The Importance of Physical Attraction



As a Christian man, it is critical not to overlook the importance of physical attraction when seeking a wife.

While Christian virtues and shared values are crucial, physical attraction is a fundamental aspect of a fulfilling marriage that should not be neglected.

Many Christians neglect teaching about sexuality all together, much less instructing men on what to look for in a wife beyond the standard Christian values.



The Role of Physical Attraction

Physical attraction plays a significant role in marital satisfaction.



All the good Christian qualities in the world cannot substitute for sexual arousal and physical desire.

If you don’t want your wife sexually, this is a problem.

Because you will inevitably come across women you are sexually aroused by, only they won’t be your wife.

Your resentment towards your wife may grow.
Your marital dissatisfaction may grow.

You may out yourself in a severely disadvantaged position of being attracted to seemingly every woman but your wife – as some Christian men have made known to me.

That’s a sad way to live.

And it’s a permanent way to live.

This physical attraction aspect of marriage is often overlooked by Christians, but it remains critical for a healthy and happy relationship.



Avoiding the Temptation to Settle

Many Christian men find themselves tempted to settle for someone they are not genuinely attracted to, believing that shared values and virtues will suffice.

However, it is important to wait and find someone who is very physically attractive to you.

Do not panic if there seems to be no eligible women around. They are out there.

Be sure to include God in your search, approaching him in prayer and asking for what you are seeking: a woman who is both beautiful on the inside as well as sexually arousing on the outside.

A man can help guide his wife in understanding various philosophies and spiritual matters, but he cannot change her physical appearance.



You can help her learn the flaws of religious Liberalism, but you cannot change the symmetry of her face or the curvature of her body.

It may sound shallow, but it absolutely is not.

Here’s why:



If she does not look good to you, you may be tempted to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere, which is obviously detrimental to the marriage.

Here’s a critical litmus test for you: If you would have to ‘convince yourself’ to be attracted to a woman, you are not attracted to her.

If she doesn’t catch your eye the moment she walks into a room, you aren’t attracted to her.

Period.

Move on to the next one.

There is no shortage of attractive women.



The Advantage of Time

Men have the advantage of time when searching for a mate, as our sexual market value often lasts well into our thirties.

We simply stay attractive longer.

In fact, we become more attractive into our 30s because we become more established in our careers and lives.

And this is one of the factors that satisfies part of women’s dualistic sexual strategy.

So don’t feel like you are running out of time as you approach your 30s and even beyond. You have far more time than women whose sexual value begins to deteriorate in their 20s.

This long lasting sexual value gives us the opportunity to be patient and selective.

It is crucial to choose someone who is both very attractive and shares core Christian values.

Do not compromise on one or the other.

But recall that you can teach your wife. you cannot change her appearance.



Physical Attraction and Sexual Intimacy

Physical attraction is necessary for true physical intimacy, which is reserved for and expected in marriage.

Let’s be real: if you aren’t attracted to a woman, your ‘equipment’ will not work when it’s time to get sexual.

This intimacy strengthens the marital bond and is a gift from God meant to be enjoyed in marriage. 

Ignoring physical attraction can lead to sexual dissatisfaction and temptations that could harm the relationship.



Conclusion

While Christian virtues and shared values are indispensable, physical attraction is equally important in a marriage.

Christian men should be patient and discerning in their search for a wife, ensuring that they find someone who is both physically attractive and aligned with their core values.

This balance is key to a fulfilling and enduring marital relationship.

You have all the time in the world.

You don’t have the same biological clock that limits women.

Get it in your mind that it is okay yo be selective, and patient. you have all the time in the world. And as a Christian, God is on your side in this quest.

Be very selective, remembering that as a man who will be providing, you are the prize to be sought after, not the other way around.

You are you own mental point of origin.

Treat yourself with enough respect to find a sexually attractive woman to marry.

The Paradox of Sacrifice




If you grew up in the church, you often encounter the concept of sacrifice.

It’s portrayed as a noble act, one that promises fulfillment and rewards.

However, my personal experience has led me to question this notion.

I’ve never truly felt fulfilled after making a sacrifice.

Instead, it often feels like a loss with no immediate return.

And I’m here to tell you that’s okay. That is the nature of sacrifice.

Many of the sacrifices you make may never pay off in this life.

The bulk of the rewards of Christianity are not found in this life but rather are found in the afterlife.



The Reality of Sacrifice

Sacrifice, by its very nature, involves giving up something valuable.

It might be time, resources, or personal desires.

The expectation is that this act will yield something greater in return. That’s what everyone tells you.

Do a good deed and you will have good feelings as a reward!


Yet, more often than not, a sacrifice remains just that—a sacrifice.

It doesn’t always provide tangible benefits in this life.

The immediate rewards we hope for may never materialize, leaving us to grapple with what we learned growing up.

“Did I do the Sacrifice Wrong?”

“Is there something wrong with me because I don’t feel fulfilled by good deeds and sacrifices?”



Let me set the record straight and tell you there is nothing wrong with you.

Deferred Benefits in the Christian Life

For those who follow the Christian faith, the concept of sacrifice takes on a deeper meaning.

Christianity teaches that the ultimate benefits of a sacrificial life are not necessarily experienced in the here and now.



Instead, they are deferred until the afterlife.

The Christian doctrine suggests that the sacrifices made in this life—whether they are acts of kindness, moments of self-denial, or enduring hardships—are investments in a future that transcends our earthly existence.

The return on those investments are not paid out until eternity.



Finding Peace in the Act of Sacrifice

While the immediate lack of fulfillment can be disheartening and even lead you to become angry and jaded at those who lead you astray with this idealistic and illusory notion of “fulfillment”, there is a certain peace that comes with understanding the broader perspective.

If you can accept that yo may not be rewarded on this earth, you can walk through life with improved clarity of thought.

Recognizing that not all sacrifices yield immediate rewards can help manage expectations and reduce feelings of disappointment.

It shifts the focus from seeking instant gratification to a patient, long-term view.

Sacrifice is a complex and often misunderstood concept.

While it may not always bring immediate fulfillment, especially in the context of the Christian faith, it holds the promise of greater, eternal rewards.

Integrating this perspective can help us find peace and purpose in our sacrifices, knowing that their true value may only be realized in the life to come.

Counting the Cost of Marriage

Hidden behind your sex-motivated desire to get married as a Christian man are all the drawbacks of marriage. 

Make sure you consider these costs before getting married. 

Otherwise you will do what most Christian men do: jump into marriage motivated purely by the desire to FINALLY have sex, and ignore all the costs of marriage.

There are serious drawbacks to getting married. Just like there are drawbacks to anything in life. This doesn’t mean marriage isn’t a great thing, just that it has costs. Just like Christianity has costs. 

Even Christ taught that you have to count the cost of discipleship [Luke 14:28-30]- because it will require you to give up something. 



1 – Sexual Access

    For starters, you make a vow to your wife that you will forsake all others and commit to her on your wedding day.

    While this shouldn’t be difficult for most Christians, it is a scary thought.

    If you have been living the Christian lifestyle, you should avoid extramarital sex of all types – that’s a biblical command.

    So this is nothing different than what you have already been doing so it’s more of a secular consequence. 



    2 – Money

      Having a Wife is expensive. It’s another person to take care of.

      Even if you both work, she will have upkeep costs [Feminine hygiene, self-care, makeup etc.] that shouldn’t be neglected in your calculation on whether or not marriage is for you. 



      Your wife will be at least 1.5x as expensive as you are.

      If you have financial goals in life, they will be slowed down by marriage.

      Unless both you and your wife are on the exact same page about finances, expect to have your financial goals slowed by an assortment of living and family expenses. 



      3 – Free Time

        When you are single, you can do that you want, when you want.

        The value of this freedom shouldn’t be taken lightly. This is especially true if freedom is one of your core values.

        When you are single, you have nothing limiting your choices except the commandments of God.

        There is a reason many husbands refer to their wife as the “ole ball and chain”.

        It’s not a helpful analogy nor is it useful.

        It’s especially not useful to the older Christians if their goal is to ensure more Christians are born – they are discouraging and disparaging the very institution that brings those children into the world. 

        But many Christian men are too depressed to even care.

        They jumped into marriage motivated by their sex drive, discovered marriage wasn’t what they thought it was, now all they can do is whine. 

        That aside, marriage will cost you much of your free time, especially as kids come into the picture.

        That doesn’t mean you won’t find pockets of time to have to yourself, but it will not be as often as it was when you were single. 



        4 – Hobbies

          Related to time loss, you will also lose some of your hobbies. This occurs because you need time to engage with hobbies, and your time will be reduced.

          Many Christian’s will encourage you to sacrifice everything you enjoy on the altar of “selflessness” to be better for your family.

          Frankly, their logic never made sense to me.

          I’ve personally never experienced fulfillment after sacrificing something.

          Sometimes a sacrifice is just a sacrifice will not provide anything of value in return in this life.

          The vast majority of the benefits of the Christian life are deferred until the afterlife.

          But logistically speaking, if you have less free time after marriage, it follows that you will have less time for hobbies after marriage. 

          Be aware of this.



          5 – Increased Responsibility

            Responsibility. That mysterious thing that Jordan Peterson associates with “Fulfillment”. If you think you have responsibility now, it will only increase in marriage. It will double when you get married, and it will double with each child you have.

            Personally, I haven’t found an increase in responsibility to be correlated with increased fulfillment. I’m not convinced quite sure that fulfillment is a guarantee in life. 

            What I do know is there is a linear relationship between increased responsibility and increased life dissatisfaction for me personally. 

            Now maybe I’m just different than most of the population. So take this with a grain of salt. But your responsibility levels will increase exponentially within marriage. 



            6 – Kids

              Kids are undoubtedly one of life’s greatest sacrifices. For many Christian dads, they sacrifice everything they want to be so that their kids can have a better life.

              They give up their identity and pour themselves into their kids. 

              Then the church applauds this as noble, but personally, I’m not so convinced.

              I’ve seen plenty of dad’s in the church pour everything into their kids for nothing. 

              They spend everything, both emotionally and physically to raise good kids, and then those kids grow up to reject the truth of God’s word. Then the father spends most of his nights popping sleeping pills because he has such insomnia and internal turmoil over his kids that he can’t sleep.

              “But…fulfillment“.

              It’s never guaranteed.

              And by the time many Father’s kids leave the house, these men are a shell of what they once were.

              They poured out everything without ever taking time to fill their own cup.

              Now they are just an empty vessel without identity. 



              Conclusion

              Make no mistake about it, there are costs to marriage.

              Count the cost.



              And if you have any degree of doubt about whether or not you should get married, don’t get married.

              Wait.

              You can always get married later.

              But if you are a Christian, once you are married, you are locked in for life and there is nothing you can do about it.

              So take that commitment seriously. It’s a blood oath. 

              True Faith is a Questioning Faith

              Radical Conservative and Radical Liberal ideologies surrounding Christianity often miss the mark of truth.

              An extreme position of any kind is vulnerable to inaccuracy. 

              On both sides of these extremes is an underlying premise: accept everything you are told without questioning – unless it’s the other side, then question them relentlessly. 

              If you are a conservative, you will swallow conservative ideas whole without a second thought while being extremely critical of liberal ideas.

              The same is true if you are a liberal. 

              This is a natural human phenomenon.

              We will gladly accept information that agrees with our already existing ideas and mindsets. But anything else is worthy of being questioned. 



              I think as a Christian we should be careful about this mindset. It can easily lead us to swallow a false idea without a second thought. 

              Many false religions exist today because religious people swallow what they are taught without thinking and can never come to a knowledge of the truth. 


              Who Is Right?

              Do you think that your side is 100% correct about everything?

              If you do, congratulations! You’re as stupid as humanly possible and there’s little hope for you until you correct that mindset. 

              But most people will acknowledge that it’s extremely unlikely that their side is 100% correct about everything they believe. 


              So then based on that premise, we can accept that we are likely wrong about some things, even if we don’t know what those things are. 

              If it is true that we are possibly wrong about a few things, we cannot let conservative or liberal ideas flow directly into our mind without questioning them, no matter what side of the aisle we are on. 

              The goal should be to become as skeptical about information we agree with as we are about information we disagree with.

              Everything must be met with that skeptical mind. 

              We have to learn to question everything. Because questions are the bedrock of finding truth. 

              Pilate asked Christ “What is truth” during the mock-trial of Christ.

              This was and is the most important question known to man.

              And most people never answer it because most people never ask it because they believe they are already in possession of the truth. 

              Whether political, religious, ideological or otherwise, people with the most extreme positions know and understand the least about any given position.

              Because if they were aware of how little they know, they wouldn’t act so convinced of what they believe they know.



              For a wise person, the more they learn about everything, the less sure they are of anything.

              Because they have seen how many times they have been wrong in the past and are therefore careful about being overly confident about what they believe at any given time. 

              True faith is a searching faith.

              It is a faith that is constantly examine the scriptures with the mindset:

              “Am I missing something here?
              Am I misunderstanding something here?
              Is there a command or teaching from the mind of God that I am not aware of or that I am not following?”. 



              If we were 100% right, there would be no reason to learn anything.

              What would be the point of that?

              Are we going to become more right about what we believe? 

              And this is generally what happens in people with extreme positions. They stop learning.

              They think they don’t need to learn because they have it all figured out [even though they have almost nothing figured out].



              The less they know, the more confident they are. 

              It’s like when a joint is unstable in the body.

              When a joint is unstable, the muscles surrounding it become tight in an effort to create additional stability from what is lacking in the joint itself. 

              Even so, the extreme person becomes very rigid in an attempt to create stability in their life. 

              That extreme positioning is just an attempt to exert control on the world and to thrust some order on an otherwise random and chaotic existence. 

              We have to be aware of this human tendency so we can avoid mental fallacy and incorrect thinking. 

              Be constantly aware of your own thinking and analyze it regularly. Be a critical and independent thinker.

              Only in this way can you find the truth. 

              Work is not Fulfilling

              I. Introduction

              You’ve been told if you work hard at something, find a calling, uncover your purpose, or other plethora of vague predictions that your work and life will have meaning. You will be peaceful, fulfilled, and happy with what you put your hand to do. 

              This is not necessarily the case. 

              We have to work. The Bible tells us that we don’t eat [2 Thess 3:10]. That’s the main idea there.

              What it doesn’t tell us is that “true meaning in life is found in work”. While work is necessary, there is no guarantee that you will find any meaning or purpose in it. 

              man standing in front of gray metal machine part

              How many people do you know who work difficult manual labor jobs?

              Do you think they wake up excited to go break their backs for another 12 hours?

              Maybe a handful of them but most do the work they have to do for no other reason than they have to do it. 

              Many people in the undeveloped parts of the world still live very difficult lives. they work long, hard hours just to barely scrape by and survive.

              With as much progress as humanity has made in the past centuries, it’s absolutely amazing that some countries still exist like this. 

              Do you think people who live there have meaning and fulfillment in their work?

              Or are they simply doing what’s required to survive?

              Even in the advanced and developed parts of the world, we continue to work to survive.



              We work to earn money so we can spend it on survival. Whatever money is left we spend to distract ourselves from the meaninglessness of that endless cycle of work, earn, spend. 



              No matter what part of the world you find yourself in, you will find people doing the work they don’t want to do to pay for lives they don’t want to live. 

              Yet every now and then someone will come along and tell you that you can find worth and meaning in what you do.

              That may be true for some people, but it isn’t true for all people.

              The way Solomon describes work casts some doubt on the idea of purpose and fulfillment being found in our work.

              II. The Burdensome Nature of Work

               “And I set my heart to seek and search out by wisdom concerning all that is done under heaven; this burdensome task God has given to the sons of man, by which they may be exercised.”

              Ecclesiastes 1:13

              In the first chapter of the book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon jumps head first into describing work as a “burdensome task”.

              Why is it burdensome? It is simply in the nature or work. It is inherently difficult by design. 

              Working will challenge your mind and body, leaving you mentally tired and physically exhausted. 

              Perhaps you want to work to be free one day. You want to escape the endless cycle of work, eat, sleep and repeat.

              It is hard to break this cycle when the very thing you are trying to escape absorbs all your physical and mental energy.

              It makes it difficult to make any progress outside your day job. It becomes difficult to even find peace in your off hours [as Solomon will confirm in a moment].

              If work was fulfilling and purposeful, why would it leave you feeling defeated and exhausted at the end of each day?



              And it’s not the exhaustion you feel after doing something effortful that actually provides results like training, but it’s simply exhausting.

              III. The Vanity of Labor

              “I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and indeed, all is vanity and grasping for the wind.”

              Ecclesiastes 1:14

              “Then I looked on all the works that my hands had done and on the labor in which I had toiled; and indeed all was vanity and grasping for the wind. There was no profit under the sun.”

              Ecclesiastes 2:11

              “Therefore I hated life because the work that was done under the sun was distressing to me, for all is vanity and grasping for the 

              Ecclesiastes 2:17

              “For all his days are sorrowful, and his work burdensome; even in the night his heart takes no rest. This also is vanity.”

              Ecclesiastes 2:23

              After identifying the burdensome nature of work, Solomon states that all the work done under the sun is vanity.

              It’s an attempt to grasp the wind.

              A meaningless expense of effort. 

              Solomon tries to put this realization out of his mind. When he does so he then puts himself to work.

              He works himself to the bone, building an incredibly rich empire with all the luxuries a man could dream of having. 

              But as our Ecclesiastes 2:11 passage tells us, when he put down his tools, when he stopped working, when he popped his head above water to look at what he had done, he found it empty and meaningless. 



              All the accomplishment and success in the world was not enough to make him feel fulfilled.

              And you would think that if anyone could accomplish enough to make them fulfilled, it would be Solomon.

              His laundry list of accomplishments plants him as one of the best monarchs in known history.

              Yet despite all this success, he was still empty inside. 

              Why?

              Because work does not fulfill.

              Accomplishment does not fulfill. 

              After this realization, Solomon hates life [Ecc 2:17]. 

              Why does he hate life?

              Because his work is distressing. That’s what the verse explicitly states.

              The stress of work robbed Solomon from the ability to enjoy life.

              Even the highly successful king of Israel with every luxury, convenience and pleasure available to a person was not able to find fulfillment in this physical life. 

              He later would find out what most people experience: the loss of sleep from work stress. 

              Loss of Sleep

              Ecclesiastes 2:23 is where Solomon expounds on the days of the working man. All his work is empty, his work is distressing, it makes him hate his life, and then even in the night he can find no rest and no peace from this stress.

              It is never ending. 

              Despite this clear teaching from Solomon, people still believe in the fulfillment of work.

              Solomon tries to teach us by repetition that “all is vanity”. 

              The Brevity of Satisfaction

              Maybe you’ve had the experience of working extremely hard only to have no satisfaction in your work day.

              I remember once at a hospital I worked at where we were supposed to treat 10 patients each day.

              I kept working harder to see more people each day and then one day was able to double to my caseload and see 20 patients.

              I remember walking out of the building with a feeling of satisfaction at 4:00 PM. And at 4:03 PM that feeling of satisfaction was gone. 

              It sprouted wings and flew away.

              I could work as hard as I wanted, it would never be enough. No sense of satisfaction would ever remain. 

              This is the modern experience of work. 



              IV. The Restlessness of Work

              This next passage speaks about the life of the working man. 

              “For all his days are sorrowful, and his work burdensome; even in the night his heart takes no rest. This also is vanity.”

              Ecclesiastes 2:23

              Some talk about their head hitting the pillow after a hard day of work and being able to go right to sleep. This is a luxury.

              For most people, when their head hits the pillow, they are dreading the next day’s work.

              They know what is coming for them. Another 8, 10 or 12 hours of the same exhausting, repetitive, meaningless tasks. 

              Many experience the dread of work. “Sunday Scaries” is the new term for it. Why create a term for a phenomenon unless it was widespread? 

              Endless goals.
              Unfulfilled ambitions.
              The waking realization that they might never be able to retire or achieve their financial goals despite years of toil and sacrifice.

              This is what keeps people up at night.

              This is why “even in the night their hearts take no rest”. 



              V. Practical Implications

              Solomon’s observations teach us important lessons: that there is more to life than work, that if we look to work for any form of fulfillment, we will be sorely disappointed, and that work is little more than a necessary evil we have to endure while we are here.

              But that is the story of humanity. We have to endure struggles and difficulty while we are here in exchange for what we hope will be a great reward. 

              That is more fear-provoking than it is meaningful. 



              VI. Conclusion

              Solomon’s message is simple: work is burdensome and unfulfilling. It is something to be tolerated while we live on the earth.

              While his messages change from time to time and he states men are to “enjoy good in their labor”, he is simply talking about enjoying the results of the work, not the work itself. 

              Don’t put too much stock in your earthly career.

              It won’t bring the meaning or fulfillment that you think it will.

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