Most men will be shocked by the title.
Never in their wildest dreams would they think they had to be sexually disciplined in marriage.
They thought they would have on-command access to sex the moment they get married.
Most men will face a sad reality when they wake up from that delusion.
Men must be sexually disciplined – both before they are married and after.
This concept of sexual discipline has two facets:
I – Sexual discipline with your wife
II – Sexual discipline with women who are not your wife
Both types of discipline are critical.
But if you make smart decisions early, you won’t have to be too sexually disciplined with your wife, and I’ll show you why.
I – Sexual Discipline With Your Wife
Early in your marriage, it is critical to be sexually disciplined. This is because most women understand intuitively that their only real agency and way to affect men is through their sexuality. This is how women have worked throughout the centuries.
Because of this sexual power, women will often manipulate sex to get what they want.
They will withhold sex from their husbands to get an outcome they want.
They will withhold sex if a man doesn’t behave he way she wants him to behave, or if he doesn’t do what she wants him to do.
Is this sinful for women to do? Yes it is. And it would be just as sinful if a man did it – but looking for a man who withholds sex is like looking for a unicorn.
But manipulating access to sex is how women learn to wield their power. This is certainly how the world teaches them to wield it.
Therefore, early in marriage, you need to teach your wife through example, through behavior [not through words] that you are not a slave to her vagina. That you are not a slave to the sex she believes she can puppy-guard.
She will try to get you to do things you have decided not to do, or get you to not do things that you have decided to do by becoming cold sexually or rejecting advances.
Your role then, as a man who is sexually disciplined, is to show by example that this does not affect you.
You show by example that you are not a slave to your sexual urges.
You may be craving sex, but you can’t let it show. You must remain in control.
Don’t change your decisions just because your woman thinks you will bow to her whims just to have sex with her.
If you give in, she will believe you to be a pathetic man ruled by his sexual urges. She may not know she believes this, but on an unconscious level, the thought will be there.
So instead, if she tries to withhold sex, go about your business as if nothing is happening.
Do what you would normally do, live how you would normally live, and act as if you don’t even notice that you aren’t having sex. And if other women at work are giving you attention, this is the time to covertly mention it – activate her competition anxiety.
Eventually she will realize “Wow, I can’t manipulate sex to get this guy to do what I want”.
And this realization will make her stop manipulating sex, especially if you are getting attention from other women.
Only a stupid woman would withhold sex from a man who’s getting attention from other women.
She might as well put her husband in a Catapult and launch him into the bed of another woman.
Remember that this part of life where you must be sexually disciplined with your wife won’t last forever. You won’t have to act like this for your whole marriage.
Sexual Discipline within marriage is what you demonstrate in the beginning of marriage to help your wife understand that you are not a slave to her sexuality.
Teach her early in marriage that you won’t jump just because she said to jump, and just because she is the keeper of the sex.
In the end, she will respect you for this. She will be even be more aroused by you – the man who can control his sexual desires to stay true to his principles.
If you saved yourself for marriage, you likely waited 20+ years to have sex, you can wait another few days to have sex as a way to demonstrate that you won’t be moved from your principles by temporary sexual pleasures.
II – Sexual Discipline With Other Women
Sexual discipline with other women is the most obvious place where we should have discipline as Christian men. And we need to have this discipline at the very fundamental level.
Adultery is a terrible sin that men and women are drawn to for a plethora of reasons. No one can deny that it is tempting.
Whether it was because they let discipline slack, where pushed to it by their spouse or whatever the case may be, adultery has clear start points.
It begins in the mind and with the eyes. This is why Christ taught to avoid looking at a woman and thinking about having sex with her [which is one definition Lust].
The eyes and the mind are at the foundation.
What goes in the mind affects the eyes.
How we train the mind determines what our eyes will seek out.
What goes in the eyes affects the mind – we think about what we see.
Therefore, we have to control both mind and eyes at the base in order to reduce the likelihood of adultery.
But it is not enough to stop there. Because there are other women in the world as well. Women who will find us attractive and interesting.
And if we are working and increasing our secular success, we will become more attractive to other women as we go through life and enter our 30s.
It’s true that most women won’t approach us, but that doesn’t mean we should let our guard down. Because some will – I’m sure you’ve had that experience before.
So you have to be ready in case this does occur.
How will you gently tell other women you are married?
What will you do if they don’t care about the fact that you are married?
Because if you aren’t ready for the approaches of other women, they will crack the confidence in your marriage. Their sensual approach will be an image of what you are missing out on – a portrait of the sexuality you sacrificed to be with your wife.
And you may start to desire that sexual world outside of your marriage.
The desire is the seed. It is one of the seeds to adultery.
Then your desire will slowly fester, making you resentful of what you do have and craving what you don’t.
You’ll be David on the rooftop, unable to resist the craving for more.
Don’t let those errors get started. Don’t let the seeds of them grow.
Have your responses ready for other women, maintain your discipline in and out of marriage and hold yourself contestant to the biblical Principles you know to be true.
Be a striking example of sexual discipline.
Conduct yourselves like men.
