You Don’t Have to Miss Being with the Church



The Separation of Emotion and Obedience



There’s a pervasive assumption within Christian circles that in order to faithfully serve God and fulfill His commands, you must feel a longing for fellowship, for worship, or for obedience.

Many of us grow up being taught and thinking that a lack of emotional drive signals a deficiency in our faith, and that God expects not only our actions but also our emotions to align perfectly with what we are doing.



However, the Bible does not support this notion.

While emotions can be a helpful companion to our actions, they are not a prerequisite for faithfulness.

The Bible commands the right attitudes and right actions — not the right emotions.

God commands us to be obedient, regardless of how we feel at the moment.



What matters most is what you do, not how you feel about doing it.

You don’t have to long to be with your brethren, nor do you have to emotionally connect with every aspect of Christian living in order to do what’s right.



Attitude vs. Emotion: What the Bible Actually Commands

First, we must understand the distinction between attitude and emotion. They are not the same thing.

Emotions are usually involuntary and spontaneous reactions to our circumstances [though you can learn to control them to an extent], attitudes are deliberate mindsets and decisions we make about how we think and act.



God commands attitudes, but nowhere in Scripture are we commanded to feel specific emotions.

If you think you find a command in scripture to feel a certain way, look closer and make sure it’s not about cultivating an appropriate mindset – more often than not this will be the case.




For example:

• Philippians 2:5 (NKJV): “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.”

• The command is clear: Let this mind — a specific way of thinking and attitude.

This passage doesn’t command us to feel something, but to manually develop a specific mindset modeled after Christ.

• John 14:15 (NKJV): “If you love Me, keep My commandments.”

• This isn’t about feeling an emotional surge of love. It’s about obedience.



Loving Christ means acting in accordance with His will, not necessarily feeling a particular way.



You prove that you love Christ by doing what He says, not by feeling a specific way.

• 1 Peter 1:13 (NKJV): “Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

• The command here is to prepare your mind — an actionable decision to focus on godly thinking, not an emotional feeling.



These verses reveal an underlying them of the Bible – that God is much more concerned with what we do and how we think than what we feel.

Attitude and obedience matter; emotions, while they may be present, are secondary and not commanded.



Obedience Is Not Dependent on Feeling

The clearest biblical example of the separation between obedience and emotion is Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.

In Matthew 26:39 (NKJV), Jesus prays, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”

Here, Jesus feels horrible negative emotions – dread, anxiety, fear, anguish – emotions that are entirely human, but He chooses to obey regardless of those emotions.



His feelings did not determine His course of action.

This is a key point. Emotions do not negate the responsibility to obey.

God never requires us to feel like obeying; He simply requires that we do it.

Similarly, you don’t need to feel an emotional longing to be with your brethren or to serve in worship.

The absence of such feelings doesn’t disqualify your faithfulness.

The Bible is concerned with doing the right things with the right mindset.



Longing for the Church: A Command or a Choice?

Many cite examples from Paul, who often expressed a longing for his fellow Christians.

Take, for instance, Philippians 1:8 (NKJV): “For God is my witness, how greatly I long for you all with the affection of Jesus Christ.”



However, Paul’s expression of emotion here is descriptive, not prescriptive.

He isn’t commanding all Christians to feel the same longing he does.

His emotional attachment to the brethren reflects his personal experience, but nowhere does the New Testament demand that we feel the same.

We are commanded to love one another, but biblical love is action—it’s serving, supporting, and obeying God’s commands to benefit others.



The Command to Love Is a Command to Act

In John 13:34 (NKJV), Jesus says, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”

Here, love is commanded, but love in biblical terms is not defined by emotional attachment.

Biblical love is seen in action—in serving, in humility, in sacrifice.

This idea is supported by 1 John 3:18 (NKJV): “My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.”

Love, in this context, is about what you do, not what you feel.

If you obey God’s command to love by serving your brethren, you are fulfilling His command, whether or not you feel a surge of emotional longing to be with them.



Potential Counterpoints and Rebuttals

1. Joy and Rejoicing Are Commanded

Some might point to verses like Philippians 4:4 (NKJV): “Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!” and claim that this commands an emotion—joy.

However, the command to rejoice can be understood as an attitude of deliberate focus on spiritual blessings, not an emotion that arises spontaneously.

This is further clarified in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NKJV): “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

The focus here is on adopting a grateful mindset and keeping a focus on God, regardless of circumstances.

Rejoicing and being joyful are descriptors of mindset, not emotion.



2. Godly Sorrow for Sin

Others may point to 2 Corinthians 7:10 (NKJV): “For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.”

This highlights that sorrow can have a place in repentance.

However, godly sorrow isn’t necessarily an overwhelming emotional experience.

It’s an awareness of sin, a change of mind, and a decision to turn away from sin.

While emotion can be involved, the act of repentance is about changing behavior, not being overtaken by feelings.

Though in practice, I find it much easier to experience godly sorrow than to experience positive emotions.

If you concentrate your mind on what sin cost the Godhead, what it cost Christ on the cross, it often leads to negative sensations that generate repentance.

The key, again, in this passage is about the repentance.

We can hav godly sorrow all day long, but if we aren’t repenting – chancing our actions – it means nothing.



Attitude and Action Are Enough

In the end, you don’t have to feel an emotional longing to be with your brethren to obey God’s command to gather together. That’s just Pharisaical teaching in the modern world.

The Bible emphasizes obedience and right attitude—those are within our immediate control.

We as Christians are expected to act with the right mindset, to serve with intention, and to do what God commands, regardless of how we feel.

Emotions may follow, but they are not a requirement for faithfulness.

You don’t need to feel a surge of desire to attend worship or serve.

What matters is doing it with the proper attitude of reverence and submission to God.

God is more concerned with what you do and how you think than how you feel.

Conclusion

The idea that emotions are essential to obedience is simply not biblical.

God commands right action and right attitude, not emotional experiences.

You don’t have to feel an emotional longing to serve God, be with your brethren, or worship.

What matters is that you do these things, with the right mindset, regardless of how you feel.

Conduct yourselves like men.

Obey God’s commands, focus your mind on what is right, and let your actions speak louder than any fleeting emotion.

The Long-Term Effects of Sin



Sin is not merely a theological concept; it has tangible, long-lasting consequences that ripple through our lives and the lives of those around us.

Adultery is one of the most prominent examples.

But there are plenty of sins that cause devastating outcomes in people’s lives, both personally and communally.

When God commands us to stay away from sin, it’s not so He can burden us with arbitrary law.

His law is for our own protection – protecting us from the long-term consequences of sin.




The Ripple Effect of Sin

Sin doesn’t stop once the sin is committed.

Sin is an action that has a ripple effect.

It spreads and it grows.




Consider the sin of dishonesty.

A man who lies to protect his reputation may weave for himself a web of deceit.

Initially, he may feel a fleeting sense of relief that he protected his reputation, but over time, the burden of maintaining that lie becomes unbearable.

Relationships suffer; trust erodes.

Once he is discovered, friends and family begin to see him as untrustworthy, leading to isolation and loneliness.

The long-term consequence?

A life devoid of meaningful connections and a reputation destroyed.

What started as a small sin had long-lasting, painful consequences.





Another example is drug abuse.

What begins as a casual indulgence often spirals into addiction, affecting not only the individual but also their loved ones.

Families are torn apart, careers are jeopardized, and health deteriorates.

The initial thrill of escape gives way to despair and chaos, leaving behind a wake of destruction that can take years to mend if it doesn’t end with the drug user in the graveyard.



Real-Life Consequences of Sin

Take the generic story of the successful businessman who succumbs to greed.

He began cutting corners, prioritizing profit over ethics.

Initially, his company flourished, and he enjoyed massive profits.

However, when the truth emerged—his fraudulent practices were exposed—he losses everything: his business, his reputation, and ultimately his family.

The long-term effects of his choices were catastrophic, illustrating how sin can lead to ruin.




Visualizing Consequences: A Tool for Spiritual Growth

Understanding the practical consequences of sin is crucial for spiritual development.

One effective exercise is to visualize the potential outcomes of your actions before you engage in them. This requires foresight—a skill that can be honed with practice.




Exercise: 

  1. Before making a decision that could lead to sin—whether it’s indulging in gossip or succumbing to temptation—take a moment to pause.
  2. Close your eyes and envision the aftermath.
  3. Picture how you would feel after committing the act: the guilt, the shame, the potential fallout on your relationships and your spiritual health.




Ask yourself:

Will this decision bring me closer to God or further away?
What will my life look like in six months if I choose this path?

This mental exercise not only cultivates self-awareness but also reinforces your commitment to living a life aligned with your values.



Social Pressures And Staying True to Your Values

Moral ambiguity reigns supreme in the modern world, which makes maintaining personal convictions an uphill battle.

Society worships behaviors that contradict biblical teachings, leading many to feel pressured to conform.

Consider the young professional who finds herself in an environment where gossip is rampant.

She knows it’s wrong but fears being cast out of the group if she doesn’t participate.

This pressure can lead her down a path she never intended to take—compromising her integrity for acceptance.

Many Christians make this very error.

To navigate these challenges successfully, it’s essential to establish a strong foundation rooted in your values.

Surround yourself with like-minded individuals who encourage you to uphold your beliefs rather than compromise them for social acceptance.




Practical Steps:

  1. Identify Your Values: Take time to reflect on what truly matters to you spiritually and morally.
  2. Seek Support: Build relationships with individuals who share your convictions; they will provide encouragement when faced with temptation.
  3. Practice Assertiveness: When confronted with social pressures, learn to assertively express your stance without fear or apology.



Conclusion: The Weight of Choices

The long-term effects of sin extend far beyond immediate gratification; they shape our lives in profound ways that can lead us toward destruction or growth.

We have to understand these consequences, visualizing potential outcomes, and navigating social pressures with conviction, we empower ourselves to make choices that align with our faith.

Understand: every decision carries weight—choose wisely. In doing so, we not safeguard our spiritual well-being and also contribute positively to our communities and relationships.

Be wary of the long-term consequences of sin.

Reassessing Church Activities: Balancing Community and Spiritual Growth




The abundance of social activities within churches often overshadows their primary mission: spiritual growth and the dissemination of God’s word.

This is a modern problem.

While community is undeniably important, we must critically examine how these gatherings impact our faith journeys and relationships within the church.



The Shift from Spiritual Engagement to Entertainment

Many congregations today find themselves caught in a cycle of social events that prioritize entertainment over spiritual engagement.

Activities like mixers, game nights, and themed festivals hypothetically create a sense of community, but they often divert attention from the core purpose of worship: preaching the gospel and nurturing individual faith.

Consider this: when was the last time a church event centered around deep, meaningful study of Scripture?

Too often, these gatherings offer little more than a façade of spiritual growth, leaving participants feeling entertained yet spiritually underdeveloped.



The Pressure to Participate

Blended in this landscape of social activities is an insidious pressure to mindlessly participate participate.

Within many religious communities, individuals may feel unrighteously judged for opting out of events.

Skipping a summer barbecue or a fall festival can lead to whispers of disapproval, as if one’s commitment to faith is measured by attendance at these gatherings.




This creates an environment where participation becomes more about social obligation than genuine spiritual engagement.


Such pressures lead to a sense of inadequacy among those who prioritize personal reflection, family Bible study or traditional assembly over social events.

The reality is that true spiritual growth often occurs in quieter moments—when individuals take time to reflect on their relationship with God away from the distractions of pseudo-spiritual social obligations.




Quality Over Quantity

To create a healthy church environment, we must reassess our approach to community activities.

It’s vital to strike a balance between social relationships and ensuring that spiritual growth remains at the forefront.

Here are some practical steps:

  1. Prioritize Spiritual Growth: Schedule regular gatherings focused on Bible study and prayer rather than purely social events. This can help reinforce the core mission of the church while still allowing for community building.

  2. Encourage Reflection: Create spaces of time for members to engage in personal reflection and prayer before or after events. This could involve setting aside time for quiet contemplation or group prayer.

  3. Reduce Frequency of Social Gatherings: Consider cutting back on the number of social events held throughout the year. This reduction can alleviate pressure [time, financial, pseudo-spiritual etc.] on members while allowing them to appreciate communal time more fully when it does occur.

Individual Journeys

Each person is unique in the way they refocus their minds on “things above” [Col 3:2].

While some thrive in communal settings, others may find deeper connections with God through solitude and reflection.

We also combat the unrighteous judgmental attitudes that can arise within religious circles.

We must stop viewing attendance at social events as a measure of faithfulness.




The Biggest Sexual Mistake Christian Men Make



One of the biggest mistakes Christian men make when they get married is training their wives to keep them dependent on sex.



They teach their wives to think that they will do anything for sex. Husbands demonstrate this with their own actions.

They will beg for sex.
They will plead for sex.
They will change decisions or make decisions for sex.
If their wife says “jump for sex”they say “how high”.

This habit starts before marriage, as most Christian men get married so they can experience sex. Everything else is secondary.

If sex wasn’t their primary motivator and they would rationally weigh the pros and cons of marriage, they might never get married in the first place.


Bad Habits

This habit of sex-dependence starts early in marriage. Men are so excited to finally have access to sex that they couldn’t have access to for so many years that they don’t want to lose it.

They don’t want to miss out on it. They will do anything to keep the supply of sex intact

This mindset makes them vulnerable.



A Little History

You see, throughout history, women’s truest power and agency over men has been their sexuality.

Women learn this from an early age – as soon as they are old enough to understand sex.

They start to realize that most men will do just about anything to get into their pants.

Then, on a conscious or unconscious level, they learn to manipulate that fact to get what they want.



They learn to withhold sex to try to force their husbands’ hand into taking actions he otherwise wouldn’t have taken.

This is immoral behavior, but it happens.

The biggest sexual mistake Christian men make is allowing this to happen.

The manipulation of sex is a mindset for women. It develops over time.

And when men cater to their wives every little want and craving, make decisions big and small, and violate their principles in order to have access to sex, they reinforce this idea that women have power over them.



Most husbands teach their wives to manipulate sex.

Husbands teach their wives with their own actions – and when they constantly give into manipulative pressure from their wife just to have sex, the wife learns she simply has to apply sexual pressure and she can get her way.

If she learns this early in the marriage, it is difficult to undo.



Training Your Wife

If you let your wife understand through your actions that you aren’t a slave to her sexuality, and won’t do whatever she says because she gatekeeps sex, and especially if you do this early in the marriage, you won’t find youself in position where your wife manipulates sex to get what she wants.



She won’t be able to manipulate sex because you aren’t a slave to her sexuality.

This is something that single, unmarried men should pay careful attention to. Because they are in a position where they can make all the right decisions and prevent this from ever occurring.

If you are unmarried or about to get married, you are in the best possible position to prevent your wife from manipulating Sex.



How It Works

It’s simple to apply this lesson practically.



If your wife withholds sex from you because you will or won’t do something she wants, instead of giving into her, just go about your business as if nothing was happening.

Make it seem like it doesn’t matter to you at all if you have sex or not.

And most importantly – make the decision you know to be right. Do not give into sexual pressure.

If you do what you know is rational, intelligent, and morally correct, and are not swayed by your wife’s sexuality, you will be in a position of power.



Don’t worry, you’ll have sex again.

But you won’t be a slave to it.

You just have to be disciplined early in marriage, for a short time for this to have lasting benefits on your life.

It won’t take many instances of you showing your wife you are unaffected by her manipulation before it clicks in her mind and she realizes you can’t be manipulated.




At that point you’ve taken away her manipulative power, the power that women have used throughout the ages. She will realize those tactics are worthless against a man of sexual discipline like you.


In the end she will respect you more, and you will have more access to sex within marriage than ever before all because you practiced discipline.

This also requires your wife to improve her character as well.

If she’s withholding sex in the first place, or manipulating it in any way, that isn’t moral behavior.
Those aren’t the actions of a woman of character.

So by training her to understand that you aren’t dependent on her for sex, she will not only improve her character by stopping the manipulation, but it will force her to learn to articulate her positions more rationally and logically – to approach you as a thinker, rather than as a caveman who is a slave to his penis.

If she wants you to do something or not do something, now instead of manipulating sex, she actually has to have a rational, intelligent conversation with you about what to do.

Now that’s something we can accept.

Men should always be willing to change their mind based on logic and evidence. And a woman who doesn’t manipulate sex actually has a more rational mind. She has to, because sex is no longer her power – she must develop her mind.

Even Benjamin Franklin knew this stuff.

Ever seen a woman whose only power is her sexuality?

Think Instagram models and porn stars.

These aren’t the great thinkers of our age.

When a woman’s only tool is her sexuality, she is almost always foolish and intellectually underdeveloped.



Conclusion

Don’t teach your wife that you will do anything for sex.

Don’t teach her that you will change your mind and opinions just to have sex with her.

If you do, you will be in the same boat as so many other Christian men around you. and it’s not a fun place to be.

But with just a little sexual discipline applied early in marriage, you can prevent this from ever occurring.

So develop that discipline.

Conduct yourselves like men.

Sexual Discipline In Marriage



Most men will be shocked by the title.

Never in their wildest dreams would they think they had to be sexually disciplined in marriage.

They thought they would have on-command access to sex the moment they get married.

Most men will face a sad reality when they wake up from that delusion.

Men must be sexually disciplined – both before they are married and after.



This concept of sexual discipline has two facets:

I – Sexual discipline with your wife
II – Sexual discipline with women who are not your wife

Both types of discipline are critical.

But if you make smart decisions early, you won’t have to be too sexually disciplined with your wife, and I’ll show you why.



I – Sexual Discipline With Your Wife

Early in your marriage, it is critical to be sexually disciplined. This is because most women understand intuitively that their only real agency and way to affect men is through their sexuality. This is how women have worked throughout the centuries.

Because of this sexual power, women will often manipulate sex to get what they want.

They will withhold sex from their husbands to get an outcome they want.

They will withhold sex if a man doesn’t behave he way she wants him to behave, or if he doesn’t do what she wants him to do.



Is this sinful for women to do? Yes it is. And it would be just as sinful if a man did it – but looking for a man who withholds sex is like looking for a unicorn.

But manipulating access to sex is how women learn to wield their power. This is certainly how the world teaches them to wield it.



Therefore, early in marriage, you need to teach your wife through example, through behavior [not through words] that you are not a slave to her vagina. That you are not a slave to the sex she believes she can puppy-guard.

She will try to get you to do things you have decided not to do, or get you to not do things that you have decided to do by becoming cold sexually or rejecting advances.





Your role then, as a man who is sexually disciplined, is to show by example that this does not affect you.



You show by example that you are not a slave to your sexual urges.



You may be craving sex, but you can’t let it show. You must remain in control.



Don’t change your decisions just because your woman thinks you will bow to her whims just to have sex with her.

If you give in, she will believe you to be a pathetic man ruled by his sexual urges. She may not know she believes this, but on an unconscious level, the thought will be there.



So instead, if she tries to withhold sex, go about your business as if nothing is happening.

Do what you would normally do, live how you would normally live, and act as if you don’t even notice that you aren’t having sex. And if other women at work are giving you attention, this is the time to covertly mention it – activate her competition anxiety.

Eventually she will realize “Wow, I can’t manipulate sex to get this guy to do what I want”.

And this realization will make her stop manipulating sex, especially if you are getting attention from other women.



Only a stupid woman would withhold sex from a man who’s getting attention from other women.

She might as well put her husband in a Catapult and launch him into the bed of another woman.

Remember that this part of life where you must be sexually disciplined with your wife won’t last forever. You won’t have to act like this for your whole marriage.

Sexual Discipline within marriage is what you demonstrate in the beginning of marriage to help your wife understand that you are not a slave to her sexuality.

Teach her early in marriage that you won’t jump just because she said to jump, and just because she is the keeper of the sex.

In the end, she will respect you for this. She will be even be more aroused by you – the man who can control his sexual desires to stay true to his principles.




If you saved yourself for marriage, you likely waited 20+ years to have sex, you can wait another few days to have sex as a way to demonstrate that you won’t be moved from your principles by temporary sexual pleasures.




II – Sexual Discipline With Other Women

Sexual discipline with other women is the most obvious place where we should have discipline as Christian men. And we need to have this discipline at the very fundamental level.

Adultery is a terrible sin that men and women are drawn to for a plethora of reasons. No one can deny that it is tempting.

Whether it was because they let discipline slack, where pushed to it by their spouse or whatever the case may be, adultery has clear start points.

It begins in the mind and with the eyes. This is why Christ taught to avoid looking at a woman and thinking about having sex with her [which is one definition Lust].






The eyes and the mind are at the foundation.


What goes in the mind affects the eyes.


How we train the mind determines what our eyes will seek out.

What goes in the eyes affects the mind – we think about what we see.




Therefore, we have to control both mind and eyes at the base in order to reduce the likelihood of adultery.

But it is not enough to stop there. Because there are other women in the world as well. Women who will find us attractive and interesting.



And if we are working and increasing our secular success, we will become more attractive to other women as we go through life and enter our 30s.

It’s true that most women won’t approach us, but that doesn’t mean we should let our guard down. Because some will – I’m sure you’ve had that experience before.

So you have to be ready in case this does occur.

How will you gently tell other women you are married?
What will you do if they don’t care about the fact that you are married?



Because if you aren’t ready for the approaches of other women, they will crack the confidence in your marriage. Their sensual approach will be an image of what you are missing out on – a portrait of the sexuality you sacrificed to be with your wife.

And you may start to desire that sexual world outside of your marriage.

The desire is the seed. It is one of the seeds to adultery.

Then your desire will slowly fester, making you resentful of what you do have and craving what you don’t.

You’ll be David on the rooftop, unable to resist the craving for more.

Don’t let those errors get started. Don’t let the seeds of them grow.

David suffered greatly in his life because he took what wasn’t his sexually and was willing to kill for it.

Have your responses ready for other women, maintain your discipline in and out of marriage and hold yourself contestant to the biblical Principles you know to be true.

Be a striking example of sexual discipline.

Conduct yourselves like men.

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