Category: Marriage/Women/Sex

Sexual Discipline In Marriage



Most men will be shocked by the title.

Never in their wildest dreams would they think they had to be sexually disciplined in marriage.

They thought they would have on-command access to sex the moment they get married.

Most men will face a sad reality when they wake up from that delusion.

Men must be sexually disciplined – both before they are married and after.



This concept of sexual discipline has two facets:

I – Sexual discipline with your wife
II – Sexual discipline with women who are not your wife

Both types of discipline are critical.

But if you make smart decisions early, you won’t have to be too sexually disciplined with your wife, and I’ll show you why.



I – Sexual Discipline With Your Wife

Early in your marriage, it is critical to be sexually disciplined. This is because most women understand intuitively that their only real agency and way to affect men is through their sexuality. This is how women have worked throughout the centuries.

Because of this sexual power, women will often manipulate sex to get what they want.

They will withhold sex from their husbands to get an outcome they want.

They will withhold sex if a man doesn’t behave he way she wants him to behave, or if he doesn’t do what she wants him to do.



Is this sinful for women to do? Yes it is. And it would be just as sinful if a man did it – but looking for a man who withholds sex is like looking for a unicorn.

But manipulating access to sex is how women learn to wield their power. This is certainly how the world teaches them to wield it.



Therefore, early in marriage, you need to teach your wife through example, through behavior [not through words] that you are not a slave to her vagina. That you are not a slave to the sex she believes she can puppy-guard.

She will try to get you to do things you have decided not to do, or get you to not do things that you have decided to do by becoming cold sexually or rejecting advances.





Your role then, as a man who is sexually disciplined, is to show by example that this does not affect you.



You show by example that you are not a slave to your sexual urges.



You may be craving sex, but you can’t let it show. You must remain in control.



Don’t change your decisions just because your woman thinks you will bow to her whims just to have sex with her.

If you give in, she will believe you to be a pathetic man ruled by his sexual urges. She may not know she believes this, but on an unconscious level, the thought will be there.



So instead, if she tries to withhold sex, go about your business as if nothing is happening.

Do what you would normally do, live how you would normally live, and act as if you don’t even notice that you aren’t having sex. And if other women at work are giving you attention, this is the time to covertly mention it – activate her competition anxiety.

Eventually she will realize “Wow, I can’t manipulate sex to get this guy to do what I want”.

And this realization will make her stop manipulating sex, especially if you are getting attention from other women.



Only a stupid woman would withhold sex from a man who’s getting attention from other women.

She might as well put her husband in a Catapult and launch him into the bed of another woman.

Remember that this part of life where you must be sexually disciplined with your wife won’t last forever. You won’t have to act like this for your whole marriage.

Sexual Discipline within marriage is what you demonstrate in the beginning of marriage to help your wife understand that you are not a slave to her sexuality.

Teach her early in marriage that you won’t jump just because she said to jump, and just because she is the keeper of the sex.

In the end, she will respect you for this. She will be even be more aroused by you – the man who can control his sexual desires to stay true to his principles.




If you saved yourself for marriage, you likely waited 20+ years to have sex, you can wait another few days to have sex as a way to demonstrate that you won’t be moved from your principles by temporary sexual pleasures.




II – Sexual Discipline With Other Women

Sexual discipline with other women is the most obvious place where we should have discipline as Christian men. And we need to have this discipline at the very fundamental level.

Adultery is a terrible sin that men and women are drawn to for a plethora of reasons. No one can deny that it is tempting.

Whether it was because they let discipline slack, where pushed to it by their spouse or whatever the case may be, adultery has clear start points.

It begins in the mind and with the eyes. This is why Christ taught to avoid looking at a woman and thinking about having sex with her [which is one definition Lust].






The eyes and the mind are at the foundation.


What goes in the mind affects the eyes.


How we train the mind determines what our eyes will seek out.

What goes in the eyes affects the mind – we think about what we see.




Therefore, we have to control both mind and eyes at the base in order to reduce the likelihood of adultery.

But it is not enough to stop there. Because there are other women in the world as well. Women who will find us attractive and interesting.



And if we are working and increasing our secular success, we will become more attractive to other women as we go through life and enter our 30s.

It’s true that most women won’t approach us, but that doesn’t mean we should let our guard down. Because some will – I’m sure you’ve had that experience before.

So you have to be ready in case this does occur.

How will you gently tell other women you are married?
What will you do if they don’t care about the fact that you are married?



Because if you aren’t ready for the approaches of other women, they will crack the confidence in your marriage. Their sensual approach will be an image of what you are missing out on – a portrait of the sexuality you sacrificed to be with your wife.

And you may start to desire that sexual world outside of your marriage.

The desire is the seed. It is one of the seeds to adultery.

Then your desire will slowly fester, making you resentful of what you do have and craving what you don’t.

You’ll be David on the rooftop, unable to resist the craving for more.

Don’t let those errors get started. Don’t let the seeds of them grow.

David suffered greatly in his life because he took what wasn’t his sexually and was willing to kill for it.

Have your responses ready for other women, maintain your discipline in and out of marriage and hold yourself contestant to the biblical Principles you know to be true.

Be a striking example of sexual discipline.

Conduct yourselves like men.

Bathsheba Wasn’t a Victim



Challenging the Pedestalization of Women in the Church



In Christianity, Women are frequently elevated to an untouchable status, often regarded as morally superior or sinless, especially in contrast to men.

This trend is particularly evident when discussing biblical figures like Bathsheba, where the modern narrative has been crafted to portray her as an innocent victim of King David’s power and authority.

But if we examine the situation critically, there’s ample reason to question this assumption.

Bathsheba was not an innocent victim; she was just as complicit as David in their shared sexual sin.

In the church culture, this pedestalization of women—presenting them as incapable of significant wrongdoing—has led to a distortion of biblical truth.

Let’s break down the case of Bathsheba, explore her potential motivations, and dismantle the harmful ways that men in the church, influenced by modern feminist ideals, minimize women’s sins while overemphasizing the sins of men.




Bathsheba’s Role: Not a Helpless Victim

The typical narrative often attributes David’s sin with Bathsheba solely to his power, authority, and unchecked lust.



They assume Bathsheba had no choice in the matter.

But this assumption is based on nothing more than speculation.




There is no biblical evidence that Bathsheba was coerced or forced into committing adultery.




The passage in 2 Samuel 11 clearly indicates that David saw Bathsheba, desired her, and sent for her—but it never suggests that she resisted or was reluctant.

Bathsheba, like David, knew what she was doing was sinful.

While it’s possible that she was intimidated by David’s status as king, it’s also entirely plausible that she knew the benefits of sexually engaging with the king.

Let’s be honest about the societal dynamics of that time: women sought financial security and protection through men.

Bathsheba could have very well seen an opportunity for herself by aligning with David.



Being connected to the king brought lifelong security. If she bore his child, she would secure not only her own future but the future of her family.

This wasn’t just a matter of attraction; it was a power play.

Bathsheba’s compliance may have been driven by the recognition of what a relationship with the king could mean— status, power, and security that no ordinary life could provide.

For all we know, Bathsheba may have seen this as her moment to secure a place in the king’s court.



The Double Standard: Bathsheba vs. Esther

Let’s contrast the church’s treatment of Bathsheba’s story to the story of Queen Esther.

In the book of Esther, we celebrate her as a hero for bravely approaching King Ahasuerus to save her people, even at the risk of her own life.


We honor Esther’s courage and admire her strength in standing up to the king, breaking protocol, and putting herself in danger for a greater cause.




Had Bathsheba resisted David’s advances and reminded him of God’s commands, we would have celebrated her in a similar way that we celebrate Esther.


But instead, based on the biblical record, Bathsheba made no such stand. She did not stand firm in righteousness, nor did she attempt to dissuade David from sinning.

She participated willingly, and for this, we cannot absolve her of responsibility.




Yet, the church often excuses Bathsheba and paints her as a victimwhileglorifying Esther for doing the exact opposite.


Why?

Because the modern narrative has adopted a warped view of gender roles, particularly in regard to women.


Women are viewed as pure, innocent, and incapable of wrongdoing.

Meanwhile, men are always framed as the aggressors or oppressors, especially when it comes to sins involving power, sex, or authority.




The Pedestalization of Women in the Church

What we see in the story of Bathsheba is a microcosm of a larger issue in the church today: the pedestalization of women.

This tendency to treat women as sinless or morally superior to men is a direct consequence of the feminist influences that have infiltrated the church.

Even the most conservative religious circles are not immune from this influence.





Men are viewed as inherently flawed, their sins seen as worse and more dangerous, while women’s sins are minimized or excused altogether.


The church, eager to distance itself from accusations of sexism, has adopted the idea that women are inherently better than men—morally, spiritually, and emotionally.



This idea has become so ingrained that even when women engage in clear acts of sin, they are given a pass.

Bathsheba’s sin with David is ignored or downplayed, while David’s actions are highlighted and condemned as evidence of his failure as a man and leader.

How many sermons have you heard about David and Bathsheba?

Likely dozens.

How many preacher even dare to suggest that Bathsheba was complicit in sin in any of these sermons?

I’ve never heard it done once.

But the Bible does not teach that men and women are to be held to different moral standards. Romans 3:23 (NKJV): “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

Both men and women are equally capable of sin, and both are equally accountable before God.




The Weakness of Men in the Church

Part of the reason this pedestalization persists is because of the weakness of men in the church.

Many men have been taught, either explicitly or implicitly, that their natural masculine traits are bad or sinful.

Masculinity, leadership, and strength are often vilified in modern discourse, leading men to retreat into a passive, apologetic stance.

Men, in an attempt to remain in the good graces of women, have bought into this pedestalization.



They downplay women’s sins in the hopes of securing approval, attention, or sexual access.

These men have sacrificed their God-given authority and responsibilities in exchange for the illusion of harmony, but this “harmony” comes at the cost of truth.

Instead of standing firm on biblical principles, men have abdicated leadership and allowed feminist ideas to take root.

The church has created a culture where men are expected to bear the full weight of sin, while women are absolved by virtue of their genetalia.

This is neither biblical nor just.



Bathsheba’s Story: A Lesson for the Church

The story of Bathsheba is a reminder that both men and women are responsible for their actions.

Bathsheba was not a helpless victim in her encounter with David; she was a willing participant in sin.

To excuse her behavior is to deny the reality of human sinfulness and to perpetuate the false idea that women are inherently more righteous than men.

The Bible calls us to hold both men and women accountable for their actions. Bathsheba’s sin was real, and her motivations—whether driven by fear or ambition—do not excuse her complicity.

• James 1:14-15 (NKJV): “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.” This applies equally to men and women. Both David and Bathsheba were drawn away by their own desires, and both sinned as a result.

The church must stop excusing women’s sins while condemning men’s. Pedestalizing women does a disservice to the entire body of Christ. It is time to return to a balanced, biblical view of sin, where both men and women are equally responsible for their choices and actions.




The Truth About Bathsheba

The pedestalization of women has distorted our understanding of biblical narratives like Bathsheba’s. Bathsheba was not a victim, nor was she innocent.

She was a woman who very likely made a calculated decision to engage in sin with David, just as David made a calculated decision to pursue her.



Both David and Bathsheba were equally guilty.

It’s time for the church to stop excusing women’s sins, stop vilifying men for their masculinity, and return to the biblical standard of accountability for both sexes.

Only then can we address the real issues of sin and righteousness that affect all believers, male and female alike.

The Importance of Physical Attraction



As a Christian man, it is critical not to overlook the importance of physical attraction when seeking a wife.

While Christian virtues and shared values are crucial, physical attraction is a fundamental aspect of a fulfilling marriage that should not be neglected.

Many Christians neglect teaching about sexuality all together, much less instructing men on what to look for in a wife beyond the standard Christian values.



The Role of Physical Attraction

Physical attraction plays a significant role in marital satisfaction.



All the good Christian qualities in the world cannot substitute for sexual arousal and physical desire.

If you don’t want your wife sexually, this is a problem.

Because you will inevitably come across women you are sexually aroused by, only they won’t be your wife.

Your resentment towards your wife may grow.
Your marital dissatisfaction may grow.

You may out yourself in a severely disadvantaged position of being attracted to seemingly every woman but your wife – as some Christian men have made known to me.

That’s a sad way to live.

And it’s a permanent way to live.

This physical attraction aspect of marriage is often overlooked by Christians, but it remains critical for a healthy and happy relationship.



Avoiding the Temptation to Settle

Many Christian men find themselves tempted to settle for someone they are not genuinely attracted to, believing that shared values and virtues will suffice.

However, it is important to wait and find someone who is very physically attractive to you.

Do not panic if there seems to be no eligible women around. They are out there.

Be sure to include God in your search, approaching him in prayer and asking for what you are seeking: a woman who is both beautiful on the inside as well as sexually arousing on the outside.

A man can help guide his wife in understanding various philosophies and spiritual matters, but he cannot change her physical appearance.



You can help her learn the flaws of religious Liberalism, but you cannot change the symmetry of her face or the curvature of her body.

It may sound shallow, but it absolutely is not.

Here’s why:



If she does not look good to you, you may be tempted to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere, which is obviously detrimental to the marriage.

Here’s a critical litmus test for you: If you would have to ‘convince yourself’ to be attracted to a woman, you are not attracted to her.

If she doesn’t catch your eye the moment she walks into a room, you aren’t attracted to her.

Period.

Move on to the next one.

There is no shortage of attractive women.



The Advantage of Time

Men have the advantage of time when searching for a mate, as our sexual market value often lasts well into our thirties.

We simply stay attractive longer.

In fact, we become more attractive into our 30s because we become more established in our careers and lives.

And this is one of the factors that satisfies part of women’s dualistic sexual strategy.

So don’t feel like you are running out of time as you approach your 30s and even beyond. You have far more time than women whose sexual value begins to deteriorate in their 20s.

This long lasting sexual value gives us the opportunity to be patient and selective.

It is crucial to choose someone who is both very attractive and shares core Christian values.

Do not compromise on one or the other.

But recall that you can teach your wife. you cannot change her appearance.



Physical Attraction and Sexual Intimacy

Physical attraction is necessary for true physical intimacy, which is reserved for and expected in marriage.

Let’s be real: if you aren’t attracted to a woman, your ‘equipment’ will not work when it’s time to get sexual.

This intimacy strengthens the marital bond and is a gift from God meant to be enjoyed in marriage. 

Ignoring physical attraction can lead to sexual dissatisfaction and temptations that could harm the relationship.



Conclusion

While Christian virtues and shared values are indispensable, physical attraction is equally important in a marriage.

Christian men should be patient and discerning in their search for a wife, ensuring that they find someone who is both physically attractive and aligned with their core values.

This balance is key to a fulfilling and enduring marital relationship.

You have all the time in the world.

You don’t have the same biological clock that limits women.

Get it in your mind that it is okay yo be selective, and patient. you have all the time in the world. And as a Christian, God is on your side in this quest.

Be very selective, remembering that as a man who will be providing, you are the prize to be sought after, not the other way around.

You are you own mental point of origin.

Treat yourself with enough respect to find a sexually attractive woman to marry.

Counting the Cost of Marriage

Hidden behind your sex-motivated desire to get married as a Christian man are all the drawbacks of marriage. 

Make sure you consider these costs before getting married. 

Otherwise you will do what most Christian men do: jump into marriage motivated purely by the desire to FINALLY have sex, and ignore all the costs of marriage.

There are serious drawbacks to getting married. Just like there are drawbacks to anything in life. This doesn’t mean marriage isn’t a great thing, just that it has costs. Just like Christianity has costs. 

Even Christ taught that you have to count the cost of discipleship [Luke 14:28-30]- because it will require you to give up something. 



1 – Sexual Access

    For starters, you make a vow to your wife that you will forsake all others and commit to her on your wedding day.

    While this shouldn’t be difficult for most Christians, it is a scary thought.

    If you have been living the Christian lifestyle, you should avoid extramarital sex of all types – that’s a biblical command.

    So this is nothing different than what you have already been doing so it’s more of a secular consequence. 



    2 – Money

      Having a Wife is expensive. It’s another person to take care of.

      Even if you both work, she will have upkeep costs [Feminine hygiene, self-care, makeup etc.] that shouldn’t be neglected in your calculation on whether or not marriage is for you. 



      Your wife will be at least 1.5x as expensive as you are.

      If you have financial goals in life, they will be slowed down by marriage.

      Unless both you and your wife are on the exact same page about finances, expect to have your financial goals slowed by an assortment of living and family expenses. 



      3 – Free Time

        When you are single, you can do that you want, when you want.

        The value of this freedom shouldn’t be taken lightly. This is especially true if freedom is one of your core values.

        When you are single, you have nothing limiting your choices except the commandments of God.

        There is a reason many husbands refer to their wife as the “ole ball and chain”.

        It’s not a helpful analogy nor is it useful.

        It’s especially not useful to the older Christians if their goal is to ensure more Christians are born – they are discouraging and disparaging the very institution that brings those children into the world. 

        But many Christian men are too depressed to even care.

        They jumped into marriage motivated by their sex drive, discovered marriage wasn’t what they thought it was, now all they can do is whine. 

        That aside, marriage will cost you much of your free time, especially as kids come into the picture.

        That doesn’t mean you won’t find pockets of time to have to yourself, but it will not be as often as it was when you were single. 



        4 – Hobbies

          Related to time loss, you will also lose some of your hobbies. This occurs because you need time to engage with hobbies, and your time will be reduced.

          Many Christian’s will encourage you to sacrifice everything you enjoy on the altar of “selflessness” to be better for your family.

          Frankly, their logic never made sense to me.

          I’ve personally never experienced fulfillment after sacrificing something.

          Sometimes a sacrifice is just a sacrifice will not provide anything of value in return in this life.

          The vast majority of the benefits of the Christian life are deferred until the afterlife.

          But logistically speaking, if you have less free time after marriage, it follows that you will have less time for hobbies after marriage. 

          Be aware of this.



          5 – Increased Responsibility

            Responsibility. That mysterious thing that Jordan Peterson associates with “Fulfillment”. If you think you have responsibility now, it will only increase in marriage. It will double when you get married, and it will double with each child you have.

            Personally, I haven’t found an increase in responsibility to be correlated with increased fulfillment. I’m not convinced quite sure that fulfillment is a guarantee in life. 

            What I do know is there is a linear relationship between increased responsibility and increased life dissatisfaction for me personally. 

            Now maybe I’m just different than most of the population. So take this with a grain of salt. But your responsibility levels will increase exponentially within marriage. 



            6 – Kids

              Kids are undoubtedly one of life’s greatest sacrifices. For many Christian dads, they sacrifice everything they want to be so that their kids can have a better life.

              They give up their identity and pour themselves into their kids. 

              Then the church applauds this as noble, but personally, I’m not so convinced.

              I’ve seen plenty of dad’s in the church pour everything into their kids for nothing. 

              They spend everything, both emotionally and physically to raise good kids, and then those kids grow up to reject the truth of God’s word. Then the father spends most of his nights popping sleeping pills because he has such insomnia and internal turmoil over his kids that he can’t sleep.

              “But…fulfillment“.

              It’s never guaranteed.

              And by the time many Father’s kids leave the house, these men are a shell of what they once were.

              They poured out everything without ever taking time to fill their own cup.

              Now they are just an empty vessel without identity. 



              Conclusion

              Make no mistake about it, there are costs to marriage.

              Count the cost.



              And if you have any degree of doubt about whether or not you should get married, don’t get married.

              Wait.

              You can always get married later.

              But if you are a Christian, once you are married, you are locked in for life and there is nothing you can do about it.

              So take that commitment seriously. It’s a blood oath. 

              Men and Women Cannot be Friends

              Men and women cannot be friends because the relationship depends on one party being attracted to the other.

              For men, there is almost never pure friendship with a woman.

              Did you know that if a man is not attracted to a woman he will almost certainly not approach and talk to her?

              In fact, one of the only times a man will approach a woman he is not attracted to is if he believes he can gain access to her more attractive friends by using the unattractive friend to get his foot in the door.

              It sounds manipulative, but it is sex we are talking about here.

              Think about this rationally.

              What exactly do men and women have in common?
              What do they have to be friends about?

              If men and women start discussing various things they are interested in, a bond generally forms.

              Some form of attraction usually starts to surface.


              It is nearly impossible spend excessive amounts of time with another person, of the opposite sex, share interests, stories and thoughts without developing an attraction to them.

              What I have just described is often the breeding ground for adultery.

              It’s a rare for a man or woman to storm out of their home saying “I’m tired of my marriage, I’m gonna go have an affair”.

              It’s becoming less rare with websites dedicated to anonymous affairs, but it is still uncommon.

              Instead what happens is a seemingly innocent relationship develops between to people. It starts with small talk but the end result is often pillow talk. What starts small grows into powerful attraction that becomes difficult to resist.

              What is kept as a secret inside the mind tends to grow as well. You feel the urge to avoid telling your wife when you develop one of these “friendships” at work or some other place.

              If you feel the urge to keep something a secret, that might just be your intuition trying to tell you that you are doing something unwise.

              Small talk can easily lead to a feeling of companionship which can easily lead to an affair if not stopped in its tracks.



              It is dangerous for men and women to be friends.

              Intersexual relationships are designed to be sexual in nature at their terminal points. Once that singular relationship is developed in a marriage, that should mark the end of any close man-woman relationships.


              I’ll make it plain: I don’t believe men and women can be close friends. Perhaps they can be distant friends, but close friendship is often built on attraction.

              It seems to me that relationships between men and women are meant to lead to marriage and sex.

              That is the natural end point of intersexual relationships.

              That’s not to say platonic relationships cannot happen – you can probably think of some exceptions yourself. But it is exactly that – exceptions. And exceptions serve to prove the rule.

              Because of these realities, we need to understand some key principles:

              I – Men in Committed Relationships Should Not Develop Close Friendships with Women.

              It is a Potential Pathway to Adultery.

              If you want one of the surest ways to put yourself at risk for an adultery, then make close friendships with a woman who is not your wife.

              Your intuition will tell you it’s dangerous. And your intuition can be verified with logical analysis of the lives of men who have made the same error.

              II – Women who are “just friends” with men don’t understand the minds of men.

              When women become friends with men, they get attention, which is exactly what they want. During this friendship, the standard man frequently tries to win her affections by proving he is worth them. [This is a weak approach – you cannot win over women by proving your worth. They have to be organically attracted to you]



              Women don’t understand that all their male friends are likely attracted to them on some level.

              You don’t see guys hanging around unattractive women do you? They seem to always make friends with women they find attractive.

              Even if women know this intellectually, they just don’t want to acknowledge the reality of it because they are enjoying the attention too much.


              If a woman could spend five minutes in the mind of the man she would instantly understand why men and women cannot be friends.

              Man in the secular state is driven by his sexual drive and makes the bulk of his decisions in an attempt to satisfy that drive.

              When trained by biblical principles he attempts to reign in this drive, but that does not change the fact that the sexual drive exists, and it always will exist in his mind. He can discipline it, but it will always be there.

              Therefore if a man makes a friendship with a woman, it is done in attempt to further the sexual drive.

              He may deny it to himself, saying, “Oh we’re just friends. We have so much in common. She understands my complaints”. These are all excuses meant to deny the reality that every man knows in the back of his mind – that the relationship might turn sexual.

              The main point is that men and women simply cannot be “just friends”. Not in the truest sense. Not in the ways that women are friends with women and men are friends with men.

              Same sex friendships will always go deeper than intersex friendships. Intersex friendships generally terminate at sex. It is very difficult to resist the pull of those relationships to turn sexual.



              I would encourage you to not have close relationships with other women who are not your wife.

              I also understand that as Christians we have a familial relationship within the church body where men and women interact.

              I would encourage you to keep these relationships on a Spiritual level.

              Do not make close friends with women even at your church. Plenty of affairs have begun at a church.

              And how often do people mistake emotion for spirituality? Very often.

              As such, Christian’s can mistake their emotions for spirituality when it comes to their relationship with one another.

              Because of the confusion regarding the relationship between the spiritual and the emotional, we have another possible breeding ground for an affair.

              Always remember the fact that men and women cannot truly be friends.

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