Masculinity Archives - Spartan Christianity

Israel is Separated from Other Nations

One of the greatest examples of seeing God’s intention to separate His people from the rest of the world is found in His commands to Israel. They were to be separate from all the other nations. There could be no intermarrying or relationships.

This is because the incredibly negative influence of the other nations would be so powerful that it might sway Israel towards evil. And in fact, it did sway them time and time again. We read in the book of Judges how over and over again the people of Israel disobey God, worship idols, intermarry with the locals, and behave poorly.

“You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons, for they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods. Then the anger of the Lord would be kindled against you, and he would destroy you quickly.”
Deuteronomy 7:3-4

It is easy to understand why they did this. It was because of the sexual activity involved in the various worship services of the foreign gods.

But some in the modern world might wonder why God did not allow them to intermarry so they could be a “good influence” on the people of Canaan. We are too simplistic in our thinking if we are contemplating this. We should know that the pull of a negative influence is far more powerful than the pull of a positive one. And we will always be more drawn towards evil than towards good. This is simply a part of the human condition, something we must think about as we do war with the flesh.

“For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.”
Galations 5:17

Israel could never be a good enough influence to change the people of the world

Sure, there were probably a few people here and there who wanted to join Israel and changed their beliefs. But these were the minority. Most people never change the way they are. And this is why God’s command was to totally annihilate these people from the face of the earth. None of them could be left alive.

“Completely destroy them—the Hittites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites—as the Lord your God has commanded you.”
Deuteronomy 20:17

If you are removing cancer from the human body, you obviously want to remove the whole thing. If you leave even a small portion of the cancerous tumor in the body, it will simply grow back to full strength.

This is why Israel was required to completely remove the cancer that was the pagan nations in Canaan. There could be no place for people who engaged in homosexuality and offered their children as burnt offerings to their gods. Imagine sacrificing your kids by burning them alive just so you could have a better life or a better harvest the next year. It is absolutely despicable behavior. And it was precisely this behavior that required those people to be utterly destroyed.

We live a similar life today.

The modern church overemphasized the idea of being a “good influence“. They do this in the same way that they place too much focus on accountability. These are good tools, but they should not make up the bulk of our practice. We are never going to be able to exert as much positive influence as the world will be able to exert a negative influence. The negative is always more powerful in a face-to-face assault. This is why we must be more strategic in our approach.

We have to control our environment. The best way to avoid negative behaviors is to make sure we do not have the opportunity to engage in them.

You cannot eat junk food if it is not in the house. You cannot be pulled into worldliness if you are not surrounded by people of the world. People who would be forcing their extremely powerful influence on you.

Influence always comes from a position of strength, you cannot influence someone unless you have some power or unless they look up to you in some way. There is no way around this. Influence, as well as help, always comes from a position of strength. This is a fact of life.

We have to arm ourselves and separate ourselves from the negative influence of the world. We have to split from the pack if we ever intend to become strong.

Israel failed time and time again because of negative influences.

We cannot allow our lives to be lived in the same way. Separate yourself from false ideologies and evil behavior just like you would remove yourself from a leper colony. Treat evil like a plague and hide from it. We rarely have the strength to engage it in full frontal warfare, we need to be strategic and maneuver around. Work the enemy’s strengths into weaknesses. Do not allow them to touch you. Act too quickly for them to realize what you are doing. Be fast, bold, and courageous, and do not engage with the world more than necessary.

Do not ever overestimate the strength of a positive influence. The positive influence is almost always weaker than the negative one. Do not count on your own strength of will to allow you to resist temptation or influence others. Be realistic about your own strength and only engage in skirmishes you know you can win.

Avoid evil and act like men.

Disassociate from Experiences – 2 Exercises for Emotional Control

Let me provide you with one of the most valuable tools you will ever hear about: the skill of disassociation. This tool is nothing new. Tony Robbins calls it “dissociating” and Jocko Willink calls it “detachment”. The ability to disassociate is a skill used by every master of emotion.

Essentially what it involves is separating yourself from your current emotions. you look at yourself as an outsider would see you. Then you try to direct the various ways you are acting or feeling. You poke and prod the specimen that is yourself, searching for inconsistency or irrationality.

When we have negative experiences, we tend to get sucked into the moment. We feel the worst of the worst when it comes to our emotions and our inability to manage them. This leads us to make poor decisions and act illogically. That is not the type of behavior befitting men.

What you need to be able to do is separate yourself from emotions so you can make good decisions. Or you can disassociate from emotion in order to lessen the pain of certain negative experiences. There are limitless benefits to dissociation and very few downsides.

Here is a simple exercise: when you find yourself in an emotionally painful situation, complete the following steps.

Stop. Take a mental step back and a deep breath.
In your mind, dissasociate yourself from your physical body. See yourself as if you were looking at someone else.
Turn the picture of yourself to a black and white photo.
Turn down the brightness on the image of yourself.
Now with the highly stimulating pieces of your emotions quieted, ask questions about yourself. Ask yourself if you are beeing rational. Ask yourself these questions ina calm, cool, collected manner.
Take inventory of everything that the person you are looking at (you) is feeling and analyze it objectively. There is no need to feel emotion here.
Wait until you are calm.

Another option is to take this exercise even further if you find you are not doing well.

Stop. Take a step back and a deep breath.
Disassociate from yourself again and look at yourself in your mind’s eye as if it were a movie.
Once you change the photo to black and white and make it less bright, solidify the picture in your mind.
Then disassociate again. You should be looking at a version of yourself who is also looking at a dim, black and white picture of yourself. This is called “double disassociation”.
Make the second disassociated verson of yourself black and white, dim and a small picture, then push the picture far away from you, as if it was on the other side of a 100 foot room.
Then analyzse your emotions from the afar off perspective that you have created, and you will find you are better able to be rational.

What this does is put our emotions within our own control. It allows us to separate ourselves far away from what we are currently feeling. When we do this, the old painful emotions start to fade, they lose their power and the feelings themselves become far off.

It may take a few attempts for you to learn how to do this, but it is an incredible technology that you can learn to start taking a firm hold on your emotions. you do not want to run around your whole life having your emotions dictate your day-to-day existence. You do not want to wake up saying “I hope today will be good“. Instead, you have to learn how to make the day good by taking control of your emotions. If you can control your emotions, you can control the world. Impose your will on reality and bend it to you.

Everything we are after in life is some variation on emotional control. If we can control our emotions, and in turn learn to control ourself, we will have everything we want in life. We will be able to feel the way we want to feel and think the way we want to think. Who does not want that?

You can learn to get that if you start by using these two simple exercises to disassociate from your emotions.

Stand for Something

I’ve begun to notice a certain genre of Christian in my local Church who avoid taking a stand for anything. Instead of clearly separating right and wrong, they are ambiguous. They allow certain behaviors to slide under the table. They ignore the stupidity of others to preserve relationships. they get their feelings hurt if they have to correct anyone.

These men care more about preserving relationships than about behaving morally. They would rather let a person wander off a cliff than correct him. Allowing someone to fall off a ledge because you do not want to correct them is not love, it is hate. It is easy to behave that way. It is easy to take the middle ground and do nothing for those around you. Any man can do that.

What is difficult is taking on the burden of correcting others. It is difficult to be the “bad guy” who rebukes the sinner in the presence of all (1 Timothy 5:20).

There is no nobility in indifference. There is nothing honorable about not choosing sides. Those who refuse to take sides are simply trying to avoid offending others. It would be better for you to offend others than be a weak, shell of a man who stands for nothing.

What you must do is decide to stand for what is right. Whether it is religious, political, or otherwise, you need to take sides. We as humans are built to go to war and fight. We are designed for “Us against them” interactions. Humans thrive in tribalism, though that word has been corrupted by modernity. Men need something to fight against, and you can start by fighting against stupid ideas. You can start with attacking those who decide to remain indifferent. Attack those who stand for nothing. This is the way of the warrior.

Men stand and fight. Those who stand idly by are worthless.

The Sexual Market Value of Joseph

It is fairly simple to understand how a woman’s sexual market value is determined. All you need to know is if she is attractive or not. Sexually, a woman’s value is based on how good she looks. When men look for a sexual partner, this is all they consider, from a secular point of view. Even religious men first determine if a woman is attractive and then consider her character when they are looking for someone to date or marry. A man will not even talk to a woman if she is not attractive, despite what the “beauty is on the inside” proponents have to suggest. Unfortunately for them, you cannot have sex with inner beauty, so it is not the first consideration for men looking for women. What we will learn momentarily will help us understand how high the sexual market value of Joseph was.

For men, on the other hand, there are many more components that go into determining their sexual market value.

Looks are only a component, and though they are important, they must be supplemented with additional characteristics for a man to be sexually marketable. Most notably, looks must be supplemented with traditionally masculine features and behaviors along with a man’s ability to game a woman, and finally topped off by his status or affluence. At the end of the day, women have more criteria for what makes a man a desirable sexual partner, both short and long-term.

Also please note, when I say “sexual partner” I do not mean “husband material”. The religious world does its best to convince young men that behaviors such as being a good provider, taking care of a woman’s emotions, and being a good father are what make men sexually attractive. This is not true. While those behaviors make men good long-term marriage partners, they are not good for generating genuine sexual attraction in a woman. That is best done by a combination of masculine behavior plus game, masculine features (muscle mass, lower-pitched voice, etc.).

Women have different criteria for who they want to have sex with versus who they want to marry.

The church has tried to educate and condition women to desire those long-term provider characteristics (good provider/good father etc.), but conditioning cannot undo a woman’s basic biological need to breed with the man who has the best genetics. She will desire to marry the long-term provider, but she will desire to have sex with the most masculine man. This is also why many Christian wives will rarely if ever feel a genuine sexual desire for their husbands.

That is a brief glimpse into the female sexual selection process and there is much more to cover at a later time, but those few paragraphs should give you enough information to make the story of Joseph much more compelling.

What we have in Genesis 39 is a man named Joseph who checks all the boxes for a good short-term sexual partner for a woman.

The sexual market value of Joseph is quite high. Let’s have a look at these:

I. He is Physically Attractive – Genesis 39:6

The Bible says Joseph is handsome in both form and appearance. Meaning he had an attractive body and face. These are two basic characteristics that form the foundation of a man’s sexual market value. But that is not all, we also learn that:

II. Joseph is Successful and Becomes an Overseer of Potiphar’s House – Genesis 39:3-4

Arguably, even more important than a man’s looks are his status and ambition. Not only is a man’s success in his career reflective of his ability to be an efficient long-term provider, but it also reflects mastery and ambition, each of which women usually find masculine and attractive. Joseph climbed the ranks in Potiphar’s house until he was in charge of everything. Potiphar’s mind was free to focus on business and the kingdom of Egypt, and he must have enjoyed that mental rest.

III. Joseph becomes “Forbidden Fruit” – Genesis 39:8-9

Women want what they cannot have. So when Joseph refuses Potiphar’s wife, that only makes him that much more desirable to her. Now she has to have him because he is not only attractive and successful but also a challenge to be conquered.

Potiphar’s wife likely was not interested in one single sexual encounter, I argue that she wanted a long-term affair.

I base this on the fact that the Bible says “He did not heed her to lie with her or to be with her”. Why separate “lying with” and “being with” unless they describe two separate events. Potiphar’s wife wanted sexual access to Jospeh over the long term (Genesis 39:10).

Men like Joseph are what women want:

1. Successful
2. Ambitious
3. Attractive (Fit)

Consider these points the next time you hear a lesson on the story of Joseph. Go to your preacher and ask him about the sexual market value of Joseph and see what he says. Most men have no idea the temptation Joseph faced when dealing with Potiphar’s wife because they themselves are not sexually marketable enough to be valued by women and subsequently be tempted by them. Women like high-value men. Most men in the church are too busy using their virtue to justify their poverty to have time to train their bodies or build their wealth.

Consider how you can make yourself more like Jospeh if you want to be more attractive to your wife. Be masculine and work hard and put yourself first.

Gaining The Respect of Men

Men have always cared about what other men think of them. They care about their reputation for skill or strength. Men have always been interested in knowing how they are perceived by other men and whether or not they are respected in the group. Respect is a critical component of masculinity.

In more recent times, this concern for the opinion of other men has begun to fade. In a way, this is a good thing because fewer and fewer men are worthy to be judges of men and masculinity. There are few men masculine enough to warrant them giving their opinion in any affair, much less on matters of masculinity. Why should a young man care what the standard effeminate man in the church thinks of him? He is not trying to alter his life to gain the approval of those weak men.

On the other hand, this separation of men from one another is negative because it means men will look to some other standard to guide their behavior. They will find new people to judge their masculinity in ways that may not be masculine. Most commonly this tends to be women.

If you think about it, you can see that the average man lives his life trying to gain the approval of various females.

His early years are spent pleasing mommy with good, “civilized” behavior. The days of youth and adolescence are spent trying to gain the approval of the primarily female school teachers. A man then tops this off by living his life to please a wife or girlfriend. Unfortunately, by the time most men are 20 they have not had a single masculine role model they can model their lives after. They are unconsciously trained to live for women.

As men, we should be working to undo this focus we have on winning female approval. What should matter in our minds is how other masculine men perceive us and if we are respected by them or not. And if we are not respected, we should want to learn how to gain respect. It should be important to us to be valued by other men. And in the end, if we are valued by other men, we will automatically be valued by females though they should never be the primary goal.

One important thing to note is that we cannot care about what every man thinks of us.

This was mentioned briefly, but it bears repeating. The majority of men have not earned the right to give their opinions and have them valued. There are less than five men I know whose opinions and thoughts I truly value and whose lives I want to model. This means there are less than five men who I would take advice from.

When another man gives you an opinion or offers some advice, ask yourself if you admire his life. Do you want your life to end up the way that his life has? If not, then completely ignore what he has to say. This applies just as much to your father as it does to the common men in the church. If a man is fat, do not take nutrition advice from him. If he is not masculine, do not take advice from him on how to be masculine. And if he is not successful in the secular world, do not take career advice from him.

To gain the respect of other men you must make yourself valuable.

Men care about levels of skill, this is why they will invariably ask each other, “What do you do?” within moments of meeting each other. The primary way men size each other up is by evaluating their skills. By finding out what skills are valuable in the world and to other men, you can then focus on increasing those skills. Then even if you do not necessarily have a valuable line of work, you at least have a valuable skill that you work at on the side. So the first tool to gain respect is to increase your skill.

The second path to increase respect is to increase your knowledge.

Skill and knowledge go hand in hand. Men value advice from people who know what they are talking about. You should work hard to increase your knowledge of valuable subject matters. When a man comes to you with a question or asks for advice, he respects you. Men do not accept non-solicited advice because it is insulting to them. If you willy-nilly offer advice to everyone you are suggesting that they do not have the necessary knowledge to make a decision. While that may be true, men must come to you and ask for advice, you cannot just throw it out at everyone. That will be insulting to their intelligence.

Another path to respect is to have a streak of wise decisions.

These do not have to be massive, life-altering decisions, but you do need to have a streak of good decisions. A good decision streak demonstrates that you are in the habit of thinking before you act which automatically places you in the top 10% of men. Other men need to see that you make wise dating decisions, can lead in the church effectively, can avoid embarrassing yourself and your ancestors, and that you do not blow your money on frivolities if you are not in the financial position to do so. As David did, you must behave wisely in all your ways (1 Samuel 18:14), and then others will take note of your wisdom (1 Samuel 18:15).

The fourth path to respect is to control your emotions and be calm, especially in public or high-stress situations.

I cannot tell you how many times I have completely lost respect for individuals because they lost control of their emotions under pressure. If you want to know a man’s true character, pressure him and see how he reacts. Is he calm, cool, and collected, or does he lose control of his emotions and bowels? Even if a man becomes frustrated during a task, that is also a weakness. You must be the man who is calm and collected. You may be having a heart attack or be in a state of internal panic, but that should never show in your face or your words. Demonstrate repeatedly to other men that you can handle yourself and your emotions under pressure and you will have their respect.

The fifth path to respect is to allow others to uncover your success but never talk about it yourself.

One of the reasons that humility is masculine is because it is a demonstration that you do not need to praise and admiration of others. This is an area where every man has room for growth. Who does not love a good compliment? We can enjoy compliments and praise, but we should not actively seek it out by boasting about our accomplishments. You gain the respect of other men when they find out about your accomplishments from people other than yourself. Perhaps they talk to one of your co-workers and hear about how you handled a situation or delivered an epic project weeks before a deadline. That knowledge will boost that man’s respect for you because no only does he learn that you are skilled, but also that you do not need to brag about it.

The sixth path to respect is to speak directly and truthfully.

While this is not a popular form of communication, it is valuable and useful. Direct, blunt communication was even utilized by Jesus when dealing with certain unsavory groups of people (Matt 23:27-28; John 8:44-45). While I am certainly not advocating that you act like a jerk and tell every single individual every one of your thoughts, I am saying that you cannot be a man who beats around the bush and still be respected by others. You need to have the tenacity to speak directly and not water down the truth. You need to be able to tell another person that their choices of words or actions are poor. And ou must be able to call out wrongdoing when you see it. If you cannot do this, you resign yourself to a life of cowardice and will never have the full respect of other men.

The seventh and final path to gain respect is to simply avoid actions that would cause you to lose respect.

This is the simplest path to respect. Simply do not be stupid or dishonorable in your conduct. Think back on times in your life when you have lost respect for a man. What caused you to lose respect for him? Whatever he did, you must then do the opposite. Sometimes you can gain the respect of others simply by avoiding foolishness. The root of wisdom is first the removal of foolishness.

Now it’s your turn. Think up some ways that you can gain respect from masculine, admirable men and write them down. Leave them in the comment section below! This list is not exhaustive and you may notice that there are missing paths to respect. Perhaps in your own life, you have gained or lost respect for other men based on their actions. Write down those experiences. The negatives ones are just as valuable as the positive ones. If you lose respect for a man because of the way he acts, do the opposite of whatever he does as mentioned before.

Conduct Yourselves Like Men.

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