Not everyone is so fortunate to have a mentor. Especially in the modern days when mastering a trade is less frequently accomplished. Very few of us have had proper role models during our upbringing.
Sure, we had a few men who tried to suggest they were good at being men because they were religious, but we understand that is a conflation. Being a good man does not automatically mean you are good at being a man. There are plenty of good men who are not strong, courageous, honorable or have gained mastery in some skill. Yet they will still take the time to tell you that you should be like them or that you should be like one of their equally unimpressive friends.
What is a man to do if he has no mentors? I will give you two options.
The first is simple: find mentors online. There are plenty of masculine men who make and post videos or write articles online. Even though you cannot be with all of them in person, you can still be heavily influenced by them. Many of these men make themselves available through coaching or webinars where you can speak to them face to face. If you have not had a masculine mentor in religion, buying some coaching from a masculine mentor may be well worth the investment.
After all, you were going to spend that money on something else. You might waste it on the ethereal potential of a job offer. By that, I mean that many people waste tens of thousands of dollars purchasing knowledge during their college years only to have nothing to show for it. If you are willing to make that kind of investment in a system that only produces results half of the time or less, why not try investing in some personal training for your character?
Even if you decide not to do that, there are plenty of masculine men on the internet that you can learn from and begin to emulate.
This was my path as a young man. I had no mentors growing up in the church, and I luckily stumbled upon men like Greg Plitt, Elliot Hulse, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and others. By listening to the speeches and advice of these men I was able to integrate their life philosophy. The only philosophy I got in the church was that of blind obedience. I am all for obeying the commands of the God of War (Ex. 15:3), there is no need to have blind faith. If you dig deep enough you will find that the laws make sense, that they are protective measures for our wellbeing so we can live quiet lives and minimize unnecessary trouble.
Learn from the men of the world but remember to still act as a man of God.
The second option is one of my favorites. It is called the Ancient Warrior Avatar. This is a character you create in your mind who speaks to you and gives you instructions. We are already talking to ourselves, so we might as well take total control over what we are saying and make it good and positive. We can do this by using the ancient warrior in our minds.
First, he must be created. This is done by visualizing who you want to be many years down the road. Perhaps 20, 30, 40 years or more. Who will you be and what will you have accomplished? What will your eyes have seen and what wisdom will you have gathered? What perception will you have and what strategies will you employ? Decide who you want to be when you are older and create the image of that person in your mind.
This is the Ancient Warrior avatar.
He has already seen all the war and trouble of your life and has survived. Now you want his knowledge and assistance. When it comes time to take actions that you do not like, you can step into this character and act like him. When you encounter those situations where you would rather not be disciplined, you have to think about who you are becoming many years down the road. Would you as an ancient warrior fall prey to weakness at this moment? No. It would stop you from becoming that man later in life.
What you are doing here is creating an identity. You are emulating the warrior you want to be, and this makes it far more likely that you will act in accordance with those warrior values.
Whenever you begin to have thoughts creep into your mind, call upon the ancient warrior. Have an image of him in your mind. What does he look like? Does he have a long beard and walking stick? You need to be as detailed and clear in your visualization as possible. Then once you encounter difficulty, visualize the ancient warrior speaking to you.
One of my favorite lines that the ancient warrior uses to me is, “Demonstrate the power of your will”. Then as quickly as I can I initiate whatever action I was avoiding. Whether it is a cold shower, a training session, or some work for my job or the website, I immediately jump into it before my mind can generate any more excuses.
Your ancient warrior can say whatever he wants.
But you need to view him as a part of you but still as a separate entity. A person who can speak to you and give assistance when you need it like an old warrior training up a new generation of fighters. You are that new generation, so make an alliance with your mind. Make an alliance with your thinking and do not allow your mind to be a place of defeat.
One of the benefits of this character is that eventually, you do not want to let him down. If your visualization is extremely clear, you will want to become that warrior all those years in the future, so you will endure the pain of discipline today. Even though he is a fabrication, you still want to live up to his expectations.
Another legitimate visualization exercise is to seek the counsel of this warrior. I know this continues to sound more “woo-woo” and in a way it is. But that does not mean you cannot get benefits from the exercise.
To seek the counsel of the warrior you need to imagine yourself walking down a path towards the home of this warrior. He lives in your mind, yes, but you need a place for him to live. A place you can travel to and seek out his wisdom. So, decide where he will live. Will it be a cabin, a temple, a fortress, a dojo, or some other place? I would recommend that it be a place that represents the intersection of discipline and serenity.
Once you have built your ancient warrior’s dwelling place with as much detail and clarity as possible, you can then travel there in your own mind.
For this exercise, we will say our warrior lives in a secluded cabin in the woods. Imagine yourself walking along the edge of a river that parallels a forest. You continue along until you come to a well-worn path leading directly into the forest. You walk along that path, admiring the oaks and enjoying the scent of the pines, enjoying the deer and other wildlife that run through the trees. To the side, you can hear the sound of a babbling stream that shoots off the side of the river you traveled beside earlier.
In the distance, you begin to see a slight clearing with a cabin in the middle. There is smoke rising from the chimney and hot coals in the forge. You walk up to the door, open it and enter. There is the ancient warrior, sitting comfortably in a chair with complete peace, but you can see in his eyes that he could leap into a warlike frenzy in just a moment. You sit down, and state your problem, asking a question from him. Then simply listen to his answer. Perhaps it does not come immediately, but you will get an answer.
This is just a very detailed visualization exercise with the goal of giving a problem to your subconscious mind for solving. The detail is very important because it tricks the mind into thinking that it is real. You need to have this level of detail in your own exercise. And after you complete it, eventually an answer will come “bubbling up” from the back of your mind, as many great insights do. Even though it seems a little strange, there is no doubt you are handing off a problem to your subconscious mind, which will produce a solution much faster than the conscious mind usually can. All of this can happen through the simple power of visualization.
Become the ancient warrior you visualize and then assist others.
If you did not have good mentors growing up, you have all the more responsibility to be a mentor to other men. Most of the young men around you are growing up with weak, beta male fathers who do not know how to lead. It is going to be your responsibility to make whatever impact you can on those young men. Be the mentor that you would have wanted but were never able to have. This will give you peace, and you will have become the Ancient Warrior.