SEX – Why Kids are Leaving the Church

Why are kids leaving the Church? Easy, they think married Christians never have sex.

It is literally that simple. You see Christians all the time, and they can be the most miserable people you will ever meet . You would think that someone who is looking forward to eternal life with unlimited joy and pleasure could afford to crack a smile at least once a decade. But no, there is no smiling in the King James Version.

Christians have this habit of rejecting a great deal of what science has to say simply because there are a boatload of atheists involved in science.

This includes its suggestions on the nature of human beings.

Let’s be clear, what separates humans from animals is that we are made in the image of God. We have speech, originate thoughts, art and inventions, and have innate morality. Sure, you can go deeper than just those few examples, but in general those are what separate us from the animals. But we are still like animals in many ways.

We have animalistic desires and impulses, it is our morality that keeps those in check. We want to have sex, we want to perpetuate our genetic material, it’s completely natural. But Christian parents like to pretend otherwise, and this is why kids leave the church.

The young generation sees that the world has tons of sex and that their parents and ‘Churchy’ people around them aren’t having any.

Who wants to be a part of a group of people know as “the Church” if they think it is is made up of miserable married people who never have sex? No one. Look back at the 20 year old version of yourself and imagine how you would respond if you thought that married Christians don’t have sex. You would want to follow the route that maximizes your chance to perpetuate your genetic material.

We know you would like to pretend that you were asexual even in your 20’s, but it’s not true. You were a raging ball of hormones just like everyone else. Physiology hasn’t changed, folks. There is no evolution in the chemical makeup of human beings. You are supposed to be the people who are anti-evolution, so then accept that hormones haven’t evolved either.

The problem in the modern world is that culture is hyper-sexual. So sexual activity that seems normal to the older generation now seems asexual and boring by comparison.

But for those individuals who are unmarried, how do they know what is normal and what is not normal sexual activity? Sex twice a week? Once a week? Four times? Once a month? Three times then skip for menstruation?

Oh right, your wife has chronic headaches. It’s definitely a “medical condition” and not a lack of you tending to her emotional needs as the wife. What is normal sexual frequency in the bedroom? In the minds of unmarried Christian kids leaving the Church, it looks like “Zero times per year”. How many kids does a couple have? Two? Then they had sex twice. It’s pretty obvious they haven’t had any more sex given how miserable they are.

This issue of kids being uninformed about the marriage bed is made worse by the English translation of certain Bible passages.

Hebrews 13:4 “The marriage bed is undefiled, but fornicators and adulterers God will judge”.

Congratulations, the marriage bed is “undefiled”. As great as that may be, it’s not exactly exciting or encouraging in the way that it is stated. It’s like saying “Yeah, you are allowed to do this thing. It won’t kill you or anything”. It’s not saying “Yes, do this thing often and enjoy it and don’t feel guilty about it because it is a gift!”. This translation comes off as very passive. It makes it sounds like, “Well, if you have to do it, then marriage is okay for that sex stuff”. This is not what the young generation needs to hear if you want them to stay in the Church

If you were in your 20’s why would you want to stay in the Church? Based on the fact that Christian adults never talk about sex you wouldn’t want to? In Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs sexual intimacy is right above food, water and shelter/security. And it just so happens that Christian couples aren’t “getting any”.

Let us also be clear, sex and sexual intimacy are different. Intimacy implies romantic love. Sex without this love is primal and lower tier on the hierarchy of needs. 

If you knew that all you had to look forward to as a Christian was a sexless marriage then why would you stay in the Church when people in the world are seemingly having tons of sex?

If this “Heaven” is going to be just as “enjoyable” as the “romance-less” marriages we see around us, then why would we care to go there?

It doesn’t matter that millennials are having less sex than any of the previous generations (Millennials Have Less Sex). They think that Christians do not enjoy their marriages based on the image portrayed by modern Christians.

So what is this lofty “Image” portrayed by Christians that I keep talking about? At the core, it is the refusal of Christians to talk about sex at all. Christians think that it is better to be silent on the matter of sexuality than to walk through the discomfort and potential embarrassment of talking about sex with young Christians. And as a result, the young Christians assume, “Well if they never talk about it, they must never do it”. Yes, this thought process is irrational, but so is the thought process that results in the fear of frogs. People still fear frogs anyways.

Rationality does not apply here, we are talking about the minds of millennials.

The silence of the Church on the matter of sex causes millennial Christians to be uneducated about it. Guess what happens when young Christians are not taught the truth by the Church? They learn the “truth” from the world and society.

Who do you want teaching your kids about sex: your preacher, or Lady Gaga? Elders, or fraternity bothers? Strong, faithful, loving husbands or (insert stereotypical rap “artist” here)? Kind, patient, open wives or the Kardashians?

Common sense tells you that it is better to learn from the Church. Strong members of the church should be educating the youth, not society. The sexual silence of religious individuals must be broken. Kids need to know that there is a reason for the heavy regulation of sex in the Bible. If the youth think that sex is not worth the wait, then they will have no reason to wait for marriage. They will have no reason to stay in the church.

We are not suggesting that marriage is all about sex.

What we are saying is that young Christians have no idea about sexuality because individuals in the Church are too afraid and uncomfortable to tell them. The youth will never know if it’s worth the wait. They are not going to gamble on committing  eternally to one person for something that may not be worth it. Christians need to start telling young people in the Church the truth about what happens in the bedroom if they want kids to stop leaving. It is literally as simple as that.

Is this the only reason that the young generation is leaving the church? No. Is this a major reason why they are leaving the Church? Definitely. 

Spartan Christianity: Hardcore Christian Principles