Proverbs 13:12 – Deferred Hope

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.” – Proverbs 13:12 (NKJV)

Introduction

Life is going to try to slow you down. With that in mind, the wisdom of Proverbs shines through, reminding us to look forward and know that if we persevere, something better is coming. One day our goal will be achieved if we can temporarily put our wants aside and focus. 

1. Understanding the Weight of Deferred Hope

When we want something, but cannot have it, the emotional toll is serious. Anyone who. Has sat down to think about how long they will have to work in life may consider this for themselves.

It can be depressing and disheartening to think of how long we have to work a day job before retirement. This makes many people physically sick. Some use this sickness to motivate themselves to free themselves from the need to work a day job. I find this to be a noble pursuit. 

There are moments in our lives when dreams are delayed, and aspirations seem out of reach. Those moments can easily send us spiraling into depression. 

2. A Tree of Life

However, this verse also shows the satisfaction of reaching a goal and fulfilling a desire, likening them to a tree of life. 

Tis is the source from which improvement grows.

3. Generating Resilience

Hope isn’t passive; it’s a force that sustains us through adversity. Romans 12:12 teaches us to be joyful in hope, patient in tribulation, and steadfast in prayer. 

Center your mind on your goal so you can aim for what you want to accomplish. Don’t worry if you aren’t where you want to be today. Let go of those attachments – they will only create worry and anxiety.

Practical Exercise

  • Reflect: Take time to reflect on areas in your life where goals feel deferred. Journal your thoughts and emotions, allowing yourself to process the difficult thoughts that accompany these realizations. 
  • Use God’s Wisdom: Spend time in Scripture and learn teachings related to your hopes and desires. Write down verses that resonate with you and meditate on them daily.
  • Take Action: Identify small steps you can take towards fulfilling your hopes and dreams. Set realistic goals and commit to consistent effort, trusting in God’s timing and provision.

The False Security of Wealth: Proverbs 11:28

Every man has the responsibility to work and make money. That’s a job we all have. The mistake we often make is to put trust in riches that are here one day and gone the next.

In Proverbs 11:28, we are reminded that relying solely on wealth for security is misguided. 

1. Wealth as False Security

Many believe that accumulating wealth is the key to security and happiness. I’ve thought this many times, and I don’t underestimate the power of wealth in making people happier.

However, Proverbs 11:28 challenges this notion by highlighting the transient nature of riches.

Material wealth can provide temporary comfort but cannot guarantee long-term security.

Men can lose fortunes in the blink of an eye – fortunes that it took them a lifetime to acquire. 

so while we should all work and attempt to gather a fortune and build wealth, we should recognize the tendency of money to sprout wings and fly away.

2. The Deceptive Allure of Riches

It’s easy to fall into the trap of pursuing wealth as a source of security. The allure of luxury and financial stability can blind us to the deeper realities of life.

Proverbs warns us against placing undue trust in material possessions, which can lead to disappointment if that wealth is lost. There is nothing wrong with gathering wealth, but do not become emotionally attached to it. That is what this verse is teaching.

This is not a verse telling us not to gain wealth, but rather to manage our emotional attachment to wealth. 

3. True Security in Wisdom and Righteousness

Instead of relying solely on wealth, Proverbs 11:28 encourages us to seek true security in wisdom and righteous living. This security will outlast the temporary nature of material wealth.

Our possessions may fluctuate throughout our life, but our character cannot be taken from us. We build it yourself, and we maintain it throughout time. 

4. Inner Wealth

While financial planning and responsible stewardship are important, lasting wealth extends beyond monetary assets.

Cultivating inner wealth through righteous living will be the wealth that echoes into eternity. Everything you read on this website is about developing the inner man.

5. Balanced Perspectives

The wisdom of Proverbs invites us to adopt a balanced perspective on wealth and security.

While financial stability is valuable, it should not overshadow the pursuit of spiritual, emotional, and relational well-being. We have to maintain perspective regarding what is important in life. 

Proverbs 11:28 serves as a pointed reminder that security is found in wisdom, righteousness. Gather wealth but do not become emotionally attached to wealth.

Men and Women Cannot be Friends

Men and women cannot be friends because the relationship depends on one party being attracted to the other.

For men, there is never pure friendship with a woman.

Did you know that if a man is not attracted to a woman he will almost certainly not approach and talk to her?

In fact, one of the only times a man will approach a woman he is not attracted to is if he believes he can gain access to her more attractive friends by using the unattractive friend to get his foot in the door.

It sounds manipulative, but it is sex we are talking about here.

Think about this rationally.

What exactly do men and women have in common?
What do they have to be friends about?

If men and women start discussing various things they are interested in, a bond forms.

Some form of attraction starts to surface.


You cannot spend excessive amounts of time with another person, of the opposite sex, share interests, stories and thoughts without developing an attraction to them.

What I have just described is the breeding ground for adultery.

It’s a rare for a man or woman to storm out of their home saying “I’m tired of my marriage, I’m gonna go have an affair”.

It’s becoming less rare with websites dedicated to anonymous affairs, but it is still uncommon.

Instead what happens is a seemingly innocent relationship develops between to people. It starts with small talk but the end result is pillow talk. What starts small grows into something uncontrollable.

What is kept as a secret inside the mind tends to grow as well. You feel the urge to avoid telling your wife when you develop one of these “friendships” at work or some other place.

If you feel the urge to keep something a secret, that might just be your intuition trying to tell you that you are doing something unwise.

Small talk will inevitably lead to a feeling of companionship which can easily lead to an affair if not stopped in its tracks.



It is dangerous for men and women to be friends.

Intersexual relationships are designed to be sexual in nature at their terminal points. Once that singular relationship is developed in a marriage, that should mark the end of any close man-woman relationships.


I’ll make it plain: I don’t believe men and women can be close friends. It seems to me that relationships between men and women are meant to lead to marriage and sex. That is their natural end point.

That’s not to say platonic relationships cannot happen – you can probably think of some exceptions yourself. But it is exactly that – exceptions. And exceptions serve to prove the rule.

Because of these realities, we need to understand some key principles:

I – Men in Committed Relationships should not be friends with women.

It is a pathway to adultery.

If you want one of the surest ways to put yourself at risk for an adultery, then make close friendships with a woman who is not your wife.

Your intuition will tell you it’s dangerous. And your intuition can be verified with logical analysis of the lives of men who have made the same error.

II – Women who are “just friends” with men don’t understand the minds of men.

When women become friends with men, they get attention, which is exactly what they want. During this friendship, the standard man frequently tries to win her affections by proving he is worth them. [This is a weak approach – you cannot win over women by proving your worth. They have to be organically attracted to you]

Women don’t understand that all their male friends are attracted to them.

You don’t see guys hanging around unattractive women do you? They seem to always make friends with women they find attractive.

Even if women know this intellectually, they don’t want to acknowledge the reality of it because they are enjoying the attention too much.


If a woman could spend five minutes in the mind of the man she would instantly understand why men and women cannot be friends.

Man in the secular state is driven by his sexual drive and makes the bulk of his decisions in an attempt to satisfy that drive. When trained by biblical principles he attempts to reign in this drive, but that does not change the fact that the drive exists, and it always will exist in his mind.

Therefore if a man makes a friendship with a woman, it is done in attempt to further the sexual drive.

He may deny it to himself, saying, “Oh we’re just friends. We have so much in common. She understands my complaints”. These are all excuses meant to deny the reality that every man knows in the back of his mind – that the relationship might turn sexual.

The main point is that men and women cannot be friends. Not in the truest sense. Not in the ways that women are friends with women and men are friends with men. Same sex friendships will always go deeper than intersex friendships. Intersex friendships terminate at sex. It is very difficult to resist the pull of those relationships to turn sexual.

I Would encourage you to not have close relationships with other women who are not your wife.

I Also understand that as Christians we have a familial relationship within the church body where men and women interact. I would encourage you to keep these relationships on a Spiritual level. Do not make close friends with women even at your church. Plenty of affairs have begun at a church.

And how often do people mistake emotion for spirituality? Very often.

As such, Christian’s can mistake their emotions for spirituality when it comes to their relationship with one another.

Because of the confusion regarding the relationship between the spiritual and the emotional, we have another possible breeding ground for an affair.

Always remember the fact that men and women cannot truly be friends.

Bible Verses About Discipline

The Bible is a text based on the fundamentals of discipline and delayed gratification.

Through the lens of the Bible, life is nothing more than a huge delayed gratification experiment.

Can the human being deny physical pleasures for physical reward? That is our story. It is the tale of you and me.

Can we be people who give up some [not all] pleasures in this world in exchange for eternal life?

God knows it is possible. He didn’t build an impossible system. He built a system that you and I can follow to the best of our ability.

Needless to say, discipline is required of us to keep that system.

Let’s explore some of the key biblical texts surrounding the idea of discipline.

The Race of Faith

“Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. Therefore, I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.”

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Several times in scripture the path of spiritual discipline is compared to a race. Anyone who has competed in any sports knows there are moments when your flesh is screaming at you to give in. But in those moments you learn that you are capable of pushing through. You learn that the pain does not last forever.

Those are key lessons.

In the Biblical path of faith, there are hundreds upon hundreds of moments when we want to give in. But through discipline, we overlook the temporary discomfort and focus on the enduring reward.

Lesson of Discipline 1

Look to the long-term benefit of what you are doing. Invest in discipline and it will pay you higher dividends than any stock.

“Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.”

Proverbs 25:28

If environmental control is 80% of discipline, emotional control is the remaining 20%.

When you give in to urges, temptations, and cravings, it is because your desire to avoid pain defeats your discipline. The craving defeated discipline because you couldn’t control your emotions regarding the pain.

We fail when we tell ourselves:

  • “I can’t do it”
  • “This is too much for me”
  • “I can’t take any more of this pain”
  • “Why Bother?”

The teaching of this Proverb is that we have to start with emotional discipline. Control your thoughts if you want to control your emotions. After all, your emotions are just the lagging measures of your thoughts.


Lesson 2

Control your emotions by disciplining your thoughts. By doing so you rule your spirit.

“Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

Hebrews 12:11

Some discipline comes from God. We can never prove that we are being disciplined by God. But rest assured He disciplines us. We know this because He said He has. But you’ll never know for sure if He is disciplining you at any time. Anyone who claims to know what the God of heaven and earth is doing at any given time is a fool.

Though we may never know precisely when it happens, we can rest assured that God disciplines us.

He does this out of love to bring us into a more self-disciplined lifestyle.


Lesson 3

Accept the discipline of God with humility.

Allow yourself to be made better through difficult circumstances.

“He who keeps instruction is in the way of life, but he who refuses correction goes astray.”

Proverbs 10:17

We learn in the beginning by what we are taught by parents and leaders. After we are grown we have to subject ourselves to self-education or we stagnate. We have to avoid this otherwise we will be old me who knows nothing.

Just because someone is old doesn’t mean they are wise. It is possible to live a whole life and learn nothing.

Keep the valuable instruction and discard what was worthless. Not everything we learn from older generations has practical value. Respectfully thank the older generation for trying to make you better – but recognize that not everything they say is valuable.

Put everything to the fire of intellectual judgment.


Lesson 4

Gain instruction from older generations.
Critically analyze their lessons.
Continue to educate yourself.
Discipline yourself based on this instruction.

“The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; but the soul of the diligent shall be made rich.”

Proverbs 13:4

The elements of human nature don’t change. The people in Solomon’s day were the same that exist today.

Some discipline themselves and succeed.

Others do nothing and claim that every successful person cheated to get where they are. There is no honor in this behavior.

Proverbs will teach us multiple times that the pathway to success of any kind is through simple disciplines.

Sometimes discipline is easy.
Somethings it’s moderately difficult.
Sometimes it’s incredibly hard.

The effort we exert each day exists on a spectrum.

But the easy way to get ahead of 99% of the people in the world is to just start taking action. Just get started, you will figure it out along the way.


Lesson 5

Get started in the smallest possible way. Go beyond your desire and be the diligent soul who earns what’s his.

“But hospitable, a lover of what is good, sober-minded, just, holy, self-controlled.”

Titus 1:8

The qualifications of leadership are being discussed here. Specifically the leadership position of the leadership in a church. If a man does not demonstrate discipline [which is self-control] then he is not fit for leadership.

What an incredible teaching that is!

The lesson is clear, if you want to be a leader, you have to be self-controlled. If you want to evaluate current leaders, just examine their level of self-control.


Lesson 6

Develop self-control to improve your leadership qualities.

Scrutinize and analyze current leaders based on their leadership ability.

“But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.”

2 Peter 1:5-7

Self-control is found in this laundry list of good personal qualities that we should have. It is not far-fetched to suggest that self-control is the foundational characteristic necessary for any and every avenue of life.

If we cannot stop ourselves from taking actions we shouldn’t, and also push ourselves to do the work we need to do, how can we do anything?

We can’t.

Being able to push ourselves to do what’s necessary despite our emotional sensations at the time is key.


Lesson 7

Discipline is the foundation of all behavioral and spiritual traits.

Exercise your will in small areas before moving on to larger ones.

Push slightly beyond what your emotions are trying to tell you to do.

“He who disdains instruction despises his own soul, but he who heeds rebuke gets understanding.”

Proverbs 15:32

When discipline comes from an outside source. It pays to listen.

Even if you disagree in the end, give the information the chance to be heard.

Neither accept nor reject and idea before you have had time to think about it.

Do not react emotionally to outside discipline. Otherwise you will miss the point the lesson is trying to teach you. And by doing so you will rob yourself of a chance to grow.

Don’t rob yourself.


Lesson 8

Calmly accept outside discipline.

Analyze lessons with your own mind before accepting them.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.”

Galatians 5:22-23

Spiritual fundamentals are rooted in self-discipline. This is the ability to do what you are supposed to do despite how you are feeling at any given moment.

And in fact if you act with discipline you will find your emotions fall in line. They will then be your allies.

If you start acting depiste how you feel, in a moment you will feel like acting.

The root of spiritual discipline is self-discipline.


Lesson 9

To be spiritual is to physical do what is required of you despite how you feel.

Just get started and your emotions will soon come to your aid.

“Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.”

Proverbs 12:1

To hate being corrected is to hate learning. The Bible equivocate these two.

To be corrected is to learn.

You are on an incorrect path one moment, and the next you are on the right path thanks to correction from an outside source. Whether a teacher, parent, book or article – the source doesn’t matter. All that matters is you take new information and you change your current course of action to something better.

That is how to be corrected with grace and use it to improve yourself.


Lesson 10

Take new information and change your course of action.

Resist the urge to become emotional about being corrected.

“Apply your heart to instruction, and your ears to words of knowledge.”

Proverbs 23:12

Want to know what most people aren’t doing right now?

Learning.
Gaining knowledge.
Improving their lives.

Good for you for reading this right now. Pat yourself on the back.

A man’s second occupation must be learning, for it makes him better at his primary occupation and all the things he does in life.


Lesson 11

Be a perpetual Learner. Apply your heart to the continual acquisition of knowledge.

“But reject profane and old wives’ fables, and exercise yourself toward godliness. For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come.”

1 Timothy 4:7-8



When you look to the Biblical text to learn discipline, take the lessons and apply them.

Proverbs 16:9 – Plan Your Way

God takes care of us. He works out events according to His will.

Everything that happens does so because it aligns with God’s ultimate strategy.

However, this does not excuse us from taking our own actions and making our own plans.

proverbs 16:9


The scripture is filled with admonitions to plan ahead, to think, and to strategize. If we don’t do this we will make poor decisions or fall into sin. One such verse is Proverbs 16:9.

“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps”

Proverbs 16:9

There is clear and obvious interplay between God’s actions and our actions. God directs our steps but we still have to plan our way, We have to make plans. We have to think and strategize. It is not enough to hope God will do all the heavy lifting for us. We have to make some moves of our own.

Many people believe their only job is to pray to God and He will take care of the test. That is not the whole story.

If you pray for God to move a mountain, you may find that He sends you a shovel.

Prayer does not excuse us from action and work. We have to make moves in our own lives if we want progress.

Do not make the mistake that so many religionists do today and think that your level of faith is determined by your blind trust in God to do all the heavy lifting in your life. God will work in your life, but He expects you to work in your own life.


Plan, set goals, and strategize: this is what we learn from Proverbs 16:9.

Though God is in ultimate control of the outcomes of our lives, part of the outcome is determined by our own choices.

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