One of the biggest mistakes Christian men make when they get married is training their wives to keep them dependent on sex.
They teach their wives to think that they will do anything for sex. Husbands demonstrate this with their own actions.
They will beg for sex.
They will plead for sex.
They will change decisions or make decisions for sex.
If their wife says “jump for sex”they say “how high”.
This habit starts before marriage, as most Christian men get married so they can experience sex. Everything else is secondary.
Bad Habits
This habit of sex-dependence starts early in marriage. Men are so excited to finally have access to sex that they couldn’t have access to for so many years that they don’t want to lose it.
They don’t want to miss out on it. They will do anything to keep the supply of sex intact
This mindset makes them vulnerable.
A Little History
You see, throughout history, women’s truest power and agency over men has been their sexuality.
Women learn this from an early age – as soon as they are old enough to understand sex.
They start to realize that most men will do just about anything to get into their pants.
Then, on a conscious or unconscious level, they learn to manipulate that fact to get what they want.
They learn to withhold sex to try to force their husbands’ hand into taking actions he otherwise wouldn’t have taken.
This is immoral behavior, but it happens.
The biggest sexual mistake Christian men make is allowing this to happen.
The manipulation of sex is a mindset for women. It develops over time.
And when men cater to their wives every little want and craving, make decisions big and small, and violate their principles in order to have access to sex, they reinforce this idea that women have power over them.
Most husbands teach their wives to manipulate sex.
Husbands teach their wives with their own actions – and when they constantly give into manipulative pressure from their wife just to have sex, the wife learns she simply has to apply sexual pressure and she can get her way.
If she learns this early in the marriage, it is difficult to undo.
Training Your Wife
If you let your wife understand through your actions that you aren’t a slave to her sexuality, and won’t do whatever she says because she gatekeeps sex, and especially if you do this early in the marriage, you won’t find youself in position where your wife manipulates sex to get what she wants.
She won’t be able to manipulate sex because you aren’t a slave to her sexuality.
This is something that single, unmarried men should pay careful attention to. Because they are in a position where they can make all the right decisions and prevent this from ever occurring.
If you are unmarried or about to get married, you are in the best possible position to prevent your wife from manipulating Sex.
How It Works
It’s simple to apply this lesson practically.
If your wife withholds sex from you because you will or won’t do something she wants, instead of giving into her, just go about your business as if nothing was happening.
Make it seem like it doesn’t matter to you at all if you have sex or not.
And most importantly – make the decision you know to be right. Do not give into sexual pressure.
If you do what you know is rational, intelligent, and morally correct, and are not swayed by your wife’s sexuality, you will be in a position of power.
Don’t worry, you’ll have sex again.
But you won’t be a slave to it.
You just have to be disciplined early in marriage, for a short time for this to have lasting benefits on your life.
It won’t take many instances of you showing your wife you are unaffected by her manipulation before it clicks in her mind and she realizes you can’t be manipulated.
At that point you’ve taken away her manipulative power, the power that women have used throughout the ages. She will realize those tactics are worthless against a man of sexual discipline like you.
In the end she will respect you more, and you will have more access to sex within marriage than ever before all because you practiced discipline.
This also requires your wife to improve her character as well.
If she’s withholding sex in the first place, or manipulating it in any way, that isn’t moral behavior.
Those aren’t the actions of a woman of character.
So by training her to understand that you aren’t dependent on her for sex, she will not only improve her character by stopping the manipulation, but it will force her to learn to articulate her positions more rationally and logically – to approach you as a thinker, rather than as a caveman who is a slave to his penis.
If she wants you to do something or not do something, now instead of manipulating sex, she actually has to have a rational, intelligent conversation with you about what to do.
Now that’s something we can accept.
Men should always be willing to change their mind based on logic and evidence. And a woman who doesn’t manipulate sex actually has a more rational mind. She has to, because sex is no longer her power – she must develop her mind.
Even Benjamin Franklin knew this stuff.
Ever seen a woman whose only power is her sexuality?
Think Instagram models and porn stars.
These aren’t the great thinkers of our age.
When a woman’s only tool is her sexuality, she is almost always foolish and intellectually underdeveloped.
Conclusion
Don’t teach your wife that you will do anything for sex.
Don’t teach her that you will change your mind and opinions just to have sex with her.
If you do, you will be in the same boat as so many other Christian men around you. and it’s not a fun place to be.
But with just a little sexual discipline applied early in marriage, you can prevent this from ever occurring.
So develop that discipline.
Conduct yourselves like men.
