I recently had an incredible question asked by a man who is reading about the Red Pill and manosphere in conjunction with Christianity. He has kindly allowed me to reprint his question – and we will be omitting his name for privacy’s sake.
“I recently discovered your website (Spartan Christianity) about a month ago. I have also been reading a lot of Redpill content online, specifically from Rollo Tomassi.
My question to you is this: how do I integrate my knowledge of Redpill into my dating life whilst also keeping within the bounds of Christian principles? A lot of the Redpill concepts do work. But they involve getting involved in as much extra marital sex as possible. How do I navigate that minefield successfully? To walk the middle line so to speak: to acknowledge what science says but apply it in such a way that I don’t compromise my faith? Is it even possible?”
And after I ask him if there is anything specific he is concerned about with the Red Pill, he provides some more details that are very interesting. Note, he has kindly allowed me to note that his country of Origin is Zimbabwe, a conservative country.
“I don’t mind if you reprint the question on the website. I am sure a lot of people my age have that question. You can omit my name and keep my country of origin.
I have no other specific elements of the Redpill I am thinking about except for the ones I mentioned. That’s the major stumbling block for me personally. My country is still staunchly conservative so concepts like MGTOW and Divorce grape are not really things I concern myself with.
Premarital sex is very much encouraged, especially in my generation. We are the first generation to be exposed fully to Western liberal culture. And we have fallen for it. I find myself in a position where, even if I expressly tell her that we won’t be screwing each other, if I don’t sleep with the girl I am dating, some other dude will sleep with her. And this is all happening in the church, not out in the world.”
If you answer that question, you can connect a massive amount of dots in your life and faith.
In short, I think there is good news even for those of us who have faith, are single, or even if we were married before we discovered the Red Pill. And yes, it is possible to reconcile much of the red pill with Christianity. We as Christians simply have a few more boundaries than the men of the world. Red Pill observations are no less true just because we have faith – it is that the application of those principles is limited based on the moral precepts of the Bible.
We also need to remember that the Red Pill is a set of objective observations. It is not an ideology. It is just a way of thinking. A powerful perspective.
It is a way of seeing the world and intersexual dynamics the way they are, instead of how the feminized world [and feminized church] wants you to believe they are. As such it is not necessarily about reconciling these two, as Christianity is an ideology/practice while Red Pill is just a way of looking at intersexual dynamics.
So if we take that as a postulate, there should be no problem reconciling the two because one [RP] is perspective/observation and the other [Christianity] is practice/action. The perspective of the Red Pill simply informs our Christianity and helps us understand Biblical truths in a more rational manner than we would if we wore the feminized lens of the modern day.
A lot of the practice-based red pill [Generally referred to as ‘Game’, though not exclusively] does involve the goal of optimizing our [male] side of the mating strategy, which is Unlimited Access to Unlimited Sexuality – if we were secular and godless, this is how we would act in the world according to our very nature.
And even Christians have a hard time denying the powerful nature of man’s sexual drives, even though they try. The Christian Male should still seek to optimize his mating strategy, but he must do it within the confines of biblical marriage, which obviously whittles down a man’s behavioral options significantly.
And lastly, be aware that not all of my thinking regarding the Red Pill is fully worked out. Having only been unplugged 6 years or so myself, and being raised in the modern church where Blue Pill dogma is the moral and fundamentally acceptable doctrine, I am still in the process of removing what I call “Blue Pill Fragments” [BPFs] from my psychology – instances where old Blue Pill thinking leaks unto my thought processes. So if you see any BFRs sneaking into my writing [Past or Present], note them in the comments below and I’ll edit. But please note that unfortunately there are many times when the beta path is the moral one for Christian men, and we have to sacrifice the pleasures of the world for the sake of faith. But there are many instances where the Red Pill can be appreciated even through the lens of faith, and will explore that in an introductory manner here.
I think there are some fundamental caveats to the red pill lifestyle for Christians.
Key Principle – For a Christian man in the modern world, getting married is a complete leap of faith. We do not have the moral option to sexually “test out” women. This means we get one shot, and we are permanently fused by the authority of God with whoever we choose. Even if we say we place more value on character, morals, values, etc, that still does not eliminate the male sexual nature, the risk of having significant periods of sexual unsatisfaction[which happens more than you might think for many men- Christianity is not an aphrodisiac], as well as posing the same risk to your finances, career, psychological/emotional wellbeing, independence, etc. that worldly men face when they get married. Those aspects alone are dangerous for men. But these are some of the Red Pill principles I think we can use even as Christians, and these are morally acceptable positions.
1. Frame
You’ve been reading Rollo, so you may have read his line that “frame is everything“. Basically who has the degree of control over the unspoken, subconscious narrative of the relationship?
In the Rational Male, Rollo gives Iron Rule of Tomassi 1 – “Frame is everything. Always be aware of the subconscious balance of whose frame in which you are operating. Always control the frame, but resist giving the impression that you are”.
And also Rollo gives his definition of frame: “Frame is an often subconscious mutually acknowledged personal narrative under which auspices people will be influenced”.
I sometimes visualize Frame as the psychological box/boundaries [non-rigid, can be shifted with effort] that people enter into in order to communicate and act. Someone has to enter someone else’s box during any interpersonal relationship – whether a discussion, an interview, or a male-female relationship – and anyone can learn to shift the frame if they do so subtly and covertly.
In most Christian marriages, the woman holds the frame because she holds sexual access and the man is not sexually disciplined enough to be a leader, tell her no, speak about female-specific sins from the pulpit, or correct her because he knows that any of these things may cause him to lose sexual access for an unknown period of time – and worse yet, the Christian man cannot leave the relationship. If he loses frame, works under her frame, and gets sexually denied as a result, he has to deal with it. Most men just do whatever the wife wants, obeying her, and submitting to her frame because they fear this loss of sexual access. [I write about a lot of this in “6 Reasons Why Christian Men Get No Sex“.
But essentially when it comes to frame, you must be the one holding it. Establish it for yourself before you enter a relationship and refuse to let it go after you enter a relationship. A woman must enter your world, not the other way around. You should never mold or change yourself to fit her wants, unless she is pointing out a legitimate character flaw that others can vouch for as well.
Most women do not truly know what they want, so you need to take their advice with a grain of salt when they want you to “change”. Because change too much and what will she say? “I don’t even know you anymore. You’ve changed” – exactly – you changed into something different than what she was attracted to in the first place, gave into her frame, and molded yourself into the image of what she claimed she wanted instead of staying true to your character.
So resist her attempts to change you [Unless it’s a question of biblical morality], but never verbalize this. You will never get anywhere saying “Sorry woman, you can’t change me! I have the frame! I’m in control and I ain’t shifting just to have access to your vagina”. That’s what we call overt communication. Men love it, but it is not strategic or intelligent to include it in our communication with women. Learn to say the same thing without using any words by using your behavior and you will be unbreakable.
Note that many times, a woman’s attempt to get you to change is just her attempt to rattle or test the frame, and to stress-test your resolve. Do not give into her desire to shift you unless it is a question of morality, or unless she can make an extraordinarily rational argument for why you should change [which few women can – they want you to change because of an emotional feeling they have]. And even if she can make that argument, at the end of the day you need to make it clear that it was you making the decision to change yourself, not that you were doing it at the request of someone else, or to simply appease someone else.
In the relationship or in life, you need to have all the control you can, but without being a “control freak” and without ever stating it openly. Let your behavior send the message, not your words.
Frame is not about being a domineering dictator, it is about being resolute in your character and values and not shifting just because a woman wants or asks you to. And if this is done well, a Christian woman should actually naturally desire to enter your frame and be led. Women are designed by God to be excellent supporters, followers, helpers, etc. They naturally want to enter the frame of a dominant man.
Of course, they always have that pull and desire to take over – Which is why God says in Genesis 3:16 that “Your desire shall be for your husband, but he shall rule over you“. God was saying that Eve would want to run the show, wear the pants, and all that, but the husband would have to command the frame and hold the leadership of the family unit.
Based on Genesis 3, Frame is biblically authorized. So when the woman tries to take the frame [“Your desire shall be for him“], you have to hold the line as a man [“But he shall rule over you”]. Unless it is a question of morality, you should be making the calls, and helping her understand the calls you make.
Of course, this relates to male headship [and the feminized church’s misunderstanding of headship]. Most of the religious world is wrong about spiritual headship, as I’ve written before. Don’t let your local church feminist know, but biblical headship ain’t about egalitarian equalism, it’s about masculine leadership in the home. But a strong frame, covertly communicated, allows you to better maintain the God-Ordained system of male headship in the family and the church – and that is as scriptural and Red Pill as it gets.
So for our gentleman asking the question, he notes that promiscuity is running wild in Zimbabwe where he is. And that essentially if he is not having sex with a woman he is dating, and he lets her know during the dating process of his goal to delay sex until marriage, someone else will come along and have sex with her.
I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t sad, shocking, and difficult to navigate.
He also notes that this is at least partially due to pre-marital sex being encouraged in his country in conjunction with Western liberal influence. I think in his case, the situation is more dire because even in the West, in the USA, there is at least some degree of an attempt to maintain purity in dating relationships within the church. Granted many fail, and the attempt at purity seems more like a marketing scheme than a true descriptor of Christian behavior, and most men sacrifice their Alpha framework [if they ever had it to begin with] and goals for a beta ideology in order to lock a woman down quickly and secure her affections – so they think. But the encouragement of promiscuity makes the Christian walk more difficult than it has to be, no matter where you live in this world.
There is much more information I would want to know about his situation, but it would take far too long to learn everything I wanted to know. But just based on the information provided in the opening paragraphs, I would say that his situation amplifies the importance of being patient during the process, not proposing to a low-value woman, casting a large net, and spinning plates [which we will talk about below and explain why it is moral to do so].
I do not think you have the time to sit around, talking to or dating one girl at a time and just waiting for her to have sex with someone else due to her hypergamy, her free will, and cultural influence.
Though I don’t know the age of the man asking the question, it is also key to note that we as men have more time than women to get married – our sexual market value stays elevated longer. So with that in mind, don’t panic if you have seemingly no marital prospects even at age 30-35, because you still have several years to find a woman to marry. Your sexual value will remain at a respectable high for some time. We “Stay fresher, longer“, so to speak.
The Christian path we have chosen to live comes with sexual disadvantages. We choose to “Suffer with the people of God rather than enjoy the passing pleasure of sin” [Heb 11:25]. As much as married feminized men in the church try to tell you that sex within marriage is “totally worth it bro”, they don’t truly know that [since there is no way to compare the two without trying both, as I’ve written before in “Why Christian Men Have Sex Before Marriage“], and they don’t appreciate the sexual sacrifice men make for their woman.
In a long-term marriage relationship, someone’s sexual strategy will be sacrificed. In Christian marriages, it is certainly the man’s sexual imperative that is sacrificed. In the best-case scenario, men get unlimited access [tons of sex] to limited sexuality [one wife], but in most cases, men get limited access [sex withheld, sexually unavailable] to limited sexuality [one wife].
If you go 9 days without food, molded bread would taste like a gourmet meal. When a Christian man goes 9 days without being sexually fed, of course he is going to think any sex he gets is amazing. As a prisoner in a cell, waits for the door to be open and the food to be tossed in – so it is with many Christian men caged in sexless marriages due to their inability to “Forsee danger and hide themselves” [Pr 22:3] as well as make themselves more valuable in the sexual marketplace.
If you are going to commit to one woman, ensure she has a genuine burning desire for you. She has to want to sexually – but as a Christian man, you have to wait to engage in that sex. Sexual desire cannot be negotiated. It is either there or not. Any marriage book telling you to communicate about how often you want sex misses the point here. And you have to learn how to detect it in a woman without being overt. If you have to plan sex in advance or negotiate sexual frequency before marriage, just know that’s a yellow flag.
Read about how to improve your ability to generate that desire in your wife: 6 Ways Christian Men Can Become More Sexually Arousing
2. Mental point of Origin.
Another common theme in The Red Pill that most Christian men would have a problem with [though they have limited biblical support for their position] is the idea of a mental point of origin. When you hear the idea as I lay it out below, you may think it sounds very similar to selfishness, but it actually is different.
When you place yourself as your mental point of origin, you start any thought process or decision-making process by considering how you yourself would be impacted first before you think about others.
When you pick your college major, you pick it for you, not for a girl. When you pick your career, you pick it for you, not a woman, not your parents, not your grandparents. When you pick up a hobby, you pick it for yourself first, not to make your wife happy that you can crochet a bra.
I know, this sounds extraordinarily selfish on the surface. But it is actually natural, it happens subconsciously and is based on an analogy you have likely heard, “You have to put on your own oxygen mask in the plane before you put one on the kid beside you. Because you are no use to the kid if you are dead“.
This is the mental point of origin. No one questions it in a survival scenario – and they shouldn’t question it in normal life either. It is about making sure that you yourself benefit first before you needlessly sacrifice yourself for others. You cannot help anyone else until you help yourself – physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, or anything.
Now the reason this is not selfish is due to the definition of selfishness. A selfish action is: “Any action that benefits me while harming others around me“. That’s selfish. Doing things for the self despite the negative impact on those around us is selfish and not a Christian way to act.
That is very different from doing things that benefit me but are neutral to those around me, such as working out. Training benefits me primarily, but has no impact on others, and is therefore not selfish because it does not negatively impact someone else – otherwise, if it did, every time we stepped out for exercise, we would be engaging in morally inappropriate selfish activity. And that is actually beside the fact that every time I physically train, I make life better for those around me in an indirect way. I can do more work, I am healthier and can live longer, I can help people physically, and my wife finds it more arousing. So one could argue that exercise is in service of others. In fact, I do argue that service of self is service of others in many instances.
However, making yourself your mental point of origin and making a decision that betters you while simultaneously improving the world of those around you is absolutely not selfish.
If I am an alcoholic [which I am not nor ever have been], and I go to Alcoholics Anonymous or rehab for six weeks, I am absolutely, 100% focusing on myself. I am purely concentrating on taking care of my personal problem with alcoholism. But am I the only one who benefits from that “selfish time in rehab”? Is anyone going to say, “People who go to rehab are super selfish!”? Of course not! Through that rehabilitation process, I become better for my employer and improve his/her world by doing better work without a mind clouded by hangovers. I become better for my wife and kids and make their world better. I become better for the church and am now a model of inspiration for others dealing with the struggle of alcohol. Most importantly, I become better for God, and better for myself.
All those positive results came from taking a period of time to focus on myself, “put on my own oxygen mask“, and improve. The world of everyone around me improves when I better myself. Who would say that is selfish? When I get a raise at work, my whole family benefits from that. And if I have to take an extra few hours a week to get training, to make myself better at my job, then that is not selfish – even though I did the training, and I did the work, I gained the skill, it was those around me who benefitted from it. Who would say that is selfish?
The problem is that men in the church think that service is a zero-sum game. They think that “They must increase while I decrease” when it comes to God, family, marriage, etc. They think that “It ain’t service if it doesn’t cost you anything”. That is not how it works. We can all increase because it is a non-zero-sum game.
The common feminized man in the church believes that if I do something for someone else, it must cost me something, and I must be reduced. When in reality, in many instances, I can serve others by serving myself. It sounds selfish to the feminized, beta, feminine-primary conditioned men, but if you will read through the logic again you will see it is not selfish at all.
You cannot help others spiritually if you don’t know the Bible. It takes time alone, to improve your personal knowledge of scripture to be able to do that. You have to take a lot of time to make yourself better so you can in turn make others better. Working on yourself helps others. Make yourself your mental point of origin.
3. You are the prize
Even in the church, we get this backward. If I as the man am going to spend the majority of my life trading my time, energy, and resources to provide for a woman and maintain her lifestyle, then she is not in the position to be sexually selective. Especially if all the women are right when they whine about the theory that “There are just no marriageable men anymore”. Well if that is so, then you, a high-value Christian man, get to pick from a line of women vying for your attention.
You have the power of selectivity and never get that backward in your thinking. Dump the Disney training you received growing up and take an objective look at what you provide to the world around you as a man – you are the prize. This is not to devalue women at all – women are valuable, moral, excellent beings – it is simply to stop you from worshipping women as you have likely been trained to do in the feminized church.
Just like making yourself your mental point of origin, you can think of yourself as the prize without becoming arrogant. This is not about masculine pride,it is not about thinking that you are better than women, or that they are worth less as human beings than you, it is about simple logistics.
If I as the man am bringing the provisions that allow for life and comfortable living; if I am the one sacrificing life and time to make that happen; if I am the one taking the risk of marriage and putting at least half my net worth on the line; if I am the one whose sexual strategy is getting sacrificed for someone else’s; then I get to pick who I invite into that frame.
A wife is not the prize, and no biblical passage supports that idea. Your God-given mission is your purpose and eternal life is the prize.
Of course, a wife is a “good thing” [Pr 18:22] and she is valuable and can make life better and complement your life, but she is not the focus of your life. No one is trying to degrade women – just take them off the altar of worship that the feminized church has placed them on.
You as the man are the one taking the majority of the risk in marriage, both in terms of financials and in sacrificing your primary sexual strategy. Therefore you need to strategize with that in mind. If you are the one making the sacrifice, you have all the right in the world to be extraordinarily selective about your potential mates.
Now I’m not saying have a rigid list of wants and needs for your wife, you’ll never find everything you want because most women simply aren’t high value, even in religion. They’ve been told they are the prize, have an inflated sense of self-worth, and artificially inflate their sexual market value through social conventions, cosmetics, and Instagram filters and therefore they do not work to improve themselves until they can no longer rely on their beauty. This was the case even in Ben Franklin’s day when he would write a letter to a friend about the benefits of courting older women for several reasons, but partly because they cannot rely on their sex appeal, they have to actually develop character. What a thought!
Just remember that you are the selector. Therefore, be selective, don’t propose marriage to just any woman. Don’t let your penis make a lifelong decision that your rational mind regrets. You have time to find a woman who will not fall into the negatives of your culture, and you should cast a large enough net to find her more efficiently if getting married is your goal.
Don’t let anyone guilt you into getting married early [or at all]. Remember Paul who was unmarried [1 Corinthians 7:8-9]. Is anyone sitting around saying he wasn’t a good Christian or that he should have done more for the church if only he had been married? Didn’t think so.
There’s no such thing as a “Lonely Old Man” there are just old unmarried men with significantly more money than they would have had if they got married. Not a value statement, just an objective reality. There are no “Soul Mates”, just women who are better or worse than each other as potential marriage partners.
There’s no such thing as a “Biological Clock”. That’s just a tool for women to shame you into marriage or having kids, especially as the window for them to conceive healthily closes and their chance to leverage the fragments of their sexual market value shrinks.
Any tactic from religion or women that relies exclusively on shame as its rationale or motivation should be questioned. I’m not against shame or guilt. I’m against shame/guilt as a standalone reason for making the life-altering decision of marriage [or any decision for that matter – always have multiple reasons or motivators for every action you take]. Shame alone convinces me of nothing. Provide logical reasoning along with a small side dish of shame once the logic is laid out, and then we can talk.
4. Avoid Pedestalizing women
God gave us work to do as men. In fact, if you read Genesis 2, you will find that after God made man, the very next thing He made was work for man to do!
Before a man ever had a woman, he had a job to do. This is called “The Order of Creation”. Men are mission built – designed to accomplish goals. And of course, the main mission is the Great Commission of Matthew 28:19-20. Therefore, the Commission is the focus of our life, not women. A good wife can help support that mission and goal, but she can never replace it.
Too many men, even in the church, worship women instead of God. They make their woman everything, cater to her every need, change themselves, and lose everything that makes them unique and that made them attractive to their wives before they got married – and worse than all of that, they fall short in their mission for God. They become obsessed with their mythologized “one” [and of course, there is no such thing – watch out for that ONEitis]. You cannot engage in this type of thinking. We are purpose-built for one task while on this earth.
Remember that it is not wrong to be single, it is wrong to avoid the Great Commission and to avoid work. That’s a good lesson to have sink into your mind.
At the risk of sounding repetitive, women are not to be worshipped. They are not the focus of your life. They are wonderful creatures who complement your life, but they are not your Great Commission. And you should never shift what you are and who you are just to fit her alleged wants in hopes of improving your sexual access to her, unless it is a question of morality.
5. Game in Marriage & Before Marriage
All the tricks and tools that the Pick-Up Artists and Game aficionados use are good stuff – in fact, Game is doubly important in marriage and can be used tactfully before marriage. And these can certainly be used with the Christian perspective.
The big problem in religion today is that if you read most marriage advice books, they only have one-half of the story with regards to sex and intimacy in marriage. Rollo talks about “Alpha seed, Beta need“, and women’s dualistic sexual strategy [Their need to find the best genetics as well as the best long-term provisioning, and to ideally do so in the same man, though this is rarely possible].
Almost every Christian-based marriage book focuses on the “beta need” – essentially, how to be a good provider and take care of your wife emotionally, but none of them talk about how to be arousing to your wife, which is completely different than being attractive to her, and it the key to sexual frequency and satisfaction in marriage – and I think it’s because the authors legitimately do not know how to do this. They have the Blue Pill conditioning that they have been installed with for their entire lives. They do not know any better – it isn’t their fault to an extent.
They will talk for years about how women want closeness, empathy, peacemaking, and need to feel comfortable and “trusting” before having sex, along with a legal contract of other requirements for intimacy, but still not be able to understand why women would be totally down to have sex with Jason Mamoa exactly 7 minutes after meeting him. “She must be a worldly prostitute…yeah…that clears up the cognitive dissonance for me“. You will be surprised at how little “comfiness” the average woman need before they leave all their clothes on a hotel floor for Henry Cavill.
This is confusing for feminized men in the church until they learn the lesson of the dualistic sexual nature of women, and why attractive traits in a man still do not make women want to have hot, passionate sex with their husbands motivated by genuine burning desire. Most Christian men are missing the “Mamoa Factor” – Heaven help us for giving that a name.
Sadly, most religious men resort to the idea that women just aren’t sexual at all, That there is no way for them to experience genuine burning desire, or they vainly try to tie in a wife’s sexual nature to the husband’s level of righteousness, with is laughably absurd. But no, women are sexual. They might not be sexual with you, they might not have sex with your neighbor Bob, but they will get sexual with someone – it is just a question of arousal. And Arousal is something you need to know before marriage.
But Game, and any of the tricks and tips you read on the SoSuave forum, in “The Game” or otherwise are A-okay for your wife. In fact, I would go beyond that and say that they are absolutely vital – as long as they do not clearly violate biblical principles [which I think most do not].
Sticking exclusively to the long-term provisioning stuff you read in “Love and Respect”, “Magnificent Marriage”, “5 Love Languages” etc. is great for being a good father, provider, or husband, but is not enough to generate genuine burning sexual desire in your wife. She is capable of it, hopefully, she is capable of having a passion for you, [and hopefully, you found out whether she does or doesn’t have that desire for you before you got married] but you must be arousing in order for it to happen.
All the Amused Mastery, Cocky-Funny stuff is more exciting to your wife than most Christian women will ever let on. Athleticism with muscular development as well as style matters more than Christian women let on. A fit guy is always more arousing than a fat guy. The sexual market value PSALMs matters. Women will rarely say these things directly because it is not “politically correct” to do so, especially in the church. Most of these women have been trained and conditioned to rattle off a bunch of stuff they don’t even believe about what they find attractive.
The medium is the message – ignore most of what women say and look almost exclusively at what they do. Their actions will tell you everything you ever wanted to know. The same applies to most people, really.
Obviously before marriage, as a Christian, you would want to be careful with too much game because it can lead to getting aroused/making a woman too aroused too early and finding yourself square in a bed with a woman, especially considering what is going on in the culture of Zimbabwe. So use it sparingly, more to test for the potential for a woman to be aroused, not to actually try to have sex with her. I understand this can be dangerous, and that it may lead to lust, which is why you have to be extraordinarily careful with it as a Christian man. If you think it’s generating lust in you or the girl(s) you are dating, then leave it out. Find some other way to assess if she has a sexual desire for you in a moral way.
6. Understanding Hypergamy
Women are always wanting to trade up. She is always on the hunt for a better man. This is hypergamy. She will always wonder if she “did good enough” with the man she married or if she could have done better and found a higher-value man. A question in her mind will always be, “Could I have leveraged my sexual market value or a higher-value man”. She of course asks this subconsciously most of the time, and not in those exact words. It is key for us that max out the PSALMs stats as much as we can to ensure that the answer to this question in her mind is an undoubted “yes”.
Rollo is fond of saying that “Hypergamy is not a straight-jacket”. It is molded and affected by circumstances, beliefs, and convictions. A Christian woman is certainly going to have beliefs and convictions that influence her hypergamy. She will always struggle with hypergamy, and she will never be immune from its effects, but she may try to act in ways that would seem to mitigate hypergamy to an extent. Just as men will always war against their sexual nature and fight to keep it in check according to the laws of God that we as Christians voluntarily choose to place ourselves under.
For instance, some Christian women are taught based on upbringing to place greater value on the male beta traits more try to secure the best “faith-based” provisioning. She may place greater value on spirituality, conviction, mutually aligned religious perspectives or values, child-rearing perspectives, and more. Many girls are taught to “look for” those things in a guy. Understand, just because a Christian woman is “looking for” those traits doesn’t make those characteristics sexually arousing, nor does it make those traits generate genuine burning sexual desire, but it still works to slightly mitigate that hypergamy.
Understand, though, that at the end of the day, her hypergamy is still going to be there. No amount of conviction and Christian values will override her base hypergamous need. Just like no amount of Christianity or conviction will do away with the male sexual energy and attraction for women. And no amount of conviction will make Christian traits arousing, because those traits are mostly about long-term provisioning – the beta plan. That is not the stuff that generates arousal, or genuine burning desire in a woman.
It’s “Quote Rollo Day” apparently – since he also frequently notes: “Biology Trumps Conviction”. And he is right. So do not put yourself in a position where biology and conviction have to go to war with each other.
7 – Spinning Plates
Time is precious for us as men when it comes to sexual selectivity. Not as precious as it is for women, since their sexual market value peaks in their early 20s and subsequently nosedives quickly. But we as men still have to first decide if we are even interested in getting married in the first place, and then after that seek, date, vet and finally marry a woman.
In the application area of the Red Pill community, there is a focus on spinning plates. This is the idea that you view women with an “Abundance Mindset” instead of a “Scarcity Mindset”, talk to many of them at once, and date many of them at once. And you communicate with them early in the interaction that you are non-exclusively dating multiple women. They can then decide to take it or leave it at this point.
Some women do not like that a man they are dating is also talking to/dating/having sex with other women [“Are you talking to other girls?” is their frequent question], but if a man is high-value enough, they will actually be fine with it, because many women are happy to share a high-value man. And the secular plate spinner is of course aiming to have sex with each of the women he is “spinning” – this keeps his sexual access high, and allows him to satisfy his sexual imperative [Unlimited Access to Unlimited Sexuality].
It goes without saying that the sexual component of spinning plates is not the way Christian men engage with women – we all know that. Even the Christian man, however, has the sexual imperative of Limited Access [access to his wife only] to Unlimited Sexuality [unlimited frequency of sex]. That is his ideal world. This doesn’t happen for most men because they do not understand the arousal/desire dynamic – but it is nonetheless the biological imperative of men – even the Christian ones.
Just to state it again so we are abundantly clear: For the non-religious man, spinning plates includes having sex with the women he is “spinning”. That is something Christian men obviously cannot engage in.
However, that does not prevent us from dating non-exclusively for the sake of rapid and efficient vetting of multiple women at once. Dating one woman at a time is slow and inefficient if the goal is marriage. It comes with massive opportunity costs, as does marriage itself. Date/talk to multiple women, and vet them out. If they are not what you are looking for, replace them with new plates. Continue until you find one or more that would be worth committing to on a more exclusive basis. Continue the dating path towards marriage, if that is your goal – which is something you should decide for yourself and only for yourself [remember you are your mental point of origin].
In fact, this was common even in the early-to-mid 1900s. Everyone knew that people could “date around” until one of the partners [usually the man] asked the other to “go steady”, at which point they would commit to seeing each other more seriously and on an exclusive basis. You can see it happening on the Andy Griffith Show for goodness sake – are we still going to call it immoral then?
I mention that lest anyone jump down my throat about how “morally reprehensible” it is to date multiple people at once, even though they have no evidence for this, especially not biblical evidence, and are only angry because they do not have enough value as men to spin plates themselves. They are lucky if they find one woman willing to tolerate them for a few dates or if they accidentally say the right things, for a lifetime.
So spin plates, but do not have sex with them. That RP truth is reconciled with Christianity as nothing immoral is being done. You are “fishing for a wife” and you are simply choosing to use a large net instead of a fishing pole.
Be upfront with women about what you are doing and spinning plates will no longer be a problem of honesty either. Tell them you are on a mission to find a wife [which is not always a great mission, make sure it is the best thing for you] and are talking to multiple people simultaneously in an attempt to be efficient with your time.
It’s key to not let the sexual drive get the best of you. This is where most Christian men fail.
Because of the commandments of God, we cannot have sex before we get married. Therefore, our sexual energy builds and can cloud our thinking. This sexual energy can easily be mistaken for love and can push a man into getting married before he should. Do not mistake your desire to have sex with a woman for the desire and rational decision to marry her.
Most Christian men jump into marriage because it is the only thing they can do to get sexual access. Then when the newness of the sex life wears off, or in post-sex clarity they think, “Wait, I made an expensive, sacrificial, lifelong commitment, ‘forsaking all others’ based on the desire to satisfy a sexual craving?”
Do not get married if sex is your motivation. As good as sex is, it is absolutely not worth marrying the wrong woman just to have access to it. In fact, ask yourself these critical questions, “If I couldn’t have sex with this woman, would I still marry her? Would I even want to spend time with her?” That first question will reduce the field dramatically, and the second will let you know if you are being rational, or making decisions based on lust. Maybe it is a bad question because no one would get married. That is a legitimate concern. But if you wouldn’t be able to tolerate her without having sex with her, will you really be able to tolerate her if she starts trying to withhold or weaponize sex? You take that risk in marriage – consider if it is worth the cost. The sexual drive pushes us towards marriage, just don’t let it trick you into getting married just to satisfy it.
Because remember, as a Christian man, marriage is a lifetime commitment without a moral way to escape unless your wife cheats. For Christian men to get out of a marriage and try to go marry again or without the biblical approved pattern is adultery, the same applies to just going out in the world and having sex with whoever you want [Matt 19]. That’s a sin – and as Christians, we believe it could eternally separate us from God if we remain unrepentant. That makes marriage an extraordinarily daunting, terrifying, and dangerous proposition for men.
And additionally, you must remember that you have much longer to make that commitment than women do. A Christian woman needs to marry quickly if having kids is her goal. She will not be young forever, and she is generally trying to secure a mate in her early to mid-20s, sometimes earlier, sometimes later. But as a man, you have much more time. In fact, you do not hit your sexual market value peak until your mid to late 30s. Take a breath and work with patience, because you have more time than the average woman does.
8 – Competition Anxiety and Dread
Speaking of hypergamy and other cool principles that men in the feminized church hate, let’s talk about anxiety and dread, and its relationship to sexual access in marriage.
Competition Anxiety – this is the underlying sense of nervousness that women feel when they contemplate, deal with, or try to navigate the sexual marketplace. Essentially, when multiple women compete for the same high-value man, they become anxious. They start to think, “Am I good enough/hot enough to get this guy’s attention?” Or when other women start making advances [overt or covert] on a man they are already in a relationship with, this anxiety is stirred up as well.
In both instances, competition anxiety is your friend – because it is tightly related to a woman’s arousal – not her attraction, but her sexual arousal.
“There is nothing more frightening yet simultaneously arousing for a woman than a man who is aware of his value to other women”
“Women want a man that other men want to be and other women want to bang” ~ Rollo.
Seeing as how this anxiety is actually arousing, it is in your interest to stimulate it when you can. Again, this is not immoral, though it may look that way, and is notably a dangerous thing to try if you buy into the slippery slope idea.
But women need to know that you are a man worth competing for [you are the prize, as mentioned before] and that you know you are a man worth dealing with the other competition from other women in order to have. And if you are married this becomes doubly important.
Competition anxiety is stimulated best when you have social proof of your value. If you are married and other women make advances towards you or flirt with you, you have to reject them kindly, but also make sure your wife realizes what just happened – ideally, she will have witnessed it.
Again, this must be covert. And in the end, you let her know, “You know I can’t help that women love me, but I’m with you”. Satisfy her ego by making her think she locked you down, stroke the ego by making her feel like she locked down a high-value man that other women want, and reassure her of your commitment while simultaneously making her realize that she is going to have to compete with other women if she wants to keep you loyal – she can’t just rest on her laurels, get fat, act disrespectfully and like a child and expect to retain such a man of value. That is communicated through your behavior, not your words.
Dread is closely related to competition anxiety, and it is essentially the fear of loss of security. Women have dread stimulated in them when their man is high value and the potential for him “trading up” or leaving for greener sexual pastures is very real. And dread, along with competition anxiety, is arousing for women and is built on the foundation of a man’s value. There is no competition anxiety or dread of losing a man who has no value – so make yourself valuable.
Most Christian women never experience the arousal of dread or competition anxiety. They are lulled into security knowing that they are the only source of sexual access for their husbands, and in most cases, he legitimately has no other options even if he wanted options or actively tried to get them.
That is what makes maxing out your PSALMs, holding the frame, and being sexually disciplined even within marriage so important. She needs to know she cannot let herself go, embody the principles of third-wave feminism, kick the goad of traditional masculine headship and incur no consequences as a result.
She also needs to know that if she is going to refuse to have sex with you, outright or covertly, it doesn’t phase you. You aren’t even moved. For all of history women’s power has been their sexuality – demonstrate through sexual disciple that you are a man who is not moved by that feminine power. And if she sees other women taking notice of you, her dread and competition anxiety will not allow her to act that way in the first place.
Every man should be in a position where he still has options when it comes to women. At the exact same time, a Christian man must discipline himself and commit to one woman. The options are never to be acted on for a Christian man, but his wife should be aware of them at least in a small way. That sense that there is the potential that she could lose her security to another woman is what makes sure she takes care of herself, submits to your frame, and maintains the genuine burning desire she had during her early years.
It sounds immoral on the surface, but it isn’t. What is more honorable than a Christian man who has sexual options yet voluntarily rejects them all in order to be faithful to his wife? That is true nobility. It is the type of nobility that most Christian men will never have because they will never have options because they have bought hook, line, and sinker the feminized church’s idea of what women want.
Closing
That should be a little bit to get everyone started thinking about the Red Pill and how well it can be reconciled with Christianity.
If any of this does not make sense, needs to be expanded on, or if there are key points I should include in another section, please comment below or contact me through this page or on social media. I think there are many more things that could be discussed here. This is just a start.
