“And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” ~ Ephesians 6:4
We hear about this concept all the time – what does it mean? If many fathers knew, they would likely find themselves in violation of this basic principle.
During the time of this writing, the world was a different cultural place. The family dynamics were different than they are today. Paul was writing to a primarily Greek audience. These were Greeks who were being converted to Christianity.
Once they became Christians, they did not cease to be Greeks. And as a result, they brought many of their culturally influenced behaviors with them into their new lifestyle.
One of these behaviors was the tendency of fathers to rule with an iron fist. While most people know that children, especially sons need discipline from their father, the iron fist is not a good way to govern a household.
Some men have observed that this type of authoritarian leadership would amplify the already naturally rebellious nature of sons. this is why the command is specifically to fathers and gives specific instruction about how sons are to be taught, not daughters. Most female children are inherently more agreeable than male children. They are much more likely to obey, even mindlessly obey, the commands of a father. This would be especially true 2,000 years ago.
But sons are created to have a period of rebellion. This allows them to forge their own path and determine who they are. And more frighteningly, they will decide whether to keep or reject the various beliefs that have been instilled in them for their entire upbringing.
This natural period of rebellion is worsened by iron fist governing by fathers. Yet this is a behavior that you will still see in the church today.
Many fathers are so paranoid about losing control or losing their sons to the world that they overcompensate by attempting to control every facet of their son’s life. The sons experience no freedom, no ability to make any of their own decisions. This causes them to become angry. This resentment will build up over the years until they finally leave home and begin to make their own decisions.
Sometimes sons can become so resentful that they reject their faith and beliefs simply to spite their fathers. And the sad reality is that most fathers bring this on themselves.
By allowing no freedom, no exercise of autonomy or individual choice, they alienate their sons and push them to the extreme edge. This does not always happen, but it happens often enough to leave an impression on the mind.
The key then is to give your son enough freedom that he does not feel as though he is being suffocated by your control. He must be allowed to brush up against the guardrails of failure. Because at least when he fails, it will be because he made his own decisions. Of course, you do not want him to fail so badly that it damages his life and future, but he must be allowed to think for himself. Many parents spend all their time thinking for their kids and ar them surprised to find that their kids cannot think for themselves.
If you are a son with an overbearing father, be patient and do not allow resentment to build. You need to find an outlet. Train the body or war against something. Find a way to allow yourself to express the negative emotions in a controlled environment that will not cause you harm.
The observe fathers and sons around you who obey and violate this principle of Ephesians 6:4. Observe with a detached mind and take into consideration the consequences of each mode of thinking. The results may both frighten you and illuminate your mind. Use this as a chance to gain more knowledge about human nature. Through that knowledge, you can make better decisions in the future.
