Accountability is useful up to a point, after which it becomes a crutch.
“But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load.”
Galatians 6:4-5
“He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor.”
1 Corinthians 3:8
Accountability is overrated, and it is the opposite of ownership. Accountability means someone needs help from others to get things done or to stay disciplined. People won’t stop looking at porn unless they have “accountability”. They will not commit to disciplines and do the work without some kind of accountability hanging over their head.
Now I am not attacking pure, isolated accountability; I attack the ideas of men who use accountability as a crutch rather than a tool. Men who cannot do anything without someone having to babysit them.
Ownership in Christianity is the ability of the individual to be autonomous in his integrity and character.
The Man does not need to be chauffeured around by his accountability partners, he is self-moving. He does not need the support group to stick to his disciplines every day.
Accountability partners exist merely to alleviate the guilt you feel when you fail to be disciplined in your life. Fail to quit drinking? Confess to the accountability group and the guilt is gone. Fail to quit having sex with women who are not your wife? Confess it and you are free. There is nothing wrong with confession, but if you confess like that then you are using confession as a tool to alleviate your personal guilt rather than a tool to improve yourself.
Are there situations in which men really need help, situations where men truly cannot move on their own? Yes. And I am not attacking those situations. But are those situations the majority? No. They are the exception, not the rule. Most men simply use those situations as an excuse. They say, “Well that’s me. I need the support group. I need the 12 week rehab program”. No, you need ownership. You need discipline. You need to stop outsourcing your discipline to other people like the rest of the naked mole rats around you.
If you condition yourself to only do what is right, to only work when you have accountability, then you are setting yourself up for failure.
Because there will arise tremendous tests in your life and you will be unprepared. Why? Because you had too much accountability, and not enough ownership.
Your character does not have the structural integrity to stand on its own against the hurricane of temptation, so you crumble. Excess of accountability weakens men. It converts them to weak boys. Men don’t sit around talking about their problems, they just take action.
Stop the accountability, you don’t need it. Start taking some ownership. Invest in yourself rather than in the group. Then in time you will be more valuable to the group, should you choose to go back.
Mantra
Own your problems. They are only yours.
Application
Take personal responsibility for every single detail of your life. You are not allowed to place one drop of blame on anyone but yourself for the way your life currently is. If you don’t like the way your life turned out, look in the mirror at whose fault that is.
You have to commit to small disciplines every day. Take responsibility for your own behaviors and actions and start working to improve yourself. Build disciplines that you keep always, without fail, this is the construction of character. Performing these disciplines alone, with no help is the result of ownership. And Ownership is the very thing you need. You will never get to a point where you can stand on your own in great endeavours unless you begin to be disciplined every day in small endeavors that no one knows about.
That’s right, tell no one about your disciplines.
No one needs to know unless they ask directly. This strategy opposes the popular “Tell everyone what you are doing so they can hold you accountable” philosophy. If you need external motivation to complete your disciplines, you do not have enough ownership.
Memorize scripture daily.
Read no less than a minimum fixed amount of Bible every day .
Read a fixed amount of secular non-fiction, informative literature each day.
Train the body.
Write.
Think.
Contemplate and Meditate.
Have discipline in any of these areas, then add more discipline.
Keep to these disciplines with no help from “accountability partners”.
Be a man. A man can be a man without help from other weak men.
Conduct yourselves like Men.