual Expectations Early Enough In The Dating Relationship
Most beta men assume that perfect sexual type and frequency are going to magically fall into place once they get married and their wives will be open, freely sexual beings with no baggage or “Purity Culture” induced sexual damage.
That is a pipe dream.
Men need to communicate in no uncertain terms what their current expectations are and compare them to the expectations of their future wives. Leave this up to chance and it guarantees that both parties will be unfulfilled in the marriage.
This is also difficult to do because it begins to border on negotiating desire, which we are expressly trying to avoid. you do not want to have a back-and-forth with your wife trying to find that ideal sexual frequency. If you want it seven times a week, and she wants it once a week and you barter up to 2-3, that is a problem. It might sound nice like you are getting sex 2-3 times weekly, but you are looking at the situation too closely. Zoom out and you will see that you are actively negotiating desire – and that sex will not be motivated by a raw, genuine, passionate desire for you. You need to look for women who are genuinely aroused by you.
A. They Expect Their Wives to Know What They Need/Want Without Saying It
As mentioned previously, beta males are not aggressive sexually, which in this case means that they do not state the frequency and types of sexual encounters they expect in marriage before they get married. They expect their wives to read their minds and be willing and available at all times. A man needs to communicate with his wife with regards to expectations or they will be unhappy.
Beta husbands wait for their wives to “toss them a bone”. Masculine men are masculine and aggressive in pursuing their wives in marriage. Be direct about your desire and intention. Be bold.
C. They Marry a “Mom” instead of a Wife
One of the pivotal mistakes a man makes is marrying a mom instead of a wife. He marries someone who treats him like a toddler. His wife feels the need to parent him and as a result of acting so “mommy-like”, she is not turned on by her beta, baby husband.
If a man doesn’t want to be treated like a child, he needs to marry a wife, not a mother. Additionally, he needs to carry himself so that he demands respect. He has to train her early on not to behave like a mom. This can be difficult especially since women are naturally inclined to be mothers instead of wives. And I know some will freak out at the idea of “Training their Wives” – but these are the same people who will laugh hysterically when the roles are reversed and the husbands are the ones being trained.
Women in the religious world also put significantly more emphasis on parenting than on being a wife. Getting married is a goal-oriented process for both sexes in the religious world. Men want to have sex and women want to have kids. As a result, most women are just going to mother everyone they meet because they are perpetually in mothering mode.
It is a man’s responsibility to communicate [Indirectly as well as directly] to his wife that he wants her to be a wife to him and not a mother. If the woman cannot accept this, a man can either leave before he marries this woman or resigns himself to a sexless life.
VI. They Try to “Earn” Sex by Being on Their Best Behavior or Trading Goods and Services
The first thing you should note is that if a man has to earn sex, his wife does not desire him. The woman who has a genuine, raw, organic desire for her husband does not need him to qualify that desire by providing tokens of value (goods, services, behavior etc). By doing this, a man has essentially made his wife a prostitute with one single customer. And a very expensive prostitute at that.
If a man is ever in a position where he has to barter for sex, it is his own fault. He can improve his situation, but he needs to take ownership of how he got there. He personally is not valuable/arousing enough for her to justify having sex with him.
Sadly, he is always going to be in a disadvantaged position in the marriage.
He will lack power in this position.
Even if this man’s wife consents and gives him sex in exchange for his “best behavior”, it will never be the passionate, steamy sex he wants; it will be the “marital duty”, obligatory sex of nightmares.
Arousing men do not have to trade goods or services for sex because their wives are organically aroused by them. Period.
What do you do About A Sexless marriage (Potential or Immediate)?
Finally, we are to the point where we can discuss what one can do about a sexless marriage. Again, as stated at the very beginning of this article, you do not have to be married for these arguments and observations to make perfect logical sense.
Preemptive Strategies – An Ounce of Prevention
The easiest way to fix problems is to stop them from ever becoming problems in the first place. All it takes is a little awareness and a small investment of time. It’s cheaper to change the oil in a car than to replace a fried engine.
A. Anticipate Problems in Advance
Keep the problems listed above in your mind and look for them in the lives of others. In the Church, you don’t have to look very far to see these signs and symptoms of sexlessness in dozens of marriages.
The best way to know how a woman will be in marriage is to observe the marriage of her mother. Although it’s not always a perfect method, very few women will veer from the models they observed while growing up.
Look for these patterns in a potential mate’s parent’s marriage.
- Manipulation – Red flag. The wife manipulates the husband – withholds sex etc.
- “Extreme purity” characteristics (i.e.showing ankles/knee is immodest – this does happen). It’s a practical guarantee that this girl will have sexual damage.
- A Mismatch of “type”. (Don’t flip your world, but find someone who already finds your world compelling).
- A wife-dominated marriage. If the wife wears the pants, the daughter will learn to replicate that pattern.
- 3rd and 4th wave feminism principles. This is most likely a deal breaker.
- “Bad Girl” characteristics (She will never be ‘bad’ only for you. Her bad girl behavior will be shared among many men sexually speaking). Men marry a bad girl in hopes she will channel that “badness” into hot sex within a faithful marriage. But the fact is that any man who marries a ‘loose woman’ will discover that ‘loose woman’ magically turns into an uptight prude in the bedroom once she is locked down in marriage.
- Radical Conservatism – Militantly conservative thinkers hold very defensive positions. Conservatives are almost always low in trait Openness in the Big 5 Personality Model. This will possibly translate to low openness sexually.
- Radical Liberalism – If 3rd and 4th wave feminism is the fruit, liberalism is the seed.
- Hyper-righteousness (exaggerated righteousness etc.). Manipulation tactic. She is trying to be something she is not.
If you see any of these characteristics in a woman, you should probably run in the opposite direction. She spent 18 years observing that kind of behavior in her parent’s marriage and thinking it was acceptable. What is not acceptable is how long it will take to undo that programming in her mind. you are better off moving on.
B. Detach From Your Biology
As mentioned before and will be mentioned many times, most Christian men make the mistake of thinking with their hormones and penises. You have to shut down this type of thinking. Detach from your biology and elevate your perspective. You must be like the general who can mentally fly over the battlefield and see how he needs to position his men for war.
If you make a decision based on hormones, you will regret it for the rest of your life.
Look into the topics of sexual transmutation, meditation, and thought control. Never make a decision when under the influence of hormones.
You will notice you are under the influence when your physiology cranks up:
- Heart rate increase
- Breathing increases
- Your body temperature goes up
If these things start happening, take some deep breaths, visualize ice-cold environments, and cool off. Do not make a decision. Just wait – the feeling will pass.
C. Evaluate Your Own Character – Are you arousing to the woman you are dating
Women are aroused by muscularity, money, and game for starters. You need to figure out if the person you are dating is aroused by you.
Obviously for Christian men, this can be dangerous. But try and look for the signs. If you are mutually committed to purity, you may notice that she has a difficult time with this. She has boundaries but they are hard to enforce. You each have a hard time keeping your hands off one another.
Again, you risk falling into the sin of lust, but this is still a good metric for arousal.
Additionally, she may even communicate to you a genuine desire. Be skeptical of this – always look at a woman’s [or anyone’s for that matter] actions instead of their words.
D. Pray in advance for what you are looking for (Abraham’s Servant Strategy).
When Abraham’s servant was looking for a wife for Isaac, he prayed to God and asked in specific, no-uncertain terms how Isaac’s wife should introduce herself to him.
“Then he said, “O Lord God of my master Abraham, please give me success this day, and show kindness to my master Abraham. Behold, here I stand by the well of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water. Now let it be that the young woman to whom I say, ‘Please let down your pitcher that I may drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I will also give your camels a drink’—let her be the one You have appointed for Your servant Isaac. And by this I will know that You have shown kindness to my master.”And it happened, before he had finished speaking, that behold, Rebekah, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham’s brother, came out with her pitcher on her shoulder. Now the young woman was very beautiful to behold, a virgin; no man had known her. And she went down to the well, filled her pitcher, and came up. And the servant ran to meet her and said, “Please let me drink a little water from your pitcher.” So she said, “Drink, my lord.” Then she quickly let her pitcher down to her hand, and gave him a drink. And when she had finished giving him a drink, she said, “I will draw water for your camels also, until they have finished drinking.””
Genesis 24:12-19
This is the power of specific prayer.
If you want a certain type of wife, one of the first things you should do is speak in no uncertain terms to the God of heaven and earth. God still acts providentially and will answer you. It doesn’t mean you will get what you want, it does not mean the answer will be “yes”, but you will get an answer.
E. Communicate Early In The Relationship
If you want information about a woman, talk to her, her parents, and her friends. Once you’ve gathered enough intelligence, you need to start communicating with her about the following:
- Each other’s sexual expectations (talk about this EARLY. You do not want to waste years dating a woman only to find out she thinks once monthly sex is fine and normal and is unwilling to compromise on that frequency.
- How sexually adventurous she is willing to be (Also important, unless you want to have sex in one position for the rest of your life).
- Gender roles in marriage.
- How open were her parents about sex?
- Conservative vs. Liberal religion (Liberal women tend to be looser/more promiscuous than conservative women). Of course, as previously mentioned, the problem comes when a person becomes radical in either viewpoint.
- Communicate your interest in marrying a wife, not a mother.
- Find out how she thinks children will impact the sex life.
Those are just a start, you will need to gather as much information as you can as quickly as you can if you want to avoid wasting massive amounts of time on a woman. And even with all the answers to these questions, you must still study her behavior.
The way she acts will tell you more than her words ever will. If her actions conflict with her words, believe her actions.
I did this every time I ever spoke to a woman I was interested in. One of my qualifications was that she had to be active (because active women tend to be more sexual). Here is a sample interaction:
Me: "So do you play any sports?"
Her:"No"
ME: "Do you like to workout?"
Her:"Not really"
Me: "We're done here" (or something nicer)
F. Cut off the Relationship
You need to be willing and able to end a relationship.
There is no shortage of available women, stop thinking about women with a scarcity mindset. “There are more fish in the sea” is a true and accurate statement – there are more fish than you could ever dream possible, don’t limit your mind.
If a woman does not meet your requirements, if she does not pass your vetting process, end it. If it’s fine and dandy for women to have a vetting process and mate selection criteria, then it is fair for men to have the same. Equal rights and all that.
I can already hear the hordes of furious women now saying, “How dare you have sexual criteria for a woman in order to marry her?”
Meanwhile, it is perfectly acceptable in the religious world and all of modern society for a woman to have countless requirements and standards for a husband:
“He should have this quality and that quality. He should be romantic and kind, he should be willing to do dishes, laundry and mow the lawn, he should be a great father, be over six feet, have single digit body fat, earn more than 6 figures, and be solely responsible for financing my existence and should never ever complain about that fact or need me sexually more than once every two weeks”.
General female criteria
That hypocrisy is one of the reasons so many men just bypass traditional marriage and go their own way, avoiding relationships with women or engaging in extreme promiscuity.
A man essentially has one marital requirement and he is happy – his wife needs to be sexually available.
A woman has a Congressional Bill worth of marital requirements with a matching price tag.
Corrective Maneuvers – A Pound of Cure
For those of you men who are already married and are wanting to increase your attractiveness to your wife, or you are waking up to the reality that your wife is not as sexually available as you thought she would be throughout the marriage, we have some strategies to relieve you.
A. Increase your Masculinity
Your wife doesn’t want to have sex with a beta. You are going to need to be more masculine.
- You need to control your emotions. This means no whining or complaints. Detach from them like you are supposed to detach from your biology.
- Manage your stress. If you are stressed out by any and all of the problems of life, you are less attractive because you are unable to demonstrate strength against the waves of life. You are unstable and not a real man.
- Get in the gym. You are going to have to be more physically fit. It will make you more attractive to your wife and to other women, which in turn will magically make you even more attractive to your wife. That’s compound interest in its best form.
- Do manly things – it’s not bad if you have to “try hard” to be a man. No one criticizes the man who tries hard to be a good athlete or a good musician because everyone knows those things don’t come without effort. The same applies to masculinity – it comes with effort. Put in the effort required to do manly things (chop wood, build things, play violent sports, kill animals for eating, dominate the social circle, earn respect, exhibit strength, exhibit mastery, exhibit courage, exhibit honor etc.)
- Become more successful in your career – mastery is attractive. Success is attractive. Success also gives you options and access to other women – which will stimulate competition anxiety in your wife once she realizes how popular and successful you are.
B. Increase Your Success
If you are valuable to society, you are valuable to your wife. When you are valuable to society through your work, you walk and act differently. You have confidence and inner power. You need to concentrate time and energy on your career in order to generate this value and internal confidence.
Most men in the Church are not worth much as far as the marketplace is concerned. This is because they were told that it is “What’s on the inside that counts“, and that “being a good man is better than being successful“. Toss that mindset into the garbage.
You have to be BOTH a good man and a valuable member of society.
No value in the marketplace = no personal value = no value to your wife = low volume of sex
C. Be the Man Who is Loyal Even When He Has “Options” – Demonstrate Your Options in Passing [controversial/risky].
This last option is very risky. If you increase your value to your wife, you will simultaneously increase your value to the world. Other women notice when you are a valuable man.
You can be honest with your wife and communicate with her when other women show interest in you. But do not do this openly. Communication does not just involve your words. Be subtle and overt in your communication. This is how women themselves communicate- you will be speaking her language behind enemy lines.
This will give her that inner anxiety that is simultaneously sexually stimulating and terrifying. Many in the Church will reject this, calling it evil, or manipulative, or they will find a way to place some other pseudo-moral judgment on it [If they can’t criticize us rationally, they will resort to loosely contructed moral judgments].
But the reality is that other women are going to show interest in you, and you need to let your wife know. You are being honest and showing that you are sexually valuable, which will be a turn-on for her. Two birds, one stone.
Conclusion
I hope this has been helpful and insightful for you. As much as this may seem, it is only introductory to the reality of women and the very common Sexless Christian Marriage.
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