Gossip is not just a problem for women. Gossiping is a problem for beta men in the same way that many women struggle with lust, their desire just comes from a different source.
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Ephesians 4:29
“A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.”
Proverbs 16:28
“Men and women range themselves into three classes or orders of intelligence; you can tell the lowest class by their habit of always talking about persons; the next by the fact that their habit is always to converse about things; the highest by their preference for the discussion of ideas.”
Charles Stewart, Biographer.
Nonetheless, we will still gossip, because gossip is easy. James tells us that no man can tame the tongue because it is an unruly evil filled with deadly poison (3:8). He also tells us that the man who does stumble in word is perfect and able to control his whole body, (3:2) which suggests that sin of the mouth is the most difficult to control. This is true because it is possible to speak without thinking, as most people are very skilled at doing. The mouth gets ahead of us. We make statements before our mind has time to register what we just said, and before we have time to think about how our words sound from the perspective of others. This is why our mouth is the source of so much evil, emotional pain and psychological suffering.
But what makes us gossip?
Ego, and here is why. When was the last time you spoke well of someone you were gossiping about? Most likely the answer is never. Our ego only wants to talk about others when we have something negative to say about them. That way our ego is elevated and we are made to feel better because we can push ourselves up on the rubble of another individual’s damaged reputation. We can compare ourselves to other men and have the classic thought of, “Wow, I’m not as bad as that guy” as if that justifies our patheticism and mediocre lives. We are plagued with evil, yet all we have to do is think, “Well, at least I’m not Hitler” and our lives are validated and our “small sins” are justified.
Ego is the source of all evil. Ego is the “bad pride” that is focused solely on self and pleasure, and gossiping brings small, subtle pleasures to the ego. It doesn’t feel amazing to gossip, it feels just good enough that we keep doing it over and over. Gossip is nothing more than verbalized weakness and insecurity; we must terminate this habit of gossip as soon as possible.
Mantra
I am controlling my tongue, it does not move without my consent.
Application
The problem of gossip is rooted is a lack of control over our tongue. The absence of verbal discipline is the foundational problem from which gossip creeps out and damages our own reputation; because beginning at the time when we first gossip, we are forever known as a gossiper, even if only among other gossipers. And who is to say that those gossipers will not turn around and speak about you behind your back?
Gossipers eat their own.
We must enter into every civil dialogue with a high level of consciousness. This is the point where our meditation practice starts to pay us some dividends, as we can become more self-aware and realize the distasteful ways we conduct ourselves in public.
Observe yourself and the way you speak to and about other people.
Examine yourself in a detached way and evaluate your character as a bystander to your own life. When you are conversing with people, imagine yourself having an out of body experience and watching yourself talk.
How are you coming across to others around you?
In what ways are the men you speak to interpreting what you are saying?
How will their personality and personal experience color the way they perceive what you are saying?
By asking these questions we can immediately turn ourselves off to the habit of gossip, because it looks so abysmal, so distasteful and corrupt when we examine it from the outside that we no longer want anything to do with something that would mar our character so greatly. So become aware of your dialogue and examine it critically.
Upon achieving constant awareness of ourselves, we still must strive to control our tongues because our pleasure-loving ego is still going to urge us to gossip about other men in a small scale struggle for power. In this rare case, awareness alone is likely not enough to purge the problem. In this case we must literally bite our tongues.
We must physically condition ourselves to associate gossip with punishment. This seems somewhat barbaric to weak men, but it would be better to endure some physical pain now than to endure the spiritual pain that would be the result of a lifetime of this evil. Jesus taught to eliminate evil at the source even if it is painful because it is better to enter heaven maimed than to have a perfect body and be cast into hell (Mark 9:45).
- Prime your mind and become self-aware before you enter a conversation or better yet, before you walk out the door to participate in a public function (Church/Work etc.).
- Detach from and observe yourself as if you are floating above your own body.
- Physically Bite tongue when necessary.
- Gain power over time by employing restraint early.
We must get a grip on this sin of the tongue.
Gossip is a foundational evil that must be extracted and burned. Teaching ourselves that gossip is painful is a simple and effective way to make this happen. So bite your tongue. Discipline your mouth. Control your mind. Do not speak about people negatively behind their backs. Conduct yourself with honor. Be a Man.
Conduct Yourselves Like Men.
