Category: Masculinity

Gaining The Respect of Men

Respect. Honor Guard.

Men have always cared about what other men think of them. They care about their reputation for skill or strength. Men have always been interested in knowing how they are perceived by other men and whether or not they are respected in the group. Respect is a critical component of masculinity.

In more recent times, this concern for the opinion of other men has begun to fade. In a way, this is a good thing because fewer and fewer men are worthy to be judges of men and masculinity. There are few men masculine enough to warrant them giving their opinion in any affair, much less on matters of masculinity. Why should a young man care what the standard effeminate man in the church thinks of him? He is not trying to alter his life to gain the approval of those weak men. 

On the other hand, this separation of men from one another is negative because it means men will look to some other standard to guide their behavior. They will find new people to judge their masculinity in ways that may not be masculine. Most commonly this tends to be women.

If you think about it, you can see that the average man lives his life trying to gain the approval of various females.
Approval. Respect.

His early years are spent pleasing mommy with good, “civilized” behavior. The days of youth and adolescence are spent trying to gain the approval of the primarily female school teachers. A man then tops this off by living his life to please a wife or girlfriend. Unfortunately, by the time most men are 20 they have not had a single masculine role model they can model their lives after. They are unconsciously trained to live for women.

As men, we should be working to undo this focus we have on winning female approval. What should matter in our minds is how other masculine men perceive us and if we are respected by them or not. And if we are not respected, we should want to learn how to gain respect. It should be important to us to be valued by other men. And in the end, if we are valued by other men, we will automatically be valued by females though they should never be the primary goal. 

One important thing to note is that we cannot care about what every man thinks of us.

This was mentioned briefly, but it bears repeating. The majority of men have not earned the right to give their opinions and have them valued. There are less than five men I know whose opinions and thoughts I truly value and whose lives I want to model. This means there are less than five men who I would take advice from.

When another man gives you an opinion or offers some advice, ask yourself if you admire his life. Do you want your life to end up the way that his life has? If not, then completely ignore what he has to say. This applies just as much to your father as it does to the common men in the church. If a man is fat, do not take nutrition advice from him. If he is not masculine, do not take advice from him on how to be masculine. And if he is not successful in the secular world, do not take career advice from him. 

To gain the respect of other men you must make yourself valuable.

Skill. respect.

Men care about levels of skill, this is why they will invariably ask each other, “What do you do?” within moments of meeting each other. The primary way men size each other up is by evaluating their skills. By finding out what skills are valuable in the world and to other men, you can then focus on increasing those skills. Then even if you do not necessarily have a valuable line of work, you at least have a valuable skill that you work at on the side. So the first tool to gain respect is to increase your skill.

The second path to increase respect is to increase your knowledge.
Knowledge. Respect.

Skill and knowledge go hand in hand. Men value advice from people who know what they are talking about. You should work hard to increase your knowledge of valuable subject matters. When a man comes to you with a question or asks for advice, he respects you. Men do not accept non-solicited advice because it is insulting to them. If you willy-nilly offer advice to everyone you are suggesting that they do not have the necessary knowledge to make a decision. While that may be true, men must come to you and ask for advice, you cannot just throw it out at everyone. That will be insulting to their intelligence. 

Another path to respect is to have a streak of wise decisions.
Wisdom. Respect.

These do not have to be massive, life-altering decisions, but you do need to have a streak of good decisions. A good decision streak demonstrates that you are in the habit of thinking before you act which automatically places you in the top 10% of men. Other men need to see that you make wise dating decisions, can lead in the church effectively, can avoid embarrassing yourself and your ancestors, and that you do not blow your money on frivolities if you are not in the financial position to do so. As David did, you must behave wisely in all your ways (1 Samuel 18:14), and then others will take note of your wisdom (1 Samuel 18:15). 

The fourth path to respect is to control your emotions and be calm, especially in public or high-stress situations.
Calmness.

I cannot tell you how many times I have completely lost respect for individuals because they lost control of their emotions under pressure. If you want to know a man’s true character, pressure him and see how he reacts. Is he calm, cool, and collected, or does he lose control of his emotions and bowels? Even if a man becomes frustrated during a task, that is also a weakness. You must be the man who is calm and collected. You may be having a heart attack or be in a state of internal panic, but that should never show in your face or your words. Demonstrate repeatedly to other men that you can handle yourself and your emotions under pressure and you will have their respect. 

The fifth path to respect is to allow others to uncover your success but never talk about it yourself.
Casual.

One of the reasons that humility is masculine is because it is a demonstration that you do not need to praise and admiration of others. This is an area where every man has room for growth. Who does not love a good compliment? We can enjoy compliments and praise, but we should not actively seek it out by boasting about our accomplishments. You gain the respect of other men when they find out about your accomplishments from people other than yourself. Perhaps they talk to one of your co-workers and hear about how you handled a situation or delivered an epic project weeks before a deadline. That knowledge will boost that man’s respect for you because no only does he learn that you are skilled, but also that you do not need to brag about it.

The sixth path to respect is to speak directly and truthfully.
Direct.

While this is not a popular form of communication, it is valuable and useful. Direct, blunt communication was even utilized by Jesus when dealing with certain unsavory groups of people (Matt 23:27-28; John 8:44-45). While I am certainly not advocating that you act like a jerk and tell every single individual every one of your thoughts, I am saying that you cannot be a man who beats around the bush and still be respected by others. You need to have the tenacity to speak directly and not water down the truth. You need to be able to tell another person that their choices of words or actions are poor. And ou must be able to call out wrongdoing when you see it. If you cannot do this, you resign yourself to a life of cowardice and will never have the full respect of other men.

The seventh and final path to gain respect is to simply avoid actions that would cause you to lose respect.
Dumb

This is the simplest path to respect. Simply do not be stupid or dishonorable in your conduct. Think back on times in your life when you have lost respect for a man. What caused you to lose respect for him? Whatever he did, you must then do the opposite. Sometimes you can gain the respect of others simply by avoiding foolishness. The root of wisdom is first the removal of foolishness.

Now it’s your turn. Think up some ways that you can gain respect from masculine, admirable men and write them down. Leave them in the comment section below! This list is not exhaustive and you may notice that there are missing paths to respect. Perhaps in your own life, you have gained or lost respect for other men based on their actions. Write down those experiences. The negatives ones are just as valuable as the positive ones. If you lose respect for a man because of the way he acts, do the opposite of whatever he does as mentioned before. 

Conduct Yourselves Like Men.

Gambling – Wasted Strategic Resources

Is there a difference between obsessive gambling away your very last penny and gambling for entertainment? I think so. That still does not mean you should gamble at all. Probably not.

“Wealth gained hastily will dwindle, but whoever gathers little by little will increase it.”

Proverbs 13:11

Gambling is a slippery slope. Simply gambling for entertainment is somewhat like just trying cocaine for fun; one hit will not kill you or cause immediate damage, but the addiction you are likely to develop could actually kill you. 

Gambling addiction is perhaps the most extreme manifestation of bad stewardship.

It is unwise to waste the funds in our command. It is also a tremendous waste of time, as most chronic gamblers spend full days or nights throwing their money into slots. 

Casinos typically have no windows in the gambling area, because they do not want you to know what time of day it is. If you came in during the morning while it was light and then could see that it was dark, you might feel like it would be time to go. If you have no idea what time it is, you will have no idea when to leave, so you just stay all day. These are marketing schemes of the business.

Do not be mistaken, people who gamble usually aren’t there because they want to make money or get rich quick. They are there because they are addicted to gambling itself. The psychology of these individuals is marred. You can ask people who gamble on slots and they may tell you that they don’t even want to win, because it interrupts their rhythm of putting money in and pulling the lever. This type of gambling has hijacked the brain’s reward system and made individuals addicted to the thrill and suspense of the gambling. It has nothing to do with the winning or losing, it is all about the suspense of the game. This is a dangerous addiction, as is anything that manipulates our natural reward circuits. 

Mantra

Gambling is poor stewardship in disguise. 

Gambling. Gamble.

Application

If you gamble for entertainment, realize that you are playing with fire. What you are doing is similar to drinking or smoking for entertainment. And while gambling will not have negative effects that attack your health, it will lead you directly to poverty. There are better things you can be doing with your time.

If you are already addicted, the likelihood that you will be able to defeat this by willpower alone is low. Even though the philosophy of Spartan Christianity always recommends trying to do as much as you can on your own and build your own willpower and discipline, this time you may need help. 

Get help from your bank and set parameters over what can be withdrawn or paid through a card. Tell your bank to set up your cards to reject specific businesses like casinos. You are going to have to lock down all of your resources and ride out the withdrawals. While it would be easy for you to work around these parameters, it still makes wasting your money at least slightly more difficult.

Since this is a serious addiction, you may need an accountability partner for a period of time.

Put someone you trust in charge of your money. Tell them you are trying to improve your life by avoiding gambling and you need help. Get your friend to watch your bank accounts and where money is being spent. Give him the power to freeze your cards or accounts if he/she sees you going off the rails. 

Get a grip. Confess your faults. Lock down the variables. Be a Man.

Conduct Yourselves Like Men.

Monogamy – Is it Natural or Impossible?

For this section we will address two perspectives held by people in the world and in the church with regards to monogamy. The first perspective is that monogamy is unnatural because men want to spread their genetics with as many women as possible. The second perspective is that men are wired for monogamy, but have perverted their own minds through lust and driven themselves to want multiple women. Consider both and decide for yourself if you believe that monogamy is natural, unnatural or a combination of both. 

“But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”

1 Corinthians 7:2

“Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach”.

1 Timothy 3:2

Defining Terms: Before we begin we must define terms. We will take an extreme, scorched earth definition of what it means to desire other women. In this section whenever you read a statement about a man “desiring another woman”, it means that he wants her physically. That is all. If a man is physically attracted to a woman and wants to ahve sex with her, that is desire.

Perspective I: Monogamy to one woman is to be strived for, even though it is unnatural.

A Man does not want to commit. By “want” I mean that his biology does not desire commitment. Men want limitless women. Do not be deceived by what you have heard growing up in the church, a man is one part flesh and one part soul. More accurately, man is a soul clothed in the weakness of flesh (1 Corinthians 15:44-49). 

Man’s biology pushes him towards multiple sexual partners over his life, and anyone who denies this denies reality.

There is no shortage of men in the church who want to tell you that you should “desire” monogamy or that you are wired for it. Such men are weak and have the testosterone levels of 90 year old men. It is easy for these men to desire only one woman when the hormone responsible for sexual desire is non-existent in them. 

Though we as men have a physical nature that desires multiple women, we must limit ourselves  to one woman through discipline and virtue. Very few men are convinced that this sexual limitation is as rewarding as religious men claim, which explains why so few men wait for marriage. 

Because what married man would confess that marriage is not as satisfying as advertised and risk having his supply of sex cut off? Not a soul. What man alive would say that the majority of the marital benefits go to the woman while the primary object of value a man receives is sex? No man alive would dare say such things in fear that the sex he prizes so highly would be taken away. 

This is man’s predicament.

The wife has the most valuable and powerful bargaining chip available and the man must remain submissive in order to receive it. That may not be how your marriage is, but that is certainly how most young Christian men perceive marriage. And they have testosterone deficient men in the religious world to thank for that attitude. 

And also, the above situation is the worst-case scenario. I am well aware that not every marriage is like that and that men do receive more of value than sex out of the marriage relationship. But you must also realize that the way young men perceive marriage and the way many women behave causes men to think negatively about marriage as previously mentioned.

“50% of men would not have gotten married if they knew their marriage would be sexless”.

Maureen, Mcgrath –

TEDx. (2016, July 6). No Sex Marriage. Maureen McGrath [Video]. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVgzOyHVcj4&feature=emb_title

If you honor your wife properly and are masculine then your fears of a sexless marriage will not come to pass, or so you are told. Most women want to please. If a man is in a marriage where he is not getting any sex then it is his fault. Because he is either not treating her in a way that makes her feel loved and comfortable, he is not masculine and submits to her or he married a selfish and contentious woman, making the decision to get married with his penis and not with his rational mind. He will complain about monogamy and be the source of the marriage jokes you hear in the church. Do not emulate this man who makes jokes about marriage, he embodies inadequacy. Young men are regularly leaving the church because of this weak man’s influence. 

“Why marry a Christian woman and get no sex when there is all the free ‘love’ I could ever want out in the world?”. How is the church supposed to compete with that logic? The marriage jokes men make are doing no favors for the church. 

Monogamy is possible, but it is not natural. Very few of God’s requirements for us are natural. They go against what our flesh naturally wants, requiring us to reject the weakness of the flesh for the purpose of attaining higher spiritual goals. You can commit to one woman. It is not natural, but it is possible. 

If you have grown up in the church and been properly conditioned on how marriage “should be”, this section may anger you. This argument goes against everything you have ever heard about marriage and the sexual relationship “in the context of marriage”. Women are supposed to desire good men and want to be with them according to the religious man. 

Let’s be clear, whether Christian or secular, no woman will have an organic sexual desire for an effeminate man.

Yet the majority of men in the religious world today are effeminate and are trained to be so by individuals twisting the Scriptures to their own destruction (2 Peter 3:14-18). We have vilified success and made poverty a virtue (see “Success”). The religious word glorifies cowardice and labeled courage as “pride”. Religious individuals degrade mastery of skill while suggesting that the Bible is the only thing a Christian should master (these are the same people who read their bibles twice a year). Almost all sexual problems in Christian marriages could be solved if men would find and use their testicles and be men. You do not have to be married to understand this fact.

Perspective II: Men are wired for monogamy, but many have polluted their minds so that they desire multiple women.

This is another possible explanation for why men are unfaithful to their wives or are desiring multiple partners. 

A man’s sex drive is like a fire that grows larger when more fuel is added to it. If you are ‘checking out’ every woman that walks by and thinking about what it would be like to get her in bed, you are adding fuel to a massive fire. It then becomes incredibly easy to let that fire rage out of control.

Be honest with yourself. If you are checking out every woman, you are thinking about getting in bed with them. If you think about bedding them, you have mentally walked through detailed fantasies about what that sexual encounter would be like. Remember that when you imagine something extremely vividly, your brain thinks it is real. So now your brain thinks you are just having sex with every single woman you see. 

Men, if your brain cannot tell whether you are actually having sex or not, then it is going to be far easier to actually have sex with a woman if you are put into that situation.

Because you’ve already “had sex” hundred of times before. What’s another woman to you? You have had hundreds of partners. As a results it becomes an irrelevant matter whether or not you should have sex with another woman who is not your wife. You built this massive sex drive by polluting your own mind. 

God never intended for your sex drive to be out of control. But with every billboard and advertising attacking you from all sides, your fire grows no matter what you do. The sexual urge was meant for more than just sex. Any man who has read Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich remembers the chapter on sexual transmutation. This chapter outlines how men can convert their sexual urge to creative energy in order to generate wealth. You can call it “woo-woo” if you want, but men have been using their masculine energy to build, create and go to war since the dawn of creation. 

Before you try to say that monogamy is unnatural for men, first consider whether or not you have taken your naturally monogamous mind and rewired into a polygamous mind by having mental sex with hundreds of women.

The brain rewires itself based on your habits, this is known as neuroplasticity. If you are having sex with multiple partners multiple times per day, your brain will wire itself to think that is normal behavior and to seek that out. If you want to be monogamous, you have to fix your polygamous mind at the root. We will go over this in the application section.

Mantra

Forever Faithful.

monogamy

Application I

If you think monogamy is unnatural, then you subject yourself to your own desires. You will always be at war with your flesh and that is fine. The following list is a set of non-negotiable rules you must employ if you want to maintain sexual discipline.

I. Never under any circumstances be alone with a woman who is not your wife. If you are the only ones in the house, you need to excuse yourself and leave. 

Some women make this rule difficult to follow because if the man leaves, the woman will think “Oh wow, this guy has such a problem with wanting sex that he can’t even be in the same room as me”. This though is the result of the religious world being dishonest with women about exactly what it is to be a man with regards to sex. If a woman knew what was going on in a man’s head, she would never question modesty or these rules again. 

Because of the woman’s attitude, the man cannot win in this situation. He either sits and endures temptation or he gets called a dog. Be a man, get called a dog and leave the house. Any woman who calls you a dog for tactically retreating away from sexual immorality is not worth marrying or being associated with.

II. You cannot “just be friends” with a woman.

This rule may spark a lot of controversy and even get you some heat, but you must apply it. One of my most basic principles of life is the following:

A woman can “just be friends” with a man, but a man cannot “just” be friends with a woman.

This principle is set in stone. 

In other words, there is always a sexual component to every single relationship a man is involved in (excluding family) even if that component is very small. When a girl says she wants to “just be friends”, what a man hears is that if he is good and on his best behavior then eventually he may qualify to be “more than just friends”. 

A man will not remain friends with a woman unless he thinks there is a chance of sexual intimacy at some point in time.

If only he can be a good boy and earn the affections of his lady friend, then he will get the intimacy he wants. When in fact this is precisely the beta-male attitude that lands men in sexless marriages to begin with. Be a highly masculine man, not an effeminate man who has to qualify for women’s attention.. 

So again, even though a woman can usually maintain a platonic relationship with a man, it is not possible for that friendship to flow in the other direction. A man will not even talk to a woman unless he is sexually attracted to her. It is not possible for a man to have a platonic relationship with a woman unless he is a eunuch. This is not chauvinistic, it is simply human nature. 

III. When you go out in public, you must suddenly take great interest in the ground, the sky and buildings.

This is an extreme principle, but if you think monogamy is unnatural, then you need to work on not looking at women for a time so your rabbit brain can settle itself down. In your current state, if you look at a woman, you will very soon be lusting after that woman. You are in that habit so you need to give your brain time to rewire itself. 

When you walk around in public just look around at non-people objects. You will be hard pressed to find a self-respecting woman who wears more than dental floss and bandaids walking around the public square. Treat every area like a warzone of temptation. Secular women have become sexually emboldened in the past decades, so you have to constantly be on the lookout. As soon as you notice one of these women, take great interest in the architecture of the nearest building. 

IV. Short-circuit patterns of sexual thought. 

You will inevitably have sexual thoughts. What you need to do is short-circuit them by injecting some completely unrelated thought once you notice yourself going down the mental sex-path. This only works if you have enough self-awareness to notice that you are mentally having sex with women. So make sure you are building awareness through the exercises in this book. 

Once you notice what you are thinking about, turn your thoughts to something different. It needs to be something highly stimulating because it is hard to take your mind from thinking about sex to thinking about poetry. Instead, turn your focus to food, drop and do some pushups even if you are in public (the embarrassment alone may help you make a huge leap of progress), listen to fast or aggressive music or start doing some strange viking chant. It does not matter what you do in these moments as long as you are converting your mind to better thoughts. 

V. When you get married, you are done interacting with women for the rest of your life.

Interaction is a breeding ground for sexual relationships. I know that statement sounds extreme, but no sexual encounter happens before relationships have been established by talking. Unless you are assembling with the saints, I would encourage you away from interacting with women. Again, this principle mainly applies to individuals who take the position that monogamy is not natural. 

Application II

If you think monogamy is natural and men have polluted their minds with lust, then let us look at how this can be undone.

Recall that the brain rewires itself through neuroplasticity. So no matter how entrenched in the habit of mentally undressing the women you see, it can be undone. Read the principles above and apply them at least in the beginning stages of rewiring your mind. While you may not take an extreme position on interacting with women, those rules can kick start your new habit of mental discipline.

Always begin your change with awareness. There are many instances where awareness alone is curative. Some men are able to stop mentally undressing women just because they become constantly aware of their own minds. When you have self-awareness, you have self-control. 

Conclusion

Commit to one woman for life and be faithful. You must avoid all instances in which you would be tempted to stray from your woman. Even though you tell your wife that other women are “no factor” and that they do not tempt you, we all know that is a lie. Unless you are effeminate, then eventually they will tempt you, and you will have to strain to be faithful. 

In most cases it is better to stay away from other women completely (as mentioned above). They have nothing to offer you besides destruction. They will not advance your career or grant you power, they will only break down your power base and leave you with nothing (Proverbs 6:26). Therefore, avoid women who are not your wife except in public gatherings such as the assembly. 

Be faithful to one woman. 

Do not stray.

Build your own relationship. 

Conduct yourselves like men. 

Homosexuality – No More Pandering

Unlike the common statements made in the secular and religious world, the Bible has much to say about homosexuality. Never let it be said that “But the Bible doesn’t talk about homosexuality” because it most certainly does.

“You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.”

Leviticus 18:22

“If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.”

Leviticus 20:13

“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

1 Corinthians 6:9-11

“For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.”

Romans 1:26-27

“Just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding cities, which likewise indulged in sexual immorality and pursued unnatural desire, serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal fire.”

Jude 1:7

“Now we know that the law is good, if one uses it lawfully, understanding this, that the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers, the sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine”

1 Timothy 1:8-10

Homosexuality is not new, but stupid people in the religious world treat it as if it were some brand new evil concocted by liberals and hippies.

Let us go back in time and take a look at some of the early recorded instances of homosexuality in the Bible. 

Perhaps the first recorded instance is with Sodom and Gomorrah. There is also the strong possibility that the people of the world during the time of Noah were deeply embedded in homosexuality. The ancient, evil city of Sodom is where we get our word “sodomy”. That city was destroyed by God for its evil. 

Later on in the Bible we find out that cult prostitutes were in the land of Israel, and they were a blight to the Israelites.

Whenever Israel left God, it was because pagan worship included sex. The reason we keep mentioning this fact is because sex itself is the prime reason that Israel forsook God again and again. If you ever hear some perplexed soul asking the popular question, “I don’t know why Israel kept associating with the pagans especially after they had seen God do miracles. What was wrong with those people? Did they ever learn anything?” Sex, friend, it is because if they left God they were rewarded with sex. That fact is one of the few useful bits of information I acquired during my college years. But not only were there female prostitutes, there were also male ones for the effeminate Israelites. 

People choose homosexuality today for more reasons than simple “orientation”. I argue that one of the reasons men practice homosexuality is because it is the only way they can get any attention from the world.

In the modern world a homosexual is deified and praised for “coming out”. They are lavished with attention and commended for their “bravery”. This type of response propels more people to come out as deviants. They may not even have strong homosexual desires, but they are strongly attracted to all the attention they would acquire if they practice homosexuality. Because these people were getting zero attention in their daily lives, they think they will be the center of the universe if they are homosexuals. 

A man can be a complete nobody who is worthless to the world and who feels no sense of belonging to anyone. But the instant he says he is attracted to other men, the world worships and praises him.

Homosexuals have their own support and celebration groups and the new man gets more attention than he has ever received in his life. Being homosexual guarantees attention for men who were otherwise too worthless to gain that attention themselves. This is addictive and is the business model of social media. 

Before we continue to make notes about homosexuality, let us observe a very important point: The religious world makes the mistake of separating homosexuality from other forms of sexual deviance. Homosexuality is not worse than fornication (sex outside of marriage) or adultery (sex where one partner is married to someone else), it is simply less common. All forms of sexual immorality are evil. 

There are whores in the religious world, and this is just as much of a problem as homosexuality. 
There are adulterous men and women in the church, and this is just as much of a disease as homosexuality. 

Look around you the next time you are in the church. You are almost guaranteed to see someone who is dealing with homosexual urges. Do you cast him or her out or do you help them live righteously? There are people who have same-sex urges just as most men deal with temptation from women other than their wives. We should not treat these temptations as different entities. Sexual temptation is sexual temptation – all sexual immorality is wrong and all of it should be destroyed. Adultery, fornication and homosexuality are forms of sexual deviance and are sin. 

Now that we have examined the Biblical position on homosexuality, let us understand why it is not masculine to be homosexual.

To help clarify this, I will extensively quote an author who explains this perfectly. This is Jack Donovan from The Way of Men whom we have referenced before. 

“The Tactical problems presented by the appearance of weakness as a group explain, to an extent, the visceral response many men have to displays of flamboyant effeminacy. The word effeminacy is a bit misleading here, because it really isn’t about women.The dislike of what is commonly called effeminacy is about male status anxiety and practical concerns about tactical vulnerabilities, and it is more accurate to discuss dishonor in terms of deficient masculinity and flamboyant dishonor.”

Donovan continues,

“Flamboyant dishonor is an openly expressed lack of concern for strength, courage and mastery within the context of an honor group composed primarily of other men.” 

“I’ve observed this in the few brief introductions I’ve had to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, in gyms where everyone rolls with everyone. Men find out quickly who is good, and who isn’t…The only way to improve your status within the group is to try harder and get better. Flamboyant Dishonor is a little bit like walking into that room full of men who are trying to get better at jiu-jitsu and insisting that they stop what they are doing and pay attention to your fantastic new tap-dancing routine. The Flamboyantly dishonorable man seeks attention for something the male group doesn’t value, or which isn’t appropriate at a given time. At the primal level, flamboyant dishonor presents tactical problems for the group. By outwardly and theatrically rejecting the core masculine values, particularly strength and courage, the flamboyantly dishonorable male advertises weakness and propensity for submission to outside watchers. Any student of human (and in many cases, primate) body language will be forced to recognize that the postures, gestures and intonations of males generally regarded as effeminate are in fact postures, gestures and intonations that communicate submissiveness.”

Interesting.

The man who rejects the Honor codes of the group can obviously not be trusted to ‘snap to’ in a state of emergency. Dishonor is disloyalty. A man who not only refuses to be as strong, courageous and competent as he can, but who flaunts these codes theatrically for all to see is a weak link. He makes his peers seem more vulnerable for tolerating vulnerability, and more cowardly for tolerating cowardice. He brings shame on the group, and with shame comes danger, because public displays of weakness and cowardice invite attack”

“This tactical reasoning goes a long way towards explaining why men who function successfully within male honor groups make a big show of rejecting and distancing themselves from males who are flamboyantly dishonorable. By expelling effeminate males from the group or by gaming them and pushing them to the fringes of that particular group, the group projects strength and unity. The group demonstrates that ‘we do not tolerate unmanly men here’”

“When men reject effeminate men they are rejecting weakness, casting it out, and cleansing themselves of its corrosive stigma”

I have nothing to add to this assessment of homosexuality presented by Jack Donovan.

Mantra

I am not my urges.

homosexuality

Application

Stop treating homosexuality differently than other forms of sexual immorality. Men will struggle more than women with homosexual desires because of the taboo nature of homosexuality. It is almost popular to be lesbian while it is shameful to be a male homosexual. 

The religious world must cultivate relationships that help others bring themselves to repent and live righteous lives. You cannot force people to repent. We tend to forget this fact. Relationships are the key vessels for evangelism and for inspiring others to come to repentance. If you want to reach someone, you must build a relationship with them. We cannot take God and sell Him door to door like a vacuum cleaner. People do not care what you have to sell them, even if it is salvation, unless they have a relationship with you. 

Many men become homosexual for the attention and relationships.

The church should work to provide the attention and friendships they are looking for without the sinful behavior. But the church can only do this if the members stop treating homosexuality like it is the only sexual sin in the world. If you want to wage war on homosexuality, you must also wage war against extramarital heterosexual sex and lust. All these enemies are allied and you must destroy every single one of them. 

Men cannot continue to pander to sexual sin. Whether homosexual or heterosexual, sexual immorality must be absolutely annihilated from our lives and the church.

We have a bad habit of not addressing sexual sin regularly, and as a result, people think it’s “not that big of a deal”. When people think something is not a big deal, their behavior devolves at a rapid rate. It doesn’t take long before they are snorting lines of cocaine off a hookers chest. Perhaps that is a slight exaggeration (but I do not think it is that much of a stretch considering the state that most youth groups are in).

If you struggle with homosexual urges, get some help froma  trustworthy and supportive source. You might be able to win this battle alone, but you may also need a counselor. See a professional, not one of those nonsense “certified” counselors in the church. Those men spent exactly one weekend doing some online training and printed out their certification on construction paper to make it look fancy. They have no practical experience or training and cannot help you. See a real counselor.

You must be intrinsically motivated to change.

It is not enough to want to change for family and the church, you yourself have to believe that there is a better life available to the man who rejects sexual sin and lives with sexual discipline. 

With a professional you might be able to find out what started you on this path and discover what the root of your struggle is. The same principle applies for heterosexual sin. Understanding why you have a problem is one of the most valuable tools you can have in your war. 

Secondly, see someone in your church or in nearby churches who has dealt with the same temptations. This may be difficult as men are usually not willing to admit they want to have sex with other men, but there will most likely be someone who wants to help you through your struggle. Having a friend or helper in your struggle will be a massive aid to you if you are too weak to win on your own. Just be vigilant and do not let that friendship turn into a homosexual escapade. If you fear that this could happen, avoid getting help and fight the war as a soldier on your own. This is a nasty battle, but you can win. 

Conduct Yourselves Like Men.

The Whole Nine Yards

The Whole Nine Yards is a War term. Some World War II fighter planes would be manned by two men, one pilot and one gunner. The pilot is in charge of the maneuvers of the plane and giving tips for shooting while the gunner’s job is to shoot down enemy planes. While flying in combat, the pilot would look for enemy planes, and if he saw one, he would shout instructions to the gunner. These instructions were about how many rounds to fire at the opposition forces, and he would shout these instructions in terms of various lengths of distance, usually yards.

So instead of shouting “fire fifty rounds at that plane”, he would shout “give em’ two yards”. The gunner would then fire two yards from the belt of ammo. The entire length of one ammunition belt was nine yards. In dire circumstances, life or death situations, the pilot would shout to the gunner, “Give them the whole nine yards”. Fire every round on the belt because our plane could be shot down.

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men”

Colossians 3:23

“Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going”

Ecclesiastes 9:10

“Training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age”

Titus 2:12
How many men in the religious world have that type of mentality about their faith, family or career?

Few, if any. Most men are content to warm a pew for a few hours each week. Most men are fine with thinking about faith once or twice a week, more often than most of them have sex with their wives. Where are the men who are willing to put forth an extreme effort to preserve what is valuable to them? 

There are very few men left who are willing to fire the whole nine yards at anything in life. If men refuse to give extreme effort in their faith, then they will be unwilling to give extreme effort anywhere. The man whose faith is so worthless to him that he would not sacrifice life and limb for it will not sacrifice for anything lesser such as career, property or even family. 

We as men must be willing to fire every single round in the belt in the name of faith, family and life. Only through tremendous effort can anything of value be built, protected and preserved. The Christian faith requires a Spartan-like intensity to defend, and it is a faith that requires the whole nine yards of our character to maintain until death. 

Mantra

Hit the enemy with the whole nine yards.

the whole nine yards. Fighter jet

Application

Start getting comfortable with discomfort. Tell your mind that you enjoy discomfort because it is getting you closer to your goals. Giving the whole nine yards is not glamorous or fun in the same way that military boot camp is not glamorous or fun for those who served. 

Stop chasing dramatized ideals that populate the highlight reels in worldly endeavors.

Highlights are exactly that: mere strands of time that are forgotten. Highlights are almost instantly replaced with new highlights and the old hero is forgotten. Don’t chase the type of glory that doesn’t last.

Condition yourself to give more and more effort over time. With practice, you learn to generate more and more horsepower and your power of will grows ever stronger. This strength originates in the mind. 

You must believe that you have the ability to exhibit Spartan-esque toughness and soundness of mind.

You must practice giving the whole nine yards in the small events in life. If you cannot take small situations or jobs seriously and give them your maximum effort, you will never be able to give the maximum effort when it counts. Maximum effort is a habit. 

Be faithful in little in order to be considered worthy to have the opportunity to be faithful in much (Luke 16:10). Every great work of architecture started with single bricks and planks of wood that were laid one piece at a time. Your character is that great structure, so do the work now that will allow you to have a tremendous character later in life. 

Give the nine yards at all times. 

Do not let the small events pass you by, others will notice if you cut corners or think you are above the small tasks. 

Work like men. 

Conduct yourselves like men.

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