I – By attempting to make sex everything, the secular world has made sex nothing.
People wait their whole lives for a mystical experience of sex, further emboldened by the world to think that it must be something so incredible as it is mentioned, constantly. It is the topic of movies, songs, and magazine articles to name a few. Sex is one of the things that humans focus on the most. It has more hype than any other topic.
Why is it then that so many people are disappointed by the sexual act? One of the most common complaints of men today, even men who do not wait for marriage, is that there is just nothing special about sex. If men who save themselves for marriage and commit to one woman are thinking this, can you imagine what the secular men must be thinking? Sex just isn’t what it was made out to be in the minds of these men.
This is compounded by the brutal effects of pornography on nearly 100% of men in the world. It is essentially impossible not to be exposed to some form of pornography. Whether it’s a billboard, a magazine cover or an internet site does not matter. There is more pornography made and in existence today than could ever have been imagined just a few years ago. And when men are exposed to anything from softcore to hardcore porn, it changes their brain.
It’s further compounded by how lonely and isolated men become after being exposed. Porn is truly a devastating tool of the enemy.
But all of that is to say that men who are used to masturbating to porn or even just masturbating without external images are likely going to find sex less satisfying than if they work to abstain (which itself is a whole other topic).
These external images are the first way the adversary damages the sexual relationship between a man and his wife. Understand that it is not by magic that sex is becoming less satisfying for men over time. This is a tool of the enemy. If he can get you alone or make you question your principles, he will do it. This is just one of the many methods of attack he has at his disposal.
II – Sex aloneis not worth the hype.
There is more to marriage than sex, so if sex is the only good thing you were looking forward to in marriage, it won’t be good enough to outweigh the negative parts of marriage. Especially if you choose poorly in your partner.
Sex is a great thing. However, it is not the only thing that marriage consists of. Before I was married I never thought I would say something like that because it was so annoying to hear from other married men. But it is true. In fact, there is so much more to living with another person than simply having sex with them that you need to consider carefully who you will marry.
I can assure you that one hour in the bedroom will not outweigh all their character flaws. It will not cancel out the parts of their personality that annoy you. If you were hoping for sex to magically make those things disappear into nothingness, you are looking in the wrong place.
In fact, you have the ability to choose so poorly in a wife that it takes away all your desire for sex and for the marriage in general.
You can see this happen to the men around you. Observe the ones who are miserable in their marriages and you will see decreased sexual frequency and satisfaction in their lives.
And the enemy wants this, of course. The less you have sex with your own wife the more sexual pressure builds just by the production of more and more sperm. And the more this pressure builds in you, the more likely you are to just give in and spill your seed with any woman you meet.
But that does not mean pornography or masturbation isn’t an option for them. The enemy wants at all costs to keep you away from your wife sexually. He loves the sexually dissatisfied man or woman in marriage. They are in the perfect position of weakness to be blindsided by a flanking maneuver and crushed in a sexual affair.
All of that to say you need to choose a life partner carefully. If you cannot tolerate them before you are having sex with them, sex will not make them any better for you. You need to decide if you can handle this person day in and day out, and not just in the bedroom.
III – Sex will never be as pleasurable as the craving for sex is painful.
This is one of the more painful truths of life. And every man understands this after a masturbation session. The urge was so incredibly powerful that you thought there was nothing you could do to control it. Then after the orgasm, you wonder “What in the world did I just do? I didn’t need that“.
The urge and craving for sex are very painful. Here is s strange truth: We do not want to have sex because we want to have sex. Rather, we want to have sex because we want to rid ourselves of the painful feeling of craving. This does not only apply to sex. Many things in life are the same way.
Many of us eat to rid ourselves of a painful craving or the painful sensation of hunger. Or we drink to get rid of the pain of being thirsty. So many of our actions in life are rooted in our desire to move away from pain, rather than to move towards pleasure. Pleasure is not that motivating to everyone. But avoiding pain is very motivating.
Whether you are motivated more by a desire for pleasure or by a desire to avoid pain is something you have to discover about yourself.
It only takes a few moments of introspection. But you can clearly learn who you are and what motivates you by figuring this out.
You will be more motivated by your desire to satisfy the craving for sex than you will be for sex itself. If we as men did not have sexual urges and cravings, we might not even have sex. The few seconds of orgasm are not worth the hour of buildup to get there, many men are reporting. If we were only motivated by a desire for pleasure, there would be better pleasures in life to choose from.
And men will obviously throw away their entire career by one decision made due to the sexual urge. The urge is powerful, the act is significantly less powerful, and the hype is overrated. By understanding this you can set yourself up in a position of power. Understand that the urge is temporary. Understand that you will be more motivated to avoid pain than to seek pleasure. And remember that sex will never be what you want it to be, so do not waste time making decisions based on sex.
Young men in the church hear thousands of times that they should wait for marriage to have sex. They generally hear zero explanations of why that wait is worth the sacrifice.
Sex is plentiful in the 21st-century church, except that it is not in the Christian marriages where it should be. This unfortunate fact has several root causes, the prime root being that no young man is going to listen to a “Christian” metrosexual-male lecture him about sex. What would an effeminate male know about sex in the first place? And the number of effeminate men in the church is growing as the weak, beta-male type of man is idealized as the “perfect Christian”. The man who is a soft, deferring, non-confrontational people pleaser is praised in word among religious groups.
Many Christian men are similar to military veterans who never saw real combat but are nonetheless put in charge of combat training operations. How is a man with no practical battlefield experience going to prepare young men for war? Most Christian men have never been on the ground and seen the combat of sexual temptation, yet they still have the audacity to lecture young men about purity. Needless to say, these lectures are falling on deaf ears because young men see the discrepancy between the words they are hearing and the man they are seeing. If this is the man they will become by obeying the principles of abstinence, many young men will choose to run in the opposite direction.
How are these beta-males created in the first place?
What usually happens is that the average beta-male gets married, lured in by the Christian woman’s promise of sensual delights only to realize that no woman wants to have regular sex with a beta. Her biological imperative quite literally causes her to be sexually repulsed by the beta male. A female was designed by God to look to the masculine for a leader to follow. They were also designed to be attracted to the man who has great personal, social and professional value.
The average man does not realize that he is behaving in an effeminate manner, but he is certainly aware that the sexual frequency in his marriage is not exactly what he thought it would be. She may “throw him a bone” a few times per month, but it does not matter, her desire for him is not genuine. He is not masculine or excellent enough to generate genuine desire in his wife. So, he allows himself to get fat, stagnate in his career and then complain to the younger generations about the cons of marriage.
The irony of this whole situation is that the average married Christian man is sexually deprived and yet he still thinks he is qualified to instruct young men on the topic of sexual discipline.
“Listen, even though I’ve only had sex twice this year, let me explain to you why it’s worth it to wait until marriage for those biannual encounters” ~ Average Married Christian Man
Beta-male behavior is the prime root of the problem, let us examine the branches of its effect.
Understand: This is how the young man rationalizes engaging insex before marriage in his own mind; you may have juggled many of these thoughts yourself. That is not to say they are correct or rational in and of themselves, but this is the way the young man thinks. And without a hero of marriage to stand up and offer any real guidance in place of the emotion-saturated blithering of most married men, the young men will continue to entertain these thoughts and rationalize premarital intercourse. Let’s look at the reasons men fail to wait for marriage, and then what we can do about it.
Reason I: Men with Low/No Sexual Market Value are the Ones Advocating Sexual Discipline
The only men instructing the new generation on sexual discipline are the ones who have never had to struggle to be pure, at least not with real women. You can see plenty of evidence of this just by looking around you at church. Do you see a single man whom women are lined up waiting to have intercourse with like they do with celebrities?
Do you really think women want to get it on with Dr. James Dobson and his 80-year-old genitalia? Despite what he wrote in an article (which was an excerpt from his book “Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide”) about being tempted to commit adultery, I seriously doubt that women are just pining over the “nice guy” beta-male that Dobson is. This is not an attack on his character, just an observation of his behavior and philosophies. I will briefly summarize the main point of Dobson’s article.
In response to the question, “Have you ever been tempted to commit adultery”, he writes that he once had a fight with his wife, following which he went out for a drive to cool his temper. While driving around the block, supposedly some woman was in a car in front of him, looked back, and smiled. Dobson would then suggest that this was her “inviting him to follow her” to have sex, and he attributed this encounter to the devil.
You can read the article for yourself to decide what you believe, but in my perspective, this is a highly circumstantial argument at best. This violates the basic religious teaching (and Dobson’s personal teaching) that women need emotional connection “before anything physical can happen” (which is not true – observe secular humans in their natural habitat and see how long it takes for “something to happen” sexually between a few of them).
Furthermore, I really do not think that “looking back and smiling” equals “let’s have sex”. Maybe in the mind of a teenage boy, but not in the mind of a rational man. Women only behave that way with high-value, high success men (think celebrities, surgeons, music stars or moguls).
Now I admire Dr. Dobson and have read nearly a dozen of his works, but if he truly thinks that some random woman who saw his head in a car while driving about just magically wanted to have sex with him, he is irrational. That would be a stretch even for the depravity of the 2020s, much less several decades ago when this alleged event happened to him. That may be reflective of a Hollywood-esque movie sex scene, but it is not real life.
Continuing with the first point: Is any woman aching to have sex with your beta-male youth minister?
What about your overly emotional “worship leader”?
Are there truckloads of European women just itching to have sex with your emotionally vulnerable preacher?
I have extreme doubt that this is the case, yet these are the same men who are teaching purity and the value of sexual discipline to the younger generations. The same men who have never had much, if any, sexual opportunity with real women are the ones who are advocating sexual purity to young Christian men. They were sexually pure, but not by their own choice.
Involuntary sexual purity does not equal sexual discipline.
Those “pure” men are not virtuous for their purity, though they think they are. You are not sexually pure if that purity was involuntary. You are not pure if you simply had no access to women.
Think about it, boasting about being sexually pure when you have no opportunity for sex with women is the equivalent of boasting about not being a drunkard while living in a dry county.
No temptation equals no virtue, because virtue is created by resisting a highly desirable and available sin. The reason these men were “pure” is that they never had an opportunity to be impure. There was no freely available sexual opportunity for them. The term for this type of man is “Incel”, which means “Involuntarily Celibate”. Celibate not because of their admirable self-control, but because they are simply not attractive to women.
“Verily, I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good because they had no claws.”
Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra
Average religious men have low sexual market value. By this, I mean that they are not masculine, successful, powerful, attractive, or even physically fit, which is the simplest personal attribute a man can control. In fact, the majority of men who actually were/are highly tempted and sexually desired by women are the ones who failed to wait for marriage. Because biology beats purity unless a man has monumental motivation to overcome his drives. This is why preparing for sexual temptation years in advance is imperative, especially as a man becomes more masculine, successful and inevitably attracts more women.
Sure, most men might have one or two opportunities for premarital sex in their young days but overcoming one or two temptations is not sexual purity.
When boys and girls are young, attraction is much more primal. Not evolutionarily primal – primal meaning that attraction will be driven primarily by biology for these kids. Teenage girls will be attracted to whoever can exhibit the most masculine or “alpha” traits at the time, who is the most physically attractive, or who has the highest perceived value in the social group.
Sexual discipline must be instructed by men who have had countless opportunities to be impure yet chose to be pure, nonetheless. All other men have no business opening their submissive, effeminate mouths about sexual purity. If 90% of men in the religious world looked between their legs, they would find female genitals. As such they have no business speaking about the strategy of managing male genitals.
Reason II: Inconsistency of Teaching
Religious men are inconsistent with their agreement and disagreement with the people of the world with regard to sexual temptation and purity. They decide when to agree with worldly people based strictly on what suits their narrative, much like the leftist mainstream news media. There is no better example of this than their sexual purity “motivation” – or the ways they attempt to “inspire the troops” about sexual discipline.
On one hand, they say, “The world is wrong about premarital sex! Worldly people say it is good, but they are lying! It is not good and is out of context! The world does not have the right to make those kinds of statements about premarital sex! You should listen to me instead, since I, your born-again virgin youth minister, am an expert about this sex stuff”.
Notice that in this instance they disagree with worldly people because the message of the world opposes their own. However, look at what they immediately do when the world agrees with them about sex.
A random worldly person makes the following statement: “Wow, these extramarital/one-night stand types of sexual encounters are really meaningless and unfulfilling. I wish I had waited for marriage instead”. The very nano-second a person of the world makes a statement like this, religious beta-males jump on it. “Look! This worldly person says that extramarital sex is unfulfilling! See, we tried to tell you. I knew we were right. If people of the world say it, it must be true”.
Do you see the inconsistency here? On one hand, we cannot listen to the world about sex because they disagree with our position, on the other hand, we totally agree with the world about sex because theyagree with our position. Which is it? Do we listen to the world or do we not? Oh, I see, the world should not be listened to when they disagree with us, but they should be listened to when they do agree with us. Seems logical.
Young men see this inconsistency in religious betas and reject purity as a result.
Reason III: Observational Evidence – Marital Misery and Intramarital Celibacy
Contrary to what religious leaders believe, young men in the church have the ability to use their eyeballs and look around at the weak men in the surrounding pews. What the young men are doing is judging the quality of the betas sex life based on how happy or unhappy he looks. This may come as a shock, but most men in the church look miserable. They are fat, unhappy, and spun up tighter than a drum as a result of being denied sex for the past six weeks.
Now judging by the looks of men alone is not enough evidence for young men, so they listen to the words of the beta-male as well. And what do they hear from married men? Marriage jokes. And more than half of all marriage jokes revolve around sex or sexual frequency (or rather, the lack thereof). Men commonly make jokes about how little they have sex as compared to their earlier marriage years. While sex is not the only subject matter for marriage jokes, it is the one that garners the most attention for obvious reasons.
These jokes are not funny to the young men who are sharp enough to realize that every joke is rooted in truth. The grain of truth is what makes jokes relatable and funny. But sex jokes are certainly not funny to young men who see them as a reflection of reality.
Look into the eyes of the average recently married man or even a man who has been married for a decent amount of time. The soul that once filled his eyes is gone. The fire that used to be in his eyes has been extinguished. He has died inside, and young men can smell the rot. He is drenched in misery, he has been transformed into a beta because he married for the wrong reasons. And he is now a married celibate and every other man knows it.
It is so incredibly obvious when a married man has a great sex life because you can see it radiating through everything he does in his life. He has greater success, is happier, and also is more sociable. I can pinpoint every man in my church who has a great sex life just by looking at them, and you can too. Find the men who are energetic, masculine, pursuing excellence in their lives and you will find men who cannot help but have fulfilling sex lives.
Intramarital celibacy is not a desirable state for any man, much less a young man with more testosterone than he knows what to do with. Young men see what marriage does to married men and decide to reject marriage and purity altogether. Why save yourself for something that would make you so incredibly miserable? Why save yourself for sex if you are going to get the same amount of sex you are getting now as an unmarried man, aka zero? The answer for most men is the following: do not get married in the first place.
Reason IV: Men in Religion are Predominantly Beta-Males
Observationally, 1-2% of the population of men should be Alpha male leader types, but this stat does not apply to religion simply for the reason that it is more difficult for an Alpha to be religious compared to a man who is more submissive by nature.
It is difficult, but still possible, for a highly masculine man to submit himself to a higher power and give up on focusing completely on the earthly benefits of being masculine (extreme success/abundance of women/self-interested lifestyle).
High levels of testosterone are a hallmark of a masculine leader. The abundance of this hormone makes him highly aggressive (not socially, but mentally), extremely sexual, and generally very successful, items which are not congruent with what betas think religion should be.
The few times you come across an Alpha in the church he will be active military, retired military, police, or something along those lines. Inherent in the military man is loyalty, a trait that allows this Alpha to assume religiosity while also subjecting himself to a divine commander. But the majority of the time, religious males are beta.
When a man is young, he is also producing large volumes of testosterone which gives the illusion of Alpha masculinity when he may, in fact, be a beta-in-waiting. During the period of adolescence, young men are more likely to personally identify with worldly types of men who manifest Alpha traits, the most noticeable of these traits being an abundance of sexual partners. This appeals to young men no matter how much religious betas try to deny it. It is no surprise why the age of adolescence and early adulthood is when many young men tend to sow their wild oats.
Alphas get multiple women; betas cannot even get the one woman they are married to.
Young men do not want to listen to beta-males in religion, they want to listen to Alphas. If you want to increase the odds of men being sexually pure in your church, they need to be taught about purity from an alpha male who was sexually disciplined even though he had and has access to multiple women.
Reason V: Modern Marriage is Feminine Centric
This is not a popular position to take, especially in the church, but marriage is designed by God to benefit and protect women. Over time this protection has become less necessary, and marriage has evolved into a female-centric institution where poor behavior on the female side is actually encouraged by the state – alimony, child support, and custody rulings all favor women.
The feminine centricity of marriage is based on one primary fact, and aside from this fact, everything else is minutiae: Men have a biological need for sex, and women have and generally control sexual access. Men have the demand; women have the supply and women can manipulate it in any way they want.
A man’s need for sex is extremely powerful. God gave man this a massive sex drive because without it he would not commit to women, as unsavory and politically incorrect as that may seem. At the risk of appearing misogynistic, a women’s main bargaining chip in marriage is her sexual availability/attractiveness, and it is a rapidly depreciating asset; this is especially true of worldly, secular women who have put little time into developing virtues compared to religious women.
This is why women have to overplay how interested they are in sex before marriage so that they can lure a moderate to high-value male into a marital commitment from which he can never escape. Once committed, a woman has little need to fulfill her “end of the bargain”, especially in a Christian marriage where divorce is highly discouraged and genuinely thought to be the fault of the male, and the majority of divorces are initiated by women.
This is Key: Without his sex drive, a man does not usually seek out a relationship with a woman. For what could a woman provide a man that could not be obtained from platonic relationships with other men or women? As offensive and as this may seem, it is true.
Modern marriage is centered around women. A man growing up in the church is told that his purpose is to work and provide for his family. While this sounds noble, it is a recipe for the creation of an unsatisfied man. This “provide for others at the expense of yourself” mentality seems to be more the result of convention and conditioning rather than truth.
A man must take self-interested action and provide for himself first. He must create his own world and then invite another woman into it. This is something the Jews were right about in the 1st Century when they required a man to be well established in a tradesman career before taking on a wife.
The prime reason for man’s existence is not to earn money so his wife can exist.
Even most Christians have to admit this when pressed because that ideology would place marriage and women above God. A man’s primary responsibility is to his God, his secondary responsibility is to himself through work, and his last responsibilities are to others.
“Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us.For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us, because we were not idle when we were with you,nor did we eat anyone’s bread without paying for it, but with toil and labor we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you.
It was not because we do not have that right, but to give you in ourselves an example to imitate. For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat. For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies. Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living. As for you, brothers, do not grow weary in doing good. If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed.Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.”
2 Thessalonians 3:6-13
A man in the church is conditioned from birth to believe that he should get married and provide for a wife. While that is a good and noble ideal, it is not the only ideal that exists.
With the ready availability of sex and the waking realization that marriage could, in fact, provide no benefits to a man because women reserve the right to refuse sex while still maintaining financial support, men are deciding to reject marriage instead, and just get the sex that the secular world so freely offers.
There is an old proverb that says, “Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free?” You can get the milk for free in the secular, godless world, which is where a frighteningly large number of young religious men are going.
Final Note: For a man, emotions come after sexual attraction, never before. A man will not bother to even talk to a woman unless he finds her or one of her friends sexually attractive.
Understand: This is the thought process a young man uses to rationalize having sex before marriage. It does not matter if it is “good” or true because it is the subjective perspective of the young man, which to him matters more than objective truth. You can argue against these principles all day, but young men will still be making decisions based on them. Who do you think young men are going to trust, what you say with your mouth or what they see with their eyes?
Reason VI: Men Are Becoming Less Delusional and Emotional about Modern Marriage
A worldly man, unless he is deluded by his emotional feelings toward a woman, will never commit to an institution like modern marriage. It poses the ultimate threat to his career, finances, and personal wellbeing. Yet for some reason, even worldly men continue to get married. Why is this? If these men are getting the sex they want in a dating/casual sex relationship, then why would they ever voluntarily take on the risks involved with marriage.
They are getting everything they want from the relationship without marriage, nothing logical pressures them towards marriage. But social propriety and emotional delusion cause man to embark on marriage which fails more than half of the time and leaves men with nothing to their names, and sometimes leaves them without a name (reputation).
However, in the secular world men are beginning to wake up to reality. The existence of groups like Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW), other Men’s Rights Activists, Pick Up Artists (PUAs – Men who focus exclusively on landing one-night stands, spinning plates, and avoiding monogamous relationships at all costs) and the Red Pill are all evidence of this. Men are skipping out on the risk and commitment of marriage and skipping straight to casual sex, the only thing of value most worldly, godless women can provide.
Emotions are no longer infiltrating and clogging the minds of young men. They can see everything they need to see with their own rationality, including the following critical points:
Most married men are miserable and effeminate.
Marriage poses the ultimate threat to finances, career, happiness, and most importantly, to personal freedom.
The vast majority of women (80-95%), even religious women, cannot offer anything more than sexual access, and for most of those women that access is used as temporary bait to trap a high-value man.
Even most Christian women have little to offer a marriage because they are not being trained to offer anything to the man! The man is raised and trained to make his world revolve around women while the woman is taught that she is the prize, the princess waiting for the knight in shining armor. Is it a shock that many women develop solipsistic, id-like personality disorder?
Besides, the man generally does all or most of the providing in Christian marriages. Why should women be required to bring anything of value to the table? They are women after all and women are born with value while men must create their own value from scratch.
However, Christian women have a sexual advantage over worldly women as far as the “alluring effect” of their sexuality is concerned. The mystery of sex and the cloud of mist surrounding the Christian woman’s sexuality lures in Christian men. “Wow, if we have to wait our whole lives to experience sex with just one woman, it must be epic!” is what these men think, so they decide to wait for marriage since they do not have any other sexual options.
The promise and potential of sex in a Christian marriage are never realized until a man is permanently locked into a long-term monogamous relationship.
Therefore, a woman is free to feign sexual desire only to lock down the first sucker who proposes to her. Once married, she is financially supported (acquiring security: one major female priority) and could reject sex and the man can do nothing about it, especially a Christian man who cannot leave the relationship.
Are you beginning to see how absurd modern marriage looks for the modern man? You might label this perspective as cynical, but it is not. A man must be aware of the potential consequences of marriage. Who would argue against the Biblical principle of “Counting the Cost” (Luke 14:28)?
Christian men are also waking up to the growing costs and consequences of modern marriage. They are beginning to reject marriage because no vagina is worth that much life sacrifice. And can you blame them? This is not a diatribe against marriage, but rather what marriage has become in the modern age. Modern marriage has devolved into something God never intended for it to be. A man has no choice but to act as if every woman is looking to lock him down just to secure long-term provisioning until it can be proven otherwise.
Reason VII: Abundance of Knowledge Calls into Question the Credibility of Modern Advice
Before the internet and readily available instantaneous information, young men were at the mercy of their parent’s and other adults’ personal knowledge. Whatever the adults said was the gospel and kids had to listen, since there was no other source of information. As the 20th century began to close, the internet began its ascent, eventually culminating in what we have today: limitless information delivered to our palms in milliseconds.
As a result of all this information, something new emerged for the first time in human history: The ability to instantly fact-check what parents and other men were saying seconds after they said it. With this new information, it became clear almost instantly that many parents and the previous generations knew almost nothing. Most of their statements, beliefs, and opinions were made up. The majority of their threats were empty. If they did not know the answer to a young man’s question, they made one up.
Fact checks have allowed for the truth to come to the surface. For thousands of years young men have thought their parents knew nothing, but now they have the empirical evidence necessary to prove it, at least to themselves.
With this new information, the overall credibility of adults was called into question. If they are wrong about so many things, who is to say that they are not wrong about marriage too? Why should young men be lectured on lifetime commitment by a group of people who are chronically incorrect and misinformed?
Adults have begun to be ignored on matters of life, and now they are ignored on matters of marriage because it is obvious, they know little and falsify everything they can in order to protect their own ego and ego-investments (i.e., marriage).
They are ego-invested because they have spent so much time and resources on marriage that they would never say something bad about it. This is especially true of husbands who could lose access to sex for six weeks if they decide to drop a negative comment about marriage.
Beware: if you interact with a man constantly talking negatively about marriage, it is because he has nothing to lose. The only men chronically making negative comments about marriage are ancient, and this is because they are not having sex anyways due to age.
Young men are looking up the facts and data about marriage. They are researching the stories of men who have been burned in relationships or taken through the human woodchipper of the divorce court and are deciding that their parents know nothing and that there is no reason to maintain sexual discipline.
Reason VIII: The Majority of Modern Arguments in Support of Marriage are Weak
What do married males in religion commonly have to say in defense of marriage? That it brings happiness? Even that is an argument you do not hear much anymore unless you attend an extremely liberal, emotional church. Is it true happiness that you have found? Or has marriage brought sufficient distraction to allow you to avoid sitting alone and quietly pondering your own death?
Marriage does not, in and of itself, generate happiness and goodness, it merely allows man to be distracted from all that is evil, at least for a moment. It is the distraction that you mistake for happiness because the two are closely related, just as men mistake their sexual urge for love.
It may seem strange, but not all men are interested in happiness. Many of them want success, glory, and sexual access. Perhaps in a way, they think that will bring them happiness. But to suggest that the road to happiness is through extensive personal sacrifice a lifetime commitment that is expensive in every sense of the word is a hard sell.
What other arguments are there from the proponents of marriage? There are arguments that suggest that marriage is God-designed and that therefore it is automatically great (See below for a refutation of that statement).
“Men need a woman”. That is a common one.
Tell that to the apostle Paul. Tell it to Tesla. Then tell it to Beethoven, Da Vinci, Pascal, Newton, or Al Pacino.
The only people who say that “a man needs a woman” are women or husbands who are desperately trying to get in the good graces of their wives so they can have sex for the first time in the calendar year. Any married man who dares to say that men do not need women will not see his marriage bed for six months, so no man dares to take that risk.
Perhaps that man should go into the attic and find where his wife made him store his testicles, take them out, dust them off and use them for once in his life.
I am not saying men do not need women, but that fact alone is hardly an argument in favor of marriage. It is not enough to tip the scales back from the weight of all the costs marriage imposes on men.
Reason IX: Purity is a “Non-masculine” Term because of the Beta-Male Definition
The symbols associated with traditional sexual purity are womanly and soft, and men want no part of this. Every time men hear the word “purity”, it is automatically associated with a dove or swan or a white dress or sheep.
What 17-year-old male do you know who wants to pursue a virtue that has weakness and femininity for mascots? Perhaps the married man whose genitals have disintegrated from lack of use would accept it.
You cannot sell purity to young men using these symbols and terms for purity. That is like trying to sell barbies to boys. No, you sell barbies to girls and trucks and army men to boys, because you understand the fact that boys have the need to both build and destroy. Unless you are some obese, physically repulsive, empty-headed feminist psychologist with hair shorter than military regulation requires, a masculine marketing strategy for purity should make sense to you.
Men need sexual discipline (purity) to be more masculine and aggressive. There is more to purity than doves and white gowns. Iron can be pure, and it can be fashioned into weaponry. Titanium can be pure. Fire can be both pure and a purifier. These are masculine symbols of war that can be used to represent masculine purity in a way that is actually marketable to young men.
Unlike most married men in religion, young men do not want to play with dolls, they want to make war and fight for something. Give them something to fight against. Give men the Iron Purity of sexual discipline.
Reason X: Virginity is Prized over Chastity
People in the church wrongfully bow down to worship at the altar of virginity rather than promoting the idea of chastity.
Key Principle: There are unchaste virgins and chaste non-virgins.
Virginity does not automatically confer chastity, spending two seconds in any youth group will make you aware of that fact. And just because an unmarried individual is not a virgin does not mean that they are not chaste. There is more to chastity than avoiding intercourse before marriage.
There are scores of “technical” virgins who are anything but chaste. And there are also dozens of individuals who were converted from a worldly life into the church and who are not virgins as a result of their former lifestyle, but who are extremely chaste and dedicated to Iron Purity. Chastity is the important virtue that the church should be focusing on, not virginity. If you concentrate on chastity, virginity takes care of itself.
The problem with the common religious strategy of marketing purity is the “all or none” approach it takes. If you are not a virgin until marriage, you have ruined your life, and you will never be the same. Should a religious man fail to wait for marriage, he thinks, “Well screw it, I’ve already failed, why stop having sex now?” This is the result of a “virginity over chastity” approach to teaching purity, and it does nothing but drive more and more young men into chronic sexual sin.
Reason XI: 80% of Purity ‘Motivation’ is Fear Mongering Scare Tactics
From the Virginity-Over-Chastity approach stems the fear-mongering tactics that are so popular among religious people. It seems that the only way people in the church can “motivate” young men to wait for marriage is to threaten them with all of the horrible things that will happen to them if they have sex before marriage, and the reasons become more ridiculous over time.
“You will ruin your life forever if you don’t wait!”
“Marriage will never be as good as it could have been!”
“You will fail out of college, never get a good job and develop all kinds of warts if you so much as even think about having sex before marriage!”
“The regret will crush your soul for the rest of your life!”
“A space alien will eat your brain if you have sex before marriage!”
Guess what happens when stupid reasons like those mentioned above are the only tools used to motivate the young? One young man will say, “Well that’s a load of nonsense” or his biology will be so strong that it outweighs all those alleged consequences, and he will have sex anyways.
After that first sexual encounter, he realizes that precisely zero of the threats from old women in the church were real, and so he will tell all his friends the truth.
Word gets around the church that the older generations are using scare tactics and empty threats on the youth in order to keep them enclosed in a purity society. It is the religious version of The Village. Men find out that nothing truly negative happens to them when they have sex outside of marriage most of the time. These men do not experience regret, because biology will outweigh regret, especially when men are disenchanted with the church or if they are angry at being lied to about sex for years.
These men do not fail college. They get good jobs or are accepted into graduate programs, they rarely pick up any STDs, as the statistical likelihood of that is somewhat lower than is advertised by the church. They come to the realization that the older generations have nothing but empty threats and scare tactics on their side.
While all of the above is true, it is also true that the fear-mongering tactics do have some degree of efficacy. If they did not, the tactics would die out. It is understandable why these tactics are used as well.
When you are unable to articulate with clarity the benefits of waiting for marriage, you have no choice but to accentuate the consequences of not waiting for marriage.
Reason XII: The State Incentivizes Divorce and Single Motherhood
The most fundamental principle of human nature is that human beings respond to incentives. Those incentives can be pain or pleasure; benefit, or consequence. Everything we do as individuals stems from our desire to gain pleasure or avoid pain in some way or another. When culture or society decides to incentivize a specific behavior, the prevalence of that behavior will increase. Unfortunately, this also applies to marriage.
In the 21st century, society has incentivized divorce for women, another factor contributing to why women initiate divorce more than men. If you look at divorce you will see that the odds are slighted in favor of women. They are the ones who get to keep the kids most of the time. They can claim the majority of a man’s possessions. Women can sustain their long-term provisioning in the form of alimony or child support without ever having to provide something in return.
Modern men are realizing these facts and opting to avoid marriage in favor of casual sexual encounters. While they are ostracized by women and society for this behavior, you cannot debate the rationality of these men’s decisions. Even for the Christian man, marriage is Russian Roulette for their career and finances.
Reason XIII: Culture Negatively Affects the Perception of Marriage
The church could do a substantially better job of defending its positions from popular culture which constantly attacks them for their “old-fashioned” beliefs. Sadly, marriage has also come under attack by culture. At the risk of sounding 1,000 years old, television, movies, celebrities, and society have each decided that marriage is not important, that it should not be valued, and that it actually limits people’s happiness. When an idea is barraged constantly and at every angle, even the proponents of that idea will begin to question it simply out of weariness. If men in the church cannot uncover their latent warlike nature and strike culture back, then marriage rates will continue to decline.
One of my frequent criticisms of Christian education is the lack of pre-marital training. If marriage is truly the “second most important decision you will ever make”, why do you only hear about it once a year on “Family Sunday”? The church complains about divorce stats in the church though they never provide any form of marriage training for individuals! Sure, you have premarital counseling, but it seems unlikely that 24 cumulative hours of training in the final 6 months leading up to marriage would be adequate for people preparing to make a lifelong commitment.
Premarital counseling should start as soon as children become school-aged. They should be prepared to be the type of people who are ready to marry and who understand the costs along with the benefits of marriage. The secular world throws people into marriages and hopes they can learn how to swim; the church should try to better prepare their people for a permanent commitment.
Reason XIV: Many Wives Do Not Respect Their Husbands
We are constantly at war with our human nature in trying to obey God. But somewhere along the way, many women have excused themselves from the command of respecting their husbands. This certainly does not apply to all wives, but it happens often enough to be noticeable by young men, even in the church setting.
Young men observe the ways that wives treat husbands, and they also observe the way husbands allow themselves to be treated.
When a wife is disrespectful to her husband publicly, it is extremely damaging to a young man’s perception of marriage. It also does not take many instances of this marital disrespect for a young man to develop the impression that the majority of women do not respect their own husbands. Even if this is not statistically true, you must remember that one negative interaction is worth four positive negative interactions (see The Negativity effect).
Once young men have the idea that marriage means they will be disrespected and their authority regularly usurped, they avoid marriage or retaliate against women with so-called misogyny.
The problem is made worse by the fact that most men are such beta-males that they cannot assert any authority without losing access to their sexual cistern until they are willing to grovel back to their wives and beg for forgiveness for their sins. This fear to assert authority even extends to the pulpit where preachers teach an improper model of marriage.
Many preachers will teach a 50/50 model of marriage where authority is shared equally but the man makes the final decision. Is that the biblical model of headship or is it the model that is progressive and feminist enough for men to preserve their meager sex supply by not agitating their wives? The true biblical headship model is found in Ephesians where marriage is compared to Christ and the church.
Answer me this, is there a 50/50 share of authority between Christ and His church?
Do we “share power” with God but He makes the final call? Or does Christ have 100% authority and we follow Him no matter what? A non-progressive and anti-feminist as that idea is, it is the biblical model of headship in marriage, and it is the model that is not taught in the church because men do not have the gonads necessary to assert themselves. I am not advocating for men to be jerks or authoritarians, but they must be the leader of the home, it is their responsibility, and they will be held to account for failure in this respect.
If the church wants more young men to marry and save themselves for marriage, they need to increase the net benefits that marriage offers to men. Because in the minds of most young men, marriage offers no lasting benefits.
Reason XV: Men Want to Experience “Fun” Women Before They Marry a Woman Whom the “Fun” Has Had Every Semblance of Fun Educated Out of Her
The Christian marriage bed is commonly perceived as the most boring, unpassionate place to be on the entire face of the earth. Young Christian and secular men simply do not think that married people have sex, and no one in the church tells them otherwise.
You might ask, “Where did they get that idea?” They got the idea from the world, and there was no masculine man there to tell them otherwise.
Christian women have been taught to be reserved, quiet and gentle, all of which are extremely good. Sometimes they are even taught to dress modestly. Most of all, young Christian men and women are taught that sex is bad, evil, dirty, and only for marriage. Those who reject this reject their faith and enter the secular world. Not only does this teaching lead to an extremely difficult first few months of marriage, but it also leads young men to believe that the marriage bed simply will not be fun. Who wants to marry a Christian woman who turns gray at the very mention of the word “sex”?
So prevalent is this view of marriage that the world has seen fit to dub it “Old Church Lady Syndrome”, which we will call OCLS for short. OCLS is a disease where young women have been repeatedly taught that sex is dirty and sinful and they respond by losing all interest in sex and become sexually frigid (incapable of orgasm or penetration [medically: vaginismus] due to psychological barriers). In addition to being a mental disease that sets many marriages off to a bad start, OCLS simply is not a good look for a church that is trying to encourage young men to get married.
In response to OCLS, young men think, “Well, before I commit to one of these boring Christian marriages, I might as well have some fun with worldly women who actually think sex is a good thing”. Imagine that, young Christian men think they have to go into the world to find people who think sex is actually a good thing. What they do not know is that many in the church actually do believe sex is good, they just never had the guts to talk about it publicly.
What Men Need: A Masculine Man with High Sexual Market Value Who Advocates for Sexual Discipline
“The Lord was with Joseph, and he was a successful man; and he was in the house of his master the Egyptian. And his master saw that the Lord was with him and that the Lord made all he did to prosper in his hand. So Joseph found favor in his sight, and served him. Then he made him overseer of his house, and all that he had he put under his authority. So it was, from the time that he had made him overseer of his house and all that he had, that the Lord blessed the Egyptian’s house for Joseph’s sake; and the blessing of the Lord was on all that he had in the house and in the field. Thus he left all that he had in Joseph’s hand, and he did not know what he had except for the bread which he ate.
Now Joseph was handsome in form and appearance.
And it came to pass after these things that his master’s wife cast longing eyes on Joseph, and she said, “Lie with me.” But he refused and said to his master’s wife, “Look, my master does not know what is with me in the house, and he has committed all that he has to my hand. There is no one greater in this house than I, nor has he kept back anything from me but you, because you are his wife. How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?” ~ Genesis 39:2-9
There are very few men in the church who could be described as sexually marketable. If they were, they would attract better-looking women.
This is not insensitive; it is a fact. Since we have practically no modern examples of sexually marketable men, and you certainly will not find any in your church, we can turn to the Bible. Recall the story of Joseph while he was in Potiphar’s house. Joseph is a man with a high sexual market value. Genesis 39:2 tells us that Joseph was a very successful man. This alone makes him attractive to women who see success as a strong ability to provide. Go observe people in the world and you will find that more successful men have more attractive wives or sexual partners. A successful man can provide security which makes him attractive to women. The icing on the cake for women is if the man is physically attractive and physically fit.
We see from Genesis 39:7 that Joseph was physically attractive. The combination of success, ambition/power, and attractiveness is the recipe for a male with a high sexual market value. You can easily observe this with celebrities. Men are attracted to female celebrities just because they are attractive. Women are attracted to male celebrities because they are incredibly successful and attractive. It is the combination of attractiveness and success that makes these men highly sexually marketable and is also the prime reason behind why almost no male celebrity can have a successful long-term marriage.
Even though Joseph was highly marketable to women, he still maintained his sexual discipline. How is this possible? No one knows because almost no Christian men with high sexual market value have successfully maintained Iron Purity.
Modern Christian men need another Joseph who can share strategies and philosophies to wage war on impurity.
Joseph’s Strategy of War I: Be Aware of the Laws of God
Joseph’s first line of defense against Potiphar’s wife was to invoke his God. Unfortunately, this strategy is so frequently cited that it has become cliche to men. No one wants to hear: “Just pray, have faith, and remember God as reasons for you to be sexually disciplined”. Most men who hear this immediately tune out. That statement is the mindless parroting of a castrated progressive, not an Alpha male with high sexual market value. Joseph had excellent spiritual development, so this strategy worked for him, at least in the first days of Potiphar’s Wife’s siege.
Joseph was also acutely aware of the various practical consequences that could ensue if he gave in to this sin. As much as we should try to avoid fearmongering as the primary strategy for sexual discipline, we do need to be aware of the potential consequences of sexual promiscuity. And we also have to note that the consequences are indeed just “potential” while we are on earth. There is no guarantee that something bad will happen to you the instant you have extramarital sex. If the consequences were immediate, no one would ever give in to sexual sin.
You will not always be motivated to do what is right, but you will still be motivated to avoid the pain and consequences of poor choices. Do not make fear your primary motivator if possible, but still stockpile reasons to avoid extramarital sex.
Joseph’s Strategy of War II: Run for your Life
Potiphar’s wife started to wear down Joseph over time, as the Scripture says she bothered him day by day (Gen 39:10). Understand: It IS impossible for a man to resist this type of sexual temptation indefinitely without physically removing himself far, far away from the situation.
Potiphar, being extremely high up on the chain of command in Egypt, would have had his pick from the women of the land. Do you think Potiphar picked some bulldog-faced feminist to marry? No, he would have picked the most attractive woman he could find, likely ignoring her character. Because a woman’s character does not matter to a secular man as long as the woman is extremely attractive.
Therefore, we likely have an extremely attractive woman constantly tempting Joseph with the most desirable delicacy known to man. It is a testament to the strength of his character that he endured more than one day of that nonsense.
Young men find themselves faced with sexual temptation because women their age are highly hormonal and will trade sex for attention. Young men get young women because young women are insecure, not because young men are Alpha. It is vital for the young man to run, to actively get away from these women. The Biblical Principle of “Severing the Hand” applies here (Matthew 5:30). Cut it off and cast it from you. Eliminate all contact with these types of women, they do not have your interest at heart. Stop talking to them, it is a waste of time.
Men and women cannot be friends.
A woman wanting to just be friends with a man is the equivalent of a man wanting to be “friends with benefits with a woman”. In the “Let’s just be friends” (LJBF) model, a woman gets everything she wants from the man (Attention: the female currency, emotional support, and, in extreme cases, financial support), he becomes her beta-male lap dog and she never has to reciprocate with the intimacy that he wants.
He continues to be her friend in the hopes that one day maybe, just maybe, he can prove that he is a “good boy” and deserves a little treat for his loyalty. Women keep men trapped for years in this prison.
In the “Friends with Benefits” (FWB) model, a man gets all the sexual intimacy with a woman and does not have to be there for any of her emotional needs. LJBF is a con, but it is not treated with the same social scorn as FWB because the woman is benefited from the LJBF model.
When a woman benefits at the expense of a man, she gets a “You go girl” and is a “strong, independent woman”. When a man benefits at the expense of a woman, he is a parasite, a dog, and social shaming can begin.
Again, after reading each of these reasons that explain why Christian men have sex before marriage, I want to remind you that I am not arguing for their rationality or trying to defend young men who use these reasons as justification for promiscuity. The point is that you need to understand the common reasons that men decide to have sex outside of marriage so you can start to build your own counter reasons for sexual discipline.
You need to be able to war with your own mind and refute its arguments because these are likely things you have thought before in your own mind. Unfortunately, many of these reasons are very strong and it can be difficult to find the motivation to force yourself into Iron Sexual Discipline, but it can be done.
In conclusion, let us look at a quick common quibble that many religious people may have with some of the previous statements.
Common Quibble: “But marriage is designed by God. How dare you speak of it in this derogatory manner?”
That is a strictly beta-male response when someone cannot logically argue on behalf of their position. This tactic is popular with many religious people: take your personal opinion, season lightly with dilute Christianity and viola`! You have supposedly created an impregnable position. People cloak their beliefs in just enough Jesus so that they can suggest any attack on their personal position is an attack on Christ.
This is a logical fallacy because it suggests that if I can somehow correlate my position with God, no matter how infinitesimal that correlation might be, my position is right. People who use this tactic do not have a good, logical argument, all they can do is use Christ as a shield and suggest that attacking their position is to attack Christ. It is a modified argument from authority. It is the “racist card” of Christianity. People align their opinions somewhat with Christ and somehow their opinions obtain credibility by osmosis. In order to argue properly, every position must be founded in logic.
Before engaging in any discussion, you must always give the opening line, “Let us argue our points rationally without using God as a shield for our position. If we cannot make a rational argument without bringing God into the discussion, we do not have a rational position. Not that we leave God out of the discussion, but we first discuss positions rationally before we discuss them morally”.
Now let us get to the root of this argument.
Key: Just because something is designed by God does not mean that man will not find a way to screw it up. In fact, that is how nearly everything has worked from the dawn of time.
God gave man perfection in the garden and he ruined it with sin.
He gave man religion and he ruined it with idols and unauthorized additions.
God gave man His perfect Son and they killed him within 35 years.
Every time God has given man a well-designed blessing, man ruins it in due time. Why would marriage be any different? In fact, God gave man marriage and man quickly ruined it with polygamy, intramarital and premarital sex and homosexuality.
Marriage is a good idea, but when placed in the hands of imperfect men and women, marriage is quickly ruined. We wrestle against human nature because it corrupts everything when left undirected. Marriage itself has been corrupted over time, despite being designed by God. Modern marriage has but the flecks of its former design and has been replaced by the perverse doctrine of feminism.
Other men who understand these concepts better than I do have compiled a few arousal components into the helpful acronym PSALMs. And please understand before you go any further, every concept must first be understood from a rational, logical perspective before it can be understood from the more complex moral perspective. So first let’s look at the rational, biological components of sexual arousal.
Here are the PSALMs components of a man’s sexual market value
Power
Status
Affluence
Looks
Muscle
Another possible arrangement is the following:
Power
Status
Athleticism
Looks
Money
Both descriptions get the same message across. There are specific, measurable characteristics that women find sexually arousing, and these are the key ones.
Power is the degree to which you have control over your own situation. Many forms of power are arousing, some more than others. A man can have personal power by showing an ability to regulate himself and his desires. This one usually is not extremely arousing to most women. But nonetheless, this should be a tool in every man’s toolbelt. The ability to self-regulate and self-direct is critical to a man’s future success.
Perhaps this personal power is arousing to women because it is the signal of success to come. One 2011 study by Terry Moffitt et. al. tracked children from childhood to adulthood. Those children with better self-control grew into adults with better personal histories and better finances. The article is titled, “A gradient of childhood self-control predicts health, wealth, and public safety” and is published in the PNAS journal. Perhaps with their magical intuition, women pick up on the tell-tale signs of future success, one of which being the ability to self-regulate.
A man must be able to regulate his emotions. No woman is aroused by a man who is equally emotional as she is. As much as pop culture claims that women want Mr. Emotionally Vulnerable, and she really wants is Mr. Silent Professional who can bear the world on his shoulders.
The idea that women can sense future success also plays out in a slightly different way when women bet on your possible future success as a man and hope that bet pays off. This is why you occasionally see attractive women in relationships with broke, 20-year-old musicians. She is wagering that his career will take off and intends to be there to ride his success to financial security. You never see an attractive woman with the broke 40-year-old musician. His window of opportunity has closed, at least in her mind.
Self-regulation is one form of power. A more overt form is the degree to which a man directs his own life through his value to society. The valuable man cannot help himself but become successful in the workplace. Through his success, he increases his ability to dictate the circumstances of others who have not earned the same level of freedom. This is the C-class boss type of man (i.e., CEO, CFO, COO, etc.). Through his orders, he dictates the lives of his subordinates and conversely has more freedom for himself.
Another form of PSALMs power is money or affluence, which is its own category.
But every man knows in his heart of hearts that money is attractive. It may not draw in the “wife-material” type of women, but it will certainly draw in the women who are interested in your genetics and security. At the end of the day, this money represents freedom and power. Weaker men use the phrases “Money cannot buy happiness” or “Money cannot buy time”, both of which are untrue.
Everything in life that you enjoy, more of it can be enjoyed with money. And if you have earned enough money so that you no longer have to work, have you not purchased back 8 hours of every day? Because of this money is both powerful and arousing.
Status is another PSALMs component of masculine arousal.
This is your societal standing. As we will discuss later, women are interested in men with status. This does not have to be a job title. It can really be simplified down to a man’s reputation in his environment. Women are aroused by the man who other women want and who other men want to be.
Muscle/Athleticism and Looks are separated into different categories simply because each can be controlled to a different degree. For the most part, your looks are determined by your genetics. You can learn how to groom and dress well, but you are still limited to the role of the genetic dice when it comes to your base physical attraction. However, your muscle/athleticism is infinitely modifiable. Barring severe physical disability, there is no man who cannot improve his athleticism or muscularity through a surprisingly small amount of physical training. And everyone knows that the muscular man is more attractive. Through his muscularity, he demonstrates that his genetics are good.
There you have the basic PSALMs components of biological arousal for a woman. It should not be offensive to anyone to consider that women have a biological basis for arousal just like men do. While religions put 95% of the focus on “emotional arousing” their wives, they miss the most critical point of biological arousal. There must be something beyond emotions that women find arousing you would never find women who are willing to engage in one-night stands. Unless you maintain the position that every one of those women is deranged or did not have a father figure, which is always a convenient explanation for behavior that religious men cannot explain or understand.
There is a huge discrepancy between arousal and attraction. Religious men love to conflate the two and make them the same thing. But this conflation is not limited to just Christian men. Perhaps 80% of men in the entire world unknowingly combine the two completely different phenomena of attraction and being arousing.
So, what is the difference? At the most basic level, attraction is how well fit you are for a long-term relationship while arousal is how well you can generate genuine sexual arousal in your wife.
You do not have to be arousing to be attractive, but if you are arousing you generally are attractive as well. This is because the trappings that go along with arousal (career success and mastery to name a few) are also attractive for long-term relationships.
Most marriage books teach you how to be attractive, not arousing.
They teach you how to be a good husband and take care of your wife over the long term, but they do not teach you how to get her engine going. This is primarily because most religious men simply do not know how to arouse their wives.
You can be the most attentive, loving, caring, and wonderful husband in the world and still be unable to make your wife physically crave sex with you. That fact is what they do not teach you in those marriage books. She may feel a desire for you emotionally and as a result, want to have sex with you, but she will never viscerally crave a sexual interaction.
Those standard books on marriage are useful for maintaining harmony in the household, improving the tranquility and various emotional aspects of your marriage; but if you want a passionate sexual relationship with your wife, it simply will not happen if you are only an attractive man. You must learn how to be arousing. And it is a skill that can be learned.
Instilled within you is all the knowledge of how to be arousing.
You likely knew this as a young man but had it educated out of you by your mother or the effeminate school systems, and it must be retaught. The feminine-centric society has misinformed you about what is arousing to women. Most men simply believe everything they are told, especially what they are told by women. But when women communicate, they do not tell the whole story with their words alone. You must train yourself to see beyond the content of their words and look into their behaviors instead. Women rarely say what they want, so you have to look at their actions.
Deep within your masculine nature, you already know everything you need to do in order to be arousing, it just needs to be reawakened. I am going to give you a starter pack of six things that without fail arouse genuine sexual desire.
This is key, the sexual desire must be genuine.
Marriage books teach you how to earn desire by trading goods or services. This is never genuine arousal; it is always negotiated. Any intimacy that is negotiated will leave you unfulfilled. You will know in the back of your mind that the intercourse was nothing more than an opportunistic exchange.
You must learn how to be arousing by being masculine and glorious. Doing little chores around the house, being affectionate, and speaking your wife’s love language are all fine and dandy, but they will not give you what you want. They have not given husbands what they are missing in life: a wife who genuinely wants to have sex with them on a regular basis.
This is because men have traded masculinity for effeminacy, and they have believed every word that comes out of the mouth of the metrosexual male. There is nothing wrong with the character of the Christians writing these marriage books, just that they are completely ignorant of how to sexually arouse a woman. And this is not the fault of women either. Most religious women have no idea what arouses them and could not articulate it if they tried. Not because they are unintelligent, but because religion has done an excellent job of repressing the sexual urge and condemning even simple thoughts of sex.
Articulation of a concept follows deep thought about that concept, and religious people cannot articulate what they have not thought about deeply, especially if the item they need to articulate is sexual in nature.
This is not the fault of Christian men and may actually be a symptom of a well-behaved life. If these men did not start having sex until they were married, then they should not be expected to know anything about arousing genuine desire in their wives. However, there is no excuse for marinating in that ignorance for decades as most men do. Men need to relearn how to be arousing and also study techniques of seduction for use on their wives. We cannot let the people of the secular world have all the fun, which is what they think they are doing. So, apply these six principles as best you can, and you will already be well on your way to arousing genuine sexual interest.
Men were built by God to work, to have a purpose. When men put their wives above this mission, they trigger many unintended consequences. Because what they do not know, and what religion does not teach them, is that their wives do not even want to be placed above their man’s mission. Their wives know when their husband has a purpose, a mission, and when he is working on it. And when her husband is being excellent at this mission, that is arousing.
When a man is excellent in his mission, his wife feels the natural feminine urge to support him in this endeavor. This is how women were designed from the very beginning. They were built to help men, and they crave this position. They were designed to patch men up, recharge their batteries and send them back into the fray. This is why women always want to know how their husband’s day went at work. They want to know if any progress was made on their shared life vision. Earl Nightingale noted that this is a woman’s way of asking, “How did we do today?”
Sure, being a good provider is attractive, but it is not sexually arousing.
It does not turn women on that you go to a 9-5 unless that job is inherently masculine or reflects high affluence. Be sure to recall the difference between the two: attraction is about the long-term potential and providing, arousal is about being sexually desirable. Being excellent at what you do is both arousing and attractive because it symbolizes good provider ability as well as masculine mastery. And it is possible to be a good provider without being a man of excellence.
If you want to be more arousing to your wife, chase excellence. And as a byproduct of being excellent, you will be a great provider. Do not pursue being a great provider directly, you will only be attractive and not arousing. You will be a good supplement to a woman’s life, but she will never appreciate what you do for her. Women cannot fully appreciate the fact that a man trades units of his life called “hours” in exchange for money. Yes, women can work too, but there is something about this concept of trading units of life to facilitate the lives of others that women will never understand about a man’s role.
This is the burden of man, that no one can truly know him.
II – Arousing Men are Traditionally Masculine
New age masculinity, which is essentially femininity with a beard and CrossFit membership, is not arousing to women. When it comes to traditional masculinity, you have to ignore what women say and look directly at their actions. More specifically, look at the types of men that women are generally (but not always) aroused by.
Is the effeminate man sexually arousing to women? No, absolutely not. For all intents and purposes, he is a eunuch. This is why women feel safe keeping effeminate men or male homosexuals in their inner circle of (usually girl) friends. Because what possible danger could these men pose to their safety? They can take advantage of having a “man” in their group as a weak attempt to scare off attackers, and they do not even have to give one drop of sex in return for that “protection”.
Throughout history, it is the violent, masculine (but not moral) men that have posed the threat to women. If a woman includes one of these men in her inner circle, he may feel entitled to sex in exchange for his presence and protection. No such need exists if you have an effeminate man in your friend group.
Men also need to understand a bleak truth: men and women can never be friends.
If a man has female friends, he is effeminate. Even if only by virtue of the proverb, “ You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. If one of those people is a woman, you will be influenced by her and become more feminine. Men and women are not and cannot ever be friends. Either the man is effeminate/homosexual, or he is sexually interested in the female. There is no third option.
What is arousing to women is traditional masculinity. Strength, courage, honor, and mastery, as outlined in The Way of Men. Women like it when men engage in masculine behavior. This is why many sports or athletes are arousing to women. Do you think women care about the technical skill and ability of the game or do they like seeing masculine men compete against one another so they can pick out the best ones to try to lock down? Many sports are a simulation of war, and women are aroused by warriors. Warriors represent protection and security, which is one of the many currencies that women value. Be a warrior, at least in spirit, if you want to be more arousing.
Also, there is an undulating discussion in society and religion about something called “choreplay”.
Choreplay is the idea that if you do chores around the house, like a good little boy, your wife will be aroused by this and will not be able to contain her passions for you. Now, this does not even pass the sniff test. It smells like a stupid idea, but every several years or so it gains traction again.
I will tell you now, chores are good for attraction but bad for arousal. If you want to arouse your wife by doing things around the house, those tasks must be masculine. You have to repair things, chop wood, build furniture, or something along those lines. Doing chores around the house that are not masculine will not be arousing to anyone. Again, those chores might make you attractive, they will not make you more arousing.
III – Arousing Men are Physically Fit
Many religious marriage texts try to do away with the biological drive for sex and frame the act as a purely emotional and spiritual activity. While sex is certainly emotional, that is only one part of it. We cannot do away with the physical aspect of sex.
I think one of the reasons religious men want to avoid the biological portion of sex is because it is their weak point. Physicality is where most religious men fall short when it comes to arousing their wives.
It is not entirely their fault, because they have been taught their whole lives that women are looking for good men who take good emotional care of their wives. So, if a man works hard to become a good man and take care of the emotions of his wife, he will be rewarded with a fulfilling sex life. Maybe that is true and maybe it is not. But simply being a decent man will not help men get the passionate sex they really want. That passion can only come from true desire, and most men are not physically desirable to generate that passion in their wives.
Most men truly want to be wanted, desired, even lusted after by their wives.
But those feelings are not aroused if you are simply a good man. There needs to be some base element of physical attraction. The stronger this element, the better the foundation for sex. Of course, the physical attraction cannot be the only part of sexual attraction, but it is certainly more significant than most religions try to make it.
At some point, we have to reconcile the fact that for centuries women have occasionally resorted to having promiscuous sex with men they barely know. Anyone who knows anything about Woodstock understands this fact. Most religions try to argue that this is incredibly emotionally unfulfilling for women. But the fact still remains that women are engaging in promiscuity at increasing rates since the Free Love movement.
Some men have graphed this behavior across a woman’s monthly cycle and have been able to pinpoint the times when fertility, and therefore sexual desire, is at its highest. At that point of high fertility, women are more likely to be promiscuous. And religion still has to contend with the very apparent fact that every year college girls go on spring break in Costa Rica and engage in sex with the highest value male they can find. On the bright side, this fertility spike is when most married men can expect their wives to be craving sex with them, even if these men are not very arousing.
Back to the original point of physical fitness: In the most basic sense, men need to be physically fit.
Most men write this off. Just like they will try to call cowardice and poverty “virtues“, they will call the person who trains the body “earthly” or “selfish”. Because taking care of your body so you do not die of heart disease at age 50, leaving your wife and kids stranded with no support is “selfish”.
Men who are physically fit are physically attractive. The fastest way for a man to increase his sex appeal is through training. He will get results there faster than he can get them anywhere else in the world. It may take years for him to achieve mastery or climb the ranks in his career, but he can make a substantial difference in his physique in just 6 months of training.
Physical attraction is the base of every physical relationship.
A man will not approach and talk to a woman unless he is physically attracted to her. No relationship can begin without the element of physical attraction, and it is up to the man to maintain or even improve upon this attraction through intense exercise, preferably strength training.
Sure, a man can get away with being a runner, but the results will not make him physically attractive to the majority of women. The common man needs more muscle tissue, and every man knows this intuitively. When you see women swooning over men, they are not swooning over the marathon runner. They are swooning over the football player or the strength athlete. Muscle tissue is the signal flag for testosterone, so take advantage of your masculinity and add muscle tissue to your frame.
IV – Arousing Men are Arousing to Other Women
These next two components of arousal go together, and this first one may make religious people highly uncomfortable. Women want to be with a man who other men want to be, and other women want to be with. It is arousing for a woman when other women want her man. This is due to a combination of factors. First, when other women want her man, this proves that he is truly attractive, and not just to her.
She needs to know that her husband is not a loser, and when other women want him, this is a form of evidence for that. Secondly, it stirs up healthy anxiety in her that is built upon her desire to keep her man for herself. She acts on this desire through sex and is one of the times a woman will genuinely, physically crave sex. Women want to have sex with the highest value men, so when a woman’s man demonstrates that he is of high value, the woman will act on this knowledge by “locking him down” and having sex with him.
This is also advantageous for the man, because if he is desirable to other women, then his woman will have to take excellent care of herself. You do not see a high-value man with a 300-pound woman. She would not be able to compete with all the options available to her man in that state. The wife of the high-value man has no choice but to take care of herself and keep herself in shape. She is pushed to do so by the feminine competitive spirit in her.
The only time this is not true is if the man is incredibly disagreeable.
If a man is high value and successful in his career and has achieved mastery, he will be attractive. However, if he is highly disagreeable, he can make himself unattractive to other people he talks to. If his woman knows this, she can let herself go. Because he might be arousing, but he cancels it out by acting like a fool. However, this is principle can be highly circumstantial and has many exceptions.
Another thing to note is that if you are arousing to other women, you need to take extreme care with protecting yourself. Never place yourself in compromising situations. When it comes to your sexual discipline you must declare martial law on your body. Here are the laws:
I am never alone with a woman who is not my wife.
I do not talk to other women unless absolutely necessary (recall that men and women can never be friends).
I make a maximum effort to avoid looking at other women.
I do not talk to women online (and I am preferably off all social media).
All communication with women is strictly professional. If it does not relate to my work, it is a useless conversation.
V – Arousing Men are Admired by Other Men
Women want to be with a man who other men want to be. You must be a man among men, a leader among followers, and someone who contributes great value to the group. This is especially true of the small group. Who are you in your circle of friends? Do you bring value to the table or does everyone else just carry you along?
Through effort, a man can ascend in his career, skills, and ability to think rationally. He can increase his knowledge and physical strength. The aggregation of all these skill increases results in a man’s character and value to the group. The higher the value, the more respect he will earn. The more respect and admiration a man earns, the more he is desirable to women.
Women do not want to partner with a man who is the laughingstock of the group. Women do not go after men who are in the middle of the pack unless they are forced to by necessity or age. They want the high achievers and the men who are respected by other men. Women want the tribe leaders, the warriors, and the masculine. A man who can be trusted in a survival scenario is the man other men want to be, and the man other women want to be with.
IV – Arousing Men Ascend the Ranks
Women do not like it when their men are stagnant in life. They were designed from the beginning to help men along in their missions. If a man has no mission, no ambition, and is going nowhere, his woman will be annoyed and sexually turned off. This is when she may also begin to nag her man. A woman cannot be aroused if she is not allowed to live out her feminine purpose by supporting a man who is on the rise of power.
The man who remains stagnant loses his power. The man without power has no sexual availability even with his own wife. You may start out with a great sexual relationship at the beginning of your marriage only to have it taper off within 2 years. You might sit there thinking “Why doesn’t she want me? I’m still the same guy she married those years ago”. And there is your answer! You are the same person. Instead of improving and rising through the ranks or achieving any kind of mastery in life, you stagnated. This is a sexual turn-off to women. One of the many ingredients for sexual arousal is masculine ascension.
As men we were designed to pursue and achieve.
Work was given to us before anything else. Women were given to men to help them in their work and to help them achieve their full potential as men. Women naturally want to do this, contrary to the modern feminist narrative.
Some of feminism is built on the fact that women believe they have to take on the masculine role in society. Would women believe this if the majority of men were pursuing excellence in their lives? Perhaps, but I do not think that feminism would be as pervasive as it is today if more men were modeling themselves after masculinity and striving to be more.
Apply these six principles and you will be a better man, and you will be genuinely arousing to your wife.
Marriage is dangerous for many Christian men for the reasons where will discuss here. By “dangerous” I mean that they risk losing half their net worth for life in the family meat grinder known as “divorce court“. After that, we will introduce a few ways that you can make marriage safer for yourself.
Have some ideas of why marriage is dangerous or what you can do to protect yourself? Leave them in the comments below.
I – They Think Being “Good Men” is Enough.
It is not enough to simply be a good man. For decades religion has trained men to believe if they are good providers, emotionally attentive, and supportive that they will inevitably attract women. We all know that is untrue.
Remember, while women might find that behavior attractive for a long-term mate, that behavior is not arousing in the short-term. Women are constantly looking for the optimal man. This man needs to have good genetics combined with good provider potential. The problem is that those two traits seldom exist in the same man. A further problem is that the church raises men to be good providers, but not good arousers.
If being a good man is not enough, what can you do to be more arousing? The second section will have more to say about this. For now, understand that there are plenty of “good men” out there. If you are trying to attract a mate by being a good man, you are in a super-saturated marketplace. You are opening a burger shop next to McDonald’s. There are more than enough “good men” to go around. And women do not even want these men, despite what they might say. However, if you work to become an arousing man, you will stand head and shoulders above the majority of men.
II – They are not physically fit.
Most men get physically soft. It does not matter if you are religious or secular, in the modern world there is a 70% chance that you are overweight, statistically speaking. If you are not overweight, good for you, you automatically put yourself in the top 30% of men just by being “average“. If you are overweight, do not beat yourself up or get emotional about it. There is an easy fix: nutrition and training.
Because religion places such great emphasis on being “good men”, most men never learn that they need to actually take care of their bodies to be sexually arousing. Some women will try to deny that a fit guy is more attractive, but you need to ignore their words. Never listen to the words of people, only watch their behavior. If women say your “dad bod” is cute but she fawns over the squared-off pecs of Brad Pitt, then you should get the message. Look at the actions, never at the words.
One problem I have encountered in the church is that leaders actually downplay the importance of physical training. Somehow, they manage to contort their religion or the scripture in a way that makes it selfish to train! Imagine that! According to these men, working out is selfish because it takes time away from more important tasks you could be doing.
“No point working out, you should be reading the Bible during that time! You should be out knocking on doors and having Bible studies instead of being selfish and taking care of your body”.
Fat Religious Person
These are the same teachers and leaders who have seen every episode of their favorite TV show and somehow manage to watch all the reruns when they come on. Ignore the words of these men, they have no true scriptural basis for telling you to neglect your body. They are simply trying to make themselves feel better for being fat and unattractive to their wives.
III – They do nothing masculine.
One of the modern pieces of garbage men have been sold is that women will find them more sexually attractive if they do chores around the house. “Chore-play”, they call it.
While your wife might appreciate it if you help out around the house, she will not be sexually aroused by that. It is nice of you to help out especially if she is overloaded with tasks, but you should never expect anything in return. “Nice” is not arousing. You cannot earn passionate sex by doing chores; you can only earn obligatory sex which is infinitely less passionate and only leads to resentment. So, set out with the intention of maintaining your own house or helping offload some of your wife’s tasks. You are not trying to earn anything from this, you are just doing some basic home maintenance.
Instead, what women find truly attractive is when men do the household tasks that are actually masculine. Chopping wood, mowing the lawn, fixing things, etc. Traditionally masculine tasks are the ones that your wife is going to find attractive. Ignore all modern relationship and marriage advice, especially the advice from women. You always have to watch their actions, never their words. By their actions, they show that they are attracted to masculine men, not nice little helpers.
“Then surely by their fruits you will recognize them”.
We have covered this before, but many men worship their wives. We are raised from a young age to “check all the boxes” of life so we can eventually find a good girl and get married. It is as if everything men are required to do is just a preparation for marriage. This is not how God intended for it to be.
Remember, God first made man and gave him a purpose before anything else. Once that work was established, God gave the man a helper. The word “helper” implies that there is a task that a man is already doing with which he needs help!
The woman’s purpose is to help the man with his purpose. This is when women are most satisfied and fulfilled with their lives. They do not want to be the sole focus of a man’s life. If you make your wife your total focus, you will notice strange behaviors in her. She will start to nag or complain. She will appear restless and rebellious, and she does not know why she does this, especially when you give her so much. It is because you are not living your mission. Women do not nag the man who is constantly working to achieve his highest potential.
V – They Listen to Everything in Christian Marriage Books.
I say all this as a guy with a stack of over two dozen marriage books on my shelves. I have read about the love languages, the “needs” of women, and every other bit of marital minutia in the Christian world. So, allow me to tell you that these books are not designed for developing a safe, passionate marriage.
Do you want to know who those books are great for? For highly masculine men who are already having extremely passionate sex but simply do not know how the other, non-sexual parts of marriage work. Do you know how many Christian men that apply to? About 5% at the maximum and that is being generous.
Most Christian men have been educated from a very young age about the importance of taking care of the wife’s emotional needs, being a good provider or a good supporter. All the long-term beta characteristics that women want. And by “Beta” I mean non-sexually arousing, good provider-type men.
Modern feminized religion is a beta-male farm. The majority of men need what is in these marriage books far less than they need to know how to arouse their wives. Because the problem with these men is not that they have bad marriages or need to know how to communicate better, but that they need to know what really gets women’s engines going. Perhaps only 5% of men know what that is.
While it is important to read books on marriage, gain perspective and even (dare I say) take care of the emotions of your wife, it is far more important for you to focus on your work, be a man worthy of admiration, be desired by other women and engage in masculine hobbies, work or tasks.
Make Marriage Safer for yourself with the following tactics.
I – Focus on Yourself and your Mission.
You have to focus on yourself first before you can adequately take care of anyone else. This is not a selfish philosophy; it is the way God designed it thousands of years ago. Men are designed to work, and women are designed to help. Then at the end of the day men and women complement each other.
Start working on finding your life purpose or continue to work on it. Women are genuinely aroused when men are hard at work on their mission and being admired for it by other men. So, if you want your wife to genuinely want you, she needs to see that you are ascending the ladder of success, gaining the respect of men, and being wanted by other women. This will make marriage safer because it demonstrates you are a man of high value. Because not only do other men admire you, but other women want you. Those two are an irresistible combination for women.
You need to be so ambitious and financially successful that it would be stupid for any woman to leave you.
II – Train Your Physical body.
If you do not train your body, you will be fat and easy to control. Your wife knows she can control you because she knows you have no sexual options. So, what if she withholds sex for 3 weeks? It is not like you are going to be able to get it elsewhere, at least not while you are looking like that.
If it sounds superficial it is because it is. We are fleshly, temporal beings bound to this earth. We are going to act based on material possessions and pleasures. Let us not forget that we all approached our wives in the first place because they were sexually attractive.
If you read any marriage books you will inevitably run into the statement, “Women are not visual creatures”. I am not convinced that is true. Could it be women are “not visual” because the majority of men are simply unattractive? Not only unattractive, which is something they can only control to a certain extent, but also overweight! Weight and fitness are something that 99% of us have 100% control over. We can control every variable, every workout, every morsel of food that we eat. We are like scientists and the body is our lab where nothing is outside our power to control. Yet the majority of us still elect to do nothing, be overweight and still assert that women are not visual creatures. Maybe it would make a difference if we trained our bodies to provide something worth being visual for.
So, I will ask you again, is it that women are not visual creatures or is it possible that 70% of men being overweight has something to do with it?
Combat this by training your body. Make marriage safer for yourself by being in great shape. When you are physically fit, not only will your wife be attracted simply because fitness is attractive, but she will also be attracted because she knows you have options. Other women would want to be with you because you are fit and climbing the ladder to success. That fact is another log on the fire of her desire.
Are you noticing that the key to arousing genuine desire in women is actually by focusing on yourself? I know the “selflessness” crusaders of Christianity will be at my door with pitchforks for this, but it needs to be said.
III – Chop Wood, Build and Repair
Women are attracted to men who do masculine things. Helping around the house might earn you some appreciation, but at what cost? Do you want to be known as the good little teddy bear who mops the floors? No, you do not.
Every task you do around the house should be masculine, as much as you can control. Sure, sometimes life will be hectic, and you will need to wash some dishes or do the laundry, just do not expect anything in return for that. The sex you get for doing the laundry is nothing like the sex you get for pursuing excellence or chopping wood without a shirt on, flashing your glorious physique.
Limit yourself to repairing the house, tending to the yard, chopping wood, and building. These tasks might actually arouse your wife, believe it or not.
You must serve yourself before you serve anyone else. Take care of your own body, mind and pursue your own goals before you help anyone else. This puts you in a position of strength. And help can only be given from a position of strength. Without focusing on yourself, you will have no power, no ability. You must invest time in yourself, your body, your work, and your hobbies. By doing this you are actually better able to take care of your family.
V – Do Not be a Teddy Bear – Be Powerful.
Women are not interested in soft men. Be a man with power. Physical, mental, and emotional power. You need to demonstrate that you have personal strength and cannot be moved by other men or by life events.
Women claim they want vulnerability in a man, but what they really want is a rock. For your own sake, you must be a fortress of mental and emotional control. Nothing can be allowed to shake you. Women want to see if they can get you to let your guard down but never do this. Maintain your strength and personal power at all times. You cannot make marriage safer for yourself by being a teddy bear. A grizzly bear, on the other hand, is a different story.
VI – Get a Prenuptial Agreement
Protect your assets. The state has incentivized divorce for women. It rewards them for leaving their husbands, even more so if they have some children to take with them. Many men’s rights groups would suggest that you should avoid any contract in which one party is rewarded for breaking it. There is no arguing with that logic. Get a prenuptial agreement and remove any incentive she might have for divorce down the road. While she may be all smiles and laughs now, you do not know what will happen when the hormones wear off. Protect yourself.
VII – Keep secrets
No good marriage is complete without secrets. Not major ones perse, but small ones. The darkness of your mind should almost always be concealed. She does not need to know what kind of dark man you are. The shadow portion of your personality that gives you power is a gift from God and should be kept between you and God. Make marriage safer by not giving her any reason to “cash in” on the cash cow of divorce.
VIII – Keep a Catastrophe Fund
You need funds that no one knows about but yourself. This idea is originated from Patrick Bet-David of Valuetainment. He is a business owner who was able to keep his business afloat during a crisis because he had stashed money for the business without letting anyone know. If everyone knows everything you have finically, personally, or otherwise, they will get too comfortable. Allow them to think the level of pressure is higher and they will perform better.
IX – Avoid Marriage until you have Vetted a woman for a long period of time.
Crack open any pathology textbook and you will find that the only way to really avoid HIV is through abstinence. The same goes for a marriage. The only way to truly guarantee beyond a shadow of a doubt that you will not be crushed by the damages of the divorce court is to avoid marriage.
If you are planning to marry one day, you need to have a plan to vet a woman like a professional. You are interviewing her for the lifelong position of being your helper. Therefore, you need to take this extremely seriously. You need to constantly vet her and observe her actions and behavior. Determine if you really want marriage or if you simply have a strong sexual urge. You would be surprised to hear how many men get married just to have a sexual outlet. That is not a good reason to bring a woman so close into her life that she can destroy your finances permanently if it suits her whim. You need to vet your women so you can avoid marrying one who would act that way.
These are a handful of ways to make marriage safer.
Have any of your own ideas? Leave a comment below?