Category: Marriage/Women/Sex

6 Ways Christian Men Can Be More Sexually Arousing

There is a huge discrepancy between arousal and attraction. Religious men love to conflate the two and make them the same thing. But this conflation is not limited to just Christian men. Perhaps 80% of men in the entire world unknowingly combine the two completely different phenomena of attraction and being arousing.

So, what is the difference? At the most basic level, attraction is how well fit you are for a long-term relationship while arousal is how well you can generate genuine sexual arousal in your wife.

You do not have to be arousing to be attractive, but if you are arousing you generally are attractive as well. This is because the trappings that go along with arousal (career success and mastery to name a few) are also attractive for long-term relationships.

Most marriage books teach you how to be attractive, not arousing.

They teach you how to be a good husband and take care of your wife over the long term, but they do not teach you how to get her engine going. This is primarily because most religious men simply do not know how to arouse their wives.

You can be the most attentive, loving, caring, and wonderful husband in the world and still be unable to make your wife physically crave sex with you. That fact is what they do not teach you in those marriage books. She may feel a desire for you emotionally and as a result, want to have sex with you, but she will never viscerally crave a sexual interaction.

Those standard books on marriage are useful for maintaining harmony in the household, improving the tranquility and various emotional aspects of your marriage; but if you want a passionate sexual relationship with your wife, it simply will not happen if you are only an attractive man. You must learn how to be arousing. And it is a skill that can be learned.

Instilled within you is all the knowledge of how to be arousing.

You likely knew this as a young man but had it educated out of you by your mother or the effeminate school systems, and it must be retaught. The feminine-centric society has misinformed you about what is arousing to women. Most men simply believe everything they are told, especially what they are told by women. But when women communicate, they do not tell the whole story with their words alone. You must train yourself to see beyond the content of their words and look into their behaviors instead. Women rarely say what they want, so you have to look at their actions.

Deep within your masculine nature, you already know everything you need to do in order to be arousing, it just needs to be reawakened. I am going to give you a starter pack of six things that without fail arouse genuine sexual desire.

This is key, the sexual desire must be genuine.

Marriage books teach you how to earn desire by trading goods or services. This is never genuine arousal; it is always negotiated. Any intimacy that is negotiated will leave you unfulfilled. You will know in the back of your mind that the intercourse was nothing more than an opportunistic exchange.

You must learn how to be arousing by being masculine and glorious. Doing little chores around the house, being affectionate, and speaking your wife’s love language are all fine and dandy, but they will not give you what you want. They have not given husbands what they are missing in life: a wife who genuinely wants to have sex with them on a regular basis.

This is because men have traded masculinity for effeminacy, and they have believed every word that comes out of the mouth of the metrosexual male. There is nothing wrong with the character of the Christians writing these marriage books, just that they are completely ignorant of how to sexually arouse a woman. And this is not the fault of women either. Most religious women have no idea what arouses them and could not articulate it if they tried. Not because they are unintelligent, but because religion has done an excellent job of repressing the sexual urge and condemning even simple thoughts of sex.

Articulation of a concept follows deep thought about that concept, and religious people cannot articulate what they have not thought about deeply, especially if the item they need to articulate is sexual in nature.

This is not the fault of Christian men and may actually be a symptom of a well-behaved life. If these men did not start having sex until they were married, then they should not be expected to know anything about arousing genuine desire in their wives. However, there is no excuse for marinating in that ignorance for decades as most men do. Men need to relearn how to be arousing and also study techniques of seduction for use on their wives. We cannot let the people of the secular world have all the fun, which is what they think they are doing. So, apply these six principles as best you can, and you will already be well on your way to arousing genuine sexual interest.

I – Arousing Men Put Their Life Mission First

Arousing

Men were built by God to work, to have a purpose. When men put their wives above this mission, they trigger many unintended consequences. Because what they do not know, and what religion does not teach them, is that their wives do not even want to be placed above their man’s mission. Their wives know when their husband has a purpose, a mission, and when he is working on it. And when her husband is being excellent at this mission, that is arousing.

When a man is excellent in his mission, his wife feels the natural feminine urge to support him in this endeavor. This is how women were designed from the very beginning. They were built to help men, and they crave this position. They were designed to patch men up, recharge their batteries and send them back into the fray. This is why women always want to know how their husband’s day went at work. They want to know if any progress was made on their shared life vision. Earl Nightingale noted that this is a woman’s way of asking, “How did we do today?”

Sure, being a good provider is attractive, but it is not sexually arousing.

It does not turn women on that you go to a 9-5 unless that job is inherently masculine or reflects high affluence. Be sure to recall the difference between the two: attraction is about the long-term potential and providing, arousal is about being sexually desirable. Being excellent at what you do is both arousing and attractive because it symbolizes good provider ability as well as masculine mastery. And it is possible to be a good provider without being a man of excellence.

If you want to be more arousing to your wife, chase excellence. And as a byproduct of being excellent, you will be a great provider. Do not pursue being a great provider directly, you will only be attractive and not arousing. You will be a good supplement to a woman’s life, but she will never appreciate what you do for her. Women cannot fully appreciate the fact that a man trades units of his life called “hours” in exchange for money. Yes, women can work too, but there is something about this concept of trading units of life to facilitate the lives of others that women will never understand about a man’s role.

This is the burden of man, that no one can truly know him.

II – Arousing Men are Traditionally Masculine

New age masculinity, which is essentially femininity with a beard and CrossFit membership, is not arousing to women. When it comes to traditional masculinity, you have to ignore what women say and look directly at their actions. More specifically, look at the types of men that women are generally (but not always) aroused by.

Is the effeminate man sexually arousing to women? No, absolutely not. For all intents and purposes, he is a eunuch. This is why women feel safe keeping effeminate men or male homosexuals in their inner circle of (usually girl) friends. Because what possible danger could these men pose to their safety? They can take advantage of having a “man” in their group as a weak attempt to scare off attackers, and they do not even have to give one drop of sex in return for that “protection”.

Throughout history, it is the violent, masculine (but not moral) men that have posed the threat to women. If a woman includes one of these men in her inner circle, he may feel entitled to sex in exchange for his presence and protection. No such need exists if you have an effeminate man in your friend group.

Men also need to understand a bleak truth: men and women can never be friends.

If a man has female friends, he is effeminate. Even if only by virtue of the proverb, “ You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. If one of those people is a woman, you will be influenced by her and become more feminine. Men and women are not and cannot ever be friends. Either the man is effeminate/homosexual, or he is sexually interested in the female. There is no third option.

What is arousing to women is traditional masculinity. Strength, courage, honor, and mastery, as outlined in The Way of Men. Women like it when men engage in masculine behavior. This is why many sports or athletes are arousing to women. Do you think women care about the technical skill and ability of the game or do they like seeing masculine men compete against one another so they can pick out the best ones to try to lock down? Many sports are a simulation of war, and women are aroused by warriors. Warriors represent protection and security, which is one of the many currencies that women value. Be a warrior, at least in spirit, if you want to be more arousing.

Also, there is an undulating discussion in society and religion about something called “choreplay”.

Choreplay is the idea that if you do chores around the house, like a good little boy, your wife will be aroused by this and will not be able to contain her passions for you. Now, this does not even pass the sniff test. It smells like a stupid idea, but every several years or so it gains traction again.

I will tell you now, chores are good for attraction but bad for arousal. If you want to arouse your wife by doing things around the house, those tasks must be masculine. You have to repair things, chop wood, build furniture, or something along those lines. Doing chores around the house that are not masculine will not be arousing to anyone. Again, those chores might make you attractive, they will not make you more arousing.

III – Arousing Men are Physically Fit

Many religious marriage texts try to do away with the biological drive for sex and frame the act as a purely emotional and spiritual activity. While sex is certainly emotional, that is only one part of it. We cannot do away with the physical aspect of sex.

I think one of the reasons religious men want to avoid the biological portion of sex is because it is their weak point. Physicality is where most religious men fall short when it comes to arousing their wives.

It is not entirely their fault, because they have been taught their whole lives that women are looking for good men who take good emotional care of their wives. So, if a man works hard to become a good man and take care of the emotions of his wife, he will be rewarded with a fulfilling sex life. Maybe that is true and maybe it is not. But simply being a decent man will not help men get the passionate sex they really want. That passion can only come from true desire, and most men are not physically desirable to generate that passion in their wives.

Most men truly want to be wanted, desired, even lusted after by their wives.

But those feelings are not aroused if you are simply a good man. There needs to be some base element of physical attraction. The stronger this element, the better the foundation for sex. Of course, the physical attraction cannot be the only part of sexual attraction, but it is certainly more significant than most religions try to make it.

At some point, we have to reconcile the fact that for centuries women have occasionally resorted to having promiscuous sex with men they barely know. Anyone who knows anything about Woodstock understands this fact. Most religions try to argue that this is incredibly emotionally unfulfilling for women. But the fact still remains that women are engaging in promiscuity at increasing rates since the Free Love movement.

Some men have graphed this behavior across a woman’s monthly cycle and have been able to pinpoint the times when fertility, and therefore sexual desire, is at its highest. At that point of high fertility, women are more likely to be promiscuous. And religion still has to contend with the very apparent fact that every year college girls go on spring break in Costa Rica and engage in sex with the highest value male they can find. On the bright side, this fertility spike is when most married men can expect their wives to be craving sex with them, even if these men are not very arousing.

Back to the original point of physical fitness: In the most basic sense, men need to be physically fit.

Most men write this off. Just like they will try to call cowardice and poverty “virtues“, they will call the person who trains the body “earthly” or “selfish”. Because taking care of your body so you do not die of heart disease at age 50, leaving your wife and kids stranded with no support is “selfish”.

Men who are physically fit are physically attractive. The fastest way for a man to increase his sex appeal is through training. He will get results there faster than he can get them anywhere else in the world. It may take years for him to achieve mastery or climb the ranks in his career, but he can make a substantial difference in his physique in just 6 months of training.

Physical attraction is the base of every physical relationship.

A man will not approach and talk to a woman unless he is physically attracted to her. No relationship can begin without the element of physical attraction, and it is up to the man to maintain or even improve upon this attraction through intense exercise, preferably strength training.

Sure, a man can get away with being a runner, but the results will not make him physically attractive to the majority of women. The common man needs more muscle tissue, and every man knows this intuitively. When you see women swooning over men, they are not swooning over the marathon runner. They are swooning over the football player or the strength athlete. Muscle tissue is the signal flag for testosterone, so take advantage of your masculinity and add muscle tissue to your frame.

IV – Arousing Men are Arousing to Other Women

These next two components of arousal go together, and this first one may make religious people highly uncomfortable. Women want to be with a man who other men want to be, and other women want to be with. It is arousing for a woman when other women want her man. This is due to a combination of factors. First, when other women want her man, this proves that he is truly attractive, and not just to her.

She needs to know that her husband is not a loser, and when other women want him, this is a form of evidence for that. Secondly, it stirs up healthy anxiety in her that is built upon her desire to keep her man for herself. She acts on this desire through sex and is one of the times a woman will genuinely, physically crave sex. Women want to have sex with the highest value men, so when a woman’s man demonstrates that he is of high value, the woman will act on this knowledge by “locking him down” and having sex with him.

This is also advantageous for the man, because if he is desirable to other women, then his woman will have to take excellent care of herself. You do not see a high-value man with a 300-pound woman. She would not be able to compete with all the options available to her man in that state. The wife of the high-value man has no choice but to take care of herself and keep herself in shape. She is pushed to do so by the feminine competitive spirit in her.

The only time this is not true is if the man is incredibly disagreeable.

If a man is high value and successful in his career and has achieved mastery, he will be attractive. However, if he is highly disagreeable, he can make himself unattractive to other people he talks to. If his woman knows this, she can let herself go. Because he might be arousing, but he cancels it out by acting like a fool. However, this is principle can be highly circumstantial and has many exceptions.

Another thing to note is that if you are arousing to other women, you need to take extreme care with protecting yourself. Never place yourself in compromising situations. When it comes to your sexual discipline you must declare martial law on your body. Here are the laws:

  1. I am never alone with a woman who is not my wife.
  2. I do not talk to other women unless absolutely necessary (recall that men and women can never be friends).
  3. I make a maximum effort to avoid looking at other women.
  4. I do not talk to women online (and I am preferably off all social media).
  5. All communication with women is strictly professional. If it does not relate to my work, it is a useless conversation.

V – Arousing Men are Admired by Other Men

Women want to be with a man who other men want to be. You must be a man among men, a leader among followers, and someone who contributes great value to the group. This is especially true of the small group. Who are you in your circle of friends? Do you bring value to the table or does everyone else just carry you along?

Through effort, a man can ascend in his career, skills, and ability to think rationally. He can increase his knowledge and physical strength. The aggregation of all these skill increases results in a man’s character and value to the group. The higher the value, the more respect he will earn. The more respect and admiration a man earns, the more he is desirable to women.

Women do not want to partner with a man who is the laughingstock of the group. Women do not go after men who are in the middle of the pack unless they are forced to by necessity or age. They want the high achievers and the men who are respected by other men. Women want the tribe leaders, the warriors, and the masculine. A man who can be trusted in a survival scenario is the man other men want to be, and the man other women want to be with.

IV – Arousing Men Ascend the Ranks

Arousing

Women do not like it when their men are stagnant in life. They were designed from the beginning to help men along in their missions. If a man has no mission, no ambition, and is going nowhere, his woman will be annoyed and sexually turned off. This is when she may also begin to nag her man. A woman cannot be aroused if she is not allowed to live out her feminine purpose by supporting a man who is on the rise of power.

The man who remains stagnant loses his power. The man without power has no sexual availability even with his own wife. You may start out with a great sexual relationship at the beginning of your marriage only to have it taper off within 2 years. You might sit there thinking “Why doesn’t she want me? I’m still the same guy she married those years ago”. And there is your answer! You are the same person. Instead of improving and rising through the ranks or achieving any kind of mastery in life, you stagnated. This is a sexual turn-off to women. One of the many ingredients for sexual arousal is masculine ascension. 

As men we were designed to pursue and achieve.

Work was given to us before anything else. Women were given to men to help them in their work and to help them achieve their full potential as men. Women naturally want to do this, contrary to the modern feminist narrative.

Some of feminism is built on the fact that women believe they have to take on the masculine role in society. Would women believe this if the majority of men were pursuing excellence in their lives? Perhaps, but I do not think that feminism would be as pervasive as it is today if more men were modeling themselves after masculinity and striving to be more.

Apply these six principles and you will be a better man, and you will be genuinely arousing to your wife.

Make Marriage Safer

Marriage is dangerous for many Christian men for the reasons where will discuss here. By “dangerous” I mean that they risk losing half their net worth for life in the family meat grinder known as “divorce court“. After that, we will introduce a few ways that you can make marriage safer for yourself.

Have some ideas of why marriage is dangerous or what you can do to protect yourself? Leave them in the comments below.

marriage
I – They Think Being “Good Men” is Enough.

It is not enough to simply be a good man. For decades religion has trained men to believe if they are good providers, emotionally attentive, and supportive that they will inevitably attract women. We all know that is untrue.

Remember, while women might find that behavior attractive for a long-term mate, that behavior is not arousing in the short-term. Women are constantly looking for the optimal man. This man needs to have good genetics combined with good provider potential. The problem is that those two traits seldom exist in the same man. A further problem is that the church raises men to be good providers, but not good arousers.

If being a good man is not enough, what can you do to be more arousing? The second section will have more to say about this. For now, understand that there are plenty of “good men” out there. If you are trying to attract a mate by being a good man, you are in a super-saturated marketplace. You are opening a burger shop next to McDonald’s. There are more than enough “good men” to go around. And women do not even want these men, despite what they might say. However, if you work to become an arousing man, you will stand head and shoulders above the majority of men.

II – They are not physically fit.

Most men get physically soft. It does not matter if you are religious or secular, in the modern world there is a 70% chance that you are overweight, statistically speaking. If you are not overweight, good for you, you automatically put yourself in the top 30% of men just by being “average“. If you are overweight, do not beat yourself up or get emotional about it. There is an easy fix: nutrition and training.

Because religion places such great emphasis on being “good men”, most men never learn that they need to actually take care of their bodies to be sexually arousing. Some women will try to deny that a fit guy is more attractive, but you need to ignore their words. Never listen to the words of people, only watch their behavior. If women say your “dad bod” is cute but she fawns over the squared-off pecs of Brad Pitt, then you should get the message. Look at the actions, never at the words.

One problem I have encountered in the church is that leaders actually downplay the importance of physical training. Somehow, they manage to contort their religion or the scripture in a way that makes it selfish to train! Imagine that! According to these men, working out is selfish because it takes time away from more important tasks you could be doing.

“No point working out, you should be reading the Bible during that time! You should be out knocking on doors and having Bible studies instead of being selfish and taking care of your body”.

Fat Religious Person

These are the same teachers and leaders who have seen every episode of their favorite TV show and somehow manage to watch all the reruns when they come on. Ignore the words of these men, they have no true scriptural basis for telling you to neglect your body. They are simply trying to make themselves feel better for being fat and unattractive to their wives.

III – They do nothing masculine.

One of the modern pieces of garbage men have been sold is that women will find them more sexually attractive if they do chores around the house. “Chore-play”, they call it.

While your wife might appreciate it if you help out around the house, she will not be sexually aroused by that. It is nice of you to help out especially if she is overloaded with tasks, but you should never expect anything in return. “Nice” is not arousing. You cannot earn passionate sex by doing chores; you can only earn obligatory sex which is infinitely less passionate and only leads to resentment. So, set out with the intention of maintaining your own house or helping offload some of your wife’s tasks. You are not trying to earn anything from this, you are just doing some basic home maintenance.

Instead, what women find truly attractive is when men do the household tasks that are actually masculine. Chopping wood, mowing the lawn, fixing things, etc. Traditionally masculine tasks are the ones that your wife is going to find attractive. Ignore all modern relationship and marriage advice, especially the advice from women. You always have to watch their actions, never their words. By their actions, they show that they are attracted to masculine men, not nice little helpers.

“Then surely by their fruits you will recognize them”.

Matthew 7:20
IV – They Worship Their Wives.

We have covered this before, but many men worship their wives. We are raised from a young age to “check all the boxes” of life so we can eventually find a good girl and get married. It is as if everything men are required to do is just a preparation for marriage. This is not how God intended for it to be.

Remember, God first made man and gave him a purpose before anything else. Once that work was established, God gave the man a helper. The word “helper” implies that there is a task that a man is already doing with which he needs help!

The woman’s purpose is to help the man with his purpose. This is when women are most satisfied and fulfilled with their lives. They do not want to be the sole focus of a man’s life. If you make your wife your total focus, you will notice strange behaviors in her. She will start to nag or complain. She will appear restless and rebellious, and she does not know why she does this, especially when you give her so much. It is because you are not living your mission. Women do not nag the man who is constantly working to achieve his highest potential.

V – They Listen to Everything in Christian Marriage Books.

I say all this as a guy with a stack of over two dozen marriage books on my shelves. I have read about the love languages, the “needs” of women, and every other bit of marital minutia in the Christian world. So, allow me to tell you that these books are not designed for developing a safe, passionate marriage.

Do you want to know who those books are great for? For highly masculine men who are already having extremely passionate sex but simply do not know how the other, non-sexual parts of marriage work. Do you know how many Christian men that apply to? About 5% at the maximum and that is being generous.

Most Christian men have been educated from a very young age about the importance of taking care of the wife’s emotional needs, being a good provider or a good supporter. All the long-term beta characteristics that women want. And by “Beta” I mean non-sexually arousing, good provider-type men.

Modern feminized religion is a beta-male farm. The majority of men need what is in these marriage books far less than they need to know how to arouse their wives. Because the problem with these men is not that they have bad marriages or need to know how to communicate better, but that they need to know what really gets women’s engines going. Perhaps only 5% of men know what that is.

While it is important to read books on marriage, gain perspective and even (dare I say) take care of the emotions of your wife, it is far more important for you to focus on your work, be a man worthy of admiration, be desired by other women and engage in masculine hobbies, work or tasks.

Make Marriage Safer for yourself with the following tactics.

I – Focus on Yourself and your Mission.

You have to focus on yourself first before you can adequately take care of anyone else. This is not a selfish philosophy; it is the way God designed it thousands of years ago. Men are designed to work, and women are designed to help. Then at the end of the day men and women complement each other.

Start working on finding your life purpose or continue to work on it. Women are genuinely aroused when men are hard at work on their mission and being admired for it by other men. So, if you want your wife to genuinely want you, she needs to see that you are ascending the ladder of success, gaining the respect of men, and being wanted by other women. This will make marriage safer because it demonstrates you are a man of high value. Because not only do other men admire you, but other women want you. Those two are an irresistible combination for women.

You need to be so ambitious and financially successful that it would be stupid for any woman to leave you.

II – Train Your Physical body.

If you do not train your body, you will be fat and easy to control. Your wife knows she can control you because she knows you have no sexual options. So, what if she withholds sex for 3 weeks? It is not like you are going to be able to get it elsewhere, at least not while you are looking like that.

If it sounds superficial it is because it is. We are fleshly, temporal beings bound to this earth. We are going to act based on material possessions and pleasures. Let us not forget that we all approached our wives in the first place because they were sexually attractive.

If you read any marriage books you will inevitably run into the statement, “Women are not visual creatures”. I am not convinced that is true. Could it be women are “not visual” because the majority of men are simply unattractive? Not only unattractive, which is something they can only control to a certain extent, but also overweight! Weight and fitness are something that 99% of us have 100% control over. We can control every variable, every workout, every morsel of food that we eat. We are like scientists and the body is our lab where nothing is outside our power to control. Yet the majority of us still elect to do nothing, be overweight and still assert that women are not visual creatures. Maybe it would make a difference if we trained our bodies to provide something worth being visual for.

So, I will ask you again, is it that women are not visual creatures or is it possible that 70% of men being overweight has something to do with it?

Combat this by training your body. Make marriage safer for yourself by being in great shape. When you are physically fit, not only will your wife be attracted simply because fitness is attractive, but she will also be attracted because she knows you have options. Other women would want to be with you because you are fit and climbing the ladder to success. That fact is another log on the fire of her desire.

Are you noticing that the key to arousing genuine desire in women is actually by focusing on yourself? I know the “selflessness” crusaders of Christianity will be at my door with pitchforks for this, but it needs to be said.

III – Chop Wood, Build and Repair

Women are attracted to men who do masculine things. Helping around the house might earn you some appreciation, but at what cost? Do you want to be known as the good little teddy bear who mops the floors? No, you do not.

Every task you do around the house should be masculine, as much as you can control. Sure, sometimes life will be hectic, and you will need to wash some dishes or do the laundry, just do not expect anything in return for that. The sex you get for doing the laundry is nothing like the sex you get for pursuing excellence or chopping wood without a shirt on, flashing your glorious physique.

Limit yourself to repairing the house, tending to the yard, chopping wood, and building. These tasks might actually arouse your wife, believe it or not.

IV – Serve Yourself First

You must serve yourself before you serve anyone else. Take care of your own body, mind and pursue your own goals before you help anyone else. This puts you in a position of strength. And help can only be given from a position of strength. Without focusing on yourself, you will have no power, no ability. You must invest time in yourself, your body, your work, and your hobbies. By doing this you are actually better able to take care of your family.

V – Do Not be a Teddy Bear – Be Powerful.

Women are not interested in soft men. Be a man with power. Physical, mental, and emotional power. You need to demonstrate that you have personal strength and cannot be moved by other men or by life events.

Women claim they want vulnerability in a man, but what they really want is a rock. For your own sake, you must be a fortress of mental and emotional control. Nothing can be allowed to shake you. Women want to see if they can get you to let your guard down but never do this. Maintain your strength and personal power at all times. You cannot make marriage safer for yourself by being a teddy bear. A grizzly bear, on the other hand, is a different story.

VI – Get a Prenuptial Agreement

Protect your assets. The state has incentivized divorce for women. It rewards them for leaving their husbands, even more so if they have some children to take with them. Many men’s rights groups would suggest that you should avoid any contract in which one party is rewarded for breaking it. There is no arguing with that logic. Get a prenuptial agreement and remove any incentive she might have for divorce down the road. While she may be all smiles and laughs now, you do not know what will happen when the hormones wear off. Protect yourself.

VII – Keep secrets

No good marriage is complete without secrets. Not major ones perse, but small ones. The darkness of your mind should almost always be concealed. She does not need to know what kind of dark man you are. The shadow portion of your personality that gives you power is a gift from God and should be kept between you and God. Make marriage safer by not giving her any reason to “cash in” on the cash cow of divorce.

VIII – Keep a Catastrophe Fund

You need funds that no one knows about but yourself. This idea is originated from Patrick Bet-David of Valuetainment. He is a business owner who was able to keep his business afloat during a crisis because he had stashed money for the business without letting anyone know. If everyone knows everything you have finically, personally, or otherwise, they will get too comfortable. Allow them to think the level of pressure is higher and they will perform better.

IX – Avoid Marriage until you have Vetted a woman for a long period of time.

Crack open any pathology textbook and you will find that the only way to really avoid HIV is through abstinence. The same goes for a marriage. The only way to truly guarantee beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will not be crushed by the damages of the divorce court is to avoid marriage.

If you are planning to marry one day, you need to have a plan to vet a woman like a professional. You are interviewing her for the lifelong position of being your helper. Therefore, you need to take this extremely seriously. You need to constantly vet her and observe her actions and behavior. Determine if you really want marriage or if you simply have a strong sexual urge. You would be surprised to hear how many men get married just to have a sexual outlet. That is not a good reason to bring a woman so close into her life that she can destroy your finances permanently if it suits her whim. You need to vet your women so you can avoid marrying one who would act that way.

These are a handful of ways to make marriage safer.

Have any of your own ideas? Leave a comment below?

The Sexual Market Value of Joseph

It is fairly simple to understand how a woman’s sexual market value is determined. All you need to know is if she is attractive or not. Sexually, a woman’s value is based on how good she looks. When men look for a sexual partner, this is all they consider, from a secular point of view. Even religious men first determine if a woman is attractive and then consider her character when they are looking for someone to date or marry. A man will not even talk to a woman if she is not attractive, despite what the “beauty is on the inside” proponents have to suggest. Unfortunately for them, you cannot have sex with inner beauty, so it is not the first consideration for men looking for women. What we will learn momentarily will help us understand how high the sexual market value of Joseph was.

For men, on the other hand, there are many more components that go into determining their sexual market value.
the sexual market value of joseph

Looks are only a component, and though they are important, they must be supplemented with additional characteristics for a man to be sexually marketable. Most notably, looks must be supplemented with traditionally masculine features and behaviors along with a man’s ability to game a woman, and finally topped off by his status or affluence. At the end of the day, women have more criteria for what makes a man a desirable sexual partner, both short and long-term.

Also please note, when I say “sexual partner” I do not mean “husband material”. The religious world does its best to convince young men that behaviors such as being a good provider, taking care of a woman’s emotions, and being a good father are what make men sexually attractive. This is not true. While those behaviors make men good long-term marriage partners, they are not good for generating genuine sexual attraction in a woman. That is best done by a combination of masculine behavior plus game, masculine features (muscle mass, lower-pitched voice, etc.).

Women have different criteria for who they want to have sex with versus who they want to marry.

The church has tried to educate and condition women to desire those long-term provider characteristics (good provider/good father etc.), but conditioning cannot undo a woman’s basic biological need to breed with the man who has the best genetics. She will desire to marry the long-term provider, but she will desire to have sex with the most masculine man. This is also why many Christian wives will rarely if ever feel a genuine sexual desire for their husbands. 

That is a brief glimpse into the female sexual selection process and there is much more to cover at a later time, but those few paragraphs should give you enough information to make the story of Joseph much more compelling. 

What we have in Genesis 39 is a man named Joseph who checks all the boxes for a good short-term sexual partner for a woman. 

The sexual market value of Joseph is quite high. Let’s have a look at these:

I. He is Physically Attractive – Genesis 39:6


The Bible says Joseph is handsome in both form and appearance. Meaning he had an attractive body and face. These are two basic characteristics that form the foundation of a man’s sexual market value. But that is not all, we also learn that:

II. Joseph is Successful and Becomes an Overseer of Potiphar’s House – Genesis 39:3-4

Arguably, even more important than a man’s looks are his status and ambition. Not only is a man’s success in his career reflective of his ability to be an efficient long-term provider, but it also reflects mastery and ambition, each of which women usually find masculine and attractive. Joseph climbed the ranks in Potiphar’s house until he was in charge of everything. Potiphar’s mind was free to focus on business and the kingdom of Egypt, and he must have enjoyed that mental rest. 

III. Joseph becomes “Forbidden Fruit” – Genesis 39:8-9

Women want what they cannot have. So when Joseph refuses Potiphar’s wife, that only makes him that much more desirable to her. Now she has to have him because he is not only attractive and successful but also a challenge to be conquered. 

Potiphar’s wife likely was not interested in one single sexual encounter, I argue that she wanted a long-term affair. 

I base this on the fact that the Bible says “He did not heed her to lie with her or to be with her”. Why separate “lying with” and “being with” unless they describe two separate events. Potiphar’s wife wanted sexual access to Jospeh over the long term (Genesis 39:10).

Men like Joseph are what women want:

1. Successful
2. Ambitious
3. Attractive (Fit)

Consider these points the next time you hear a lesson on the story of Joseph. Go to your preacher and ask him about the sexual market value of Joseph and see what he says. Most men have no idea the temptation Joseph faced when dealing with Potiphar’s wife because they themselves are not sexually marketable enough to be valued by women and subsequently be tempted by them. Women like high-value men. Most men in the church are too busy using their virtue to justify their poverty to have time to train their bodies or build their wealth. 

Consider how you can make yourself more like Jospeh if you want to be more attractive to your wife. Be masculine and work hard and put yourself first.

Monogamy – Is it Natural or Impossible?

For this section we will address two perspectives held by people in the world and in the church with regards to monogamy. The first perspective is that monogamy is unnatural because men want to spread their genetics with as many women as possible. The second perspective is that men are wired for monogamy, but have perverted their own minds through lust and driven themselves to want multiple women. Consider both and decide for yourself if you believe that monogamy is natural, unnatural or a combination of both. 

“But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”

1 Corinthians 7:2

“Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach”.

1 Timothy 3:2

Defining Terms: Before we begin we must define terms. We will take an extreme, scorched earth definition of what it means to desire other women. In this section whenever you read a statement about a man “desiring another woman”, it means that he wants her physically. That is all. If a man is physically attracted to a woman and wants to ahve sex with her, that is desire.

Perspective I: Monogamy to one woman is to be strived for, even though it is unnatural.

A Man does not want to commit. By “want” I mean that his biology does not desire commitment. Men want limitless women. Do not be deceived by what you have heard growing up in the church, a man is one part flesh and one part soul. More accurately, man is a soul clothed in the weakness of flesh (1 Corinthians 15:44-49). 

Man’s biology pushes him towards multiple sexual partners over his life, and anyone who denies this denies reality.

There is no shortage of men in the church who want to tell you that you should “desire” monogamy or that you are wired for it. Such men are weak and have the testosterone levels of 90 year old men. It is easy for these men to desire only one woman when the hormone responsible for sexual desire is non-existent in them. 

Though we as men have a physical nature that desires multiple women, we must limit ourselves  to one woman through discipline and virtue. Very few men are convinced that this sexual limitation is as rewarding as religious men claim, which explains why so few men wait for marriage. 

Because what married man would confess that marriage is not as satisfying as advertised and risk having his supply of sex cut off? Not a soul. What man alive would say that the majority of the marital benefits go to the woman while the primary object of value a man receives is sex? No man alive would dare say such things in fear that the sex he prizes so highly would be taken away. 

This is man’s predicament.

The wife has the most valuable and powerful bargaining chip available and the man must remain submissive in order to receive it. That may not be how your marriage is, but that is certainly how most young Christian men perceive marriage. And they have testosterone deficient men in the religious world to thank for that attitude. 

And also, the above situation is the worst-case scenario. I am well aware that not every marriage is like that and that men do receive more of value than sex out of the marriage relationship. But you must also realize that the way young men perceive marriage and the way many women behave causes men to think negatively about marriage as previously mentioned.

“50% of men would not have gotten married if they knew their marriage would be sexless”.

Maureen, Mcgrath –

TEDx. (2016, July 6). No Sex Marriage. Maureen McGrath [Video]. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVgzOyHVcj4&feature=emb_title

If you honor your wife properly and are masculine then your fears of a sexless marriage will not come to pass, or so you are told. Most women want to please. If a man is in a marriage where he is not getting any sex then it is his fault. Because he is either not treating her in a way that makes her feel loved and comfortable, he is not masculine and submits to her or he married a selfish and contentious woman, making the decision to get married with his penis and not with his rational mind. He will complain about monogamy and be the source of the marriage jokes you hear in the church. Do not emulate this man who makes jokes about marriage, he embodies inadequacy. Young men are regularly leaving the church because of this weak man’s influence. 

“Why marry a Christian woman and get no sex when there is all the free ‘love’ I could ever want out in the world?”. How is the church supposed to compete with that logic? The marriage jokes men make are doing no favors for the church. 

Monogamy is possible, but it is not natural. Very few of God’s requirements for us are natural. They go against what our flesh naturally wants, requiring us to reject the weakness of the flesh for the purpose of attaining higher spiritual goals. You can commit to one woman. It is not natural, but it is possible. 

If you have grown up in the church and been properly conditioned on how marriage “should be”, this section may anger you. This argument goes against everything you have ever heard about marriage and the sexual relationship “in the context of marriage”. Women are supposed to desire good men and want to be with them according to the religious man. 

Let’s be clear, whether Christian or secular, no woman will have an organic sexual desire for an effeminate man.

Yet the majority of men in the religious world today are effeminate and are trained to be so by individuals twisting the Scriptures to their own destruction (2 Peter 3:14-18). We have vilified success and made poverty a virtue (see “Success”). The religious word glorifies cowardice and labeled courage as “pride”. Religious individuals degrade mastery of skill while suggesting that the Bible is the only thing a Christian should master (these are the same people who read their bibles twice a year). Almost all sexual problems in Christian marriages could be solved if men would find and use their testicles and be men. You do not have to be married to understand this fact.

Perspective II: Men are wired for monogamy, but many have polluted their minds so that they desire multiple women.

This is another possible explanation for why men are unfaithful to their wives or are desiring multiple partners. 

A man’s sex drive is like a fire that grows larger when more fuel is added to it. If you are ‘checking out’ every woman that walks by and thinking about what it would be like to get her in bed, you are adding fuel to a massive fire. It then becomes incredibly easy to let that fire rage out of control.

Be honest with yourself. If you are checking out every woman, you are thinking about getting in bed with them. If you think about bedding them, you have mentally walked through detailed fantasies about what that sexual encounter would be like. Remember that when you imagine something extremely vividly, your brain thinks it is real. So now your brain thinks you are just having sex with every single woman you see. 

Men, if your brain cannot tell whether you are actually having sex or not, then it is going to be far easier to actually have sex with a woman if you are put into that situation.

Because you’ve already “had sex” hundred of times before. What’s another woman to you? You have had hundreds of partners. As a results it becomes an irrelevant matter whether or not you should have sex with another woman who is not your wife. You built this massive sex drive by polluting your own mind. 

God never intended for your sex drive to be out of control. But with every billboard and advertising attacking you from all sides, your fire grows no matter what you do. The sexual urge was meant for more than just sex. Any man who has read Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich remembers the chapter on sexual transmutation. This chapter outlines how men can convert their sexual urge to creative energy in order to generate wealth. You can call it “woo-woo” if you want, but men have been using their masculine energy to build, create and go to war since the dawn of creation. 

Before you try to say that monogamy is unnatural for men, first consider whether or not you have taken your naturally monogamous mind and rewired into a polygamous mind by having mental sex with hundreds of women.

The brain rewires itself based on your habits, this is known as neuroplasticity. If you are having sex with multiple partners multiple times per day, your brain will wire itself to think that is normal behavior and to seek that out. If you want to be monogamous, you have to fix your polygamous mind at the root. We will go over this in the application section.

Mantra

Forever Faithful.

monogamy

Application I

If you think monogamy is unnatural, then you subject yourself to your own desires. You will always be at war with your flesh and that is fine. The following list is a set of non-negotiable rules you must employ if you want to maintain sexual discipline.

I. Never under any circumstances be alone with a woman who is not your wife. If you are the only ones in the house, you need to excuse yourself and leave. 

Some women make this rule difficult to follow because if the man leaves, the woman will think “Oh wow, this guy has such a problem with wanting sex that he can’t even be in the same room as me”. This though is the result of the religious world being dishonest with women about exactly what it is to be a man with regards to sex. If a woman knew what was going on in a man’s head, she would never question modesty or these rules again. 

Because of the woman’s attitude, the man cannot win in this situation. He either sits and endures temptation or he gets called a dog. Be a man, get called a dog and leave the house. Any woman who calls you a dog for tactically retreating away from sexual immorality is not worth marrying or being associated with.

II. You cannot “just be friends” with a woman.

This rule may spark a lot of controversy and even get you some heat, but you must apply it. One of my most basic principles of life is the following:

A woman can “just be friends” with a man, but a man cannot “just” be friends with a woman.

This principle is set in stone. 

In other words, there is always a sexual component to every single relationship a man is involved in (excluding family) even if that component is very small. When a girl says she wants to “just be friends”, what a man hears is that if he is good and on his best behavior then eventually he may qualify to be “more than just friends”. 

A man will not remain friends with a woman unless he thinks there is a chance of sexual intimacy at some point in time.

If only he can be a good boy and earn the affections of his lady friend, then he will get the intimacy he wants. When in fact this is precisely the beta-male attitude that lands men in sexless marriages to begin with. Be a highly masculine man, not an effeminate man who has to qualify for women’s attention.. 

So again, even though a woman can usually maintain a platonic relationship with a man, it is not possible for that friendship to flow in the other direction. A man will not even talk to a woman unless he is sexually attracted to her. It is not possible for a man to have a platonic relationship with a woman unless he is a eunuch. This is not chauvinistic, it is simply human nature. 

III. When you go out in public, you must suddenly take great interest in the ground, the sky and buildings.

This is an extreme principle, but if you think monogamy is unnatural, then you need to work on not looking at women for a time so your rabbit brain can settle itself down. In your current state, if you look at a woman, you will very soon be lusting after that woman. You are in that habit so you need to give your brain time to rewire itself. 

When you walk around in public just look around at non-people objects. You will be hard pressed to find a self-respecting woman who wears more than dental floss and bandaids walking around the public square. Treat every area like a warzone of temptation. Secular women have become sexually emboldened in the past decades, so you have to constantly be on the lookout. As soon as you notice one of these women, take great interest in the architecture of the nearest building. 

IV. Short-circuit patterns of sexual thought. 

You will inevitably have sexual thoughts. What you need to do is short-circuit them by injecting some completely unrelated thought once you notice yourself going down the mental sex-path. This only works if you have enough self-awareness to notice that you are mentally having sex with women. So make sure you are building awareness through the exercises in this book. 

Once you notice what you are thinking about, turn your thoughts to something different. It needs to be something highly stimulating because it is hard to take your mind from thinking about sex to thinking about poetry. Instead, turn your focus to food, drop and do some pushups even if you are in public (the embarrassment alone may help you make a huge leap of progress), listen to fast or aggressive music or start doing some strange viking chant. It does not matter what you do in these moments as long as you are converting your mind to better thoughts. 

V. When you get married, you are done interacting with women for the rest of your life.

Interaction is a breeding ground for sexual relationships. I know that statement sounds extreme, but no sexual encounter happens before relationships have been established by talking. Unless you are assembling with the saints, I would encourage you away from interacting with women. Again, this principle mainly applies to individuals who take the position that monogamy is not natural. 

Application II

If you think monogamy is natural and men have polluted their minds with lust, then let us look at how this can be undone.

Recall that the brain rewires itself through neuroplasticity. So no matter how entrenched in the habit of mentally undressing the women you see, it can be undone. Read the principles above and apply them at least in the beginning stages of rewiring your mind. While you may not take an extreme position on interacting with women, those rules can kick start your new habit of mental discipline.

Always begin your change with awareness. There are many instances where awareness alone is curative. Some men are able to stop mentally undressing women just because they become constantly aware of their own minds. When you have self-awareness, you have self-control. 

Conclusion

Commit to one woman for life and be faithful. You must avoid all instances in which you would be tempted to stray from your woman. Even though you tell your wife that other women are “no factor” and that they do not tempt you, we all know that is a lie. Unless you are effeminate, then eventually they will tempt you, and you will have to strain to be faithful. 

In most cases it is better to stay away from other women completely (as mentioned above). They have nothing to offer you besides destruction. They will not advance your career or grant you power, they will only break down your power base and leave you with nothing (Proverbs 6:26). Therefore, avoid women who are not your wife except in public gatherings such as the assembly. 

Be faithful to one woman. 

Do not stray.

Build your own relationship. 

Conduct yourselves like men. 

Lust – Sex in the Mind

“But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Matthew 5:28

“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”

Galatians 5:16

There is more to lust than sex alone, even though sex is a huge part of it. Some of the most effective temptations of the devil are manipulations and perversions of the basic drives of man. The need for sex and intimacy becomes lust. Satan does the same thing to women. Women tend to get addicted to soap operas or social media. These outlets exploit the female need to be involved in the lives of other adults, and as a result they waste the majority of their time. 

Lust for sex is biological.

The devil has been manipulating the biology of man since the birth of the earth. Why do you think Israel repeatedly abandoned God for idols in the Old Testament? 

Two words: Cult Prostitutes. 

Part of the heathen worship ceremony was sex with prostitutes. What man would say no to that? Imagine how many of your fellow Christians would abandon their faith if they had the option for sex in worship. Even if the Israelite man had witnessed amazing miracles, his sex drive overpowered his rational mind. Biology will trump conviction unless a man has a will of iron. Do not allow your ego to tell you that you would have been different if you were alive in the days of Israel, because you likely would have been just like everyone else. 

Logically, Israel’s rejection of God for the Baals makes no sense. It was stupid to abandon God. Israelites would go from worshipping the one true God to worshipping multiple false gods, so it is obvious they wanted to worship something. It just so happens that if they worshipped Baal, they also got sex. This is a manipulation of the nature of man. Satan used that manipulation to lead men astray thousands of years ago just as he does today. 

Lust of the flesh permeates the Church, and no man has the testicles to talk about it.

Porn ravages the Church. Premarital sex is rampant in the Church, far more than any good Christian mother would want to know about. 

Kids know more about sex than their parents, and they probably have more sex than their parents as well. 

Fathers no longer educate their sons about sex, so the world educates sons for them. I guarantee that parents will not like what their children are learning. 

Lust lives and thrives in the world. Women no longer wear clothes. You can’t go anywhere without seeing a billboard that shoves breasts in your face. You can’t walk in a shopping mall without going past a Victoria’s Secret. Men can’t walk in Walmart without seeing a woman showing her bra or seeing some braless breasts and hanging out with nipples poking through the shirt; every single man knows precisely what I am talking about. Then those same women wonder why they are sexually objectified. 

Gentlemen, we need to be explicit about what is out there.

Because for generations men in the Church have refused to talk about it, and now young men are unprepared to live in a society that throws gasoline on their already raging sex drive.

You have to prepare for this level of temptation. You have to TRAIN to avoid the assault of sexuality that society throws at you, because it doesn’t come naturally. To resist your sexual desires is to stand off in opposition to your own biology, which is what makes lust so difficult. Man is one part divine, and one part earthly. The earthly part must be brought under subjection, for it desires evil. It desires sex constantly. 

Lust of the flesh must be obliterated. If that means destroying your technology, so be it. Literally, break your computer and burn it with fire. If that means you never walk into a book shop that sells magazines again, so be it. 

Remove the enemy. Purge that evil from your soul. Real men do not give in to the lust of the flesh, which is the reason why there are so few real men in the Church. 

Mantra

Obliterate lust.

lust

Application

Kill your technology, or at least control it. Download internet filters and give the passwords to someone else, that is easy. The rest of the problem is handling your mind when you are out in the world. 

You have to be in total command of your own thoughts. Left to your biological nature, you will look at every female you come in contact with and imagine having sex with her. This is the essence of lust and it must be defeated. 

How is it defeated? It begins with awareness.

You cannot stop natural thoughts if you are unaware of them. Once you become aware of them, you will be shocked by how frequent they are. This may disgust you, and that would be appropriate. 

There is so much momentum behind your highly sexual thoughts that you will need a long time to curb them in the slightest. It may take you years. Do not be discouraged by this, just get started Now. The sooner you start, the sooner you win. 

Employ the “Bounce the eyes” method. It’s cliche` to talk about it, but it works. This method only works if you are aware that you are leering at women. First acquire self-awareness, then develop the ability to instantly avert your eyes away from a woman’s breasts to some other item. Stare at the sun for goodness’ sake (not really, but anything is better than what you were looking at.

Kill your lust. Be a Man.

Conduct Yourselves Like Men.

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