I – By attempting to make sex everything, the secular world has made sex nothing.
People wait their whole lives for a mystical experience of sex, further emboldened by the world to think that it must be something so incredible as it is mentioned, constantly. It is the topic of movies, songs, and magazine articles to name a few. Sex is one of the things that humans focus on the most. It has more hype than any other topic.
Why is it then that so many people are disappointed by the sexual act? One of the most common complaints of men today, even men who do not wait for marriage, is that there is just nothing special about sex. If men who save themselves for marriage and commit to one woman are thinking this, can you imagine what the secular men must be thinking? Sex just isn’t what it was made out to be in the minds of these men.
This is compounded by the brutal effects of pornography on nearly 100% of men in the world. It is essentially impossible not to be exposed to some form of pornography. Whether it’s a billboard, a magazine cover or an internet site does not matter. There is more pornography made and in existence today than could ever have been imagined just a few years ago. And when men are exposed to anything from softcore to hardcore porn, it changes their brain.
It’s further compounded by how lonely and isolated men become after being exposed. Porn is truly a devastating tool of the enemy.
But all of that is to say that men who are used to masturbating to porn or even just masturbating without external images are likely going to find sex less satisfying than if they work to abstain (which itself is a whole other topic).
These external images are the first way the adversary damages the sexual relationship between a man and his wife. Understand that it is not by magic that sex is becoming less satisfying for men over time. This is a tool of the enemy. If he can get you alone or make you question your principles, he will do it. This is just one of the many methods of attack he has at his disposal.
II – Sex alone is not worth the hype.
There is more to marriage than sex, so if sex is the only good thing you were looking forward to in marriage, it won’t be good enough to outweigh the negative parts of marriage. Especially if you choose poorly in your partner.
Sex is a great thing. However, it is not the only thing that marriage consists of. Before I was married I never thought I would say something like that because it was so annoying to hear from other married men. But it is true. In fact, there is so much more to living with another person than simply having sex with them that you need to consider carefully who you will marry.
I can assure you that one hour in the bedroom will not outweigh all their character flaws. It will not cancel out the parts of their personality that annoy you. If you were hoping for sex to magically make those things disappear into nothingness, you are looking in the wrong place.
In fact, you have the ability to choose so poorly in a wife that it takes away all your desire for sex and for the marriage in general.
You can see this happen to the men around you. Observe the ones who are miserable in their marriages and you will see decreased sexual frequency and satisfaction in their lives.
And the enemy wants this, of course. The less you have sex with your own wife the more sexual pressure builds just by the production of more and more sperm. And the more this pressure builds in you, the more likely you are to just give in and spill your seed with any woman you meet.
Most men are fortunate to be low-value enough that they will never have women actually offer themselves up to them.
But that does not mean pornography or masturbation isn’t an option for them. The enemy wants at all costs to keep you away from your wife sexually. He loves the sexually dissatisfied man or woman in marriage. They are in the perfect position of weakness to be blindsided by a flanking maneuver and crushed in a sexual affair.
All of that to say you need to choose a life partner carefully. If you cannot tolerate them before you are having sex with them, sex will not make them any better for you. You need to decide if you can handle this person day in and day out, and not just in the bedroom.
III – Sex will never be as pleasurable as the craving for sex is painful.
This is one of the more painful truths of life. And every man understands this after a masturbation session. The urge was so incredibly powerful that you thought there was nothing you could do to control it. Then after the orgasm, you wonder “What in the world did I just do? I didn’t need that“.
The urge and craving for sex are very painful. Here is s strange truth: We do not want to have sex because we want to have sex. Rather, we want to have sex because we want to rid ourselves of the painful feeling of craving. This does not only apply to sex. Many things in life are the same way.
Many of us eat to rid ourselves of a painful craving or the painful sensation of hunger. Or we drink to get rid of the pain of being thirsty. So many of our actions in life are rooted in our desire to move away from pain, rather than to move towards pleasure. Pleasure is not that motivating to everyone. But avoiding pain is very motivating.
Whether you are motivated more by a desire for pleasure or by a desire to avoid pain is something you have to discover about yourself.
It only takes a few moments of introspection. But you can clearly learn who you are and what motivates you by figuring this out.
You will be more motivated by your desire to satisfy the craving for sex than you will be for sex itself. If we as men did not have sexual urges and cravings, we might not even have sex. The few seconds of orgasm are not worth the hour of buildup to get there, many men are reporting. If we were only motivated by a desire for pleasure, there would be better pleasures in life to choose from.
IV – Sex is important. It is why Isreal left God time and time again in Judges.
And men will obviously throw away their entire career by one decision made due to the sexual urge. The urge is powerful, the act is significantly less powerful, and the hype is overrated. By understanding this you can set yourself up in a position of power. Understand that the urge is temporary. Understand that you will be more motivated to avoid pain than to seek pleasure. And remember that sex will never be what you want it to be, so do not waste time making decisions based on sex.
