It is not natural to take responsibility for our actions. Look at the first man and the first woman who ever existed in the world. When they inevitably failed and were not obedient to the rules that God had set, what did they do? They shifted blame away from themselves (Genesis 3).
What this means is that is natural to shift blame to someone else and it is unnatural to take responsibility for our actions. But as we so often note, the right thing is seldom the natural thing. Christianity itself involves many unnatural behaviors. From avoiding pre-marital/extra-marital sex to loving our enemies, many of the commands of God require us to put aside our humanity for the betterment of humankind. Literally, we reject our physical nature and transcend to the divine by behaving unnaturally – or perhaps it would be better said that we act supernaturally. Not ghostly, but literally “above nature”, and the word itself is defined.
That said, taking responsibility for our actions is not natural.
It is easy to understand this because it is painful to take responsibility. And the greatest motivation for all human beings is the dualistic power of the pain and pleasure principles. We are constantly looking to either gain pleasure or avoid pain. And I argue that the urge to avoid pain is much greater than the desire to gain pleasure. Mediocrity is pleasant enough, why should I work to gain something better? But if the pain will reach me if I do not act and the only way to avoid that pain is to act, then somehow I can find the energy and motivation to take action.
Therefore, the push to avoid responsibility might be so strong because responsibility can be painful. It would be much easier to shift that pain onto someone else and have them take it for us. But this is not the masculine way to behave.
Being a man involves taking responsibility especially during the moments when it is neither fun nor enjoyable to do so.
That is one of the critical pieces of manhood – you take on the pain of life for the betterment of others. Usually, this is for the benefit of your immediate family. But you also think about how each act of taking responsibility will better your own life.
The next time you find yourself wanting to shift blame or make an error someone else’s fault, take a look at yourself. Examine your own contribution to the situation and think about what you could have done differently. Or think about what you still have the power to affect. It is a bad habit to constantly be looking at others and blaming them. It robs us of the power to direct our own lives because we suggest that “If this guy had just done XYZ then this wouldn’t have happened!”. That is not masculine. By definition, if we blame or shift responsibility we are behaving in effeminate ways.
A simple way to be more masculine is to take personal responsibility for everything in this life. If you are not happy with something in your life, take a look in the mirror at the creator of that situation. Become aware of your habit of pointing fingers at others. It is not their responsibility why your life turned out the way it has.
Stop blaming everyone. No longer can you blame:
- Your parents
- The economy
- Your environment
- Your friends
- Your lack of resources (money/time/connections/skill)
If it is in your life or a part of who you are, it is your responsibility. You have to take charge of your life if you ever want to be free. No longer are you content to sit around pointing fingers at everyone else. The moment you begin to take responsibility, you begin to be free. And you find satisfaction with your life, no matter what state it is in. Because even if it is the worst life ever created, it’s still yours, you made it, your name is attached to it, and that has to mean something to you. So take responsibility and find the freedom and masculinity therein.
