Lust is a desire that is dwelt on. It goes beyond normal thinking, and beyond normal desires. Because we dwell on it, it grows exponentially more powerful until it overpowers us. That is the very nature of lustful thinking.
Desire itself is okay – but roots of desire that lead to evil are to be stamped out with ferocity. That’s one of the lessons we learn in James Chapter 1. Sin is a result of a desire that has been resting in the mind for so long that it’s taken root and grown. It is literally conceived like a child, and it’s growing into sin. And that sin, in the end, brings about death of a spiritual nature.
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.
Matt 5:27-30
We have physical desires for a reason.
They push us to take action. The problem, however, comes when we spend too much time desiring something that is outside of God’s moral law. As much as men in the religious world tried to deny it, God has a set of regulations for behavior for his people. One of these is about avoiding adultery and lustful thinking.
Lust is adultery lacking only in opportunity, as Matthew Henry would say in his commentary. This is where most men live – no opportunity, but also no control over their own minds. Many men think that they are faithful to their wives, that they are loyal, but they are not. They simply have no choice but to be faithful and loyal because they have no opportunity or options to be unfaithful. I recently heard it said this way in a short video clip online, “drop your man outside the Playboy mansion and see how loyal he is then”. [Of course, you have to add that these women would somehow magically be attracted to the average churchgoer male, who is in most cases, unarousing by default – but that is beside the point. ]
Because for most Christian men, it’s not about loyalty, it’s about opportunity. And most men simply aren’t attractive enough to give themselves sexual access to options that they then have to resist. Meaning, there are no women who want to have sex with him. So they are not faithful, they are involuntarily loyal. They are “incels” but in married form.
Going back to lust – Lust is a desire that is dwelt on and approved by the mind, or at the least not resisted. This is different from having a desire and warring against it.
Christians live a life of self-denial. This means there must be some desire to deny, implying there is desire. Desire itself is never the problem. It is what we do with the desire that is the problem. Or if we feed the desire until it is a raging inferno, that is also a net negative. Even if you can make the argument and rationalization in your own mind that a raging desire is not a sin, you can at least see how it would be a disadvantage to have to war against that kind of desire. So your goal should be to avoid building it up to that level in the first place. And you do that by directing your thoughts toward other matters.
When it comes to the biblical model, we have one morally approved source of sexual access if we are married [which itself is an incredible sacrifice]. If we are unmarried we have no source of approved sexual access. That makes early unmarried life very difficult for men. Because most men have a massive amount of sexual energy that they then have to do something with. And I’ll tell you right now, you need to reorient that energy somewhere else. If you simply try to repress it, it will force an outlet. And with upwards of 70% of Christian men admitting to viewing pornography, I would say it’s forcing an outlet.
This war of sexual discipline requires us to plan strategically in advance. You are going to have a desire for other women who are not your wife, whether you are married or not – it’s all about what you do with it.
And I suggest you take that energy somewhere else. Literally, get up and go somewhere else when you start generating that powerful sexual energy. You do not want to be spending excessive time, or anytime at all, around women you find sexually attractive. That puts you in a losing position at all times.
Most men understand this logically. Even some high-level executives or men of success will talk about their principle of not having a meal, or being alone with any woman who’s not their wife. They usually take a lot of heat for this and get made fun of, but these men understand the male sexual nature. They understand that the sexual nature is a war with the rational mind. And that one should never voluntarily place himself in a position where he’s going to have to engage in that war because it’s difficult, and Sexual Energy can very easily overpower the rational mind if it is stirred to an excessive degree.
Remember, Desire itself is not a sin. If it is, what then is temptation? Isn’t Temptation just a form of desire? Of being pulled towards something that God has placed the divine stamp of disapproval on? Temptation cannot be sin because then Christ would have committed sin since he himself was tempted in all points as we are yet without sin [Heb 4:15].
The biblical distinction is very clear, Temptation and sin are separate. Temptation is the thing we war against. And we have temptations because we have desires, and there’s no getting around this. It’s just a question of what we do with the desire, and how we tamp it down.
We can be tempted and pulled by desire, but we must avoid letting it marinate in our minds. What sits in the mind inevitably expresses itself in action. If you are constantly meditating and focusing your mind on having sex with other women, you will be in a position of weakness. You will have programmed your mind through hours upon hours of visualization to believe that sexual activity with a multiplicity of women you are not married to is morally okay.
I am certainly not going to try to tell you not to have sexual energy, or not have sexual thoughts. I’m telling you to reorient those thoughts and direct them somewhere else. While you’re unmarried, and even while you’re married, You should find an outlet for those sexual energies. That is your masculine Divine energy, do not waste it on women or in fantasy. Because you can use that energy to make yourself a success in the physical world.
And of course, I argue that you should first do this for yourself, making yourself your own mental point of origin, because when you improve yourself everyone around you benefits. When you focus on yourself, and make yourself better, and make decisions that would be for the betterment of you, it’s not selfish unless it damages those around you. In fact, it’s the opposite of selfishness because it improves the lot of all those around you. The best thing you can do for those around you is to make yourself your mental point of origin and focus on yourself.
Again, this only becomes selfish if it damages those around you.
But you have to understand that this almost always improves the situation of those around you far more than you would ever be able to improve their situation by concentrating directly on trying to improve their situation.
The biblical model for handling lust is very severe. Christ moves from teaching on lust to teaching about hell. Why? Because Lust is one of the sins and desires that requires a reminder of severe punishment. We cannot always motivate ourselves with happy fluff. We will not motivate ourselves to do well with exclusively positive fuel. In fact, we need some fear and anger.
Christ does not teach “great is the reward for those with a pure mind” or “heaven will be more fulfilling than these desire of the flesh could ever provide”. He avoids this because it wouldn’t be enough to compete with the lust of the flesh. Heaven in fifty years or sex right now? Sexual energy and the urge of the moment are likely to win.
The complete counsel of God demands teaching on Hell.
It is motivating. We need to appreciate the fact that it is highly motivating and use it. When your rational mind is unable to overpower your sexual nature when you are tempted by sexual sin, you must conjure up the fear of Hell and the hatred of sin. These are some of the Practical tools for overcoming lust.
- Become angry at your sin. Develop a hatred. Pray to the God of War[ Ex15:3] for strength and hatred.
- Never be alone with a woman who’s not your wife. Your Sexual Energy will be at war with your rational mind. And that’s not a battle you want to engage in. The enemy is very strong, avoiding whenever you can.
- Motivate yourself with reminders of punishment. When you’re being sexually tempted, the idea of Heaven’s not going to motivate you. Because the immediate pleasure of today is infinitely more tempting than the potential of unknown pleasure tomorrow.
- Get clear in your mind about the practical consequences of adultery. You are risking your wealth, family, and future to have sex with a woman you are not married to. If you are unmarried, the risks are lower, but they are still present in the form of disease and pregnancy. But besides those two things, [which are the primary motivators most fear-mongering Christians use to talk about abstinence], you must be more concerned with the consequences from God.
