Category: Marriage/Women/Sex

Bathsheba Wasn’t a Victim



Challenging the Pedestalization of Women in the Church



In Christianity, Women are frequently elevated to an untouchable status, often regarded as morally superior or sinless, especially in contrast to men.

This trend is particularly evident when discussing biblical figures like Bathsheba, where the modern narrative has been crafted to portray her as an innocent victim of King David’s power and authority.

But if we examine the situation critically, there’s ample reason to question this assumption.

Bathsheba was not an innocent victim; she was just as complicit as David in their shared sexual sin.

In the church culture, this pedestalization of women—presenting them as incapable of significant wrongdoing—has led to a distortion of biblical truth.

Let’s break down the case of Bathsheba, explore her potential motivations, and dismantle the harmful ways that men in the church, influenced by modern feminist ideals, minimize women’s sins while overemphasizing the sins of men.




Bathsheba’s Role: Not a Helpless Victim

The typical narrative often attributes David’s sin with Bathsheba solely to his power, authority, and unchecked lust.



They assume Bathsheba had no choice in the matter.

But this assumption is based on nothing more than speculation.




There is no biblical evidence that Bathsheba was coerced or forced into committing adultery.




The passage in 2 Samuel 11 clearly indicates that David saw Bathsheba, desired her, and sent for her—but it never suggests that she resisted or was reluctant.

Bathsheba, like David, knew what she was doing was sinful.

While it’s possible that she was intimidated by David’s status as king, it’s also entirely plausible that she knew the benefits of sexually engaging with the king.

Let’s be honest about the societal dynamics of that time: women sought financial security and protection through men.

Bathsheba could have very well seen an opportunity for herself by aligning with David.



Being connected to the king brought lifelong security. If she bore his child, she would secure not only her own future but the future of her family.

This wasn’t just a matter of attraction; it was a power play.

Bathsheba’s compliance may have been driven by the recognition of what a relationship with the king could mean— status, power, and security that no ordinary life could provide.

For all we know, Bathsheba may have seen this as her moment to secure a place in the king’s court.



The Double Standard: Bathsheba vs. Esther

Let’s contrast the church’s treatment of Bathsheba’s story to the story of Queen Esther.

In the book of Esther, we celebrate her as a hero for bravely approaching King Ahasuerus to save her people, even at the risk of her own life.


We honor Esther’s courage and admire her strength in standing up to the king, breaking protocol, and putting herself in danger for a greater cause.




Had Bathsheba resisted David’s advances and reminded him of God’s commands, we would have celebrated her in a similar way that we celebrate Esther.


But instead, based on the biblical record, Bathsheba made no such stand. She did not stand firm in righteousness, nor did she attempt to dissuade David from sinning.

She participated willingly, and for this, we cannot absolve her of responsibility.




Yet, the church often excuses Bathsheba and paints her as a victimwhileglorifying Esther for doing the exact opposite.


Why?

Because the modern narrative has adopted a warped view of gender roles, particularly in regard to women.


Women are viewed as pure, innocent, and incapable of wrongdoing.

Meanwhile, men are always framed as the aggressors or oppressors, especially when it comes to sins involving power, sex, or authority.




The Pedestalization of Women in the Church

What we see in the story of Bathsheba is a microcosm of a larger issue in the church today: the pedestalization of women.

This tendency to treat women as sinless or morally superior to men is a direct consequence of the feminist influences that have infiltrated the church.

Even the most conservative religious circles are not immune from this influence.





Men are viewed as inherently flawed, their sins seen as worse and more dangerous, while women’s sins are minimized or excused altogether.


The church, eager to distance itself from accusations of sexism, has adopted the idea that women are inherently better than men—morally, spiritually, and emotionally.



This idea has become so ingrained that even when women engage in clear acts of sin, they are given a pass.

Bathsheba’s sin with David is ignored or downplayed, while David’s actions are highlighted and condemned as evidence of his failure as a man and leader.

How many sermons have you heard about David and Bathsheba?

Likely dozens.

How many preacher even dare to suggest that Bathsheba was complicit in sin in any of these sermons?

I’ve never heard it done once.

But the Bible does not teach that men and women are to be held to different moral standards. Romans 3:23 (NKJV): “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

Both men and women are equally capable of sin, and both are equally accountable before God.




The Weakness of Men in the Church

Part of the reason this pedestalization persists is because of the weakness of men in the church.

Many men have been taught, either explicitly or implicitly, that their natural masculine traits are bad or sinful.

Masculinity, leadership, and strength are often vilified in modern discourse, leading men to retreat into a passive, apologetic stance.

Men, in an attempt to remain in the good graces of women, have bought into this pedestalization.



They downplay women’s sins in the hopes of securing approval, attention, or sexual access.

These men have sacrificed their God-given authority and responsibilities in exchange for the illusion of harmony, but this “harmony” comes at the cost of truth.

Instead of standing firm on biblical principles, men have abdicated leadership and allowed feminist ideas to take root.

The church has created a culture where men are expected to bear the full weight of sin, while women are absolved by virtue of their genetalia.

This is neither biblical nor just.



Bathsheba’s Story: A Lesson for the Church

The story of Bathsheba is a reminder that both men and women are responsible for their actions.

Bathsheba was not a helpless victim in her encounter with David; she was a willing participant in sin.

To excuse her behavior is to deny the reality of human sinfulness and to perpetuate the false idea that women are inherently more righteous than men.

The Bible calls us to hold both men and women accountable for their actions. Bathsheba’s sin was real, and her motivations—whether driven by fear or ambition—do not excuse her complicity.

• James 1:14-15 (NKJV): “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.” This applies equally to men and women. Both David and Bathsheba were drawn away by their own desires, and both sinned as a result.

The church must stop excusing women’s sins while condemning men’s. Pedestalizing women does a disservice to the entire body of Christ. It is time to return to a balanced, biblical view of sin, where both men and women are equally responsible for their choices and actions.




The Truth About Bathsheba

The pedestalization of women has distorted our understanding of biblical narratives like Bathsheba’s. Bathsheba was not a victim, nor was she innocent.

She was a woman who very likely made a calculated decision to engage in sin with David, just as David made a calculated decision to pursue her.



Both David and Bathsheba were equally guilty.

It’s time for the church to stop excusing women’s sins, stop vilifying men for their masculinity, and return to the biblical standard of accountability for both sexes.

Only then can we address the real issues of sin and righteousness that affect all believers, male and female alike.

The Importance of Physical Attraction



As a Christian man, it is critical not to overlook the importance of physical attraction when seeking a wife.

While Christian virtues and shared values are crucial, physical attraction is a fundamental aspect of a fulfilling marriage that should not be neglected.

Many Christians neglect teaching about sexuality all together, much less instructing men on what to look for in a wife beyond the standard Christian values.



The Role of Physical Attraction

Physical attraction plays a significant role in marital satisfaction.



All the good Christian qualities in the world cannot substitute for sexual arousal and physical desire.

If you don’t want your wife sexually, this is a problem.

Because you will inevitably come across women you are sexually aroused by, only they won’t be your wife.

Your resentment towards your wife may grow.
Your marital dissatisfaction may grow.

You may out yourself in a severely disadvantaged position of being attracted to seemingly every woman but your wife – as some Christian men have made known to me.

That’s a sad way to live.

And it’s a permanent way to live.

This physical attraction aspect of marriage is often overlooked by Christians, but it remains critical for a healthy and happy relationship.



Avoiding the Temptation to Settle

Many Christian men find themselves tempted to settle for someone they are not genuinely attracted to, believing that shared values and virtues will suffice.

However, it is important to wait and find someone who is very physically attractive to you.

Do not panic if there seems to be no eligible women around. They are out there.

Be sure to include God in your search, approaching him in prayer and asking for what you are seeking: a woman who is both beautiful on the inside as well as sexually arousing on the outside.

A man can help guide his wife in understanding various philosophies and spiritual matters, but he cannot change her physical appearance.



You can help her learn the flaws of religious Liberalism, but you cannot change the symmetry of her face or the curvature of her body.

It may sound shallow, but it absolutely is not.

Here’s why:



If she does not look good to you, you may be tempted to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere, which is obviously detrimental to the marriage.

Here’s a critical litmus test for you: If you would have to ‘convince yourself’ to be attracted to a woman, you are not attracted to her.

If she doesn’t catch your eye the moment she walks into a room, you aren’t attracted to her.

Period.

Move on to the next one.

There is no shortage of attractive women.



The Advantage of Time

Men have the advantage of time when searching for a mate, as our sexual market value often lasts well into our thirties.

We simply stay attractive longer.

In fact, we become more attractive into our 30s because we become more established in our careers and lives.

And this is one of the factors that satisfies part of women’s dualistic sexual strategy.

So don’t feel like you are running out of time as you approach your 30s and even beyond. You have far more time than women whose sexual value begins to deteriorate in their 20s.

This long lasting sexual value gives us the opportunity to be patient and selective.

It is crucial to choose someone who is both very attractive and shares core Christian values.

Do not compromise on one or the other.

But recall that you can teach your wife. you cannot change her appearance.



Physical Attraction and Sexual Intimacy

Physical attraction is necessary for true physical intimacy, which is reserved for and expected in marriage.

Let’s be real: if you aren’t attracted to a woman, your ‘equipment’ will not work when it’s time to get sexual.

This intimacy strengthens the marital bond and is a gift from God meant to be enjoyed in marriage. 

Ignoring physical attraction can lead to sexual dissatisfaction and temptations that could harm the relationship.



Conclusion

While Christian virtues and shared values are indispensable, physical attraction is equally important in a marriage.

Christian men should be patient and discerning in their search for a wife, ensuring that they find someone who is both physically attractive and aligned with their core values.

This balance is key to a fulfilling and enduring marital relationship.

You have all the time in the world.

You don’t have the same biological clock that limits women.

Get it in your mind that it is okay yo be selective, and patient. you have all the time in the world. And as a Christian, God is on your side in this quest.

Be very selective, remembering that as a man who will be providing, you are the prize to be sought after, not the other way around.

You are you own mental point of origin.

Treat yourself with enough respect to find a sexually attractive woman to marry.

Counting the Cost of Marriage

Hidden behind your sex-motivated desire to get married as a Christian man are all the drawbacks of marriage. 

Make sure you consider these costs before getting married. 

Otherwise you will do what most Christian men do: jump into marriage motivated purely by the desire to FINALLY have sex, and ignore all the costs of marriage.

There are serious drawbacks to getting married. Just like there are drawbacks to anything in life. This doesn’t mean marriage isn’t a great thing, just that it has costs. Just like Christianity has costs. 

Even Christ taught that you have to count the cost of discipleship [Luke 14:28-30]- because it will require you to give up something. 



1 – Sexual Access

    For starters, you make a vow to your wife that you will forsake all others and commit to her on your wedding day.

    While this shouldn’t be difficult for most Christians, it is a scary thought.

    If you have been living the Christian lifestyle, you should avoid extramarital sex of all types – that’s a biblical command.

    So this is nothing different than what you have already been doing so it’s more of a secular consequence. 



    2 – Money

      Having a Wife is expensive. It’s another person to take care of.

      Even if you both work, she will have upkeep costs [Feminine hygiene, self-care, makeup etc.] that shouldn’t be neglected in your calculation on whether or not marriage is for you. 



      Your wife will be at least 1.5x as expensive as you are.

      If you have financial goals in life, they will be slowed down by marriage.

      Unless both you and your wife are on the exact same page about finances, expect to have your financial goals slowed by an assortment of living and family expenses. 



      3 – Free Time

        When you are single, you can do that you want, when you want.

        The value of this freedom shouldn’t be taken lightly. This is especially true if freedom is one of your core values.

        When you are single, you have nothing limiting your choices except the commandments of God.

        There is a reason many husbands refer to their wife as the “ole ball and chain”.

        It’s not a helpful analogy nor is it useful.

        It’s especially not useful to the older Christians if their goal is to ensure more Christians are born – they are discouraging and disparaging the very institution that brings those children into the world. 

        But many Christian men are too depressed to even care.

        They jumped into marriage motivated by their sex drive, discovered marriage wasn’t what they thought it was, now all they can do is whine. 

        That aside, marriage will cost you much of your free time, especially as kids come into the picture.

        That doesn’t mean you won’t find pockets of time to have to yourself, but it will not be as often as it was when you were single. 



        4 – Hobbies

          Related to time loss, you will also lose some of your hobbies. This occurs because you need time to engage with hobbies, and your time will be reduced.

          Many Christian’s will encourage you to sacrifice everything you enjoy on the altar of “selflessness” to be better for your family.

          Frankly, their logic never made sense to me.

          I’ve personally never experienced fulfillment after sacrificing something.

          Sometimes a sacrifice is just a sacrifice will not provide anything of value in return in this life.

          The vast majority of the benefits of the Christian life are deferred until the afterlife.

          But logistically speaking, if you have less free time after marriage, it follows that you will have less time for hobbies after marriage. 

          Be aware of this.



          5 – Increased Responsibility

            Responsibility. That mysterious thing that Jordan Peterson associates with “Fulfillment”. If you think you have responsibility now, it will only increase in marriage. It will double when you get married, and it will double with each child you have.

            Personally, I haven’t found an increase in responsibility to be correlated with increased fulfillment. I’m not convinced quite sure that fulfillment is a guarantee in life. 

            What I do know is there is a linear relationship between increased responsibility and increased life dissatisfaction for me personally. 

            Now maybe I’m just different than most of the population. So take this with a grain of salt. But your responsibility levels will increase exponentially within marriage. 



            6 – Kids

              Kids are undoubtedly one of life’s greatest sacrifices. For many Christian dads, they sacrifice everything they want to be so that their kids can have a better life.

              They give up their identity and pour themselves into their kids. 

              Then the church applauds this as noble, but personally, I’m not so convinced.

              I’ve seen plenty of dad’s in the church pour everything into their kids for nothing. 

              They spend everything, both emotionally and physically to raise good kids, and then those kids grow up to reject the truth of God’s word. Then the father spends most of his nights popping sleeping pills because he has such insomnia and internal turmoil over his kids that he can’t sleep.

              “But…fulfillment“.

              It’s never guaranteed.

              And by the time many Father’s kids leave the house, these men are a shell of what they once were.

              They poured out everything without ever taking time to fill their own cup.

              Now they are just an empty vessel without identity. 



              Conclusion

              Make no mistake about it, there are costs to marriage.

              Count the cost.



              And if you have any degree of doubt about whether or not you should get married, don’t get married.

              Wait.

              You can always get married later.

              But if you are a Christian, once you are married, you are locked in for life and there is nothing you can do about it.

              So take that commitment seriously. It’s a blood oath. 

              Men and Women Cannot be Friends

              Men and women cannot be friends because the relationship depends on one party being attracted to the other.

              For men, there is almost never pure friendship with a woman.

              Did you know that if a man is not attracted to a woman he will almost certainly not approach and talk to her?

              In fact, one of the only times a man will approach a woman he is not attracted to is if he believes he can gain access to her more attractive friends by using the unattractive friend to get his foot in the door.

              It sounds manipulative, but it is sex we are talking about here.

              Think about this rationally.

              What exactly do men and women have in common?
              What do they have to be friends about?

              If men and women start discussing various things they are interested in, a bond generally forms.

              Some form of attraction usually starts to surface.


              It is nearly impossible spend excessive amounts of time with another person, of the opposite sex, share interests, stories and thoughts without developing an attraction to them.

              What I have just described is often the breeding ground for adultery.

              It’s a rare for a man or woman to storm out of their home saying “I’m tired of my marriage, I’m gonna go have an affair”.

              It’s becoming less rare with websites dedicated to anonymous affairs, but it is still uncommon.

              Instead what happens is a seemingly innocent relationship develops between to people. It starts with small talk but the end result is often pillow talk. What starts small grows into powerful attraction that becomes difficult to resist.

              What is kept as a secret inside the mind tends to grow as well. You feel the urge to avoid telling your wife when you develop one of these “friendships” at work or some other place.

              If you feel the urge to keep something a secret, that might just be your intuition trying to tell you that you are doing something unwise.

              Small talk can easily lead to a feeling of companionship which can easily lead to an affair if not stopped in its tracks.



              It is dangerous for men and women to be friends.

              Intersexual relationships are designed to be sexual in nature at their terminal points. Once that singular relationship is developed in a marriage, that should mark the end of any close man-woman relationships.


              I’ll make it plain: I don’t believe men and women can be close friends. Perhaps they can be distant friends, but close friendship is often built on attraction.

              It seems to me that relationships between men and women are meant to lead to marriage and sex.

              That is the natural end point of intersexual relationships.

              That’s not to say platonic relationships cannot happen – you can probably think of some exceptions yourself. But it is exactly that – exceptions. And exceptions serve to prove the rule.

              Because of these realities, we need to understand some key principles:

              I – Men in Committed Relationships Should Not Develop Close Friendships with Women.

              It is a Potential Pathway to Adultery.

              If you want one of the surest ways to put yourself at risk for an adultery, then make close friendships with a woman who is not your wife.

              Your intuition will tell you it’s dangerous. And your intuition can be verified with logical analysis of the lives of men who have made the same error.

              II – Women who are “just friends” with men don’t understand the minds of men.

              When women become friends with men, they get attention, which is exactly what they want. During this friendship, the standard man frequently tries to win her affections by proving he is worth them. [This is a weak approach – you cannot win over women by proving your worth. They have to be organically attracted to you]



              Women don’t understand that all their male friends are likely attracted to them on some level.

              You don’t see guys hanging around unattractive women do you? They seem to always make friends with women they find attractive.

              Even if women know this intellectually, they just don’t want to acknowledge the reality of it because they are enjoying the attention too much.


              If a woman could spend five minutes in the mind of the man she would instantly understand why men and women cannot be friends.

              Man in the secular state is driven by his sexual drive and makes the bulk of his decisions in an attempt to satisfy that drive.

              When trained by biblical principles he attempts to reign in this drive, but that does not change the fact that the sexual drive exists, and it always will exist in his mind. He can discipline it, but it will always be there.

              Therefore if a man makes a friendship with a woman, it is done in attempt to further the sexual drive.

              He may deny it to himself, saying, “Oh we’re just friends. We have so much in common. She understands my complaints”. These are all excuses meant to deny the reality that every man knows in the back of his mind – that the relationship might turn sexual.

              The main point is that men and women simply cannot be “just friends”. Not in the truest sense. Not in the ways that women are friends with women and men are friends with men.

              Same sex friendships will always go deeper than intersex friendships. Intersex friendships generally terminate at sex. It is very difficult to resist the pull of those relationships to turn sexual.



              I would encourage you to not have close relationships with other women who are not your wife.

              I also understand that as Christians we have a familial relationship within the church body where men and women interact.

              I would encourage you to keep these relationships on a Spiritual level.

              Do not make close friends with women even at your church. Plenty of affairs have begun at a church.

              And how often do people mistake emotion for spirituality? Very often.

              As such, Christian’s can mistake their emotions for spirituality when it comes to their relationship with one another.

              Because of the confusion regarding the relationship between the spiritual and the emotional, we have another possible breeding ground for an affair.

              Always remember the fact that men and women cannot truly be friends.

              Desire – Lust: Are Desires Wrong?

              Lust is a desire that is dwelt on. It goes beyond normal thinking, and beyond normal desires. Because we dwell on it, it grows exponentially more powerful until it overpowers us. That is the very nature of lustful thinking. 

              Desire itself is okay – but roots of desire that lead to evil are to be stamped out with ferocity.  That’s one of the lessons we learn in James Chapter 1. Sin is a result of a desire that has been resting in the mind for so long that it’s taken root and grown. It is literally conceived like a child, and it’s growing into sin. And that sin, in the end, brings about death of a spiritual nature.

              “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

              Matt 5:27-30
              We have physical desires for a reason.

              They push us to take action. The problem, however, comes when we spend too much time desiring something that is outside of God’s moral law. As much as men in the religious world tried to deny it, God has a set of regulations for behavior for his people. One of these is about avoiding adultery and lustful thinking.

              desire

              Lust is adultery lacking only in opportunity, as Matthew Henry would say in his commentary. This is where most men live – no opportunity, but also no control over their own minds.  Many men think that they are faithful to their wives, that they are loyal, but they are not. They simply have no choice but to be faithful and loyal because they have no opportunity or options to be unfaithful. I recently heard it said this way in a short video clip online, “drop your man outside the Playboy mansion and see how loyal he is then”.  [Of course, you have to add that these women would somehow magically be attracted to the average churchgoer male, who is in most cases, unarousing by default – but that is beside the point. ]

              Because for most Christian men, it’s not about loyalty, it’s about opportunity. And most men simply aren’t attractive enough to give themselves sexual access to options that they then have to resist. Meaning, there are no women who want to have sex with him. So they are not faithful, they are involuntarily loyal. They are “incels” but in married form.

              Going back to lust – Lust is a desire that is dwelt on and approved by the mind, or at the least not resisted. This is different from having a desire and warring against it. 

              Christians live a life of self-denial. This means there must be some desire to deny, implying there is desire.  Desire itself is never the problem. It is what we do with the desire that is the problem. Or if we feed the desire until it is a raging inferno, that is also a net negative. Even if you can make the argument and rationalization in your own mind that a raging desire is not a sin, you can at least see how it would be a disadvantage to have to war against that kind of desire. So your goal should be to avoid building it up to that level in the first place. And you do that by directing your thoughts toward other matters.

              When it comes to the biblical model, we have one morally approved source of sexual access if we are married [which itself is an incredible sacrifice]. If we are unmarried we have no source of approved sexual access. That makes early unmarried life very difficult for men. Because most men have a massive amount of sexual energy that they then have to do something with. And I’ll tell you right now, you need to reorient that energy somewhere else. If you simply try to repress it, it will force an outlet. And with upwards of 70% of Christian men admitting to viewing pornography, I would say it’s forcing an outlet. 

              This war of sexual discipline requires us to plan strategically in advance. You are going to have a desire for other women who are not your wife, whether you are married or not – it’s all about what you do with it.

              And I suggest you take that energy somewhere else. Literally, get up and go somewhere else when you start generating that powerful sexual energy. You do not want to be spending excessive time, or anytime at all, around women you find sexually attractive. That puts you in a losing position at all times.

              Most men understand this logically. Even some high-level executives or men of success will talk about their principle of not having a meal, or being alone with any woman who’s not their wife. They usually take a lot of heat for this and get made fun of, but these men understand the male sexual nature. They understand that the sexual nature is a war with the rational mind. And that one should never voluntarily place himself in a position where he’s going to have to engage in that war because it’s difficult, and Sexual Energy can very easily overpower the rational mind if it is stirred to an excessive degree.

              Remember, Desire itself is not a sin. If it is, what then is temptation? Isn’t Temptation just a form of desire? Of being pulled towards something that God has placed the divine stamp of disapproval on? Temptation cannot be sin because then Christ would have committed sin since he himself was tempted in all points as we are yet without sin [Heb 4:15]. 

              The biblical distinction is very clear, Temptation and sin are separate. Temptation is the thing we war against. And we have temptations because we have desires, and there’s no getting around this. It’s just a question of what we do with the desire, and how we tamp it down.

              We can be tempted and pulled by desire, but we must avoid letting it marinate in our minds. What sits in the mind inevitably expresses itself in action.  If you are constantly meditating and focusing your mind on having sex with other women, you will be in a position of weakness.  You will have programmed your mind through hours upon hours of visualization to believe that sexual activity with a multiplicity of women you are not married to is morally okay.

              I am certainly not going to try to tell you not to have sexual energy, or not have sexual thoughts. I’m telling you to reorient those thoughts and direct them somewhere else. While you’re unmarried, and even while you’re married, You should find an outlet for those sexual energies. That is your masculine Divine energy, do not waste it on women or in fantasy. Because you can use that energy to make yourself a success in the physical world. 

              And of course, I argue that you should first do this for yourself, making yourself your own mental point of origin, because when you improve yourself everyone around you benefits. When you focus on yourself, and make yourself better, and make decisions that would be for the betterment of you, it’s not selfish unless it damages those around you. In fact, it’s the opposite of selfishness because it improves the lot of all those around you. The best thing you can do for those around you is to make yourself your mental point of origin and focus on yourself.  

              Again, this only becomes selfish if it damages those around you.

              But you have to understand that this almost always improves the situation of those around you far more than you would ever be able to improve their situation by concentrating directly on trying to improve their situation.

              The biblical model for handling lust is very severe. Christ moves from teaching on lust to teaching about hell. Why? Because Lust is one of the sins and desires that requires a reminder of severe punishment.  We cannot always motivate ourselves with happy fluff. We will not motivate ourselves to do well with exclusively positive fuel.  In fact, we need some fear and anger. 

              Christ does not teach “great is the reward for those with a pure mind” or “heaven will be more fulfilling than these desire of the flesh could ever provide”. He avoids this because it wouldn’t be enough to compete with the lust of the flesh. Heaven in fifty years or sex right now? Sexual energy and the urge of the moment are likely to win.

              The complete counsel of God demands teaching on Hell.

              It is motivating. We need to appreciate the fact that it is highly motivating and use it. When your rational mind is unable to overpower your sexual nature when you are tempted by sexual sin, you must conjure up the fear of Hell and the hatred of sin. These are some of the Practical tools for overcoming lust.

              1.  Become angry at your sin. Develop a hatred. Pray to the God of War[ Ex15:3]  for strength and hatred.
              2.  Never be alone with a woman who’s not your wife. Your Sexual Energy will be at war with your rational mind. And that’s not a battle you want to engage in. The enemy is very strong, avoiding whenever you can.
              3.  Motivate yourself with reminders of punishment. When you’re being sexually tempted, the idea of Heaven’s not going to motivate you. Because the immediate pleasure of today is infinitely more tempting than the potential of unknown pleasure tomorrow.
              4. Get clear in your mind about the practical consequences of adultery. You are risking your wealth, family, and future to have sex with a woman you are not married to. If you are unmarried, the risks are lower, but they are still present in the form of disease and pregnancy. But besides those two things, [which are the primary motivators most fear-mongering Christians use to talk about abstinence], you must be more concerned with the consequences from God.
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